Showing posts with label Dodd. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dodd. Show all posts

Monday, February 26, 2024

Say yes when you can

My kids are great at delayed gratification, all of them. They have saved money, earned money, bought small things, and large things, waited for friends to visit, waited for holidays and parties, and because they're busy and secure people, they could always find something to do. But they were also generally sure that as soon as it WAS possible, they would do it, or have it. That's because they had lived their lives with parents who were their partners and who helped them, rather than thwarted or frustrated them.

Some kids get to 18 and they're sick and tired of waiting, and they don't want to wait anymore for ANYthing. Some turn to drugs, drinking, partying, charge cards, driving too fast... When parents have a choice of saying yes or no, and they choose 'no' because they think it's good for their child, they are putting that pressure and tension in the bank to gain interest.

Say yes when you can, especially if it's about something that will help your child learn. If you can't decide, think "Will he be happy and learn? Will this help with unschooling?"
2013, Sandra
of kids who were in their early- to mid-20s then

SandraDodd.com/no
photo by Holly Dodd
of herself wearing a top from the 1970s that I handed down to her, with an orchid plant rescued from a trash can

Wednesday, November 23, 2022

Learning without instruction


Bob Collier wrote:

Before my son's years of unschooling, it would never have occurred to me that it was possible for somebody to learn to drive without some kind of formal instruction. Apparently, it is. If you don't mind plenty of conversations and events unfolding at their own pace, which my wife and I became very used to with our son and that enabled us to trust him on this occasion. I hope he'll always keep that determination to do things the way he believes is best for him, and his unhurriedness. I've learned a lot from it.
—Bob Collier

Learning to Drive Informally on my site,
and the original writing at Always Learning
photo by Sandra Dodd
and not a perfect match, because my kids did take driver's ed

Saturday, November 19, 2022

Climbing mountains and baking pies

Cumbres and Toltec train, 2015
In response to someone saying her child would rather take the easy route than try something tough, Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

It's human nature to avoid what we feel is a waste of time, energy and resources.
It's also human nature to pour energy into what we find fascinating.

If someone is made to climb a mountain, they'll find the easiest path, and perhaps even cheat.

If someone desires to climb a mountain, they may even make it more difficult—challenging—for themselves if the route doesn't light their fire.

If it were human nature to go the easy route, I wouldn't be sitting here writing out a response! No one would write a novel. No one would climb Mt. Everest. No one would bake a cherry pie from scratch. No one would have kids.
—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/joyce/pressure
Photo by Sandra Dodd, of Holly Dodd riding a steam train restored and largely operated by volunteers. The easy route would have been for them to stay home and read books and watch movies about trains.

Friday, March 18, 2022

Stock market and yoga poses

Renee Cabatic wrote, in 2013:

As Xander has been playing Grand Theft Auto 5, I've written down some of the things he's been learning:
1) choose your friends, co-workers carefully
2) how to buy and sell stocks
3) some yoga poses
4) new vocabulary
That's doesn't include the conversations brought up by the talk radio playing in the stolen vehicles.
—Renee Cabatic

Safe on the Couch
photo by Sandra Dodd (not of Xander, but of my husband, Keith)

Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Learning and living joyfully

When teens or young adults have chosen to have a job without desperation for money, and when they are accustomed to learning all the time and living joyfully, they are a different sort of employee.


SandraDodd.com/jobs/bigbook
photo by Sandra Dodd

Wednesday, February 10, 2021

Another benefit of generosity

I've seen a difference in motivation in teens who have been nurtured and whose parents were not adversarial with them.
They don't consider food a reward, and so they're less likely to spend all their money on food to self-soothe. They rarely need to "self-soothe" anyway. If they have a success in a project or at work they enjoy it for itself, for the feeling of accomplishment. And if their parents have managed not to use money in lieu of attention and expressions of affection, they're careful with money, too.

If money means love, a needy person will want more money. If money is a tool like a hammer, or a substance like bread or toilet paper—necessary for comfort, and it's good to have extra—then it would make no more sense for them to spend all their money than it would make to throw a hammer away because they had already put the nail in the wall, or to unroll all the toilet paper just because it was there.

If the parents have been generous, many other problems are averted.

Big Book of Unschooling, page 299 (258 in first edition)
photo of teenaged Marty as Dr. Strangelove at a costume party
__ __

Tuesday, February 9, 2021

A choice is always better

When Kirby was offered a job in another state, including an allowance for his moving expenses, I wanted to be encouraging without seeming to push him out and shut the door. So we promised to leave his room available for
a year, in case he wanted to move back. He had taken the furniture and much of his belongings. The room became a video games room for the rest of the family, but it was still "Kirby's room."

I felt better knowing he was only tentatively gone. It might have helped him to know that it wasn't "do or die" there, in Austin. He was able to decide whether he liked it enough to stay there, knowing he did have the option to return to his own room at home.

A choice is always better than "no choice." We were able to cushion his leaving with a real fallback plan.

The Big Book of Unschooling, page 308 (or 267 if your book is old)
photo by Destiny Dodd, of Kirby a dozen years later

Friday, February 5, 2021

Avoiding future problems


I had been unschooling for years before a few people suggested on a message board that requiring kids to do chores could be as bad as making them do schoolwork. I perked up immediately, and everything they said has proven true at our house. The first principle was "If a mess is bothering you, YOU clean it up." Another one was "Do things for your family because you *want* to!"

It was new to me to consider housework a fun thing to be done with a happy attitude, but as it has changed my life and because it fit in so well with the other unschooling issues, I've collected things to help others consider this change as well.

In the same way that food controls can create food issues, forcing housework on children can cause resentments and avoidances which neither get houses clean nor improve the relationships between children and parents.

Also, studies of separated identical twins have shown that the desire and ability to clean and organize has more to do with genetics than "training."

SandraDodd.com/chores
photo by Sandra Dodd, of nearly-teen Holly wearing a shirt from her mom's late teens
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Friday, January 1, 2021

Wait; think; choose

Here's an idea that will work with just about every aspect of life:
Every time you make a decision, wait until you've thought of two choices and choose the better one.

It seems simple, but I was surprised, when I thought of that way to ratchet the quality of life up, to find how many times I was acting without really thinking.
SandraDodd.com/betterchoice
photo by Holly Dodd

The text of this post has been used three times before, starting in 2011. It might be the best advice ever, though, and could be read every day. This, or one of those other three, might be worth printing out and sticking on a fridge or mirror. (The link will show all four, or someday maybe five.)

Thursday, November 5, 2020

Relax into peace

"Power struggles can disappear when the person with the power stops struggling."
—Deb Lewis

Kirby Dodd age five asleep under a rocking chair

SandraDodd.com/deblewis

SandraDodd.com/battle
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Thursday, September 3, 2020

Something completely different

Business, an offer, excuses, a thank-you:

If you're expecting e-mail from me, ever, save this: aelflaed@gmail.com and put Sandra Dodd on it, in your address book. Because of the dismantling of my old site, moving it all out of and away from yahoo small business and photobucket storage, my main/default e-mail is now my gmail address. Sorry.

To encourage people to save and try that out, if you want a Christmas card from me, or a post card (if you'd rather), send your mailing address to aelflaed@gmail.com

I have finished ten years of Just Add Light and Stir. If you're reading this on the blog, there is a randomizer and it says

Another Good One
of over 3500 posts

Ten years mighta shoulda yielded 3,650 posts, but I'm short. I have 3,552. Sometimes I was traveling, or fell asleep, or both. A time or two I was sick. A few, I deleted because they were business posts a bit like this one (but not JUST like this one!).

Here is what I look like this week:

Several people sent donations, for which I'm grateful. I would like to send notes, but if they come from the e-mail address up above, they might go into spam folders so please elevate aelflaed to a known entity. Thanks!

I want to thank Vlad Gurdiga, again, for the time and ability he offered freely to rescue so much unschooling writing over the past year. He's a hero; remember his name. He moved my entire website to another hosting company, and found a way to enable me to edit online as I was used to doing. He figured out the mystery of how to move all my many photobucket folders (from three accounts) to my site, too.

When Yahoogroups said they would no longer maintain the archives of groups, Mr. Vlad Gurdiga, my hero, rescued archives from Always Learning, Unschooling Discussion, and Unschooling Basics. You might have noticed links to some of those, where they reside on my site, as I have come across great quotes in there to share here. It's too much to read through, and there's no good "next," but things come up in site search now. It is wonderful.

The entryway might be prettier someday, but feel free to poke around. Watch your step!

SandraDodd.com/archive/

To lead you to peaceful things, here are some posts with photos of water in them.
I'll be back tomorrow with a regular post, most likely!

Friday, June 21, 2019

Melon Holly




SandraDodd.com/humor/
photo by Trevor Parker, later edited by Holly Dodd
photo 2010, caption added 2014, first use here 2019

Thursday, February 22, 2018

What a child needs


Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

It's the essence of every story: The protagonist has a need. He finds ways around what stands between him and what he needs.

Rather than being an obstacle, be his partner in meeting his needs. Be the one keeping an eye on the needs of those around him as you find respectful, safe, doable ways for him to meet his needs. Be the one manipulating the environment so he's not in a situation he can't handle yet.
—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/needs
photo by Ashlee Dodd, of Marty and Ivan
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Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Stages and balance

Children grow up, but all the stages of their childhood stay alive in their parents' memories.
Balancing, stages, profiles
photo of Marty, a dozen years ago, by Holly Dodd

Thursday, October 12, 2017

More than they seem

All the entertainment, office tools, art, music, trivia and humor that used to take people two or three rooms to store can be accessed with a tablet computer now, or a smart phone, or a laptop. They are lit-up windows to people, places, languages, recipes and sites to order the ingredients and cookware.

You can make photos and video, sound recordings, send art, letters, old photos, to family, friends and strangers. The Jetsons' video phone wasn't nearly as good as Skype is.

Be grateful for your wifi and the sweet things you can find and share.



SandraDodd.com/gratitude
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Monday, September 18, 2017

Falling asleep

For the first MANY years of their lives, our kids fell asleep being nursed, or being held or rocked by dad or mom, or in the car on the way home from something fun. They slept because they were sleepy, not because we told them to. So when they got older, they would fall asleep near us, happily.

We never minded putting them in the bed after they were asleep. It was rare they went to sleep in the bed. They would wake up there (or in our bed, or on the couch or on a floor bed) knowing only that they had been put there and covered up by someone who loved them.

Going to sleep wasn't about "going to bed."


Kirby, four, fell asleep while playing.

SandraDodd.com/sleeping
photo by Sandra Dodd, 1990

Monday, June 26, 2017

A loud, happy home

A loud, happy home is more peaceful than a quiet home where people are afraid to "disturb the peace."
SandraDodd.com/bignoisypeace
photo by Sandra Dodd

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Projects and interests

Make room in your heart and your life and your house for your child's interests.

Holly Dodd, working on a costume

SandraDodd.com/focus
photo by Sandra Dodd

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Sharper tools

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

The basic idea of unschooling is that we learn what we need by using it. And that's exactly how kids learn to speak English. Toddlers aren't trying to learn English. They're using a tool (English) to get what they want: which might be juice or a hug or picked up to see better. The English tool is more efficient than other tools they've been using: pointing or crying or wishing. And because English is more efficient, they use it more. And because they use it more, the get better at it. Kids learn English (and everything else) as a *side effect* of living and pursuing what they enjoy.
—JoyceFetteroll



SandraDodd.com/english
photo by Sandra Dodd

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Cameras and light

Cameras weren't around, 200 years ago.

A hundred years ago, people needed to be very still, to have a photo taken, and they were in black and white.

Now, wonderful photos can exist without needing to be printed. That's good! But they are sometimes less permanent than the older, paper images people framed and handed down. Use your cameras, but let images come and go. Pixels, like light, can be beautiful and be gone again.
SandraDodd.com/photographs
photo by Holly Dodd, of herself