Distraction as kindness

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

We can't always fix everything for our kids or save them from every hurt. It can be a delicate balancing act—when should we intervene, when should we stay out of the way? Empathy goes a long long way and may often be all your child needs or wants. Be available to offer more, but let your child be your guide. Maybe your child wants guidance, ideas, support, or intervention. Maybe not. Sometimes the best thing you can offer is distraction.

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/distraction
photo by Rosie Moon
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Looking more closely

Karen James wrote:

The best thing I did for my relationship with my son, which, consequently, added to his ease of learning naturally, was to look away from what all of my friends were doing, and look more closely at what my own son was inspired by.

—Karen James

That quote continues at: SandraDodd.com/readalittle
photo by Holly Dodd

Learning Patience

Karen James wrote:

When we are consistently patient with a child, in time the child will learn patience. The child will come to understand the relationship of patience to him/herself by experiencing and witnessing what patience feels and looks like. When we are consistently impatient with our children, we make it nearly impossible for the child to learn patience *from us*. They learn impatience. That's the relationship. We can't talk it into being something different. We can't will it into another form.

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/patience
photo by Debra Heller Bures

Let light shine through you.

See how that cut-out affected the table, and the light? It's in Wales, but we can see it wherever we are today. See how that little jack-o-lantern ornament affected so much of the world?

I love the light through that orange bottle. Beautiful. I like the pumpkin, or gourd, too.

Janine saw all of that, and took a photo. I saw that photo, and sent it to you.

Beauty and patterns are all around us.

Let light shine through you.
SandraDodd.com/curiosity
photo by Janine Davies

Doing (not not-doing)

If a person's life is compartmentalized into learning and not learning, then they have a part of them that is "not-learning."

"Not learning"
photo by Karen James

Smiling, kindness and peace

When someone smiles, even if no one sees them, it's better than not smiling. And if others do see it, it can be calming and contagious.

If someone is kind, it makes him a kinder person immediately, right then. No one has to endorse or approve it. It's done; it's already happened.

Every bit of peace one adds to a situation adds peace to the world, that moment and forever.

SandraDodd.com/lawofattraction
(I'm not promoting that "law.")
photo by Gail Higgins,
of Broc, his smile, and his shadow

Relax into safety

The word "struggling" is used too much lately. Everyone says they're struggling about everything.

Please consider re-phrasing. If you think of the situation in your own words, you will think of it, and see it, and respond to it more clearly.

And anytime people describe things as a battle, a struggle, a fight, they're categorizing the thing as though it's fighting back, and they're in danger.

SandraDodd.com/struggle
photo by Sandra Dodd, of Holly posing her shadow

What peace feels like

If we raise the level of peace our children expect, they will know what peace feels like.

Adults need to know what peace feels like too, though, and some feel it for the first time when they really start to understand unschooling.

SandraDodd.com/peace/noisy
photo by Colleen Prieto

Real vs. acting, or practicing

Writing done in school is practice writing, mostly. That "math" done in school is the calculations of other people's math. It's all at least two steps from "real world," while saying "this is the real world."

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That is from a discussion about the depth of being, rather than of acting like a child's partner. Examples were used, and tangents were taken. The longer collection is at:
"Partners," examined

photo by Holly Dodd

Examine ideas yourself

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

If a parent has found something that works for their family without understanding why it worked and how much personality played in it, then for others it's little better than rolling dice and picking some technique at random.

On the other hand, those who are living examined lives. thinking about and discussing why something works in the context of growing relationships, that's way better than dice! And no one should swallow what's said uncritically. They should take it in, turn it over, ask questions and examine it for themselves.

Critical examination is better for reaching clear goals than pretty sentiments of "following the heart" and "mom knows best."

—Joyce Fetteroll, 2008

SandraDodd.com/joyce/followyourheart
photo by Vlad Gurdiga

Options over rules

Probably some families make rules so that their kids will learn to follow rules. It's possible. Too much practice can kill the joy, though. Being forced to play an instrument can create an adult who doesn't even bother to own one of the instruments he knows how to play, because how he's out of school he doesn't "have to." If someone made me practice eating before every meal, I wouldn't be very hungry.

So here I have kids who can sleep as long as they want, who set their alarms and get up; who have all kinds of clothes and no rules, who dress well and appropriately to the situation; who don't have to come home but they DO come home.

Something important is happening.


SandraDodd.com/rules
photo by Karen James

Shine on through

What you do shines on, and sometimes through, your children. You affect them, and others can see the effect.

SandraDodd.com/nature
photo by Holly Dodd

Another step; another

Those who divide the world into academic and non-academic will maintain rules, bedtimes, chores even though they might not be "having lessons" in history, science, math or language arts.

So the history of "radical unschooling" came from someone saying "Well we're not that radical," and me saying "well I am."

I think if people divide their lives into academic and non-academic, they're not radical unschoolers.

I think unschooling in the context of a traditional set of rules and parental requirements and expectations will work better than structured school-at-home, but I don't think it will work as well for the developing souls and minds of the children involved.

And those who are not radical unschoolers would look at that and say "What do their souls have to do with unschooling?"

It has to do with philosophy and priority.

What do you believe is the nature of man, and the duty of a parent?

What do you believe hinders a child, or harms the relationship between a parent and a child?

Real actual unschooling
photo by Cathy Koetsier

Gradually, but hurry

Gradually move toward doing it right now. Halfway between "very gradual" and "do it right now" is the place to be, while you're learning about unschooling.

Stalling and hesitation take time away from your future unschooling peace and success!

SandraDodd.com/doit
photo by Diane Marcengill

Shadowy gifts

If you look, you might see things!

Thinking "that's just a pumpkin" might make you miss the star that was there for a little while.

Most things are more things. Keep looking.

other shadow photos in this blog
and a few on my website
photo by Holly Dodd

Special effects

Art made of light and shadow—look for it at your house, in stores, restaurants, in friends' houses, too!

SandraDodd.com/light
photo by Sarah S.

Peace and confidence

"If you answer every question with honesty you never have to be nervous about the next question because you already know the answer. Take the chance of being uncomfortable for those few minutes of honesty. It's worth the discomfort for the peace and confidence and integrity it will build in you."

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/integrity
photo by Belinda Dutch

Successful unschooling

Unschooling might not look like a big deal when people are thinking "School? Curriculum? Unschooling?"

School or a curriculum can be picked up or put down. Unschooling, to succeed, needs to be lived, as a family.

SandraDodd.com/yacht
photo by Holly Dodd (it's called "Reach")

Phrases to avoid

"Have to…"

"I was forced to…" or "We forced him to…"

No choice but to…

Your thoughts affect your body. Your moods change your health. Your attitude shows in your face. Negativity will be contagious and harmful to your children.

When you speak or write or hear the words that paint your life as powerless and harsh, rephrase. If you have time, think about where those things came from. If you can trace them back to a certain voice or incident in your memory, remember that, and be prepared the next time.

SandraDodd's Big Book of Unschooling
page 196, or 226 in 2019 edition
photo by Holly Dodd

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Good online matches are Choices and the page on Negativity.

Hold on principle

Instead of having a rule that kids had to hold my hand in a parking lot, I would park near a cart and put some kids in right away, or tell them to hold on to the cart (a.k.a. "help me push", so a kid can be between me and the cart). And they didn't have to hold a hand. There weren't enough hands. I'd say "Hold on to something," and it might be my jacket, or the strap of the snugli, or the backpack, or something.

Toddlers
photo by Gail Higgins