Looking, where, and how

Karen James wrote:

When you look at your children, see *them*, not the ideas of peace, joy, success or failure. Notice what your children are engaged in. Join them when you can. If one of your children is cutting paper, quietly join in, even if only for a moment. When another child is playing Lego on the floor, get down there and put a few pieces together with her. One girl is drawing, do some doodles. One girl is playing Minecraft, notice what she's building. Ask her about it (if your question doesn't interrupt her). As you join your children you will begin to get a sense for what they enjoy. Build on what you learn about them.

There will be some conflict, and there will be times when you don't get it right. See those moments, learn from them, and then look toward where you hope to go. Whenever I'm driving on unfamiliar roads, I tend to look at the road right in front of the car. The twists and turns come up so quick, and I find that my grip on the wheel tightens and my heart races. I panic until I remember to look at the horizon. It's so remarkable how much more easy driving becomes when I take in a wider view of where I want to go. Take in a wide view of where you want to go, making little adjustments as necessary. It'll feel less frantic and less like you're at the mercy of every little bump or turn that suddenly appears. The ease and confidence that will gradually come will make for a smoother ride, for you and for those lovely little passengers you've been gifted to travel this journey with. 🙂

—Karen James
on "Always Learning"

SandraDodd.com/look
photo by Cally Brown

The bright light of what you know

In response to "I guess I'll feel my way?"
I wrote:

In the dark? Feel your way blindly?
How will you know which way to go?

Probably it would be better to gather ideas that will help with decision-making and then make decisions in the bright light of everything you know, and the way you would like to be.

SandraDodd.com/just
photo by Janine Davies
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No road blocks

Kelli Traaseth wrote:

When I started unschooling, I thought it was just an educational approach. But as we went along in our lives, so many other things popped up. If they were learning as they were playing, as I knew they were, how could I limit that? How could I say, "time to go to bed now?" Or "time to shut the TV off now" or "shut the video game down now". Unschooling is such a continuum. If I did those above things, I would see them as huge road blocks in my child's learning. I want their learning to be a big freeway, things coming, things going, no road blocks.

—Kelli Traaseth
2004, 8th post or so down

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Cally Brown
(not a freeway, but pretend...)

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At the old, preserved forum (link below Kelli's name), you can go backward and forward a bit by changing the page number at the bottom left of the page. (In case you want to, in case you go there...)

One special place

Near you there are many many plain and simple things that you might overlook for being commonplace, everyday, throwaway background sights, sounds, smells, tastes or textures.

What are walls and fences made of where you are? Some other places, it is very different. How does the air feel and smell when it's cold? What's the first plant that might volunteer to grow in a bare spot? What little animals might you see, and what birds do you hear? What do people throw away that a tourist might pick up and keep? What food is readily available, that everyone knows how to make, and has the ingredients for on hand nearly always?

When you look as far to the east as you can see, what is the view? Turn around and look the other way, too.

Where you are is exotic to most of the rest of the world. Most other people will never see it. Knowing that your plainness is someone else's curiosity can make your life richer.

Sometimes, when you look, listen, taste, feel, smell, close your eyes and rest, remember that you are in one special place.

Creating Abundance, by Deb Lewis

or Your House as a Museum

photo by Oshan in Sri Lanka
(click for a slightly wider view)

Rearview Mirrors

We have been somewhere, even as we're moving forward.

It's not good to always look back, but there is safety and comfort in reviewing what's already been seen and done. Very often, connections among the past, present and future create and enrich moments, special days, laughter and learning.

Rearview Mirror Views
photo by Renee Biggerstaff

Head the right direction

There are paths that lead away from unschooling and paths that lead toward it. There are ways to do it better and ways to torpedo it irreparably.

Just because there's more than one way doesn't mean there's an infinite number of ways.

There's more than one way to get to Santa Fe from Albuquerque. There are four or five ways by road, one much better than any others; there's light rail; there's flight (impractical); there's walking (crazy). There are thousands of ways to leave Albuquerque and get to places far, far from Santa Fe.

Direction, and unschooling
photo by Cátia Maciel

A road leading somewhere

Deb Lewis wrote, when her son was young:

Our town is small and we've been to the museums here more than once but we still find new things to do here. A new store opened so we checked it out and talked to the owner. The radio station moved from the residence of the owners to a building downtown and we took a tour. The mom-in-law of my employer got a bunch of fancy chickens and we drove out to see them. She showed Dylan a coffee table book about chickens. She showed us her little sun room where she grows orchids.

There's always something to do, someone to talk to, some road leading somewhere.

—Deb Lewis

How Much Strewing?
photo by Cathy Koetsier

Live, play, explore, enjoy

Colleen Prieto wrote:

I do my best to make sure my son is undamaged. I was told when I was a child “you haven’t earned happy yet – talk to me when you’re my age – when you’re my age we’ll talk.”

I don’t think kids should have to earn happy when there’s the opportunity to let them live every day, out in the world (not in a classroom), making their own choices without guilt and shame, enjoying today instead of spending every today preparing for tomorrow as if today’s not good enough and tomorrow’s the only thing that counts.

I wish more people could see that (to me anyway) that’s what unschooling does. It lets kids live. And play. And explore. And enjoy. It lets them live like they don’t need to earn happy.

—Colleen Prieto

SandraDodd.com/happy
photo by Cátia Maciel

Being present with kids

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

They won't be three forever! Their understanding and needs will grow and change as they get older.

Conventional parenting is not about being present with kids. It's about giving kids rules as a replacement for being there. Same can go for information. Information shouldn't be a substitute for being there and being aware. We should let kids know that cars can hurt them, which is why we steer them clear of the street. But we shouldn't then depend on kids understanding. We need to be there. We need to be aware of our child's tendencies to run to the street when in that type of situation. We need to avoid as much as we can places where they can run into the street until they can understand.

—Joyce Fetteroll

Mindful Parenting and unschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd

Knowledge grows and changes

My strongly held belief about most things is that no one knows for sure, knowledge grows and changes, but that stress and fear are always harmful.

SandraDodd.com/
photo by Janine Davies

Over, under, in between

Where we are in relationship to others changes all the time, with physical realities of space, place, size and age, mood, waking and sleeping. We move; they move.

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Pam Sorooshian wrote:

"Unschooling is more like a dance between partners who are so perfectly in synch with each other that it is hard to tell who is leading. The partners are sensitive to each others' little indications, little movements, slight shifts and they respond. Sometimes one leads and sometimes the other."

—Pam Sorooshian

Being your child's PARTNER, not his adversary
photo by Jo Isaac
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Ought to "have to"

The phrases "ought to" and "supposed to" are so old, and have been recited for so many years (hundreds of years) without conscious thought that people don't even think about what they literally mean. "Supposed to" is kind of easy; you can deconstruct it, and it loses a lot of power. "Ought" is related to owing and debt. Obligation. No choice except dishonor.

"We're supposed to..."

"We ought to..."

"We have to..."

Use those with care, and thought.

SandraDodd.com/haveto

SandraDodd.com/mindfulofwords
photo by Ester Siroky
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One layer, and another....

Like layers of an onion someone can understand unschooling, and be calm, and then discover... Oh! I could extend these principles to my spouse.

For people with young children, it will be about just the surface of an onion. Maybe that's the concreteness of it. "How can you recognize an onion when you see one?"


Text is a smoothed-out quote from Becoming an Unschooler
photo by Ester Siroky

Live here and now

[Historically...]

Nobody kept their kids home for 18 or 20 years just discussing life with them, hanging out, playing games.

We probably wouldn't be either, if it weren't that we're biding time until the clock runs out on compulsory education.

So even as we unschool now (and I'm not talking about people with toddlers who aspire to become unschoolers over the years), it's in reaction to the culture around us, it's finding a way to live in an alternative fashion within this culture.

People can't actually leave the planet and can't actually go back in time. The only place we can live is the here and now.

SandraDodd.com/reality
photo by Ester Siroky
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P.S. A few people have left the planet for a while, but they don't get very far, and no unschooling family has yet done so.

Around the corner

Sometimes there are deadlines and commitments. This week, for us, a baby shower, and a college graduation. If Keith misses his pain-clinic appointment, he might need to wait weeks.

Much more often, though, life has more options, more leeway. A path or choice might be reconsidered.

Be accepting, if you can, when you can, of surprises. We don't know for sure what is around the corner, no matter how familiar the road is.

SandraDodd.com/gettingit
photo by Cathy Koetsier
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More and more connections

Each idea, object, concept, person, song, motion—anything you can think of—has personal associations for you. You have an incalculable mass of connections formed in your brain and will make more today, tomorrow, on the way home, and in your sleep.
SandraDodd.com/connections
photo by Ester Siroky

Car keys and money

"Look for ways to be a helpful partner to your kids—you've got the car keys and the money, you can facilitate their exploration of the world."

—Deb Rossing

SandraDodd.com/attentiveparenting
photo by Ester Siroky, from inside their RV
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Fun, home, family

Fun / home / family is more welcoming (and helpful for unschooling) than not-school / your-behavior / autonomy.

from Radical Unschooling Info
photo by Lydia Koltai
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Just like that.

So how do you choose? You decide where you want to go before you decide to turn left or right, don't you?

Just like that.

SandraDodd.com/quotes
photo by Sandra Dodd

Here and now

You can only start where you are.

SandraDodd.com/doit
photo by Abby Davis
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