Pretty great

My favourite response of Ethan's to many questions that are geared to have one right answer is "It depends." I used to think (because of my own schooling), "What does it depend on? The answer is ____. Period."

Now, because Ethan has proven to me so many times that is really *does* depend, my own mind hardly searches for that one "right" answer any longer. I love the expansion of the many possibilities! It's so much more fun to think about more than one answer, and so much less limiting to live in a world with more than one right way.

It took me a long time to see that. Ethan has never seen it any other way. How great is that!?

—Karen James
(original)

SandraDodd.com/betteranswers
photo by Marin Holmes

A different lens

If people learn to use "learn" instead of "teach," it helps them move to another angle, to see things through a different lens.

Some people see experienced unschoolers ("experienced" meaning in this context people who have done it well and effortlessly for years, who aren't afraid anymore, who have seen inspiring results) mention classes, and they think "Ah, well if the experienced unschoolers' kids take classes, then classes are good/necessary/no problem."

But if beginners don't go through a phase in which they REALLY focus on seeing learning outside of academic formalities, they will not be able to see around academics. If you turn away from the academics and truly, really, calmly and fully believe that there is a world that doesn't revolve around or even require or even benefit from academic traditions, *then* after a while you can see academics (research into education, or classes, or college) from another perspective.

Learning to See Differently
photo by Rosie Moon
___

Distant visions

I love being able to see, and to share, pictures of things I have seen, or have NOT seen, in this blog. Jen Keefe's family went to New York City, and the technology of the day allowed her to share some of the things she saw. Her generosity lets me pass it on.

When I was a kid, our teachers encouraged us to have pen pals in other places. The purpose was to broaden our knowledge of foreign states and countries, but there weren't photos involved, and certainly not videos with sound! Messages weren't quickly exchanged.

Being able to see and hear other people, places, accents, languages, birds, animals, trees, foods... appreciate this as the recent miracle it is! Our worlds have expanded, even from inside our houses.

Your Own Model of the Universe

photo by Jen Keefe

A houseguest, or your child

Being new to the world, and you being his host (and partner), any light you can shed on the mysteries of the world, and any clues you can give him on what's likely to happen and what's expected of him would be good for all concerned. Advise him what might happen at a wedding reception, or a birthday party, or at a place he's never been to before. Show him how to eat a new food he hasn't seen. Help put him at ease if he's nervous. Provide him all the coaching and reassurance he wants, and no more than he wants.

SandraDodd.com/guest
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp

Step thoughtfully

If somebody said, "I want to walk to Santa Fe from Albuquerque," it matters which direction they go. It matters that they have water. It matters if they know how they're going to go. You can die between here and Santa Fe—it's a frickin' desert.

People can ruin their lives with unschooling if they don't know where they're going. If they just intend to make a bunch of wild decisions and mill around, it won't work. Their kids will end up needing to go back to school, and being clueless kids in school. So it's almost that big a project. You will have to take hundreds of thousands of steps. And so it's better to take a step thoughtfully, knowing what direction you're going, than to thunder around yelling, "I'm an unschooler! I'm an unschooler!" and not get anywhere.

So I think they need to understand the direction they're going, and why. And they can get there a lot faster and a lot more whole, and with a lot more peace and understanding, if they will Read a little, try a little, wait a while and watch.

---

Extras with Sandra Dodd
I was speaking, not writing. You can listen (at 15:15), or read the transcript.

photo by Sandra Dodd, in Golden, New Mexico, March 2020
(the last time I left town)

Be big; be agreeable

Some people say "no" before they even think, and then they justify it by all kinds of child-belittling means. You don't have to be one of those people.

SandraDodd.com/yesGraphic
photo by Hema Bharadwaj

Playing with them

PLAY with your kids. Playing can be the single best way to really get to know your kids. Get down on the floor, follow their lead, and PLAY with them.

—Lyle Perry

How to NOT Screw Up Your Kids
photo by Kinsey Norris, "Rat Town"

Very slow movement

Sometimes people make a conscious decision to change. All unschoolers have done that and then worked consciously to create and to stay on a smooth course.

Some people say "I will never change," but you will, because change is what time and life do.

Thoughts on Changing (SandraDodd.com/change)
or
Slight, subtle change
photo by Brie Jontry, of icicles s-l-o-w-l-y sliding off the roof
__

The river of newness

Emily Strength wrote:

"The pop culture of today is the history of tomorrow."

I responded:

This is true of music, clothing, food, hairstyles, slang, cars, kitchen design, dishes, shoes, musical instruments (think of pianos or guitars you have known—which were from the 19th century, maybe, or early 20th, or 1970's, or recently made by Yamaha which kicks musical... butt).

Any of those topics could lead to very many trails involving technology, international trade, cultural borrowings, religion (why didn't I say "kicks ass" above? It would have disturbed some people, and now it still can; sorry), superstition, money...

The science of today is the "What were they THINKING!?" of tomorrow [as we shake our heads and roll our eyes about scientific fallacies of the past, until they are (many of them, individually, sometimes randomly) shown to have been fact after all].

The proper language and punctuation of today will irritate those not yet born, in 35 years.

Find this river of newness becoming history that's flowing right around and through us all, and learn to ride it openly and happily if you can!

—Sandra Dodd

History and Unschooling
photo by Amy Milstein

Nurture and share

Be the kind of person you want your child to be.

Nurture your own curiosity and joy.

Find gratitude and abundance in your life.

Explore. Make connections, on your own.

Share those with your children when they're interesting.

SandraDodd.com/video/doright
photo by Sandra Dodd
__

Inside and outside

I have some good plants in my house. Outside it can be too harsh for most plants to survive, but indoors is safer.

The photo was taken far from New Mexico, but still shows some life inside, and some less-lively structure outside.

Two ideas: Sitting around watching plants grow isn't as good as some other things you could do, and don't be too prejudiced against being inside!

SandraDodd.com/t/memories
photo by Sandra Dodd
__

Check your settings

Anyone, no matter how well they're doing at parenting and unschooling, can get so tired, so distracted, so sick, hungry, or some combination of those things, that they default to their original settings (possibly doing what their own mom would have said or done). So there's no point coming at which all danger is past.

Deschooling needs touch-ups and updates along the way. Be sweet and good.

SandraDodd.com/deschooling
photo by Jo Isaac
__

Enough or not; too much or not

I think there should be 180 great days a year—parents should feel enough pressure that they have as many shiny show-off days as there would be school days. And that leaves 185-186 days per year for "doing nothing."

I don't think anyone should count, but if they feel like they're in a frenzy of doing too much, then that's too much. And if the mom is feeling like maybe she should do more, then she should do more.

Enough "great" that the mom feels like she provided greatness. And enough happy that the kid felt like it was good, too.

The "180" number came from the number of school days required by the State of New Mexico. YMMV.
photo by Sandra Dodd
__

This planet

"Unschooling requires you to take joy in life. It requires you to appreciate the wonders of the world."

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/negativity
photo by Becky Sekeres
__

Stream of Shakespearean Consciousness

Instead of a quote, I'm going to list words and terms from a page called "One Thing Leads to Another, and some things are Shakespeare":

Buffy, Angel, Jeopardy, pizza, a priest, Asterix, Animaniacs, "Go Fish", hemlock, Harry Potter, Looney Tunes, Vishal Bhardwaj, The Reduced Shakespeare Company, The Simpsons and Star Trek.

There are happy Shakespeare stories from several families here:SandraDodd.com/strew/shakespeare
photo by Sandra Dodd
__

Who inspired you?

At a couple of conferences, I've asked participants to share. The question was:
Who inspired you? Who helped you move toward better parenting and unschooling?

They might not even be unschoolers. They might have said one thing, one time.

Please think about this. If someone said or did something that changed the course of your life in this direction, and if you want to acknowledge that (with or without their name), please leave a comment or write to me and I'll add a new section of acknowledgements on the page linked below.

SandraDodd.com/inspiration
photo by Dylan Lewis

Confidence and logic

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

I didn't get to observe radically unschooled kids before coming to the conclusions I did about how children learn. I'm sure it helps build confidence to see grown unschooled kids—that's why my kids and I make ourselves available. But it isn't necessary. For me, it required confidence in my own logical thinking ability. I reasoned things out and did what made sense to me.. . .My willingness to think for myself—to analyze, critique, to be open-minded, and to trust my own conclusions—that was how I came to understand unschooling.

—Pam Sorooshian

Understanding Unschooling
photo by Holly Dodd

Beyond compare

Unschooling is the ultimate individualized learning situation, and comparisons are unnecessary.

SandraDodd.com/pam/reasons
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp
___

Watch movies proudly

Watch movies proudly.

Don't be embarrassed about what other people think.

Let the movies lead 18 directions. Use the remote. Pause, rewind, use IMDB and google to find out more, more more!!

SandraDodd.com/chats/movies
photo by Sandra Dodd
__

Busy

How might a parent act on a really busy day?

If the mom learns and then demonstrates that giving can make a person feel happy, *then* she might have children who are also generous and kind. If the mom acts pouty and whiney and martyrly, she will have children who are confused and needy and resentful.

Being a Happy Mom
photo by Sandra Dodd