Clarity and Focus

Clarity and focus make things easier.

Muddly confusion make things harder.

SandraDodd.com/clarity
photo by Janine Davies

Learn and share

Karen James, to a worried mom with a young teen daughter:

Try not to worry. I know that's hard. I'm a worrier, myself. But when we worry about another person, it becomes a burden for them on top of what they are already experiencing. Just be with her, as fully as you can. If she's telling you she's bored, she's inviting you into her experience. Join her. Learn about her. Share yourself with her too. You'll likely learn a lot about her (and yourself) in the process, and I'm confident it will be enriching and rewarding for you both.

—Karen James

A gentle approach to boredom
SandraDodd.com/boredom/karen
photo by Sandra Dodd

Other things flow

Being a child's partner rather than his adversary makes the balance of knowledge unimportant. Nowadays my children drive me around, help me out, read small print and get things off high shelves. For many years, I did those things for them.

SandraDodd.com/partners

SandraDodd.com/balance

Learning first, and partnership and being present close after, and all the other things flow in around it.


Part of a longer response to an odd question: The other things flow in around it.

See also "Snapshot" on this blog
photo by Karen James

Finding depth and clarity

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

When we started unschooling, my mom kept saying that she was worried I would "lose myself" in it—that I wouldn't have time for myself. She was very very wrong. I found myself and very very deep meaning to life and a much more clear sense of what's important.

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/peace/mama
photo by Denaire Nixon

Big world

Here is a peacock in India. Hema Bharadwaj took the photo:


This peacock lives wherever it wants to, in Albuquerque, and was photographed by Holly Dodd. Where it wants to live is wandering around the zoo. 🙂


Below is a picture I took of Holly and another zoo peacock in 2009.

click for more just-add-light-and-stir peacock images
What do you know about peacocks? What do you need to know? Does what you know touch geography? Art, biology, or animal behavior? History, mythology or fashion?

You probably don't "need" to know anything about peacocks, really, but I bet you already knew several things.


peacock images out on the net

Joy, gratitude, abundance and peace

I'm not interested in helping people battle or fight or struggle. I want to help them find joy, gratitude, abundance and peace.

Fighting a lack of peace isn't creating more peace.

SandraDodd.com/battle
photo by Chrissy Florence

Guarantee

There are no guarantees, but we can always do a little better.

SandraDodd.com/guarantees
photo by Laurie Wolfrum

Paws it!

I remember having younger video-game playing kids, and asking "Does this game pause?" Or one of them, knowing which were "pausable," would just demand of a sibling "Pause it!", if there was a reason to interact, a question to ask, or something to say.

With my own thoughts and actions, it's good to know when I can "pause it" if someone needs me.


SandraDodd.com/being

photo by Crystal, Sorscha's mom, years ago,
for If you give a cat a Nintendo...,
a tongue-in-cheek directory page

Clear and free

There is quiet beauty somewhere near you. If it's hard to find, close your eyes and imagine some. Look at art, listen to music. Breathe a little more deeply, a little more slowly, and you'll be better for yourself and for those around you.

SandraDodd.com/breathing
photo by Irene Adams

For learning to really flourish

Deb Lewis wrote:

Being Ethan's mom changed me. I surprised myself in good ways. In learning to give to him, I grew to really like myself. The walls started coming down. I started to soften—to have compassion for myself.... I challenged myself to continue to do better, because I now knew I could. I had a found confidence in that new truth. Honesty and humility too. All good things for learning to really flourish.

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/issues
photo by Sandra Dodd

Tactful tactics

Tact is not a rule.

Tact is making a strategic, thoughtful decision after considering as many factors as the person has access to. Tactful. Tactics.

Tact is not about rules. Tact is about not burning bridges, not losing friends, not screwing things up. Tact is about being a good member of a social team. Tact is what helps a person maneuver a difficult situation and be praised and thanked later. Tact is what can get someone invited back over again.

Tact is a WONDERFUL thing to have. It is one of the best things anyone could have.

SandraDodd.com/courtesy
photo by Karen James

Structure

In 1992, someone asked:

How do I structure our days
and how do I structure our learning time?

I think it should be "Woke up, got dressed, ate, played, ate, played, etc." In other words, I don’t think there should or can be any “days off” from child-centered "education."

If this seems wrong, try this experiment: Keep your child from learning anything for a few days. Make sure that from the first waking moment there is nothing learned, no new material, no original thoughts to ponder, etc. The only problem is that you would have to keep the children from playing, talking, reading, cleaning or repairing anything, etc.

from page 1 of Moving a Puddle

see also SandraDodd.com/structure
photo by Sandra Dodd

Patient and kind

Being patient and kind makes you a person who is patient and kind.

The quote's not from here, but this might help: Parental Authority
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a picture in a charity shop in Surrey

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Found the quote in 2025 on Always Learning

Twinkling Choices

There are all kinds of descriptors each of us could use for our kids. Choose the good ones, the ones that make them twinkle in our eyes.

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/labels
photo by Sandra Dodd

Organic learning

Learning happens all on its own when the parents stop looking at life in a schoolish way, and can appreciate and encourage that sort of organic, constant addition to a personal body of knowledge.

SandraDodd.com/substance
photo by Sandra Dodd

Heat and light

If I have a big woodpile, I don't have a fire. Even if I have a fireplace and matches and bellows and kindling and firestarters and a fire extinguisher and the chimney was just cleaned and inspected and I have a paper saying "good to go," I don't have a fire. Would wrought-iron fire tools on a cool rack help? What about a stained-glass fireplace screen, so no sparks can get out on the floor? I could subscribe to magazines for fireplace owners. I could join a yahoo group and a facebook page to talk about fires. I could be receiving catalogs with all kinds of fancy flameproof rugs and indoor wood racks and really cool slings for carrying wood in, and Ooh! What about a beautiful mantle?

Still no fire.

Meanwhile, the neighbors might have built a real, operating fire, in a little hole they dug and lined with scrap bricks or rocks, with wood they found in a vacant lot, and kindled it with old receipts and fast-food wrappers they found blown into the alley. Their fire has heat, their fire has light, if they're sitting around it talking and laughing, they have the benefit of the fire.

Some people want to look like they're interested and that they intend to hone their skills, but they don't actually want to do it, if it's going to involve any real combustion or change in them.


A Story of NOT Changing
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a fire in our own back yard,
not in a hole, but quite make-shift, 2012

Focus on others

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

Wanting your family to be happy, joyful and learning seems a perfectly fine goal! But you won't get there by focusing on what you want. You'll get there by focusing on what they want.

What are your kids interested in? What do they want? How can you support that?

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/deschooling has a bit more of that, near the bottom
photo by Sandra Dodd

What if....

What if.... you dig a hole in your back yard? What if you leave laundry in the washing machine? What if you think dangerous thoughts?

What if you keep your child home from school for one year?
What if you keep him home longer?

What if you create such a rich life that not only is your child learning, but so are the parents? So are visitors to your house?

What if you click the link below, and read more about all of that?

SandraDodd.com/whatif
photo by Karen James

A little trust, one step

Someone had written, of unschooling:

It sounds like it takes an enormous amount of trust in everything to allow this process to happen.

I responded:

It takes a little trust, and desire, and willingness, to take one step. It gets easier as you go. No one can take all of the steps at once.

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No one can, or should, have trust in everything. Try things out. Think carefully, and observe directly. Practice!

Read a little, try a little, wait a while, watch.
photo by Sarah Dickinson

On a busy day

How might a parent act on a really busy day?

If the mom learns and then demonstrates that giving can make a person feel happy, *then* she might have children who are also generous and kind. If the mom acts pouty and whiney and martyrly, she will have children who are confused and needy and resentful.

Being a Happy Mom
photo by Sandra Dodd