Saturday, July 13, 2024

Imagine supporting and accepting


Jenny Cyphers wrote:

I really can't imagine villifying anything in their lives that they might find very exciting. Well, I can imagine it, so I guess that's why I don't do it.
—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/negativity
photo by Susanna Waters
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Friday, July 12, 2024

Approach "better."

Incremental improvement
Approaching perfection, no. Perfection is subjective.
Approach "better."
. . . .

The tool to use to move toward "better" is an awareness of choice.
And practice making choices.
Learning to make choices.
Choices

"Happiness Inside and Out"
photo by Brie Jontry

Thursday, July 11, 2024

Loving what you love

Jen Keefe wrote:

Getting to know my kids and subsequently all the amazingly cool "nerdy" things I never would have learned about otherwise has expanded my world. Cynicism always shrunk it.
. . . .

Ditching my cynicism was an awesome lesson. It has let me meet the actual coolest people, try things I used to think were really dumb, and jump all in looking like a total weirdo to stuff I geek out about—even when other people are watching.

Best of all though—I am no longer discouraging anyone from loving what they love. So in turn, I am not discouraging myself from loving what I love.
—Jen Keefe

SandraDodd.com/cynicism
photo by Janelle Jamieson

Wednesday, July 10, 2024

Seeing it and being it

"Seeing wonderfulness in our kids is part of how we get wonderfulness in our kids."
—Betsy / ecsamhill
(fifth comment down)

"Give them power and respect, and they become respected and powerful."
—Sandra Dodd
(more of that)

"I've helped my kids by going toward what they wanted, and been generous, and they've been the same toward me. Sweet."
—Jill Parmer
Generosity begets generosity.

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Tuesday, July 9, 2024

No road blocks

Kelli Traaseth wrote:

When I started unschooling, I thought it was just an educational approach. But as we went along in our lives, so many other things popped up. If they were learning as they were playing, as I knew they were, how could I limit that? How could I say, "time to go to bed now?" Or "time to shut the TV off now" or "shut the video game down now". Unschooling is such a continuum. If I did those above things, I would see them as huge road blocks in my child's learning. I want their learning to be a big freeway, things coming, things going, no road blocks.
—Kelli Traaseth
2004, 8th post or so down

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Cally Brown
(not a freeway, but pretend...)


At the old, preserved forum (link below Kelli's name), you can go backward and forward a bit by changing the page number at the bottom left of the page. (In case you want to, in case you go there...)

Monday, July 8, 2024

Interests and activities

Joyce Fetteroll, part of a response about kids missing out on friendships and other kids:
Homeschooled kids get the opportunity to form friendships with people of all ages based on interests rather than birthyears. There's homeschooling support groups, scouts, art and dance and martial arts classes, 4H, church groups, neighborhood kids and so on. It can be more difficult depending on the town's services and the parent's willingness to take advantage of opportunities, but some homeschooling parents end up finding their kids social lives *too* active!
—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/joyce/friends
photo by Cátia Maciel

Sunday, July 7, 2024

Seeing and knowing what it is

I think all unschoolers should read as many definitions as they can instead of depending on one definition.

On the other hand, I think that just because there is not a single view, that doesn't mean all views are equal. Just because there is no definitive description of unschooing that doesn't mean everything in the whole world is equally unschooling.

And I don't think there are (as some say) as many different ways to unschool as there are unschooling families. I think there ARE common and shared practices and beliefs among the successful unschooling families.

Definitions of Unschooling

What is Unschooling?

Several Definitions of Unschooling

photo by Christine Milne

Saturday, July 6, 2024

Happy to see the day

When people insist that "all unschooling is" is just homeschooling without a curriculum or without lessons, I don't disagree. They should take it out and put it on billboards. Lobby to get it into the dictionary. Whatever. But when families come to ask how they can make unschooling work, it does no good to say "Just don't have a curriculum. See ya!" It takes layers of understanding, it takes recovery from school, and a desire to have a relationship with a child in which learning is flowing and easy. It takes working to create an atmosphere in which children and parents wake up happy to see the day.
—Sandra Dodd, in 2004
fourth post on this legacy page


SORRY the link above didn't work in e-mail; I've restored it, I hope!

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Vlad Gurdiga

Friday, July 5, 2024

Part of life? Fact.

Lyle Perry, as part a description of unschooling:
Facts are all around us, all the time. The difference between school and unschooling is that the facts are not always stated as facts, they are simply a part of life. The facts are not simply "known", they are felt and lived in. I think most unschoolers know as many, or more, facts as schooled kids, they just don't know them AS facts. They know them as part of life.
—Lyle Perry

unschooling.info archive, bottom
photo by Rosie Moon

Thursday, July 4, 2024

Twenty days of learning

Ghoj pagh jaj (Klingon, maybe, for "Learn Nothing Day") is in one score of days.

O le aso e leai se mea afia
第一国际无会日
O Dia de Nao Aprender Nada
Leer Niets Dag
El Dia de No Aprender Nada
Oggi non si impara
Erster Internationaler Welt-nichtslerntag
La Journée Sans Rien Apprendre

Learn now, because it's going to end on July 24.


Score! and counting sheep in prehistoric languages
(with some good comments, there)

photos by Sandra Dodd, with continuing gratitude to Ester Siroky for taking me and Joyce to see some Highland cattle in 2013
__ __

Wednesday, July 3, 2024

A busy, happy swirl

I didn’t expect them to learn so much without me.

Anyone who is involved in natural learning for any length of time can find it difficult to summarize what children have learned academically, because each child’s knowledge comes from such varied sources and is fit together uniquely.

At first, though, I thought I wouldn’t miss a single thing. Then I totally missed them learning Roman numerals, which they learned from the names of a series of MegaMan video games.


I was jealous of that “MegaMan” guy, at first. I felt cheated out of the fun of seeing their eyes light up. But in thinking about that feeling, I realized that if life is a busy, happy swirl, they will learn. Learning is guaranteed. The range and content will vary, but the learning will happen.
—Sandra in 2014, originally
and there's a comment there

SandraDodd.com/unexpectedarticle
__

Tuesday, July 2, 2024

You don't "have to"

Every time "have to" comes up in writing, speech or thought, back up two words and see it as a choice, and not a have to.

You don't "have to" do that, but your ability to make choices and to live a life of abundant gratitude will be hampered if you don't.

SandraDodd.com/haveto
photo by Marty Dodd
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Monday, July 1, 2024

Experiences, not lessons

Experience is the only true teacher. Give your kids experiences, not lessons. Give them opportunities to follow their hearts until they exhaust their curiosity. The longer you do schoolish things, the longer it will take for them to find a path of their own because they will constantly be looking for approval for their choices from without instead of from within. Expose them to cool and interesting people whenever you can.
. . . .
Relax. Live life. Breathe. Enjoy. Find yourself. Love your children.
—Jennifer / Jen Fox
from the last comment, here

Jennifer was writing about deschooling, so...
SandraDodd.com/deschooling
photo by Julie D

Sunday, June 30, 2024

Roses and different directions


People need to start and go, but they don't have to race at breakneck speed or never look back. "Going" sometimes just means going one step and smelling the roses! Sometimes the most important steps are those where you're still standing in the very same place, but looking a different direction!

Sandra Dodd, July 2003 discussion
photo by Sandra Dodd

Saturday, June 29, 2024

Solid and reliable

Integrity is a strong wholeness. The fabric of the being of a thing can't be broken. A bucket with one hole in it is lacking integrity. It's not a good bucket. A frayed rope lacks integrity. No matter how long or strong the rest of the rope is, that frayed part keeps it from being a good rope.
. . . .
It's exactly why every person who hopes to have a positive influence on any other person needs to figure out how to find and maintain as much integrity as possible.

SandraDodd.com/integrity
photo by Sandra Dodd
___

Friday, June 28, 2024

I'm not guessing.


I'm confident. I'm not guessing unschooling can work, I know. I've also seen how it can fail, through my correspondence and discussions with so many other homeschooling families. I'm not hoping that kids can still get a job without fifteen years of practice bedtimes; I know they can. (And they would've been "practicing" for the wrong shift anyway.) I don't conjecture that kids can learn to read without being taught, I know. It's happened at my house, in three people's lives.

SandraDodd.com/confidence
photo by Sandra Dodd

P.S.
Just because it *can* work doesn't mean that a family can't fail. If you're going to unschool, do it well. Find your own confidence. Help is available.
SandraDodd.com/help

Thursday, June 27, 2024

Learning

Learning is about connections. And others can't make those connections for you. You bring learning in; it is not inserted.

Some people learn better by seeing, watching, touching, than by being talked to anyway. Some want to see diagrams in a book, or maps. Some want to hear about it from others who have done it, seen it, know it.

When unschoolers provide as much different input as they can, each child can learn in his own way.

Principles of Learning (chat transcript)
photo by Cátia Maciel

Wednesday, June 26, 2024

Relax into the next step

Leah Rose wrote:

I have come to see that it helps peace and learning to notice when we are clinging or tightening around an identity, an idea, or even a hope. I think that's why breathing and baby steps are such useful suggestions for new unschoolers. Both help us to stay in the moment, to relax right where we are rather than leaping ahead or getting mired in "shoulds." They help us cultivate soft, open ground upon which we can rest with joy, and know enough confidence to take the next step.
—Leah Rose


Note from Sandra:
That quote is the bottom of longer writing by Leah, on how she moved from rules to "no rules" which wasn't the best direction, and found a better path in living by principles.

Leah's writing is about the sixth quote down, at
SandraDodd.com/rules
photo by Karen James

Tuesday, June 25, 2024

Scenery is where you see it.


We seek out interesting “scenic routes” in real and figurative ways.


SandraDodd.com/why
photo by Marty Dodd, in rural Nevada, thinking "Fallout"
___

Monday, June 24, 2024

Good and sweet


Look at what looks good and sweet, and seek out more of that.
—Jill Parmer

SandraDodd.com/positivity

Jill quote from the bottom of a chat on "Schooling"
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp

Sunday, June 23, 2024

Providing for needs

Sometimes when a child is recovering from paucity, he hoards.

Sometimes when a parent has been changeable and inconsistent, a child can seem clingy and grasping when attention/supplies/input are available, thinking the famine will return at any moment.

Thinking of attachment parenting, infants and toddlers, a baby needs as much milk as he needs, and when he's done he'll turn away. A toddler needs as much holding and carrying as he needs, and when he's done, he will wiggle down and take off.

SandraDodd.com/generosity
photo by Sandra Dodd

(original writing)

Saturday, June 22, 2024

Unschooling's "educational supplies"

Unschooling's "educational supplies" are often toys, or things that kids in school would not want or need, because they have it at school, or because it's not "age appropriate." School is processing kids through an assembly line, and there is pressure to accept and then abandon various interests. Unschooling has a whole different operating system.

SandraDodd.com/screwitup
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Friday, June 21, 2024

Connecting and learning

Kelly Schultz, at the end of a longer account of learning from Barbie

Everywhere we go, we meet women who have loved their Barbies, young babysitting-age girls, grandmas with collector editions, women at the toy store commenting how they still love to get their Barbies out. Barbie-lovers are everywhere! Who knows when this shared interest will help them connect with someone down the road?

Who would have imagined - design, construction, dramatic narrative, social skills, a little bit of history mixed in - it's really a wonderful learning experience!
—Kelly Shultz

SandraDodd.com/barbielearning
photo by Karen James
___

Thursday, June 20, 2024

Hale and whole

Looking at what a child (or oneself) CAN do well is better (in time, emotion, confidence, relationships) than finding why he's off, or faulty. Help your child feel hale and whole.

SandraDodd.com/normal
photo by... someone with Cátia Maciel's camera maybe
(photo sent by Cátia Maciel)

Wednesday, June 19, 2024

...never say "having screentime"

If an adult is using a television set, or a laptop computer, or a smartphone, and somebody asks them what they are doing they will say "watching the game" or "reading on Wikipedia" or "texting my friend." They will never say "having screentime."
—Virginia Warren

SandraDodd.com/screentime/not
photo by Janine Davies

Tuesday, June 18, 2024

Pets

Many unschoolers have reported changed feelings about pets, and successes in extending newfound principles to animal friends and companions.

SandraDodd.com/pets
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a stile in England
for humans and dogs

(Officially, humans over and dogs through, though I'm sure young children love going through. This was not farmland.)

Monday, June 17, 2024

Purposes and choices in the moment

When someone questioned "purpose," I responded:

I didn't say "live your live with a purpose," though. Not a singular overriding goal that would cause any other outcome to be failure. That's what some people mean when they say "a purpose," but I didn't say "a purpose." It makes a world of difference.

I was talking about individual situations, projects, days, ways to decide. Not about a whole life.

People do that with decisions, too, sometimes. When we talk about making decisions within unschooling discussions, it's not something like "I made the decision to be an unschooler." It's small decisions in the moment, right before each action or response, about what to have for lunch, where and how and why.

SandraDodd.com/choices
photo by Janine Davies, of a stile in England

Sunday, June 16, 2024

Teens can feel crowded

[Teens can feel crowded] by the new and real knowledge that the house is small and the world is huge.

Baby birds have no idea what's outside that nest.

Young children will occasionally find some corner of the house, some closet or a wall surface that was always covered by furniture before and they are not surprised that there are parts of that house they had never seen before. The house is everything.

Teenagers know they are meant to get up and go out. They're not happy about it, sometimes, especially when their house is a haven of love and sweetness and creativity, but their instincts kick in anyway and their perspective changes, very literally, and that nest seems like just a little wad of sticks on one little branch of one of ten thousand trees....

Crowded by their new awarenesses and raging hormones and their relative size (their rooms and beds are getting smaller by the day) and their collections of stuffed animals and action figures and Lego.

Sandra
(January 2000, with one teen and two pre-teens then)

SandraDodd.com/teen/crowded
photo of Holly Dodd on her way to a party



This photo was in the Just Add Light folder for many, many years, waiting for a quote or topic it might slightly match.
Good enough.

Saturday, June 15, 2024

Knowledge, real and useful

A mom posting as "Scooter," in 2001, wrote:
I personally believe that most knowledge, no matter how trivial or useless to anyone else, is just as important as what most people consider useful knowledge.
I responded:
This is dangerously radical thought and I agree with it wholeheartedly.

If one person builds muscle under the direction of a coach using gym equipment, and another builds muscle chopping wood and doing yardwork, which is better? Which muscles are more real? Which muscles are more useful? Which are more moral? What does the person need muscles for? Was the activity engaged in for the purpose of building visible, oilable muscles?

When schools teach to the test and drill kids on "useful" information, what happens inside and outside the school, the teacher, the student, the parent?
archived, about a dozen posts down there
(sorry I can't link more directly)
photos by Ester Siroky

Friday, June 14, 2024

Action, patience and observation

Read a little, try a little, wait a while, watch.

Reading does nothing without action. Action does nothing without patience and observation. When you know a little, more of the readings will make sense.

SandraDodd.com/readalittle
photo by Tessa Onderwater

Thursday, June 13, 2024

Play is the work of childhood

PLAY is the work of childhood.

Play IS the work of childhood.

Play is THE work of childhood.

Play is the WORK of childhood


original text (format and all)
by Cathy Koetsier
photo by Janine Davies

Wednesday, June 12, 2024

Fairness, in arguments

Sandra Dodd, from 2012 [so add some years to the number]:

Twenty-five years ago, my husband said it wasn't fair that we were culturally limited to words, and I could always win with words. If physical ability "counted" he would win, so he was set up to lose. After that I tried not to "beat him up" with words, because he was right—it wasn't fair. When friends of ours got married, and the husband was strong, fast AND very much more verbal, I told him that story, and he appreciated it. He reported back a couple of times early in their marriage that he was about to totally, easily win an argument, and remembered that it wasn't fair, and backed down.

AlwaysLearning; Alex P. quoted me, and commented
photo by Cally Brown

Tuesday, June 11, 2024

Stages and phases

Someone wrote:
As a new unschooler, I am working toward being less of a "helicopter parent" and more of a watch-from-a-distance parent...
Laurie Wolfrum responded:
While moving towards being calmer and more thoughtful is good, you don't have to think of yourself as any certain kind of parent to do so. It is good if something helps you think of how you can be a better parent. However, I would let go of trying to fit into any kind of label and *be* the responsible and thoughtful parent you wish to be for your child.

Children go through many stages and phases, some of which warrant our close presence and others which warrant our respectful distance. Don't let a label coax you into doing something you don't feel good about. Trust your gut and watch your kid for cues.
—Laurie Wolfrum

More of both those quotes:
SandraDodd.com/parents
photo by Holly Clark
Gold Coast Always Learning Live, 2014

Monday, June 10, 2024

Don't say everything you think.

People who talk too much can damage their kids' willingness to listen, but I think they can also disturb the peace in deep and hurtful ways.

Shhhh
photo by Gail Higgins

Sunday, June 9, 2024

See it more and more

See learning as your priority, and you will begin to see it more and more.

SandraDodd.com/cairns
photo by Sandra Dodd
___

Saturday, June 8, 2024

If mathematics is easy for a person...

Disclaimers: Unschooling doesn't ensure mathematical ability.

I wrote this before Marty got a degree in economics. They were 18 or older before taking any classes, and only needed to pay for the books.

My kids all caught up with formal math in a semester or two of community college. Marty did up to calculus. Kirby only took one class but makes use of math all the time in his work and play, and is good with money and loans and banking and all that practical life stuff.

Holly took three classes, I think. Maybe two. Liked it; it wasn't difficult. There were people in class with her bemoaning the difficulty, and they had been in school for twelve years or more, taking math classes.

That was written in 2014. Their paid employment and their hobbies, since then, have involved some or all of logistics, statistics, financial accounting, coding/programming, inventory and cash handling. What they learned in class was the notation used to communicate mathematical ideas "on paper" in our culture.

Some of their facility might have been inherited genetically from their mathish dad. That's fair, too.

SandraDodd.com/math/schoolmath
photo by Shawn Smythe Haunschild

Friday, June 7, 2024

Cross-Connections

If one thing makes you think of another thing, you form a connection between them in your mind. The more connections you have, the better access you have to cross-connections. The more things something can remind you of, the more you know about it, or are learning about it.

SandraDodd.com/connections
icy-web photo by Cathy Koetsier

Thursday, June 6, 2024

Learning in quirky ways


I'm completely sure of unschooling because I believe in people's desire and ability to learn wonderful things in quirky ways if they're given the opportunity.

SandraDodd.com/interview
photo by Sandra Dodd
___

Wednesday, June 5, 2024

How much and when

"Gauge how much to do and when by your child’s reactions. Let her say no thanks. Let her choose. Let her interest set the pace. If it takes years, let it take years. If it lasts an hour, let it last an hour."
—Joyce Fetteroll

Five Steps to Unschooling
photo by Cátia Maciel

Tuesday, June 4, 2024

Why be good?

Early in online discussions of unschooling, pre-AOL even, Christian homeschoolers and unschoolers were in the same groups—all homeschoolers jumbled together. Once someone did ask me, in public (not in a mean way but in a curious way) HOW, without religion, would my kids be good?

It was a great question. They were good because it made them better people. Not to go to Heaven or to avoid hell. Not to make Jesus happy.
. . . .
With good, logical reasons to be honest and helpful and responsible, religion on top of that would not have hurt my kids. I was aware that they might for one reason or another someday become religious on their own, but I also knew that leaving that church (or whatever it might be) wouldn't be the end of virtue for them.

SandraDodd.com/atheism
photo by Sandra Dodd


Of course there are Christian unschoolers, too
Resources for Christian Unschoolers
and unschoolers of many other religions, beliefs and leanings. The dichotomy above came from the Christian Homeschooling mom asking me a practical philosophical question.

Monday, June 3, 2024

All directions

Be open to input from all directions.


Be willing to go in different directions, over the years—with your feet, and with your thoughts.

SandraDodd.com/gradualchange
photo by Sandra Dodd, in Winchester
__

Sunday, June 2, 2024

Modelling consideration

Unschooling should be about peaceful, supportive relationships, about modelling consideration and thoughtful choicemaking, and about learning.

Being loud and wild and "breaking the rules" seems to be a celebratory stage for some people who are new to unschooling, but it shouldn't be the goal or destination. It's not good for that family, really. It's not good for those who wonder what unschooling is about.
Gradual Change   •   Unschooing Nest


Quote is from Too Far, Too Fast
photo by Nicole Kenyon

Saturday, June 1, 2024

Doing very well

Rejoice when your child surpasses you in skill, knowledge or wisdom.


Nearly a quote, from SandraDodd.com/empowerment
Dodd family, 2012, Always Learning Live
photo by Trista Teeter

Friday, May 31, 2024

Accommodations


The more that parents can accommodate children's simple desires, the calmer and happier those children will be.

Nice, and patient
photo by Destiny Dodd

Thursday, May 30, 2024

Snags and lumps and deschooling

Think of some specific things that changed in you, about you, when you were deschooling. Think of a time when you hit a snag, a lump, an un-deschooled part of you. What happened? What did you do?

Deschooling is a process that can't be sped up, I think. I could be wrong.

The path to unschooling
photo by Karen James

Wednesday, May 29, 2024

Doing (not not-doing)

If a person's life is compartmentalized into learning and not learning, then they have a part of them that is "not-learning."

"Not learning"
photo by Karen James

Tuesday, May 28, 2024

Warmly attractive

There is something warmly attractive about children's toys and books, even if they're not our own.

Toys in every room
photo by Sandra Dodd

Monday, May 27, 2024

Flower bed

Joyce wrote:

People who look at what they have and how they can work with it find the way quicker (and are happier) than those who look at what they don't have.
—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/nest.html#principles
photo by Amy Milstein