"Self-regulation" (I object)

Sometime between 1795 and 1811, Jane Austen wrote (in Sense and Sensibility):

Elinor's security sunk but her self-command did not sink with it.

It's about the character masking her emotions and responses, when another young woman was trying to make her jealous.

I wanted to add "self-command" to the list, which was up to now

• self-regulation
• self-control
• self-discipline

None of those are as helpful as learning to make the better choice.

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Another outside quote:

Because “self-regulation” sounds modern, therapeutic, and enlightened, it can obscure the lingering assumption that the child should eventually internalize adult priorities.

—ChatGPT, 5/14/25
🙂

SandraDodd.com/self-regulation
photo by Sandra Dodd

First day of school

Concerning Kirby Dodd and driver's ed, twenty+ years ago:

Finally, when he went, he was nearly seventeen. That was his first day of school, ever. He took an apple and gave it to the teacher saying, "I've never been to school before; I understand this is what people do."

On that first day there was a pre-test with a question booklet and a separate answer sheet. Kirby was circling the letter and then writing out the right answer.

When the teacher asked if everyone was through, Kirby had three more left and said he was still writing. The teacher said "writing?" So Kirby's only problem with driver's ed was his total unfamiliarity with the traditions involved with test-taking. He got seven out of ten. He missed one about hydroplaning, which he said wasn't worded well to get the answer they wanted. I doubt that many of the other kids were analyzing the construction of the test questions.

SandraDodd.com/driversed
photo by Sandra Dodd
(previously used with other text)

Playing as a game

I'm living without a piano these days, but this was true for years, mostly with Clementi, or Bach:

I have said that I play the piano like playing a video game. But what that means for me is that sometimes when I'm passing by the piano, I'll sit down with a piece of music I know fairly well and play it "until I die," which is the third mistake, just to see how far I can get. Or I'll play something harder and go until I'm just stuck, maybe go through that hard passage a few times, take a running leap at it, see how it goes, and then go back to doing whatever I was doing before. Laundry or whatever it was.

When I do that it feels like a timer, and a challenge, and a goof. It's an investment in keeping my fingers operational without "an hour of practice" or any of those thoughts. It's playing with the piano, more than playing the piano. It's a game. I don't have to.

—Sandra Dodd

SandraDodd.com/force
Image is the cover of a thin music book, published by Schirmer, 1967.

Healing selves

It will help you heal from your childhood, to be a good mother. Seeing your own child's bright eyes when you do something sweet can heal the child inside you who would have loved to have had someone do that to, for, with her, years ago.

SandraDodd.com/healing
photo by Rodrigo Mattioli

More careful than "authentic"

Once upon a time in 2007, I was responding to a mom who was being dismissive (of her children) and defensive (of the discussion):

---

She:

I think that because of the tool we are using here to communicate that something is lost in translation.

I:

Don't try to use a saw as a hammer.

The tool we're using here can be used very well, but it takes thought and practice. No one is preventing reflection and proofreading. It's fine (and would be good) for you to hold a post and edit it carefully. Those who choose not to shouldn't complain about reactions.

She:

As powerful as words can be, the right attitude and heart behind the mistake can change how the words were perceived.

I:

Words can harm children forever. You're very unlikely to traumatize any of the moms reading here, but we can help you learn not to traumatize your children, and to think and write more clearly, if you want.

She:

Sandra also said, "Watch your thoughts, because without doing that you can't really learn to choose better reactions."
I agree with this in part.

I:

IN PART?

SandraDodd.com/authentic
photo by Rosie Moon

Living by principles

If people are living by rules, it's nearly impossible to tell what it would look like to live by principles.

Once one is living by principles, it's nearly impossible to make a move that's contrary to those principles. It doesn't happen overnight, but it's much different than just changing from one set of rules to another.

from an Unschooling Discussion post at googlegroups, November 2007
photo by Jihong Tang

Tools and opportunity

Robyn Coburn wrote:

I remember the first time I watched six-month-old Jayn solve a problem creatively using logic. I had placed a variety of cards around her field of vision on her blanket on the ground as she lay on her belly. One card was partially hidden behind a teddy bear. She gazed for a while. Then she slowly stretched her arm out, picked up the offending bear, and placed it aside. She then reached to the limit of her fingertips to grasp the desired card. Two weeks later she worked out that she could get the donut rings off their stander by tilting it. All the encouragement she needed was the tools and no one doing it for her.

—Robyn Coburn

SandraDodd.com/robyn/creativity
photo by Sandra Dodd, of Kirby—
different six-month-old,
different bear