Don't say everything you think.

People who talk too much can damage their kids' willingness to listen, but I think they can also disturb the peace in deep and hurtful ways.

Shhhh
photo by Gail Higgins

Describing unschooling

Rippy wrote:

If parents of school children ask, I usually say our homeschooling is pretty eclectic. I may give certain examples such as visiting interesting places, doing experiments, playing 'learning' games, reading stories, having conversations of events that happened in the past, talking about famous people, making things, hanging out with friends, etc. Sometimes I share with them a detailed description of an interesting day that we've had, especially if it has impressive signs of learning that they will recognize.

—Rippy Dusseldorp

SandraDodd.com/response
photo by Kelvin Dodd

Paleolithic unschooling?

Would you rather live in the stone age, or live now?

(Hint: You don't actually have a choice.)

Brie Jontry, responding to someone who said unschooling was the closest to paleolithic, and that unschooling has worked for countless generations:

Paleolithic families had Internet and Netflix and PS3s? Did they have park days and YouTube? Were their parents distinctly turning their backs on the dominant culture and letting them learn in ways that felt kinder and gentler? Were they, in many cases, living at significantly lower income levels so one parent could stay home, at least part-time?

Unschooling is nothing at all like paleolithic life.

Unschooling has worked for a generation or two, but it hasn't been working for countless generations. That kind of thinking might get you all bound up in confusion as your son gets older and more aware of the modern world, and it may hinder your own ability to define what it is your family is actually doing.

—Brie Jontry

Brie's response was longer, and a little scary (in good ways):
SandraDodd.com/reality
photo by Karen James

Beliefs and priorities

Principles instead of rules means not to decide in advance what you're going to do, but to know what you believe and what your priorities are, and then to make decisions based on that. Not to behave arbitrarily, but thoughtfully.

Principles of Learimg (chat transcript)
photo by Holly Dodd, 2014, India

Positively winning

Someone else's question, and part of my answer:

As much as I read,... I seem to slide right back into schoolish ways. How long does it take to really break that bad habit?

Forever.

If you think of it in negative terms ("bad" and not just "break" but "really break"), you will just sit in that negativity, frustrated, forever. You will feel there had to be a winner (you) or a loser (you) and you will be angry with yourself.

The change you need is to live a different way. Step out of the grumpy dark into the calm decision-making choose-joy light.

SandraDodd.com/change
photo by Sandra Dodd

That was written before "Read a little, try a little, wait a while watch." It was also before the pages on Negativity and Positivity.

Gradually learning; seeing clearly

Unschooling is not easy to understand. Even people who are ready and really want it will take years.

Read a little, try a little, wait a while and watch. There is no other way to learn about unschooling than gradually. There is no other way to learn to see clearly how it works than by trying it a bit at a time and seeing how putting learning first changes other things—how putting peace ahead of schedules changes things.


Quotes, tweaked slightly, from Explorations
photo by Cathy Koetsier

Chairs, mountains, puff-toys

Accept and admire beauty if you can, instead of dismissing things as "just..."
      Just a stump.
             Just a dandelion.

Can you see the beauty in the stump? It might be a safe place to stand after a rain. To a child you love, it might be a chair or a mountain.

Dandelions are flowers that make puff-toys for children to blow on. They grow without our help. They might be the only colorful flower you'll see, some days. If a child loves them, can you follow?

SandraDodd.com/just
photo by Sandra Dodd

Be a soft place

We wanted to protect them from trauma and frustration. That's not always possible, but it was a goal. We tried not to be the source of trauma and frustration.

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Sandra Dodd

Love, overflowing

Karen James wrote:

Attachment parenting, then unschooling, showed me that I'm a better person than I ever believed. I'm capable of compassion I didn't know existed. I have a sense of humour that isn't belittling or unkind, but can bring relief to uncomfortable situations. I have so much love for Doug and Ethan, that it has begun to overflow and fill my own cup. My world is hopeful, even in difficult times. I still struggle a fair amount with inner critics, but I'm learning. And, I've learned, I love learning.

—Karen James

There is more at SandraDodd.com/change
photo by Karen James

Living clearly

"A life well lived is one where our motivation for doing what we do is clear in our own minds and hearts."

—Karen James

Be, be, and you will be
photo by Renee Cabatic

Gratitude and joy

If you don't feel you will be happy, then you won't be. The largest part of happiness has to do with gratitude and joy. Either of those can be snuffed out by the recitation of ills.

Discussion of the Gratitude page from The Big Book of Unschooling
photo by Gail Higgins
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"Same-old" can be new

There are things that most kids do, that most adults have done, that can seem ho-hum and same-old.

Don't be bored and boring! Look for joy in moments. Shine your own light on things.


Turning point
photo by Sarah Dickinson
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Language and thoughts

Watch your language, because then you wlll see thought processes you might not have seen otherwise.

Watch your thoughts, because without doing that you can't really learn to choose better reactions.

Sandra, in a discussion, 2007
photo by Brie Jontry

Every bit of all the bits

Unschooling allows free use of any and all bits of information, not just school's small set. A grid based first on cartoon characters or the history of ice skating can be expanded just as well as one built on a second-grade version of the discovery of North America and the made-up characters in some beginning-reader series. If the goal is to know everything, and if each person's internal "universe" is unique, then the order in which the information is acquired isn't as important as the ease and joy with which it is absorbed.

The time will come in your unschooling when you will forget to use checklists, but it won't matter. The child's internal grid will already have given them the need to know what things feel, smell and taste, and what they used to be or will be, and whether it's different in other places. Connections will continue to be made throughout their lives. The universe inside will grow larger and the universe outside will become clearer with every new experience.

Disposable Checklists
photo by Cass Kotrba

Springtime (southern hemisphere)

The internet makes the big world small. We can see new photos from a future day or an opposite season.

The internet allows unschoolers to get ideas from others on other continents.

Bigger, friendlier world
photo by Jo Isaac, in south east Australia

Morning every moment

At your house it will be morning again within 24 hours, but it could be morning in your heart any second.

Somewhere in the world it is morning every moment. Somewhere, light is dawning.

When people begin homeschooling, that's a big bright morning, but you can have as many mornings as you need. If you want to change the way you're being or thinking, just do it. Don't wait for another year, another month, another day.

Good morning!

SandraDodd.com/morning
photo by Pippi Howard, of a flower in Santa Fe
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Open to the moment

Sometimes it's hard to know whether to look at the flower or at the leaves or at what might be in the darkness behind, or up at the sky, or to turn around and ignore the flower completely. There might be a bird in a nearby tree, or an interesting sound coming from a window.

Plans change. It can be good, upon occasion, to just listen and look and explore. Sometimes it's fine to just see a flower and not say a word about it.

We could call those moments restless confusion and indecision, or we could consider ourselves being open to the moment, in a state of wonder and curiosity.

Keep a positive light on what's outside you and within you, and your world will be a better place.

Being present in the moment
(Text is repeated from 11/19/10, but other details changed.)
Photo by Gail Higgins
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Secret surprises

That flower is unfamiliar to me. Caroline, in Queensland, sent the photo. I hope if you click it, you'll see a larger image. There's a sort of bloom coming out of the flower. There's a bug. But look up and to the right, behind it. A windmill.

There will be unexpected things, in life. Some are sweet and good. Be open to seeing them!

Something Surprising
photo by Caroline Lieber
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Getting it

When people say "I read [whichever] webpage last year, but..." and I say "Read it again," I think they might think I'm accusing them of not having read it, but it's that after using the ideas a while, the description makes lots more sense.


Whatever it is we're learning—crochet patterns, musical notation, using crutches, building a fire, making cookies—hearing instructions (or reading them) makes VERY little sense at first. Later it makes more sense. But after trying it and figuring out some things for ourselves, and then going back and looking at the directions, they come to life, in color, and they make 3-D sense.

SandraDodd.com/gettingit

Read a little, try a little; wait a while, watch
art and photo by Roya Dedeaux
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Real, actual unschooling

I don’t mind “radical.” I just hear it as “real” or “actual.”

Radical Unschooling is...
photo by Cass Kotrba
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