Joyous but careful

How we use words with our children affects their future and our present, so be joyous but careful with your parenting word-power!

SandraDodd.com/words/
photo by Megan Valnes

Don't trivialize "trivia"

What is trivia? For school kids, trivia is (by definition) a waste of time. It’s something that will not be on the test. It’s “extra” stuff. For unschoolers, though, in the wide new world in which EVERYTHING counts, there can be no trivia in that sense.

SandraDodd.com/trivia
photo by Tara Joe Farrell,
in Cerillos, New Mexico

Nice is better

Change takes time. Don't send the bill. Don't "be nice" for two months and then say "I was nice and you weren't any nicer to me!" Be nice because being nice is better than not being nice. Do it for yourself and your children.

SandraDodd.com/betterpartner
photo by Ester Siroky

Relax inside yourself

Someone wrote once:

"I really have to be vigilant on myself and try not to control."

I was amused, but responded, in part:

Being "vigilant" sounds like absolutely exhausting effort. Relax. You do not "have to be vigilant." Especially not on yourself. That's you watching yourself. Way too much work. Let go of one of those selves. Relax inside the other one. Have a snooze. Don't be vigilant.

When you wake up, think. Am I glad to be here? Is this a good moment? If so, breathe and smile and touch your child gently. Be soft. Be grateful. Find abundance. Gently.

SandraDodd.com/battle/
photo by Denaire Nixon

Quietly, yourself

Unschooling takes a long time to learn. Rushing a child to understand something complicated while the parent isn’t even looking in the right direction to see unschooling is a problem that’s easily solved. Stop pressuring the child. Stop “communicating” the confusion. Quietly empty yourself of much of what you think you know.

SandraDodd.com/quiet
photo by Denaire Nixon

Help with decisions

"I've helped my kids by going toward what they wanted, and been generous, and they've been the same toward me. Sweet. I like it when I'm trying to make a decision on something, and they asked the same things I've asked of them."

—Jill Parmer

SandraDodd.com/generosity
photo by Jihong Tang

Which direction?

Each journey begins with a single step, they say, but steps in the wrong direction don't get you to a good place. Milling around for a thousand steps without regard to the intended goal isn't "a journey."

SandraDodd.com/direction
photo by Jihong Tang

Aim high; be generous

I've given this advice to newlyweds, and to my oldest child the first time he had a roommate:

Don't aim for 50/50.

If 50% is right, then 49% is wrong, and 65% would be something get angry about.

If you both aim for more than half, you'll meet around the middle, around half the time. If you want the other person to stick around, "around" is the goal.

SandraDodd.com/50/50
photo by Dan Vilter

Learning and experiencing

Parents can't guarantee safety and health for their children. And unschooling is about learning and about experiencing the world, not about living to be 100 instead of 95.

SandraDodd.com/fears
photo by Nicole Kenyon

What's in there?

Half-empty cups are substantially different from half-full cups. It's not just theoretical holy water in those cups. The half-empty cups hold a concoction of frustration and need and irritation. The half-full cups contain joy and hope and gratitude.

page 213 of The Big Book of Unschooling (or page 185, of the first edition)
photo by Karen James
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Happier and more peaceful

There are MANY people who came to unschooling and honestly tried to consider the ideas, and they tried the suggestions, and their families started becoming happier and more peaceful. And many have reported that as their children began to relax and love their lives, that the parents begin to rethink all KINDS of things they believed were true.

Unless people are willing to try it, they can't understand it or believe it. Lots of people every day share how they got from one point to another, with lots of practical suggestions and reassurances.



Emotion vs Intellect, from Unschooling Discussion, in 2003
photo by Sandra Dodd

Constant flow of thoughts

Rebellion for the sake of rebellion is as bad as conformity for the sake of conformity.


SandraDodd.com/issues
photo by Karen James

Stance and viewpoint

If there is a method to unschooling it's certainly not a simple one. It involves changing one's stance and viewpoint on just about everything concerning children and learning. That's not "a method." That's a life change.

SandraDodd.com/unschool/definition
photo of "the rock house" (small, at 10 o'clock), from Sandia Tram,
by Sandra Dodd

Amazing life

Just live life amazed. —Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/discovery
photo by Lisa Jonick

Fantastic

I cannot fathom wanting my son to have Less of whatever brings him joy. Because as far as I know, he will only live once—and I want that life — his life — to be amazing. Not mediocre, or moderate, or almost-good-enough. I want it to be fantastic. Fantastic!!

—Colleen Prieto

SandraDodd.com/abundance
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp

Sunrise and family

Those who went to school (and that's over 99% of those reading this) have based half their lives, give or take a decade, on school's rhythm and labels and categorizations. When things like "the school year" are as much a part of a culture as "family" and "sunrise," it's a radical departure to consider that maybe one of those three is unnatural. For many people, it disturbs the fabric of their lives. Some people's life-fabric is already kind of rumply, or they hated school and are glad to consider alternatives, but for those orderly folks who have life all neatly arranged in their heads, who do more accepting than questioning, unschooling is a disturbing thing.

SandraDodd.com/interview
photo by Sandra Dodd

Personal healing

I've accomplished a lot of personal healing and family progress by treating my children the way I wish I could have been treated when I was their age. Instead of using a script from my own childhood, instead of saying what my mom or one of my teachers would have said to me, I really look at my own child and I try to say what they need to hear, what will make their life and learning easier and less stressful.

SandraDodd.com/interview (2/3 down)
photo by Sandra Dodd—fossil; limestone; Austin