Gentle peace and patience

Struggling is harmful. Don't struggle.
Relax.

And don't "just" relax, relaxing blindly, but relax into new knowledge of the value of gentle peace and patience.

SandraDodd.com/battle
photo by Cathy Koetsier

How had I done this?

Little by little, years ago, I started to see that each little idea that had changed my own family had the potential, if I could explain it clearly enough, to change another family. Just a little was enough. As more and more families shared their successes and joys, the world changed. As more information was gathered and put where others could find it, the rate of change increased.

When I was first unschooling, we waited two months for a new issues of Growing Without Schooling. There was no internet discussion at all. When that began, a few years later, it was user groups, not even e-mail or webpages yet. Today someone can get more information about unschooling in one day than existed in the whole world when my oldest was five. I'm glad to have been part of honing, polishing, clarifying and gathering those ideas, stories and examples, and keeping them where others have quick access to them.

SandraDodd.com/interviews/naturalparenting2010
photo by Lisa J Haugen

Blessings

May you have peaceful days of abundant love and light.

SandraDodd.com/abundance
photo by Zoya Bharadwaj

Curiosity and Joy

Be the kind of person you want your child to be. Nurture your own curiosity and joy. Find gratitude and abundance. Explore. Make connections, on your own.

SandraDodd.com/video/doright (video and transcript)
or maybe They just like it.
photo by Kristy Hinds

The mysteries of the world

Being new to the world, and you being his host (and partner), any light you can shed on the mysteries of the world, and any clues you can give him on what's likely to happen and what's expected of him would be good for all concerned. Advise him what might happen at a wedding reception, or a birthday party, or at a place he's never been to before. Show him how to eat a new food he hasn't seen. Help put him at ease if he's nervous. Provide him all the coaching and reassurance he wants, and no more than he wants.

SandraDodd.com/guest
photo by Karen James

Flowing, clear, refreshed and alive

Parents should keep life flowing, clear, refreshed and alive.



SandraDodd.com/change
photo by Ester Siroky

A distant tree

Come into my thoughts a minute, just a little.

"The tree was framed by this doorway." But the doorway was just sitting there, before the tree first grew. They both are there, all the time, now. What framed the tree was where I was standing when I saw how pretty it looked, and took the photo in such a way that the whole tree showed, and the whole doorway showed. Distance mattered. My height mattered.

Many relationships between things, between places, or people, depend on the perspective or the effect of another person. Surely the perception of two things changes, depending on many factors.

SandraDodd.com/angles
photo by Sandra Dodd, in Avebury

Blending in

I noticed, because it was exotic. I was far from home.

Birds where I live, I can easily ignore.

People want to blend in, not to be seen as different. That's why sometimes unschoolers would like to be around other unschoolers, so they're not noticed so much. It's understandable.

Sometimes, if you have the energy, even though it might be more work, be willing to be noticeably exotic.

Learn and be an example
photo by Sandra Dodd, in Avebury

From a different place

"Your perspective will change when you've experienced new things, seen the world from a different place."

—Debbie Regan

SandraDodd.com/feedback/perspective
photo (click it) by Annie Regan (no relation, except in the ideas!)

The up side...

It's easy to think our "up" is everyone's up, and our focus is the obvious way of seeing. Let your children see in their own ways, and if you're lucky they will share with you.

"What's up?" can have a special new meaning.

Thinking and choosing (also upside down)
photo by Karen James

In a moment

"It helps a lot to try for better moments not days. Don't judge a day by one upset, judge it as a bad moment and move forward. A little bit better each moment. A little bit more aware."

—Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/parentingpeacefully#moment
photo by Karen James

Seeing through

Most of what happens in the world, I will never see.

Most of what happens in my own back yard, I don't see.

Most of what I see, I don't understand, or fully consider. That's the way the world is. That's the way people are.

You will see some beauty.
You will understand some things.

SandraDodd.com/seeing
photo by Kristy Hinds
So much, in that photo!

Simple advice

"The advice that has helped the most has been the simplest. Be present. Be helpful. Be kind."

—Virginia Warren

Chat on "getting it," August 2014
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Magical and transformed

Parental encouragement, smiles, acceptance and support are what turn plain or unsettled life into magical and transformed shared lives.

"Getting it"
photo by Lisa J Haugen

Eight Light Years!

Okay, eight years. Lots of light, but slowed down Earth years. Slowed down-to-Earth years.

September 2 is Just Add Light and Stir's anniversary!

May the richness and riches of this trove of words and photos seep into your soul and give you sweet dreams and good ideas.

Airy and Bright
Homely home-made cake, and photo, by Sandra Dodd

The abundance of possibilities

"Unschooling is about living in the abundance of possibilities, not in fear of somehow not fitting the mold. It's been remarkable to me to see where natural learning can take a person. For me, after ten years of unschooling our son, it has become a kind of celebration of human potential."

—Karen James

The abundance of possibilities (longer writing)
photo by Ester Siroky

Sources and resources

Learn however and whenever you can, and remember no one person has everything you need.


Movies that Influenced Me
Screenshot from "Searching for Bobby Fischer"

Rich and full

Karen James wrote:

The most wonderful thing (to me) about unschooling is that we can support our children's growth, development, and learning in ways that embrace and nurture who they are as whole people with all their strengths and limitations. Our children can learn to live a rich and full life not in spite of where they fall short, but in celebration of where they find meaning and purpose and useful practice of skills they've come to own through a deeper understanding of who they are and what they care to spend their time and energy doing.

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/karenjames
photo by Hema Bharadwaj

Supplies for parents

Unschooling doesn't work out for every family, for various reasons. In a conversation, an unschooling mom said some families don't have the time, money and benevolent patience it takes to unschool. I thought it was a good checklist of needs: Time, money and benevolent patience.

What it takes
photo by Sandra, of Alex Polikowsky's son and a snowman as big as he was

Respect

Karen James:

Your kids will learn to respect you when they come to understand from experience what respect feels like to them.

Sandra Dodd:

It can't happen all at once, but without taking the first steps, and the next, it will never happen.

SandraDodd.com/respect
photo by Amber Ivey

Gradually building

In our home, everything we do is an opportunity to learn something new or to make a new connection to something familiar, allowing each of us to gradually build on our unique understanding of the world." —Karen James

SandraDodd.com/unseenfuture
photo by Jo Isaac

Change a few little things

Stop thinking schoolishly. Stop acting teacherishly. Stop talking about learning as though it’s separate from life.

SandraDodd.com/deschooling
photo by Marty Dodd, of an beautifully cast and enamelled antique slot machine

Etiquette

Don't look for rules. Look for principles. You want your children to fit in politely in situations they're about to find themselves in. There's no reason to coach them about how to act at a wedding unless they're about to go to one. Then there are LOTS of things they might need to know, depending on their age.

SandraDodd.com/etiquette
photo by Celeste Burke

Life is fairly unfair

Who's responsible for making life fair? Where and when has life been fair, and can we produce that condition again?

Parents try to be fair with their children, and sometimes do it by counting and measuring the time and money they put toward one child and another, but is it "fair" to give an introverted child who isn't needy the same amount of attention one might give an unsettled, hyper, talkative kid with the urge to collect something that costs money?

Fairness (where people had complained about homeschoolers)
Individual needs (which is soothing)
photo by Ester Siroky

Options beyond

Children and parents both will find many choices, crossroads, options and surprises as life unfolds.

We see an opportunity, or a passageway, or a place to sit for a moment, but we can't know what the effect will be of choosing that or opting out.

Living with curiosity and joy, acceptance and calm, will help you through surprises and through lulls. There will be other paths to take, other places to rest.

SandraDodd.com/unseenfuture
photo by Ester Siroky

Part of being present!

Solve problems before they become problems. Notice the direction things are heading and change things. Don't let them get hungry, tired, testy to the point where they're hitting or destroying things. Food. Naps. Go home. Put on a video. Draw one away to do something totally different.

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/being/healing
photo by Chrissy Florence

Real respect

Some people confuse respect and courtesy. Some people confuse nicey-niceness with respect. But real respect changes action and affects decisions.
. . . . Respect can be shown sometimes by being quiet. Sometimes it can be shown by thinking about what someone says and not dismissing it half-heard.

SandraDodd.com/respect/problems
photo by Holly Dodd

Ideas about unschooling

Writing about my writing:

I’m trying to pick ideas up and turn them over and see if they work, how they work, how they might be tweaked to work better.

SandraDodd.com/feedback/rippy
photo by Sandra Dodd

Breathe, open, flush

Change your thoughts so that gratitude is with you all day. Make your decisions with gratitude in mind. Breathe in gratitude when you take a breath to think of what to do next. Open the refrigerator door with gratitude that it's not empty. Flush the toilet with gratitude that you have plumbing.

SandraDodd.com/gratitude
photo by Holly Dodd

Let go and look

Joyce wrote:

"You can learn a lot by letting go of what you think you're seeing and really look."


"Don't fear your children's happiness, excitement and enthusiasm. Your kids are already experts on learning. You knew it all once too. But it's gotten buried beneath layers of "expert" ideas on how and what kids need to learn *in school*. You can learn a lot by letting go of what you think you're seeing and really look."

—Joyce Fetteroll

The quote was a light in a darker discussion.
More by Joyce Fetteroll
photo by Karen James

All of the days

Q: How will you know if they're learning?

A: Teachers need to measure and document because they need to show progress so they can get paid, and keep their jobs. They test and measure because they don't always know each child well.

Parents know a child is learning because they're seeing and discussing and doing things together every day. Not five days a week, or most of the year, but all of the days of their whole lives.


SandraDodd.com/faq
photo by Sarah Lawson

High, low or average... (Don't ask.)

Of all the things I believe strongly, one that has changed my life as profoundly as any one other belief is my personal knowledge that test scores can and do (can't fail to) affect the treatment a child receives at his parents' hands. High scores, low scores, average scores—no matter. Parents cease to treat the child as his original, known self and color him soul deep with that number.

My life would have been different. My husband's life would have been different, without those 5th and 8th grade ITBS scores. I venture to say without even knowing who is reading this that your life would have been different, and specifically I believe your life would have been better, had not you been branded with a number on your "permanent record" (there's a big mean scary joke, the "permanence" and important parts) as a young innocent ten or thirteen year old full of potential, at some unknown point on a learning curve that might soon be at its settled-out level, or might just be beginning.

SandraDodd.com/testing/tests
photo by Sandra Dodd