Engineering peace

Every bit of peace makes the world more peaceful. If you can engineer one peaceful moment, you can have two or ten.

From The Big Book of Unschooling, Sandra Dodd
photo by Eva Witsel

A hundred times instead of once

Many people do have experience "removing restrictions," but please help us help others by NOT recommending doing that, ever. Sudden change confuses kids, they don't trust it, they assume it's temporary, and so their behavior reflects that. And it robs parents of the growth from gradually allowing more and more, as the parents learn more and more.

You could have said "okay" and "sure" hundreds of times instead of "whatever you want" one time, and the gradual change would have been a joy.
"Too Far, Too Fast": SandraDodd.com/problems/toofar
(I changed the original slightly, because it used to have "joy" twice.
I'm not against joy, but it broke the flow.)
photo by Janine Davies
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How much time will this take?

How much time does unschooling take?


It depends how you look at it. If you're looking for moments of one-on-one instruction or school work, it takes none of that. If you're looking for hours of mindful living with the hope and expectation of learning, then it will take all your time.

If you come to see and understand unschooling, then the question about how much time it takes will seem like asking "How many hours a day are you alive?"

Page 6 of The Big Book of Unschooling, which links to
SandraDodd.com/howto
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Playing around

Usually it looks like we're just playing around. When it doesn't look like we're playing, I work on it. Unschooling works best when we're playing around. Much of our play involves words, music and humor. It has to do with merrily connecting the dots, in a real world way, and in a mental-connection way.

Jubilation and Triangulation
photo by Karen James
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Special

Wherever you live, most of the rest of the world will never visit there, never see or touch the things you see every day.

Sometimes, when you look, listen, taste, feel, smell, close your eyes and rest, remember that you are in one special place.

Something different
Normal or exotic?
photo by Carolyn Pihl, of an apple in Sweden

Restful

If you get to sleep for a long time, be glad. If your sleep is interrupted, try to be like a cat, and just accept it. Measuring sleep and being angry about the clock will lead to neither peace nor rest.

Children will wake you up. Breathe in love and remain restful.

SandraDodd.com/peace/
photo by Janine Davies

Accessibility

I decided not to hate anything, and to leave as much of the world accessible to my kids without them feeling they were messing with something I didn't like, or asking about something I disapproved of.

When I reject something from my life, it closes doors, in my head, and in my soul. I can't make connections there anymore. I have eliminated it from active play. It's not good for unschoolers

Everyone has the freedom to be negative. Not everyone has thought of good reasons to be more positive.

SandraDodd.com/open
The quote above starts in the middle of a sentence, at the page called "open."
Before that, it was about jazz and science fiction. It's a circus page.
photo by Ester Siroky (click for more context)

The real problem

Years before we had children, I was telling my young husband-to-be that in school the only math I liked were the "word problems." He said those are the only real math problems in text books. That was the real math. The numbers sitting already in equations and formations were the solutions to unstated problems, with only the arithmetical calculations left to be done.


I remember that moment vividly. I was in my late 20's and hearing for the first time what "mathematics" meant. I had asked my teachers all through school "What is this for?" and "How is this used?" and they rarely had an answer beyond "Just do it," or "It will be on the test."

SandraDodd.com/math/unerzogen
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Sparkly thoughts and moods

When someone said she should make her house seem more sparkly, I wrote:

Not seem. No pretending.

Not your house. Your thoughts, your interactions, your moods, your responses. Sparkling, like sparkling from one thought to another, connecting a picture with a song with a joke with a movie with a dog.

Sparkly ideas
photo by Colleen Prieto
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A big, easy difference

"If I can bring someone a snack before they come tell me they are hungry it can make a real difference in the kind of day we are all having!"

—Sylvia Woodman

Siblings: Attending to Very Young Children and Their Siblings
photo by Lydia Koltai
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Gently, step by step

Step by step is usually more effective than trying to leap across. More tortoise, less hare.

—Debbie Regan

Gently unwind
photo by Robin Bentley

Sunrays and angles

Remember that different people see things differently, maybe because they're younger, or shorter, or more interested in the mountains than in the sunray. Maybe someone is thinking of song lyrics and will miss a joke. Being near running water can keep someone from hearing a question.

It's likely that more things are happening and being noticed than the parents saw or planned.

Do the peaceful, generous things when you can.

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Lisa J Haugen
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More than some

We can't know all of everything, but we can know more of everything.

More of everything
photo by Ester Siroky

Don't play it, be it

"If you are choosing to be a mother, move beyond playing at it, and *be* it." —Pam Laricchia

Are You Playing the Role of “Mother”? by Pam Laricchia
(see also, if you're having fun, SandraDodd.com/being)
photo by Colleen Prieto

originally Being a mother, May 15, 2013

Are you struggling to relax?

Leah Rose:

Sandra wrote: "They need to STOP battling, STOP fighting, STOP struggling"

This has been such an incredibly powerful, empowering concept for me. It's a total turn around from the way I grew up thinking, from the way we think and speak in Western culture. But I have made the greatest strides in my own deschooling by learning to notice when I feel myself "struggling," and to Stop! Then I can choose to let go, to relax about the disparity between what I want and what is. And what I have discovered is that that conscious mental shift releases the energy I need to step forward mindfully into the moment...and then that moment becomes, itself, a step towards what I want, away from what I don't want.

—Leah Rose

SandraDodd.com/battle
photo by Lydia Koltai

Seeing and Doing

Jenny Cyphers wrote:

Go to parks, pick up sticks, ride bikes to new places, swing on the swing differently, make bubbles and blow them in front of a fan. Look at stars at night and try to find constellations, light things on fire with magnifying glass, roast hot dogs for dinner (it's cheap), the possibilities are limitless, but only if you choose to see them.

—Jenny Cyphers

Choose to see abundance
photo by Sandra Dodd
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See your child

See all that is good about your child.

SandraDodd.com/respect
Holly Dodd, self portrait in a gas cap
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Confidence oozes out

Once your own child starts to grow and change, then the confidence isn't external. It's not "I believe this will happen because I've seen it happen elsewhere," it's "I believe it's happening because it's happening. You can't deny that I know my child learned this without school." And so the confidence that those families then have oozes out to other families. And this is an advantage of those many years passing, is there's a lot of experience, a lot of examples, to see.

SandraDodd.com/classDismissed
photo by Janine Davies
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Into the future

One of the most important things to remember is that we have choices. It's the choices we make, consciously or unconsciously, that take us into the future.

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/separation
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp
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Fascinating or non-fascinating?

In a discussion on why children should learn things, I suggested that it would make them more interesting at cocktail parties. Someone objected, saying children shouldn’t be pushed to learn things just to make them interesting. She had missed my point, but that only made the discussion more vibrant.


The cocktail party goal might be more worthy than pushing them to learn things so that they can get into college, but I was really enjoying the discussion because it was so different. For one thing, it’s quite a figure of speech now, so many years after the heyday of “cocktail parties." And wouldn't an admissions officer prefer fascinating over non-fascinating? But the stated objection was this: “To push kids in all kinds of directions in order for them to be fluent at cocktail parties is a waste of time, imho." It amused me and I responded. ...

SandraDodd.com/connections/cocktail
photo by Holly Dodd, of herself in a Learn Nothing Day shirt
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When this first ran in 2011, there was a good comment, and that's Right Here!

"Body Smart"

There are eight or ten intelligences people have, in different combinations and degrees. One is "bodily intelligence," or kinesthetic intelligence.


Bodily-kinesthetic covers dance, body-awareness, physical talents that might be used for sports or knot-tying or wood carving or physical therapy. Some people are only slightly aware of how their bodies work and what their capacities are. Some people seem to be born knowing, or using their bodies well without even thinking about it.

See and appreciate physical skills.

Multiple Intelligences
photo by Lydia Koltai

Enjoy it!

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

What do I regret? EVERY minute that I spent worrying over whether the house was clean. That would be my biggest regret. THAT was wasted worry.
. . . .
I have learned to LOVE doing the dishes. I don't DO them without enjoying it. I either enjoy it or don't do it. Appreciate or enjoy or at least feel pleasant&mdashI don't have to be deliriously happy. So sometimes they don't get done. But usually they do. And nobody in my house ever has bad feelings about dishes anymore.

—Pam Sorooshian

Quote from Chat with Pam Sorooshian

Ideas match Dishes
photo by Sandra Dodd

Laugh, think, smile

In a group chat on "wonder and awe," Marta wrote, to me:

Do you know what I have done lately whenever I'm feeling a bit down? I listen to one of your talks! It makes me laugh, it makes me think, it makes me smile, it makes me feel awe and it makes me go right back to my daughter and my husband and touch them and kiss them.

I love your voice, I love your laughter. It calms me, what can I say?

—Marta Venturini Machado
2012

The quote is from Wonder and Awe
and there are things to hear at SandraDodd.com/listen.
photo by Amber Ivey

Tidbits here and there

Joyce Fetteroll, in Five Steps to Unschooling:

Forget the linear approach to learning we grew up with. For instance, we learned that the way to learn is to read "all the important" stuff about a subject gathered and packaged for our convenience in a textbook and then move on in line to the next package of information.

Sure, sometimes an interest will cause kids to gather up a huge chunk of learning all at once. This is easy to see. And easy to overvalue as the "best" way to learn.

More often kids will slowly gather interesting tidbits, making connections as things occur to them to create a foundation. They'll add pieces here and there over the years to build on that foundation. This is not so easy to see going on. And very easy to undervalue.

So, if we can train ourselves to see that process we can help it along by valuing the times when they see Thomas Jefferson on Animaniacs and then later on the nickel and then still later on Mount Rushmore. Those moments will establish a feeling of recognition and familiarity. Then the more tidbits they gather about Jefferson, the more interesting he becomes. And the more interesting he becomes, the more they want to know about him.

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/joyce/steps
photo by Julie D, of a younger Holly Dodd and a little Adam Daniel
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Fond remembrance

When stress comes and you need a break, sometimes bringing to mind one shining moment, however small, will help. Remember, if you can, a scent or an emotion, the feeling of the air, or a sweet word spoken another day, another place. Breathe in that remembrance and be at peace in that one breath.

Be grateful for that memory.

The next moment might be easier.

SandraDodd.com/random
photo by Sandra Dodd, of Holly Dodd in Florida, in warm sunshine
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A smile instead of a frown

"Love that sunset. Want to tell you that magnet sits on the door of my fridge and the words have allowed me to move forward so many times when I would have been stuck in a negative place. Sometimes just knowing you can give a smile instead of a frown is all it takes."

—Davina

SandraDodd.com/magnets
Photoshop by Holly Dodd
Photo and quote by Sandra Dodd
(The magnets are business-card sized, not as big as the image here.)

That photo with more sky, no words: Waking up Happy"Love that sunset. Want to tell you that magnet sits on the door of my fridge and the words have allowed me to move forward so many times when I would have been stuck in a negative place. Sometimes just knowing you can give a smile instead of a frown is all it takes."

—Davina

SandraDodd.com/magnets
Photoshop by Holly Dodd
Photo and quote by Sandra Dodd
(The magnets are business-card sized, not as big as the image here.)

That photo with more sky, no words: Waking up Happy

Running or risking

If a parent runs frightened from too many things, they will lose dignity, the child's trust, and their ability to unschool as happily and effectively as they could have if they had been calmer and more accepting of risks.



SandraDodd.com/radiation
(In context the dignity and trust bit refers back to something, there.)
photo by Karen James
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Look around

Be open to the unexpected!

You never know what you might see, or who might be watching you.

Surprise opportunities
photo by Jo Isaac, of a barking gecko

Confidently build more confidence

Each time you think of something to help them with what they're doing, needing, learning, you become more confident.

Each success builds confidence, and makes it easier to have future success.

from a discussion of "Who Can Unschool?"
photo by Sarah Dickinson
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"Can you explain calm?"

Calm is calm. Not frantic, not excited, not frightened or frightening. Calm, like water that is neither frozen nor choppy.

Calm is possessing the ability to think, to consider a situation without panic.

Calm is not perpetually on the edge of flipping out.

That and some discussion of how to be calmer
photo by Heather Booth
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Happiness is good for health

"Happiness is good for health! If something that makes a kid happy is deemed unhealthy by a parent, it will create stress and division. That kind of stress is NOT healthy. That kind of division works against the kind of relationship between parent and child that makes unschooling awesome!"

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/eating/peace
photo by Sylvia Woodman
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Happy, calm and loving

"Don't bring all the scary, negative and dark stories from the internet into your home. It will make your home and your lives scary, negative and dark. The most important thing you can do for your children's health is to provide them with a happy, calm and loving home."

—Eva Witsel

SandraDodd.com/radiation
photo by Colleen Prieto
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Semantics

The words people use will make or break their understanding.


SandraDodd.com/semantics
photo by Lisa J Haugen
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Growth is good

Principles are beliefs, touchstones, things a person bases decisions around.

The idea that one can't make a choice without considering two or more options isn't a principle. It's a logical fact.

The idea that choices can lead a person nearer to the way she wants to be might be the principle that growth is good and growth is possible.

SandraDodd.com/betterchoice
photo by Noor JontryMasterson

The world changes slowly

The world changes slowly, but it tends to stay changed! Flight was not possible before balloons. Food storage and transportation were difficult before canning and refrigeration. Without today’s wealth of books, videos and online information, home learning would be much more difficult. We can live in the light of our shared knowledge and ideas, in freedom and with confidence, at the cutting edge of education’s future.



SandraDodd.com/thoughts
photo by Sandra Dodd; a hot air balloon visible out our back gate

Near and far

This apple was in yesterday's post. I didn't move it, I moved the camera.

That's my sister, on stage, singing and playing guitar. She isn't doing that all the time, but she was then.

It seems there are no people listening. There were a hundred of them, but mostly behind me, and outside the tent.

What any one of us sees isn't everything there is to see.

Here and there
photo by Sandra Dodd

Unexpected thoughts

Juxtapositions, surprising connections, odd pairings—these make jokes, or frighten cats, or confuse us long enough for our brains to reach out for explanations we hadn't thought anything about before.

The connections might be visual, historical, linguistic, musical, real or imaginary. None of that matters, when your mind builds a new idea, and it's yours to keep.

SandraDodd.com/angles
photo by Sandra Dodd

Gentle peace and patience

Struggling is harmful. Don't struggle. Relax. And don't "just" relax, relaxing blindly, but relax into new knowledge of the value of gentle peace and patience.

SandraDodd.com/battle
photo by Cathy Koetsier

How had I done this?

Little by little, years ago, I started to see that each little idea that had changed my own family had the potential, if I could explain it clearly enough, to change another family. Just a little was enough. As more and more families shared their successes and joys, the world changed. As more information was gathered and put where others could find it, the rate of change increased.

When I was first unschooling, we waited two months for a new issues of Growing Without Schooling. There was no internet discussion at all. When that began, a few years later, it was user groups, not even e-mail or webpages yet. Today someone can get more information about unschooling in one day than existed in the whole world when my oldest was five. I'm glad to have been part of honing, polishing, clarifying and gathering those ideas, stories and examples, and keeping them where others have quick access to them.

SandraDodd.com/interviews/naturalparenting2010
photo by Lisa J Haugen
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Blessings

May you have peaceful days of abundant love and light.

SandraDodd.com/abundance
photo by Zoya Bharadwaj
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Curiosity and Joy

Be the kind of person you want your child to be. Nurture your own curiosity and joy. Find gratitude and abundance. Explore. Make connections, on your own.

SandraDodd.com/video/doright (video and transcript)
or maybe They just like it.
photo by Kristy Hinds
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The mysteries of the world

Being new to the world, and you being his host (and partner), any light you can shed on the mysteries of the world, and any clues you can give him on what's likely to happen and what's expected of him would be good for all concerned. Advise him what might happen at a wedding reception, or a birthday party, or at a place he's never been to before. Show him how to eat a new food he hasn't seen. Help put him at ease if he's nervous. Provide him all the coaching and reassurance he wants, and no more than he wants.

SandraDodd.com/guest
photo by Karen James

Flowing, clear, refreshed and alive

Parents should keep life flowing, clear, refreshed and alive.



SandraDodd.com/change
photo by Ester Siroky

A distant tree

Come into my thoughts a minute, just a little.

"The tree was framed by this doorway." But the doorway was just sitting there, before the tree first grew. They both are there, all the time, now. What framed the tree was where I was standing when I saw how pretty it looked, and took the photo in such a way that the whole tree showed, and the whole doorway showed. Distance mattered. My height mattered.

Many relationships between things, between places, or people, depend on the perspective or the effect of another person. Surely the perception of two things changes, depending on many factors.

SandraDodd.com/angles
photo by Sandra Dodd, in Avebury

Blending in

I noticed, because it was exotic. I was far from home.

Birds where I live, I can easily ignore.

People want to blend in, not to be seen as different. That's why sometimes unschoolers would like to be around other unschoolers, so they're not noticed so much. It's understandable.

Sometimes, if you have the energy, even though it might be more work, be willing to be noticeably exotic.

Learn and be an example
photo by Sandra Dodd, in Avebury
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From a different place

"Your perspective will change when you've experienced new things, seen the world from a different place."

—Debbie Regan

SandraDodd.com/feedback/perspective
photo (click it) by Annie Regan (no relation, except in the ideas!)

The up side...

It's easy to think our "up" is everyone's up, and our focus is the obvious way of seeing. Let your children see in their own ways, and if you're lucky they will share with you.

"What's up?" can have a special new meaning.

Thinking and choosing (also upside down)
photo by Karen James

In a moment

"It helps a lot to try for better moments not days. Don't judge a day by one upset, judge it as a bad moment and move forward. A little bit better each moment. A little bit more aware."

—Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/parentingpeacefully#moment
photo by Karen James
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Seeing through

Most of what happens in the world, I will never see.

Most of what happens in my own back yard, I don't see.

Most of what I see, I don't understand, or fully consider. That's the way the world is. That's the way people are.

You will see some beauty.
You will understand some things.

SandraDodd.com/seeing
photo by Kristy Hinds
So much, in that photo!
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