 | In moving towards unschooling, I think it helps to *add* things rather than "eliminate" things. Adding is more likely to be positive—more flexible and open-ended. "Eliminating" is not many steps away from a rule, from rigidity. Yes chores / No chores. Both are rules—rules which intrude, regardless of what's really important. —Debbie Regan |
 | Say "yes" hundreds of happy, surprising-to-the-kids times, about whether they can stay up a little later, or have another cookie, or visit the neighbors, or jump off the porch. Hearing "YES!" is a huge thrill to kids who have been told "no" thousands of times. |
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"Unschooling can prove itself if it's not thwarted" wasn't suggesting her husband was thwarting it, but that passivity and a lack of sharing it with a spouse thwarts it.
I like the sound of the word "thwart."
Don't thwart unschooling by using it to divide the family. Move toward it methodically and thoughtfully. Read a little, try a little, wait a while, watch. Note and share the results with your spouse. It can take a while to come to shared confidence, but don't fail to see it as a family-improving project.
| Negativity is contagious and cancels out joy and hope. Some people are just casually negative without realizing it. Their first response to anything is likely to be derisive. It's like a disease, and they infect their friends and relatives. Eye rolling, tongue-clucking, dramatic sighs... It's emotional littering. Save them for emergencies. |  |
| I was at homeschool park day and someone's son asked to drink from his mom's water bottle - she said, "Sure have a sip." She said he'd do that often but it wasn't because he was thirsty, it was because it was his way of creating a quick and momentary reconnection with her. I saw that. There was a little moment there, for them. It was sweet. It had nothing to do with her drink or his thirst. She could have easily said, "Go get your own, you left it in the car," or something like that. We often don't know, really, what it means to another person, especially our own child, for us to do some little thing for them and we never know what we've missed if by not doing something. —Pam Sorooshian |
 | "When you give, give as happily as you honestly can, and give with the receiver in mind more than yourself. That spirit shows, and is meaningful. The older your son gets, the more he'll see and understand and come to appreciate it." —Karen James |
| "Look for moments in the day that are good—especially the ordinary moments. Pause and appreciate them when you see them. Let them set the mood for how you move forward. Listen for pleasing sounds. A giggle. A child's breath. Your own heartbeat. Some music. Close your eyes, notice and appreciate those sounds. Find the ones that make you smile. Let your smile soften your mood." —Karen James |  |
| Pay more attention to your own child than to what you've always heard. That might be enough. 🙂 |  |
| "If someone can take a moment to consciously be nicer and kinder to their children, a shift can take place. The choice to be nicer removes the choice to be mean. That can become a habit." —Robin Bentley |  |
| Some moments seem more important than they are. Other moments are more important than they seem. We can't guarantee or control much, in the world, so look for the good, and look for the growth. A moment of peace and sweetness cannot be recreated. Perhaps new ones can be induced, though! |  |
 | When kids are playing games, musical instruments, with toys—any sort of play—it's good to remember that there is a range from just looking at the game pieces, or seeing how an instrument feels or sounds, all the way to longterm obsession. Nowhere along that continuum is parental pressure helpful. Because you can't be sure what they're thinking or learning, try not to be thrilled or critical about the way they're playing. |
| Read about why, and what others have seen. Try it a little. Don't expect her not to think you're crazy at first; wait a while. Watch her reaction. Feel your own thoughts. Lay your fears out to dry in the air and sunshine. |  |
If a parent knows that she wants to be kinder, gentler, more positive, more nurturing, there are things that she can do—little changes she can make and decisions she can make—that lead her toward that,
When people say "Well, I just followed my heart," sometimes that didn't go to a really good place because they didn't have a picture of their child's feelings. Coming up with a plan to logically step, step, step-by-step away from the dark confusion of people's childhood memories, hidden ideas, frustrations, fears—stepping away from that into the light is a better thing to do. And eventually they may get so good at this 'being more positive' that it seems like they're following their heart. But it needs to be their new, improved, mindful heart. |
| I've learned to find peace, practically and philosophically. I started to see my kids as humans learning important things in unique ways, and as people I wanted to be close to—instead of seeing them as little to-do lists for myself. —Sarah Peshek |  |
| Peace precedes learning. Peace is a pre-requisite for unschooling to start working. It doesn't need to be constant peace (and won't be) but it needs to be increasing peace, and the attempt and intent to create and protect more peace. |  |
 | There are patterns in nature. Things are naturally organized. In humans, it's hard to tell "natural" from culture, language, tradition, institutions. Still, people grow naturally, and have instincts, and think and feel from inside. We learn things physically, and mentally. Humans learn. Children learn. |
 | If your kids ask for another one (potato, cookie, peanut butter sandwich) I think it's helpful if you just say "Sure!" and make another one, even if you don't think they'll finish it, even if you think they'll be too full or whatever. As long as they're not eating someone else's share (and even so, if the other person agrees), it's not a big deal. If they don't finish, save the leftover for someone else. If they do finish and they're "too full" that's how they'll learn their capacity (which will change anyway as they get older). |
When there will be one winner and one loser, between a parent and child, between a husband and wife, between best friends, then both lose.
| Demonizing food creates a demon. Being calm creates more calm. |  |
| Some kids are afraid of the dark, but it's probably more likely that they're afraid to be alone in the dark. Try not to leave them alone—emotionally, or physically. |  |
 | Conversations with a parent are natural learning fodder. Natural learning doesn’t happen in a vacuum or in isolation. Those things aren’t so natural. 😊 In my experience, unschooling parents are more likely to say too much than not enough. |
| When it's easy to be calm and patient, anyone can do it. The special service to a child, and the evidence of growth in a parent, is learning to be more calm, for the child's sake. The real patience is finding a way to quiet one's hurry, to slow down to a child's pace, for a while. |  |
 | It's hard to explain unschooling, partly because the best answers are "it depends," followed by questions for the parents to consider while they're making their decisions. It depends on time available, time of day, safety, resources, the effect on other people, need for food or rest, and other factors I can't think of right now. |
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