Peace and use

In response to a question in a discussion once, I wrote:

Don't think of your brain. Think of your mind and of your awareness. A little tiny brain can hold a LOT of information. A big fat one can fail to do so. It's not size, it's peace and use.

Shan Burton responded:

OH! This just resonated through my mind and awareness.

What a concise, clear way of expressing it. It feels to me like this is the difference between unschooling learning and school learning. School learning is focused (and not so well, maybe) on pouring things into brains.

Unschooling is about learning, and engagement, and connections, and awareness of things that can get deeper and deeper, throughout life. It works that way for kids and for adults.

Peace and use. I feel like bit is going to be connecting to lots of other things in my mind and awareness for some time to come...

—Shan Burton,
most of that

Those quotes, and more, in context: SandraDodd.com/awareness
photo by Denaire Nixon

Open to change

It's kind of schoolish, the idea that the more one reads the more one knows. Unschooling is one of those things that isn't accomplished by recitation or test-taking, but only by changing thoughts and actions, beliefs and relationships. It's not easy, it's not quick, and it's not for everyone.

SandraDodd.com/readalittle
photo by Amy Milstein

Positively winning

Someone else's question, and part of my answer:

As much as I read,... I seem to slide right back into schoolish ways. How long does it take to really break that bad habit?

Forever.

If you think of it in negative terms ("bad" and not just "break" but "really break"), you will just sit in that negativity, frustrated, forever. You will feel there had to be a winner (you) or a loser (you) and you will be angry with yourself.

The change you need is to live a different way. Step out of the grumpy dark into the calm decision-making choose-joy light.

SandraDodd.com/change
photo by Sandra Dodd

That was written before "Read a little, try a little, wait a while watch." It was also before the pages on Negativity and Positivity.

Small wins you can choose

You could be the best part of someone else's day.

Be careful not to be the worst.


You can choose your goals, and practice to win.


Remember to think of moments, more than days, too.
Slowly Becoming Wise
photo by Sandra Dodd

It's not magic.

Joyce Fetteroll wrote, on quora.com:

So much stress could be avoided if parents had realistic expectations of their child's development. If a child's actions say, "I'm not ready yet," they aren't ready.. . . .
It’s important to note that you aren’t seeing a random sample of children at restaurants. The wise parents of kids who aren’t yet ready to handle a restaurant meal don’t bring them to restaurants. It’s not magic. It’s wisdom.

—Joyce Fetteroll

(Question about children in a restaurant)
photo by Jill Parmer
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What's the question?

Instead of indulging in pretty phrases and lofty goals, strip off the words and see if there is a simpler, more direct question to ask. If you can find the question, you might discover that you know the answer.

https://sandradodd.com/change.html
photo by Sandra Dodd

Aware of words

Heather Booth wrote:

One of the things that helped when I started unschooling was becoming aware of the words I used. The clearer I became in my thoughts and the more aware of the impact of my words, the better I was at being an unschooling parent.
. . . .
"Read a little, try a little, wait a while, watch" and "Say yes more" are great phrases to get you going in the right direction but if you are still saying "have to" or "junk food " or "screen time" then you're stuck in negative thoughts.

—Heather Booth

Weed Away Words
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Connect the dots

History is infinite, that's for sure. You've gotta start somewhere, and pretty much it doesn't matter where you start because it's all connected, like a universe-sized dot-to-dot you could never finish but you started when you were born.

SandraDodd.com/history
photo by Lisa Jonick

If you do this well...

"Expect imagination and interest and excitement and passion."

—Mary G.

SandraDodd.com/game/nintendogold
(Follow from Mary's "If you give a kid a Nintendo"
to Crystal's "If you give a cat a Nintendo.")

photo by Sandra Dodd, in Keith, South Australia

Respect and acceptance

Respect and acceptance are more important than test scores and "performance." Understanding is more important than recitation.

SandraDodd.com/respect
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Nothing or something

Despite reports to the contrary, unschooling is not "doing nothing." There's a great deal of doing involved!

MomLogic interview, 2010
(the post title is vaguely Vicky Pollard-ish)
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Natural learning flows

Learning and growth are like a limitless reservoir, but we have factors in our culture that limit our access or control our faith that it could even work, or our feeling of ownership of knowledge of growth and learning. Experts. Timetables and charts.

Once a parent knows enough about natural learning to help that learning happen, though, it can flow freely.

hand pumps, siphons, water containers
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Great confidence

Don't rob your children of the experience and of the knowledge that they can learn to read without help. If someone can learn to read, surely he can learn other things. I don't mean to say that after he learns to read he can learn other things by reading. I mean that reading is complex, moreso in English than some other languages, and if your child knows that he learned to read, he will have great confidence in his ability to learn. (So will his parents.)

The Deeper Effect of a Child Learning to Read: Confidence
(the quote is from page 86 of The Big Book of Unschooling)
photo by Sandra Dodd

Unphotographable

Because the primary "method" of unschooling is living a rich life with a focus on learning and relationships, it's difficult to photograph.

I've had newspaper reporters want to come and photograph my children unschooling, at our house. I told one reporter once that if she wanted to send a photographer, my kids were at various places around town, and I named places and times for the next couple of days. The gaming shop; Kirby teaching karate; Holly playing Harry Potter at a comic book store. I told her if they came to our house what unschooling would look like was a kid on the computer, or watching TV, or playing with toys. She was certain I was missing the point of what she "needed" to have photographed.

Typical Unschooling Days
photo by Sandra Dodd, who could tell stories about that bench, that tree trunk, those onions, the way the sunlight was hitting that water, the cinderblock bricks and the fence they came off of... but the photo doesn't illustrate the history and connections and realities of the everyday objects in the picture

Beautiful, fragile thoughts

Let your children make discoveries with their own new eyes. Don't show-and-tell them into a helpless stupor. Be with them, pay attention to what they're seeing for the first time and be poised to explain if they ask, or point out something interesting if they miss it, but try to learn to be patient and open to their first observations and thoughts. Like bubbles, or dandelion puffs, they are beautiful and fragile and if you even blow on it too hard, it will never be there again.

Practice being. Practice waiting. Practice watching.

Let them experience the world with you nearby keeping them safe and supported.

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from page 124 (or 136), "Experiences," in The Big Book of Unschooling

which leads to SandraDodd.com/peace/newview

photo by Sandra Dodd