photo by Elise Lauterbach
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In a discussion in which a very religious mom wrote that she would someday help her daughter navigate her beliefs, I responded:
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Children need peace and joy and love. If the parents are going to be their sole providers in this home environment of learning, they need all the peace and love they would need from their parents and they need all the peace and love they were going to get from their teachers.
When a family is very negative, with a very cynical parent, they’re sacrificing the chance that maybe the teacher would have been happier than they are. So they need to be twice as peace-and-love as they might have been if they weren’t unschooling. |
"I think it behooves us to be better people, to improve, breathe, understand, make the best choice, and keep learning."
—Jill Parmer |
Whether it's warm outside or cold, the sun through the window is the same. Be light. |
You can lean—even without moving—with thoughts and decisions toward where you want to be. | ![]() |
My strongly held belief about most things is that no one knows for sure, knowledge grows and changes, but that stress and fear are always harmful.
If we want our children to be kind and thoughtful and treat others with respect we need to model that for them. We can make kids *act* respectful and act kind and act thoughtful but when we stop making them and give them the choice, they're unlikely to want to be kind, thoughtful and respectful of those who don't treat them that way. —Joyce Fetteroll |
Most of the unschooled teens I've met had a calm and maturity that I'm not used to finding even in random adults in their 20's and 30's, who are sometimes awkwardly pretending to be mature, or sometimes still actively reveling in their new-adult freedom. I've known teens (and am related to some) who are as comfortable with younger children as with older teens and adults and grandparents. They see people as people. They will be drawn to interesting people and will avoid dull or harsh people, but they don't choose by age. |
Negativity and discouragement spiral down a hole.
I live without religion, but not without morals. I know that being good is better than "being bad" (harmful, thoughtless, irresponsible), and I know that optimism is better than negativity. That doesn't mean I think there is magic at work in the fact that stepping out into the day joyfully will make the day better. People don't need to have a construct of "manifestations" or wishes or visualizations to make good better than bad. It just is, in ways linguistic and logical and biochemical. |
Sometimes parents talk too much. Practice being quiet. | ![]() |
When the path is clear and easy, relax and enjoy the peace. When you come to obstacles or there's more than one path, you'll be rested and prepared to choose based on what you know and what seems to lead you nearer to safety and growth. |
Now I think... Is my child happy, healthy, connected? Are we moving towards partnership? Are we having fun right now, at this moment? Am I treating my children as well or better as I would treat my husband or my friend? If yes, great. If not, change, make a different choice. —Anna Black |
"I love writing. The process of throwing down my thoughts and ideas about unschooling onto the page and then rethinking and reorganizing and rewriting and editing until I figured out both what I was trying to say, and just the right words to use so that it made sense to the reader, is exhilarating." |
The same life can be seen from many different angles.
The same situation can be seen while holding one's breath
and being furious,
or while seeing the alternatives
and finding ways to be grateful,
no matter how small,
because on one small bit of gratitude,
one can step up and see another one,
and another.
Unschoolers have found that the very best questions and ideas can arise late at night when other stimuli are dimmed and muted, and the child is peaceful and thoughtful, or in those moments of waking up naturally after a satisfying sleep. |
Biochemically/emotionally, calmer is healthier. I don't know of any physical condition that is made better by freaking out or crying hard or losing sleep or reciting fears. I know LOTS of things that are made better—entire lives, and lives of grandchildren not yet born—by thoughtful, mindful clarity. |
![]() | Sometimes a heavy thing can seem much lighter if you accept what is, instead of arguing with the air about what you think SHOULD have been. Be a light thing. Rise up. |
I know the world "struggle" is as popular as "groovy" was in 1967, but it's not nearly as groovy. Relax! You can deal with problems better without struggling. You might find out that struggling WAS the problem. |
Every time you make a decision, wait until you've thought of two choices and choose the better one. It seems simple, but I was surprised, when I thought of that way to ratchet the quality of life up, to find how many times I was acting without really thinking. |