Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Enough or not; too much or not

I think there should be 180 great days a year—parents should feel enough pressure that they have as many shiny show-off days as there would be school days. And that leaves 185-186 days per year for "doing nothing."

I don't think anyone should count, but if they feel like they're in a frenzy of doing too much, then that's too much. And if the mom is feeling like maybe she should do more, then she should do more.

Enough "great" that the mom feels like she provided greatness. And enough happy that the kid felt like it was good, too.

The "180" number came from the number of school days required by the State of New Mexico. YMMV.
photo by Sandra Dodd
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4 comments:

  1. Sue SullivanMay 19, 2016 at 11:24 AM

    I used to read your comments of "if you think you're not doing enough then you're not" and have a completely unhelpful reaction -- a sudden seizure of guilt and anxiety. I'd spiral off into thinking about how I hadn't been doing enough and what opportunities had I lost and was I making a mess of raising my kids and on and on.

    Thankfully, I now understand your comment and my reaction differently -- if I think I'm not doing enough, that's just my inner voice, letting me know it's now time to do something different. It's not too late, I haven't failed, it's simply the right signal, at the best time that I could manage to respond to it. And I never let my thinking spiral off into guilt and fearfulness any longer -- I cut that off swiftly and calmly and completely.

    If it took me a while to really notice or be willing to face that feeling of "I don't think I'm doing enough," well, that's because I was raised to listen for instruction from outside, from others, and to feel a lot of shame and guilt, and I was still learning to notice and believe my own inner voice. And that's okay. Each time I did finally listen, I learned to recognize what it sounded and felt like more quickly, and I heard it more quickly the next time.

    Thank you for reminding me of how I used to feel and helping me notice how much that has shifted. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sandra DoddSeptember 17, 2016 at 12:50 AM

    -=- I'd spiral off into thinking about how I hadn't been doing enough and what opportunities had I lost and was I making a mess of raising my kids and on and on.-=-

    When I read this part I thought to say that those are the voices of the adults who shamed you when you were younger.

    Then you yourself wrote: "I was raised to listen for instruction from outside, from others, and to feel a lot of shame and guilt.”

    For others who come by here, I want to leave this note, then: It’s possible to (gradually) shush the old voices and find some new mental first-responders.

    <a href="http://sandradodd.com/witness”>
    http://sandradodd.com/witness</a> might help, or
    <A HREF=“http://sandradodd.com/phrases”>
    http://sandradodd.com/phrases</a>

    Thanks for writing, Sue!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sandra DoddSeptember 17, 2016 at 12:52 AM

    http://sandradodd.com/witness

    http://sandradodd.com/phrases

    [Sorry for those getting notifications. I'm trying to get these links to work, and the code was right, but perhaps blogger has changed the requirements for adding links. They're good links, in case you need something to read today. :-) ]

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sandra DoddJanuary 21, 2021 at 3:41 PM

    The links above stopped working. I moved both comments to https://sandradodd.com/voices in 2021.

    ReplyDelete

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