Accepting and Supporting

I think parents only have so many vetos they can use with their kids before the kids start ignoring them, and I think maybe those vetos should be saved for important things down the line, if they're used at all.

Every negative message to a child is a scar on that relationship. Not enjoying the same thing is fine, but HATING what they enjoy ("hating" much of anything) is a loss to joy, not an addition to joy.

Accepting and Supporting
photo by Colleen Prieto

Soothing soothes.

Find the light moments, and the laughter, with your child. Be as soothing as you can be, because soothing them will also soothe you.

Be sweet; be well.

Peaceful Memories
photo by Amy Milstein

Growing safely

Marta Venturini, in an interview in 2020:

I see deschooling much more than just that process of replacing school with no school. Because to me, radical unschooling is that lifestyle that you were talking about, is that spiritual practice, almost. Because radical unschooling is that to me, deschooling has been so much more. It’s been about personal growth. It’s been about healing.

And so, trying to give Conchinha this safe place, I ended up getting my own safe place, too, in the process.

—Marta

You can hear the recording here: SandraDodd.com/marta
and there is a link to the transcript
photo by Karen James

Self-defending ideas

I wish I could tell everyone that if there's some part of Sandra's site they think they "don't need" to read, READ IT FIRST. Read it twice.

Your bad ideas are trying to defend themselves by tricking you.

—Virginia Warren

How to read SandraDodd.com
photo by Cass Kotrba

Adult decisions

When a young adult has been making real decisions for years, and what their parents want is to help them think clearly and to make careful decisions based on the preferences and beliefs of the young person himself, the same old world looks very different.

Young Adults: Partners
photo by Janine

Closer, sooner, sweeter

No volume of parental talk will help as much as it will help for the parent to be closer, sooner, sweeter.
Practice being quiet
photo by Sarah S.


(source of quote)

Live Lightly

Lighten up.

Live Lightly.

Real Learning
photo by Sandra Dodd

See also:
Light on light; Sources of light; and Sun, or Moon, or Fire

Flexibility

Children sometimes see things "wrong," or from the perspective of someone small and looking up, or just new to the world. Rather than correcting them, which limits their perspective, consider following their line of thought to see how they're coming up with their conclusions, definitions, or theories.

A chair is not "just a chair," if you're lucky. SandraDodd.com/just
photo by Karen James

Light, shadows, and thoughts

Which is better—a bridge, or a photo of a bridge?

It depends.

---

Lots of little bridges to "It depends."
photo by Karen James

Honest, attentive and reliable

Quote & reply quote:

Trust is a more useful word. Over time, kids develop a sense of whether or not parents are trustworthy sources of information and assistance."

—Meredith Meredith

"Good point. And very often, parents 'demand respect' without any idea that they need to earn it. For a child to trust a parent, the parent needs to be worthy of trust—trustworthy. Trustable. Then after many years of being honest and attentive and reliable, the children will respect them. Because they're respectable."

—Sandra Dodd

The originals are here, a few comments down, in a brief, good discussion on facebook. De Flowers saved and shared the part above in 2014.
photo by Tessa Onderwater
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Opportunities and possibilities

We do not "school," but, instead, we concentrate on living a life filled with opportunities and possibilities and experiences. Human children are born learners. Literally. What unschoolers aim for is keeping that love of learning and intense curiosity alive as the children grow up.

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/curiosity
photo by Megan Valnes
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Look for light

Look for light, literally and figuratively.


Early, in the kitchen, a basket of light:


One side is white with dark holes. The other side is dark with pink morning sun. Had I used a flash, both sides of the basket would have looked the same and the soft spots would have been gone.

Downstairs, another light show:

SandraDodd.com/mysteryart
photos and little video by Sandra Dodd in 2010

Perpetual learning

Once school is behind and life is in front, learning becomes self-perpetuating.

SandraDodd.com/connections
photo by Elise Lauterbach

Efficiency

It seems that once unschooling is going that it covers everything, and there are no wasted moments, or wasted thoughts.

but you don't have to take my word for it:
Shockingly efficient
photo by Sandra Dodd
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"What about structure?"

What about structure? People ask how, if a child is not pressed to live a structured school life, will he cope with "the real world" and its demands? One of my recent responses is here:

It doesn’t take ten years of practice for a kid to learn how to show up on time, and if they’re interested in doing something, they’ll probably get up early! All my children and very many more I’ve known have excelled in structured situations because they were there by choice and they weren’t sick to death of structure. They thought it was fun, when it was their option to be there or not.

Sandra Dodd Interview (Part II) on Rashmie Jaaju's "Mommy Labs" blog
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Remembering negativity

When people are very cynical, they seem to imagine that if all the things they think are stupid are eliminated, what's left will be non-stupid. Smartness. Cleverness. Art. Good music. But once so many things are eliminated, what's left is a cynical person who has rejected half the world, and has the memories of all the details of that negativity.

SandraDodd.com/negativity
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Love Life

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

Unschoolers focus on living a rich and stimulating life together. Seriously, that's it. We do not "school," but, instead, we concentrate on living a life filled with opportunities and possibilities and experiences.
. . .
I think, most of all, we want them to love being alive—now and in their future.

—Pam Sorooshian

I Live, Therefore I Learn: Living an Unschooling Life
photo by Sandra Dodd

Let him sleep

If a child is peacefully asleep and doesn't have to be somewhere at a certain time, let him sleep! If he stayed up late playing video games because it was the only time he could get a large block of uninterrupted access to the game, let him sleep as late as he needs to.

Going to sleep and waking up shouldn't be about the feeling of control the parent can gain from demanding and commanding.

from page 160 (or 178) of The Big Book of Unschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Shadows

Sometimes there's secondary beauty, in shadows and reflections.

SandraDodd.com/joy (not a quote, but similar enough)
photo by Holly Dodd

Live large

Unschoolers don't "just live." They live large. They live expansively, and richly and joyfully. Those are the things that make it work.

Shadow photos
photo by Sandra Dodd, of Holly
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