Trusting and seeing

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

Unschooling is trusting in a child's natural curiosity to teach them what they need to know. The parent is there to answer questions, talk, infect the kids by their own curiosity about life! (though curious about what you're interested rather in what you think would be good for the kids to be interested in!), bring in cool resources (that the kids can feel free to ignore if it just isn't the right moment for their interest to ignite).

The hard parts are:

trusting natural curiosity to draw your child to what they need to learn when. (Math is fascinating. Kids only get turned off to it by the boring way school approaches it.)

trusting a child's natural schedule rather than the school imposed one (eg, that the child will read eventually even if they aren't doing so at 7 because reading is always a pleasurable activity not an imposed tedious one, they will multiply even if they aren't doing it at 9)

trusting that it's okay for kids to learn things out of order! It doesn't bother kids at all to pick up interesting tidbits about Thomas Jefferson, knightly armor, Egyptian mummies, WW2 combat planes. They make their own connections as they get more and more things in place. (Later, an orderly approach will be fascinating to them as they can make even more connections.)

seeing real learning that is right there all around you, for example, the things that need sorted, the cookies to divide, the planning for a party that are all real live math. And it's especially tough to trust that those few minutes of real engaged figuring are worth 20 pages of worksheet practice.

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/unschool/moredefinitions
photo by Sandra Dodd, in Liverpool

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Joyce and I got to visit Liverpool in 2013, thanks to Julie and Adam Daniel.

Live in the now!

Cathy Koetsier wrote:

In horsemanship, one of the key principles in connecting with a horse is this one: live in the now! Horses do not live in the past or in the future, they live in this moment. The moment we live in the past or the future (in our thoughts), we lose the connection and they feel it. It is amazing seeing that this is really true! I have learned so much from this principle. And it makes absolute sense with children, because they do live most of their time in the now... we adults concern ourselves with so many different things, and later we wonder why we lost the moment.

—Cathy Koetsier,
in a comment here

SandraDodd.com/moments.html
photo by Cathy Koetsier

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Heart to Hand
(more about horses, by Cathy and her associates)

The magic of following passions

Ben Lovejoy wrote:

Although I don’t presume to know what magic occurs when one follows a life filled with passions, I know that magic does happen—with deep wells of reserve. And when we examine our respective histories with our children, we understand how much things change while seeing how much they stay the same.

Singing a song before saying “Mom” or “Dad” or watching our first live musical performance at the same age are two examples of things that Cameron and I have in common. The simplicity of those examples should not be misunderstood. Each small way we’re tied to our children adds to the tapestry that our respective lives weave. And when the story is shared with grandkids and their grandkids, it has the opportunity to become part of lives yet to be. The stories of our lives are the songs that we sing now so they can be shared later with those who intend to hear them—a truth that Bonnaroo embodies.

Bonnaroo was not the crossroad where Cameron’s and my shared love of music intersected, but it is where I realized how much music meant to us both. Our respective tastes in music have come full circle because now Cameron gives me advice on what music will make a difference to me just as I had done for him seven years ago. I am now the richer for that connection.

—Ben Lovejoy

Following Our Passions to Bonnaroo
SandraDodd.com/lovejoy/bonnaroo
photo by Karen James

Change the lighting

Unschooling involves making many small choices every day, and providing opportunities for kids to make choices.

One important part of this choicemaking, for unschooling parents, is to become the sort of person you want your child to be.

You probably don't want your child to suffer or to struggle.

Someone I know and love wrote to me recently about suffering this thing, and struggling with that thing. Re-cast, re-phrase, re-arrange, change the lighting. Same you, same life, less negativity.

SandraDodd.com/being/positive
photo by Janine Davies

Becoming, and being

Becoming the sort of person you hope your child will be, or that your child will respect, is more valuable than years of therapy. And it’s cheaper.

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp

The turning point of unschooling

Recovering from school is only part of a parent's deschooling process. Trust is involved, but it's an evolving trust. First one might read about or even meet some older unschooled kids and see that they're doing well. But it seems they can distance their own families a bit by thinking "Well that's fine for her kids—but mine might not be as [insert one:
    special
      bright
         gifted
            open
               calm
                  creative
                     sociable] as hers are."

The turning point comes when one sees the natural learning start to shine from her own child. Then she goes beyond trusting other unschoolers, and starts trusting natural learning.

"Of your own certain knowledge…"
or
Seeing the light with your own eyes

photo by Erika Ellis

Calm acceptance

Sometimes the smallest thing can make a child extremely happy. Sometimes parents can find joy in relaxing around fears and pressures. Without dress codes and early-morning school bells, or other kids to ask "Why are you wearing that?!", there can be leisurely days of choices and creativity, while parents practice saying "yes" and children play without worries.

Jenny Cyphers once wrote:

"The big upside of unschooling, in my opinion, was that it also created an unexpected peacefulness, fulfillment, and happiness for all of us."

SandraDodd.com/unexpected
photo by Julie Markovitz