| We can see how controlling food is related to controlling education, sleep, playtime and other areas of our childrens' lives. We can mess them up early (which our culture applauds) or we can learn to let them grow whole and healthy and strong and free, not crippled in mind and spirit. |  |
| Parents should learn to be calm and thoughtful instead of panicky and reactionary. It's better for health and decision-making, and it sets a good example for the children. Don't live in fear when you can live in joy. |  |
Unschooling looks nothing like school. It looks like play. Play—which is actually free-form experimentation and analysis—is how we—humans and really all mammals—are designed to make sense of the world around us. We build up an understanding of how the universe works by trying things out and seeing what happens. Then taking that new understanding to try more stuff out. Written that way it sounds formal and directed. In actual practice it is free ranging and chaotic. But it works wonderfully well because it's what we're designed to do. —Joyce Fetteroll |  |
 | Words are just words, on the one hand, and they are our connection to the divine, on the other. And the divine is often depicted with more than two hands (even Jesus has the nail-pierced hands, and his other hands, though not on the same statue like Ganesha might have), so on another hand words are magical music. And on another hand they are our link to the past and our messages to the future. |
| Better choices make things better. Decide. Don't slide. |  |
 | "Flexibility to pursue tangents and cowtrails, and continuing to see the wonder in everyday things will lead to learning experiences without prior planning." |
| "Unschooling is not "the easy way out," it's the joyful way IN. The way into peaceful family life, happy children and meaningful learning that lasts a lifetime." —Ren Allen "Unschooling isn't easy. It's full time. What it takes is a change of belief and priorities. Lots have done it, and I'm sure you can too." —Sandra Dodd |  |
| "It helps to think of the solutions instead of the obstacles." |  |
 | You and your children see the world through different eyes. Be kind, and expect them to see things you can't see. Be reasonable and understand that they can't be you and won't become you. They were born in a different time, and are living in a different way. |
| Being a good parent makes a person more attractive to the other parent, and makes the other parent grateful and respectful. Gratitude and respect make it easier to have compassion and patience. |  |
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How do parents learn to play?
Learn by doing.
Play with words, thoughts, ideas.
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I'm sorry for the glitch with today's post, and it's not yet fixed. I've written to Photobucket. For a while I was making errors because of Blogger changing, and now there's a Photobucket problem.
There was one photo by Holly that was sideways on purpose so the words would be the readable direction.
(The cake photo is by Cathy Koetsier, and Holly Dodd took one or two of them.)
Thank you for reading. You don't have to read these, so thanks for choosing to do so. I don't have to make them and send them out, but I like to.
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| "If you're trapped by have to's then there are no other solutions. If you recognize that there are other solutions then you can free up your thinking to allow them to come." —Joyce Fetteroll |  |
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 | Measuring, weighing and counting can be fun! Try not to measure, weigh or count relationships or learning, though. Learn not to keep count in the areas of knowledge or effort or interest. |
 | Kids are stuck inside memorizing facts about life and the world from someone predigested facts about it. Unschooled kids are out in the world learning as humans are designed to learn: by gathering in what they observe and pulling understanding from it. —Joyce Fetteroll |
 | If your relationship with your child is about you leading him along with you instead of pushing him away, you will be his safe place. Make yourself his safe place. |
 | The history of England, of math, of writing, of counting.... Any portal into the universe is as real as any other. If an interest in language or butterflies or patterns or water creates connections for that person to anything else in the world, that can lead to EVERYTHING else in the world. |
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| Writing to real people for real purposes improves writing in real ways. |  |
 | Some things I've said: "This is working for now. If it stops working, we'll do something else." "Thanks. I'll think about that." (Or you could say "We thought about that," or "I think about that all the time.") Mostly people want to know you heard what they said, and that you have thought about what they're suggesting. It doesn't hurt to say that you have, or that you will. |
I was just reading a news article and someone was quoted as saying: "Your kids don’t need a 40-year-old friend. They need a parent."
What a tragic dichotomy that one little line sets up!
Every single time that line has ever entered my head, it was leading me in the wrong direction. Every time.
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Two days ago, I watched BBC 1's live coverage of a flotilla of a thousand boats on the Thames, while I was sitting in the Daniels' living room with them and Addi. The Queen and Prince Phillip were on a boat in the flotilla, which was docked partway through so they could view the rest of the parade. They stood (never sat) through the entire thing, until the last boat passed, waving to all of them. While we got up for food and water and the bathroom, they seemed not to (though the Queen did go below briefly, and came back with a carefully draped shawl). It was cold, and sometimes raining. Because they stood, everyone else on the boat stood, too. Hours, and hours.
I was warm, inside. I was sitting.
Here comes my point. There are things to remember and times to remember them. The birth of a child, the decision to let him stay home instead of go to school, the time one decided to live a life of learning as an unschooling parent—these things are large in our lives. Take pride in your accomplishment even though there might not be people cheering you or waving flags.
You might feel you're doing a lot of work, under harsh conditions, while your children play. Think of the larger picture when you feel jealous or resentful. You had a choice. You have choices. All that needs to happen for years to pass peacefully is for a series of moments to pass peacefully. All you need to do to have anniversaries accrue is to continue to behave as conscientiously as you can, and to make choices in generous and selfless ways
| Funny how parents say 'It's your home too and your responsibility,' when it comes to chores, but 'It's my home,' when it comes to setting standards or how money is spent or how to decorate it or ... —Joyce Fetteroll |  |
| "When we can we should always do more, offer more, think more, and make our bit of the world as big and full as we can for our kids. Our kid's lives get bigger and better when our thinking gets bigger and better." —Deb Lewis |  |
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"The family lived peacefully together, enjoying their lives of travel, friends, and the pleasures from living life so simply. They encouraged one another’s passions and shared many as a family as well as having some of their very own. They loved hearing stories borne out of those passions and frequently wove tales that created interest, laughter, and joy from telling and hearing them. . . ."
[When my children were little...] I always put the kids' needs ahead of dinner. Dinner happened after or around nursing babies and such.
You might have to do away with the idea of a peaceful mealtime for a few years. Maybe re-thinking meals would be the way to go. I think it helps rather than to live by the idealized traditional model of dinner at 6:00, all at their seats, dinner conversation that could be reported to the media as an ideal mix of news of the day and philosophy, etc, to think of food and its purpose. People need to be nourished physically and it's uncomfortable to go to sleep hungry. THAT is the purpose of evening food, not the appearance of a well-organized dinner. |
