Gratitude and abundance

If unschooling parents can move away from hatred and fear, and toward gratitude and abundance, their children's lives are profoundly better. (And the parents' lives are, too.)

SandraDodd.com/negativity
photo by Colleen Paeff

Action (rather than REaction)

When a parent's choices are based on being the same or being the opposite of their own parents or of anyone else, they're reacting. Sometimes in a healing phase that can help. It can help to have role models. It can help to have bad examples, marked like crime scenes in our memories, to remind us. Let the reactions be part of a temporary healing phase, though. Let reactions be a stepping stone toward mindful actions.

SandraDodd.com/issues
photo by Shawn Smythe Haunschild
from an alleyway in Sweden

Curious about the world

Julie, on what is needed for unschooling:

"I think a lot of what makes somebody a good unschooling parent is being curious about the world, about what’s going on around them. And willing to look at interesting things, and see interesting things everywhere, and help the child to see interesting things everywhere."

—Julie D.

Who can Unschool? (sound file and transcript)
photo by Sandra Dodd

Becoming unschooling parents

In order for parents to unschool, they need to become unschooling parents.

Saying "we're unschoolers now" isn't enough.

There are changes that need to take place.

the quote is from Who can Unschool?
but this will help: Becoming Solid
photo by Ester Siroky

Moments to years

"As we get older and our kids grow up, we eventually come to realize that all the big things in our lives are really the direct result of how we've handled all the little things."

—Pam Sorooshian
June 4, 2007
Always Learning

Pam Sorooshian
photo by Jihong Tang

Fear itself

Clare Kirkpatrick wrote:

"I always find it helpful to really pick apart my fears and compare them to other fears I could have and I usually come to the conclusion that I really should just chill out about it all and look for joy, not fear. Fear just gets in the way of everything. And fear itself is bad for you anyway—worrying about this or that all the time just means you have some nasty, harmful hormones floating round your body. You can find reasons to worry about everything but all those things will get in your way."

—Clare Kirkpatrick
(original)

Better Biochemicals
photo by Sandra Dodd

Passages

Passageways through, between, under, within buildings can be fun, like secret portals.

There are passageways otherwise, too—in the connections among friends, in jobs and hobbies, in forests and gardens, and once in a while within a home. If you have a house with a fun door, back stairs, or hidden room, be glad! I've visited two places with secret doors, and one with back stairs that only showed if you knew.

Learn to love surprising trails.

SandraDodd.com/trails
photo by Sandra Dodd
__

Layers and depth

A mom once wrote:

Sometimes I think I've started to understand something but instead it's like an onion and there's another layer I didn't know I needed to understand.

I responded:

That's how everything good is. Every hobby, skill, pastime, has a surface and has a depth. Some things can be just surface, but parenting and unschooling last for years. And if a family can't resolve to be and do and provide better for the child than school would, then school is better.

If a family resolves to provide a better life experience then school did, then their decisions and actions should be based on that.

Make the Better Choice
Getting It
photo by Ester Siroky

Breathe like you mean it

People breathe all the time. People are not always conscious of it, though, and so their breathing simply keeps them alive.

Beyond basic function, there are heights of mindfulness and awareness you can reach up to with conscious breathing.

Breathe before you act. Breathe before you speak. Breathe before you play. Breathe before you work. Breathe before you sleep. Breathe when you wake up. Breathe when you think of your child.

Breathing and Safety
photo by Pushpa Ramachandran
___

Active participants

"Unschooling is not child-led or child-directed learning — that makes it sound like the parent should just be a 'follower.' Not so — parents are active participants and part of the job of an unschooling parent is to keep the child in mind and to fill his/her life with just the right amount of interesting new experience, chances to repeat experiences, down time, and so on."

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/nest—Building an Unschooling Nest
photo by Nina Haley
__

"Why do we do this?"

Even in the long term, unschooling is not about the completion of a project at all. It’s about becoming the sort of people who see and appreciate and trust that learning can happen. And who can travel with children, not just drag them along or push them along, but who can travel with children along those interesting paths together not until you get there, but indefinitely.

And for beginning unschoolers that sounds also a little esoteric, a little foofy. And not solid. They want to know what do I do when the kids wake up in the morning? So, the beginning information is very often, “What do I do?” But the information that will get people from the beginning to the intermediate is why. "Why do we do this?"

Changes in Parents
photo by Ester Siroky

The quote is from a podcast episode of Pam Laricchia interviewing me.
I tweaked the quote just slightly, capitalizing "even"
and using "unschooling" rather than "it."

That voice

"Be their support system. I want so much for my kids to grow up and hear that mommy voice in their head saying positive supportive things, not tearing them down, but encouraging them—and especially not a voice to be resisted." —Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/choice
photo by Sandra Dodd

Good to have

WHAT UNSCHOOLING PARENTS NEED patience enthusiasm joy curiosity ability to follow disjoint ideas and conversations willingness to come back to a topic willingness to let a topic drop

SandraDodd.com/beginning
photo by Sandra Dodd

Explore

Explore. Go with curiosity.

SandraDodd.com/curiosity
photo by Sandra Dodd

Let's go see!

Explore the normal.

---

SandraDodd.com/deblewis/discovery
photo by Sandra Dodd

Exploring

"The idea of unguided discovery in a school setting isn't anything like the kind of discoveries unschooling kids make. There is a difference between a teacher handing a kid a pulley and telling him to discover what it does and write a paper about it and a kid finding an interesting object and messing with it because it sparked his curiosity. A lot of what my son has learned he's learned in a way that might be called unguided discovery, but it didn't look much like the model in the article, and it didn't happen in a vacuum."

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/deblewis/discovery
photo by Sandra Dodd

The path behind

"Looking back, we can often see the path pretty clearly. But we can't look ahead and know what the path is going to be."

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/flitting
photo by Wolfgang Marquardt
___

Commitment to unschooling

In response to a question about commitment...

My best recommendation is to create and maintain such a rich and joyful unschooling life that the child won't want to go to school. That's the direction "commitment to unschooling" should take.

SandraDodd.com/interviews/naturalparenting2010
photo by Sandra Dodd
__

Building trust

"Make a mental note of those times when you know in your soul that this is really working well. That act helps you gain understanding, confidence, and ultimately build trust in the process of unschooling, and in your children. The deepest trust happens when you see it in action for yourself, when your understanding meshes with your experiences—that's when you 'feel it in your bones'."

—Pam Laricchia

The quote is from the manuscript of Pam Laricchia's forthcoming book, Free to Live, which should be available by the beginning of 2013,
and is used with the author's permission.
photo by Sandra Dodd

---

2020 update: That was Pam's second book and there are others now, too!
Pam Laricchia's Books
__

Ouija Book

In The Big Book of Unschooling I mentioned on one page that if someone had randomly opened the book to that page, that...

Well there are two such mentions:

If you've turned to this page in random Ouija-Book fashion, welcome! If you arrived here methodically, page-by-page, you won't be surprised at what I'm about to say.

and on another page

Or maybe you've turned randomly to this page without reading anything else and you don't know what I'm talking about. This wasn't a good first-random-page. Maybe flip again, and come back to this page later.

One of the moms who bought the book that first day said she had randomly turned to one of those pages, and was amused by seeing that note.

Don't stay too long.

     Read a little.
           Try a little.
               Wait a while.
                    Watch.

SandraDodd.com/bigbook/random
photo by Sandra Dodd