More valuable and less expensive

Becoming the sort of person you hope your child will be, or that your child will respect, is more valuable than years of therapy. And it’s cheaper.

SandraDodd.com/becoming

(source of quote)
photo by Gail Higgins
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Be thoughtful.

Be careful what you get excited about or fearful of. Be thoughtful. Read a little. Try a little. Wait a while. Watch. Not just about unschooling.



Generous, thoughtful, considerate

[the quote is from here]
photo by Gail Higgins

A bigger big world

It is strangely possible to learn from the whole wide world without participating in its pervasive school aspects. It's a little like polarized glass—where you change the angle a little and it all looks CLEAR!! Tilt it back and it all looks dark.

It's a big world and school does not own it.

And the big world is not just right now, as is. It's all its history, all its future, all its imaginings and myths and fantasies and alternate endings. School presents a little package of one version of history, a little package of one summary of science, etc., and leaves all else out.

the whole wide world and what schooling isn't
photo by Sobia Itwaru
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Looking back

I think every moment an unschooling parent spends reflecting on what
and how
and where
she learned things is time well invested.

Reflection/Unschooling (in a discussion from 2005)
photo by Nicole Novakovics
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Tangents and connections

How many ways can you categorize a scene or a situation? Here is a photo of a bridge.


I see geography, weather, water, engineering, technology, materials, transportation, history, finance, artistry, reflection, photography, generosity, audience, storage, reference, stored in fleeting pixels.

Play with your ability to see things more than one way. Enjoy hopping from one connection to another.

Connections
photo by Karen James

Your move

Sometimes I’ve said that conversations, friendships, relationships, are like a chess game. You don’t get to plan out all the moves in advance and decide the end. You get to make ONE move. Then you wait.


Because of a post called Moonrise, here,
a discussion ensued.
photo by Vicki Watkins
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See what you weren't looking for

If you know what you hope to see, you might miss seeing what is showing itself.



Rejecting a Pre-Packaged Life
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Embrace both

Teresa Hess:

It's like giving ourselves permission to connect with our own joy again, in the same way we're supporting our kids interests, and making sure we have their favourite foods around, and looking for things that will light them up and bringing more of that into their life. It's like, "Oh, of course, I should be doing that for me too!”

Pam Laricchia:

And it's not an either-or thing. We don't need to think of it as, "I'm caring for the kids or I'm caring for myself." Our world gets bigger when we contemplate ways we can embrace both caring for our kids and for ourselves at the same time. Caring for yourself is about connecting with yourself. And it doesn't need to be big things. Would I rather have a cup of coffee or tea? Which would bring me more pleasure right now? Often there are so many small moments in the day that can really add up, so that we don't forget about ourselves.

The quotes are from Pam Laricchia's e-mail introduction of Sparkle and Zest and Unschooling with Teresa Hess, which you hear here, on Pam's site or you can watch here, on Youtube. (There are podcast sources, too.) There is a transcript at Living Joyfully. It doesn't have Pam's beautiful words above, but Teresa and Pam expand on the ideas there.
photo by Jihong Tang

The sky

"Look at those sticks poking out of the sky!!" —Gail Higgins the photographer What you see is what you think.

SandraDodd.com/perspective.html
photo by Gail Higgins

See the good; reflect it back

"Get to know your kids' strengths and set them up to succeed at using those strengths in all kinds of ways. Don't burden them with the perceived shortcomings you find. Let them navigate their own challenges while you focus on their potential. See the good in them and reflect it back. That seems to have been the best gift I've given my own son so far."

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/partners/child.html
photo by Gail Higgins

Positivity from dark days

I have had a rough month. I hope yours was better! How can we know what is "rough" and what is "better," though, without considering the range of possibilities, or the variations in our own lives, at least?
March 31 is my wedding anniversary. People might read this afterwards, but in 2019, it's 35 years. And if you read this in 2019, my husband has been in the hospital since March 3. He had three cardiac arrests in one day. He's recovering well, though, which is statistically unexpected. It's easy for me to see this month as "bad." But is that fair? Keith is alive, and is in rehab getting his strength back, and telling me which bills to pay when, and from which account.

There are others reading who are grieving, or afraid, displaced, in dispute with a co-parent. Find the light moments, and the laughter, with your child. Be as soothing as you can be, because soothing them will also soothe you.

Be sweet; be well.
Comparisons and judgments
photo by Amy Milstein

Shimmery reflections

It can't be helped, and it's really fine, that different people in a family remember things a bit differently, or have different emotions around a situation. Something might be a big deal to one or two family members, and not even be remembered by others.

My sister and I learned, when my dad died, that our relationships with him were very different, and both true and valid. We were in our early 20s, and each of us had fond memories of our dad that didn't involve the other at all, and some frustrations, similarly unrelated.

Even self-reflection can be different at different times. Things I used to be proud of look different, years later. Some decisions I was stressed about and unsure of as they unfolded look quite noble, now, from a distance.

SandraDodd.com/perspective
photo by Gail Higgins

More than possible

Lyle Perry wrote:

"I know how scary it is to think about letting go of what's 'normal', and I know it seems impossible to think about your kids learning on their own, but it's all very possible. More than possible. It's waiting to happen."

—Lyle Perry

SandraDodd.com/lists/lyle
photo by Gail Higgins
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Choosing "better" better

Jen Keefe wrote:

Choosing peace over anything else seems so obvious. Except when I didn’t know there were more peaceful options I thought I was choosing them. I guess I thought the least unkind or least chaotic choice was choosing peace- if I even realized there was a choice, or that peace was a goal.

Last night the kids and I stayed up until 2:00 a.m. watching The Office. We typically go to sleep earlier than that but we were so into the show (we are binge watching and are at the place where Robert California took over).

We stayed up later so we slept later. So we went and got subway for lunch and brought it to the pool. The kids got chips and cookies and soda. That’s not a big deal anymore, but it used to be.

Now they are swimming so happily while I sit here typing this and chatting with them. It’s so... peaceful. As much as I loved my kids and was learning to parent gently this is not the way I was headed. I wouldn’t have had this moment, or the moments last night, or those moments this morning when we snuggled in bed right after we woke up, watching more of The Office. I wouldn’t know who my kids are.

This is better. It’s just better.

—Jen Keefe
(March 2018)

There is a bit more of that at Becoming the Parent You Want to Be
photo by Janine Davies
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Clearly

Writing is thinking clearly. For unschoolers writing will be helped by a kid having the confidence that if someone asks him about a movie or the lyrics of a song, that person will listen to his report, and to his opinion, and if he's misheard the words or misunderstood the plot, that they will help him understand it.

a nice match for Untangling Ideas, but the quote is from Seeing Writing
photo by Gail Higgins
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Fun, intriguing, challenging

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

Stop thinking in terms of the skills they need. Start thinking in terms of fun, intriguing, challenging things they might like to do that just happen to use those skills. The skills are *tools*. They aren't the end product themselves. Unfortunately that's the way schools teach so it's hard to break out of that way of thinking. Math is useless unless you want the answer it can get for you. Writing is useless unless you have something to say and a need to do it through writing.

—Joyce Fetteroll

When Does Independence Arrive?
photo by Karen James
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Surprisingly bigger

You might think you know what water is going to do,
           but it can surprise you.


We can picture how our unschooling will go,
           but it will probably be bigger and better.

SandraDodd.com/unexpectedarticle
photo by Marta Venturini Machado

Move to life.

Don't rush. This is a hard but crucial piece of advice. Rush to take him out of school but don't rush to replace it with anything. Bring your child home, don't bring school home. You don't even have to bring their terminology and judgments home. You can start from scratch, brush off the labels, and find your son where he is. Forget school. Move to life.

—Sandra Dodd
March 2000
newspaper interview

Unschool Quote-arama
photo by Holly Dodd

Playing around

Usually it looks like we're just playing around. When it doesn't look like we're playing, I work on it. Unschooling works best when we're playing around. Much of our play involves words, music and humor. It has to do with merrily connecting the dots, in a real world way, and in a mental-connection way.

Jubilation and Triangulation
photo by Karen James
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Hearing yourself think

Hearing what I say as a mom is crucial to mindfulness.

If I don't notice what I say, if I don't even hear myself, how can I expect my kids to hear me?

If I say things without having carefully chosen each word, am I really communicating?

SandraDodd.com/mindfulofwords
photo by Eileen Mahowald
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