Rich and lush

They're learning, we're learning, we're all expressing ourselves, and when life is very rich and lush, learning grows like crazy.

from SandraDodd.com/panel, a page I had forgotten about
photo by Irene Adams
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Wholeheartedly and happily

Someone asked me, "Are the unschoolers more successful and clever? And do they have more chance to find good jobs as adults?"

I wrote:

I can't say. Even if most were, your own kids might not be. Even if most weren't, your own kids might be.

If what you do is better than school, for your kids, keep doing that. If school would be better than what you're doing, for your kids, in their real lives, then do that.

If you're going to unschool, do it wholeheartedly and happily.

SandraDodd.com/screwitup
(That page can help people see what they can do to be good unschoolers;
the quote was from e-mail.)

photo by Holly Dodd
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Simply being

"Being there for and with the family" seems so simple and yet many parents miss out on it without even leaving the house. Maybe it's because of English. Maybe we think we're "being there with our family" just because we can hear them in the other room. There is a special kind of "being" and a thoughtful kind of "with" that are necessary for unschooling and mindful parenting to work.

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Pam Sorooshian
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Monkey Platter

When my kids were little we went to the zoo one day when the primates were being fed and they had been given big trays of cut up fruit. It looked good; I guess we were hungry. When we got home I made a "monkey platter" for the kids, and it has been called that ever since.

SandraDodd.com/eating/monkeyplatter
monkey platter and photo by Casey Young
(Here's mine.)

Patterns

Logical-mathematical intelligence applies not just to straight-out numbers, but to seeing and thinking in patterns, and of being scientific and analytical. Clarity of thought is logical/mathematical as surely as being a numerical whiz is.

SandraDodd.com/intelligences
screenshot of a FlipPix Art game in progress
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"The journey of a lifetime"

There are several sayings about the journey of a lifetime beginning with a single step and such. One step isn't the beginning of a journey if you keep one foot in the yard. You have to get away from the starting point completely.

SandraDodd.com/peace/newview
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Peace and patience

"I will always remember something Richard Prystowsky said about being a peaceful parent...something about the way to become a peaceful parent was to be peaceful. There was no path, you just had to BE peaceful. "It's really that simple. Slow down and make room for peace amongst all the mess and fun and tasks and STUFF. All of that daily stuff is your practice, so make it peaceful and happy and there ya go!" —Ren Allen

SandraDodd.com/parentingpeacefully
photo by Kirby Dodd

Children reach for food

Because of La Leche League and natural weaning, and the idea that children will reach for food when they want some, so you don't have to schedule and spoon it into them, it was easy for me to see the smallest seedling-root beginnings of how our culture creates the eating disorders they bemoan. Letting kids decide what THEY think is good and bad, instead of labelling things good and bad in advance for them, allows a child to think spinach is wonderful but donuts are kinda yucky.

Without choices, they can't make choices. Without choices they can't make good choices OR bad choices. In too many people's minds, "good" is eating what parents say when parents say (where and how and why parents say). That doesn't promote thought, self awareness, good judgment or any other good thing.

Food is for health and sustenance. Eating with other people can be a social situation, ranging (on the good end) from ceremonial to obligatory to courtesy. There's no sense making it hostile or punitive.

SandraDodd.com/foodproblems
photo by Sandra Dodd
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My heart leaps

Susan May wrote:

Even though my mind believes in my childrens' abilities, my heart sometimes need some validation. And every time one of my children does something for the first time, completely of their own volition, my heart leaps and then pumps joy to every cell in my body. Each time this happens the truth: that children will learn all they need to, in their own time—becomes etched a little deeper in my bones. And this is where the magic lies—not so much in the "firstness" of each new skill or idea, but in the fact that they completely own these moments."

—Susan May

togetherwalking.com/tw-blog/life-is-lumpy
photo by Holly Dodd
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A message to your grandchildren

Your children are developing a holographic internal image of you, complete with voice and emotion. The things you do and say are being recorded for posterity; make them sweet and good. What you choose to say and do now will affect what your children say to their children, and what your great grandchildren will hear after you're long gone.

Live like you're their last hope.

SandraDodd.com/phrases
photo by Julie D

Learning and fun

The separation of learning and fun is the only thing that keeps learning from BEING fun.

SandraDodd.com/random
photo by Kathryn Dubay

Unschooling breathes life into learning

"Unschooling is not an easy educational and lifestyle choice. It takes energy and dedication to do it well. But it is absolutely a viable alternative to the conventional system—even more so with each passing year. It focuses on each person as an individual and breathes life into the concept of lifelong learning. It also calls for developing strong relationships with your children—relationships that will last far beyond their compulsory schooling years. It's life."

—Pam Laricchia

http://sandradodd.com/hsc/interviews/paml
photo by Holly Dodd

For now

I learned early on to say, "This is what we're doing for now," or "It's working now. If it stops working, we'll do something else."

Unschooling and Yoga Philosophy – An Interview with Sandra Dodd
in that podcast, at 9:36 on the counter
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Growing slowly, incrementally

Schuyler Waynforth wrote:

The other day Linnaea commented that she thought she and Simon would have struggled at school. I replied that I thought everyone struggled a bit with school, but they would have figured out their way in time. What I didn't say was how I don't know if I would have grown into the parent I am today, the generous and joyful parent that I am, if I hadn't chosen unschooling. I think it is possible to be a generous and joyful parent with schooled children, but it is harder to rebuild yourself in the ways that I feel I have done, slowly, incrementally, with unschooling.

—Schuyler Waynforth
in a passing discussion

SandraDodd.com/schuylerwaynforth
photo by Sandra Dodd
of old stairs in France,
on a day I was with Schuyler
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Light and happy

One of my intentions from way back, before unschooling came around in our lives, was to keep the tone of the house light and happy.


The quote was from a chat, but this is a good match: SandraDodd.com/happy
photo by Sandra Dodd of a place in Leiden, in The Netherlands
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The Past, the Future and Now

If you're living in the past, that's a problem for now.

If you're living in the future too much—
       in the future that you're imagining,
       in the future that you're predicting,
       in the future that you would like to imagine you can control,
       in the future that you'd like to imagine you can even imagine,
              that's a problem.

So it's good to aim for living in the moment in a while way—your whole self, not separated from your past or your future, but also not really over-focussed on it.

If you bank on the future, literally, that's a good idea. Savings is a good idea. I'm not saying not to have life insurance or things like that—that's great. But banking on it figuratively can be a big problem.

SandraDodd.com/listen/london2011 (at 10:15 in the sound file)
photo by Sandra Dodd of layers of ice that formed in buckets of colleced rainwater in which hulls of bird seed had fallen, pulled out of the buckets, for fun

Experts

Pam Sorooshian, in a 2009 chat/interview, wrote:

Every time someone starts thinking they should do something because someone else said it was a good idea, they should stop. And they should think right then about their own child and about whether it is a good idea for that actual real child. When people call themselves experts, warning lights should probably go off.

Real expertise shows itself by the good ideas, the modeling, the understanding you get from them. Real experts don't need to call themselves experts or promote themselves as such.

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/chats/pamsorooshian
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Good things swirl

Debbie Regan wrote:

Children prosper when parents are able to provide enough sense of safety, calmness and support, that feelings of peace and joy are close at hand. From there the business of childhood—exploring and learning about the world can progress unimpeded by stress. Stress is a distraction from the natural flow of curiosity, focus, joy, excitement, engagement, creativity, emotional awareness, learning...

The more peace and mindfulness I bring in my home, the more all those good things swirl around.

—Debbie Regan

The quote was in a passing discussion, but you might like this: SandraDodd.com/peace/becoming
photo by Julie D
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Sweet and good

Find the best in each moment, the best moments in each hour, and by focusing on what is sweet and good, you will help others see the sweetness and goodness, too.



SandraDodd.com/negativity
photo by Sandra Dodd

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Tweak this

People seem naturally to want more, and to want better, and to have the urge to tweak and improve their lives and their surroundings. Don't deny the restless desire that enables people to explore and invent, but while looking ahead with hope and plans, look around with gratitude, too.

You might like SandraDodd.com/gratitude
but the quote above is from page 185 of The Big Book of Unschooling,
and also here.
photo by Sandra Dodd

A certain flow or rhythm

Aiden Kathleen Wagner wrote:

"I think as you listen and try to partner with your child, you will find a certain flow or rhythm....

"I think what most children crave far more than routine is to be able to feel that their physical and emotional needs are going to be met in a timely and appropriate manner. Where there is not communication and awareness, they may cling to routine as the only way of making sure those needs are met, but when you are trying to listen and understand and be a partner, routines have the possibility of becoming a roadblock to a better relationship."

—Aiden Kathleen Wagner

From a discussion on Radical Unschooling Info in March, 2013
photo by Julie D
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Thinking, seeing beings

Children have been whole, thinking, seeing beings since the day they were born. Assisting them to learn and to find their strengths and to explore the world and its possibilities is preparing them for their unseen futures.

Mommy-labs Interview, October 2012
("Children" replaces "they," to allow the quote to make sense out of context.)

photo by Julie D
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Unschooling takes more

Alex Polikowsky described unschooling for people who think there's nothing to it:

Unschooling takes more,
more presence,
more guidance,
more attention,
more mindfulness,
more connection,
more thinking and questioning,
more choices and better choices.

SandraDodd.com/misconceptions
photo by Dylan Lewis

If/then

If you're trying to listen for a sound, you have to stop talking and be still.

SandraDodd.com/schoolinmyhead
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Open and willing

I don't worry anymore that my children won't learn everything they need to for this life. I also see that joyful learning can only happen if we are open and totally willing to see every moment, every interest, everything as opportunity. We never know what a tidbit of information, or an experience might lead to...and not knowing can bring a sense of mystery to this whole Unschooling life. If we keep that sense of mystery, that feeling that this COULD lead to big things, (but if it doesn't that's ok too) we will so much better be able to serve our children well when supporting and encouraging their unique interests and pursuits. That's what it's all about for me.

Being an avenue instead of a closed door.

—Ren Allen
April 2002

SandraDodd.com/ren/squirrel
photo by Sandra Dodd
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I did use this squirrel on another post. If you follow the link to the rest of what Ren wrote, you'll know why I brushed it off for this. I saw this squirrel in Lyon, France. It was carved in the 17th century (at least the carving above it says "Maison fondeé en 1684").

Learning will flow

The more curiosity and exploration and creation you have at your house, the more effortlessly learning will flow.

And THIS makes it easier to unschool
photo by Sandra Dodd, of art by Keith Dodd, against a New Mexico sky (front brace of a Viking a-frame tent)

Out there

After eleven twenty-two years of unschooling I still forget sometimes that the information that was doled out to me on a schedule is just OUT there for my kids, that they find it interesting and that they have no reason to avoid adding it to their fascinating collection of trivia about places, people and the world around them.


SandraDodd.com/geography
photo by Sandra Dodd, of eight-year-old Holly, far from home
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Keep it clean

If you don't feel you will be happy, then you won't be. The largest part of happiness has to do with gratitude and joy. Either of those can be snuffed out by the recitation of ills.

SandraDodd.com/gratitude/health
photo by Sandra Dodd, of an old tree stump at Sandia Crest
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Look, look, look

Look at the learning. Look at the passion. Look at the child. —Patricia Nespor Platt

SandraDodd.com/minecraft
photo by Kirby Dodd, excited about a game, but not Minecraft

Appreciation

The difference between poverty and abundance is sometimes the ability to see what one has. There have been times when I didn't have a car, we had a leaky roof, and the washing machine wasn't working. There have been more times that the car and washing machine were functioning, the house was solid, and I forgot to appreciate it.

SandraDodd.com/gratitude
photo by Sandra Dodd

Credit

Every little thing a parent does goes into the plus column or the minus column. Each parent is gaining credit or losing credit. Everything counts—words, tone, patience, generosity, interest, kindnesses and thoughts. It takes more to build your credit back up than it does to waste it, so be careful.

You might like to read about respect,
though the quote was from a facebook discussion in 2013
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a kinetic sculpture a person can affect,
at ¡Explora! ("Ballnasium," by George Rhoads)

Trees and Plants

Here is another change in my life, from years of unschooling:

I even garden differently than I used to. I certainly didn't expect that. I have let trees grow their own way without frustration on my part, and appealed to my husband not to prune so much. I have found things for vines to grow on that aren't fancy or store-bought. The vines are going to cover it up anyway. I've let native plants go ahead and grow, if they don't have stickers. Some of them are really pretty, and they want to grow there. If I destroy them and put in some foreign plants, will the neighbors be impressed?

Considering what is natural in my children, and what I can't control and shouldn't even try to control, has made it easier for me to look for what's "natural" in nature. That seems pretty obvious, written down that way, but many people want to control trees, and grass, and flowers. I don't mind influencing them and encouraging them, and nurturing them, but "to control" them? I don't even "control" tumbleweeds. I pull up any I find and put their little carcasses in the compost pile. That's tumbleweed euthanasia, maybe, but not "control."

The quote is from page 278 (or 321) of The Big Book of Unschooling,
and you might want to look at some tumbleweeds I've touched.
photo by Sandra Dodd, and it's a link
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Invest

It's a huge investment in the future, to be generous today.

Chores (transcript of a chat)
photo by Holly Dodd

Dangerous thoughts

The words of Pam Sorooshian:

People should shush the tapes in their heads and think for themselves. Be brave.

The VERY first thing that really shook me up in listening to unschoolers was at a talk Sandra gave—she said it was okay to think dangerous thoughts. I decided to try it.

I've been thinking, "What if....." ever since. I'm addicted to thinking dangerous thoughts.

From a 2009 chat/interview with Pam Sorooshian;
transcript: SandraDodd.com/chats/pamsorooshian
photo by Marty Dodd
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I'm glad...

Sometimes when my kids were little I would express a positive thought aloud.

"I'm glad we can afford to go out to lunch sometimes," or "I'm glad we have a car and enough gasoline to go to the mountains!" Or "I'm glad our cats are nice."

And don't do it to train them. Do it because it's true. It will be uplifting, in that moment to kind of put a blessing on it.


from the January 2013 chat on gratitude

photo by Sandra Dodd of a car in Lyon, France, 2012
Here's the other side of it:

Attachment

When I talk about attachment parenting, I'm talking about the idea that if you allow a child to be near you as much as the child desires, without pushing him away or leaving him anywhere against his will (not at the neighbors, not in a dark bedroom) he will grow more gently and solidy, and you will be a better parent for being with him so much that you really, truly know him and he fully, honestly has faith in your presence and your love.

SandraDodd.com/attachmentparenting
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Magical robbery?

There is a kind of magic thinking that says television can rob people of their imagination, but that if parents sacrifice televisions, children will be more intelligent.
. . . .

[A]mong unschoolers there are many who once prohibited or measured out TV time, and who changed their stance. Learning became a higher priority than control, and joy replaced fear in their lives. I can't quote all the accounts I have collected, but I invite you to read them.

SandraDodd.com/tv
Photo by Sandra Dodd, at Legoland Windsor, of the kind of plane kids can see on TV!

---

The quote is a re-run on this blog, because it's four minutes to midnight and I forgot to make a post today! I blame a nap, the lyrics game on facebook, and daylight savings time!

Explore your neighborhood

You could think of yourselves as tourists in your own town. What museum or historical site or interesting natural feature have you not gone to see, or maybe haven't taken your children to lately? Pretend you're only in town for two weeks and do some cool things.


Or if that seems awkward to you, import a tourist. Maybe an unschooling family could be persuaded to come and visit you, and you could take them sightseeing and also discuss unschooling. Just let the kids play, though, and play with them or watch them. Look at what they're drawn to. Look at how they examine things or what they ask about. Don't be teacherly in your responses. Answer them as you would a tourist friend who was visiting town. Tell the good parts in an inspiring way. You don't need to put it in historical or political context.

Give one cool fact and if they want to know more they'll ask. That's how conversations work. Have conversations.

The quote is from page 15 of The Big Book of Unschooling,
in the Deschooling section, but here is something similar:
SandraDodd.com/video/doright (bottom of the page)
photo by Marty Dodd
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No stopping place

The edge of unschooling is not a solid line. It will depend on the principles by which a family intends to live, and the philosophy of learning and parenting through which they see the world.

For me, learning has no stopping place, and so there are not days or places or times that are "learning time" (or unschooling time) and others that are "time out" or time off. (Well, there's that one holiday, Learn Nothing Day, July 24.)

page 38 (or 41) of The Big Book of Unschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd, in Leiden
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Learning is internal.

Learning is internal. Teachers are lovely assistants at best, and detrimental at worst. "Teaching" is just presentation of material. It doesn't create learning.

SandraDodd.com/unschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd, out the front window

A quiet, soft place

What kind of partner did baby Kirby Dodd need? He needed someone to pay attention to him if he was uncomfortable, and to make sure he was safe. He needed someone to help him access the world, to see it, to experience it safely. He needed a quiet, soft place to sleep. Maybe it was on me or on his dad, in a carrier of some sort, or a sling. Maybe it was right next to me in the bed.

SandraDodd.com/babies/infants
photo by Sandra Dodd, of art on the wall outside Bhava Yoga, in Albuquerque
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Glad to be wrong

When I had been unschooling for several years, I still dreaded and joked about how different it would be when I had teens. I expected what I thought was "natural" and what was probably inevitable teenaged behavior.

It turns out that much of what is considered "normal teen behavior" is a normal reaction to many years of school, and to being controlled and treated as children and school kids and students rather than as full, thoughtful human beings.

Being wrong doesn't bother me one bit when the truth is so much better than my fears and predictions!

from page 251 (or 292) of The Big Book of Unschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd, 2005 at a movie-character theme party
Kirby as Casey Jones from the first Ninja Turtle movie
Marty as Dr. Strangelove (←click there to see him in the chair with glasses)
and Holly as Addie Pray from Paper Moon
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Environmental factors

In the quote below, "it" could be replaced with

• home
• life
• your nest
• your children's day
• yourself

Make it happy and funny and comfortable and exciting so that they want to be with you. Be sparkly.

SandraDodd.com/unschool/sparkly
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Voices in your head

In your head, you have some repeating-loop messages. Some are telling you you're doing a good job, but I bet some of them are not. Some are telling you that you have no choice, but you do.

SandraDodd.com/phrases
Scanner image by Sandra Dodd (it's a link)
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Wholehearted change

The purpose of unschooling is not to change the parents; it's to provide a personalized learning environment for each child. Doing that does change the parents, though, if they do it wholeheartedly.
SandraDodd.com/change
photo by Julie D
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The deepest trust

Make a mental note of those times when you know in your soul that this is really working well. Those mental notes help you gain understanding, confidence, and ultimately build trust in the process of unschooling, and in your children. The deepest trust happens when you see it in action for yourself, when your understanding meshes with your experiences.

—Pam Laricchia
Free to Live

SandraDodd.com/hsc/interviews/paml
photo by Sandra Dodd, of stairs, steps, and shadows
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Learning in quirky ways

I'm completely sure of unschooling because I believe in people's desire and ability to learn wonderful things in quirky ways if they're given the opportunity.

SandraDodd.com/interview
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Enough to learn

I don't want to make parents feel bad about themselves. I want parents to make decisions that lead them not to have things to feel bad about. Big difference.

SandraDodd.com/random
(I linked random page generator, as the quote came
from something not so uplifting.)

photo by Sandra Dodd
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Enough to learn

[Some people say] "I used to control this (or that) and now that I don't, and I told them they can do whatever they want to..."

Too big a jump.

If your kids ask for another one (potato, cookie, peanut butter sandwich) I think it's helpful if you just say "Sure!" and make another one, even if you don't think they'll finish it, even if you think they'll be too full or whatever. As long as they're not eating someone else's share (and even so, if the other person agrees), it's not a big deal. If they don't finish, save the leftover for someone else. If they do finish and they're "too full" that's how they'll learn their capacity (which will change anyway as they get older).

SandraDodd.com/eating/control
photo by Sandra Dodd
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