Choosing to relax

I know the word "struggle" is as popular as "groovy" was in 1967, but it's not nearly as groovy.

If every time you start to write or say "struggle" you stop and rephrase, then you can move toward rephrasing every time you *think* "struggle." And your struggles will be over as soon as you stop struggling.

Struggling is not as good as living with choices and looking up instead of down.

Find ways to relax, rather than to struggle.

SandraDodd.com/struggle
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Lax and relax

I know the world "struggle" is as popular as "groovy" was in 1967, but it's not nearly as groovy.

Relax! You can deal with problems better without struggling. You might find out that struggling WAS the problem.

SandraDodd.com/struggle
photo by Amber Ivey

Stop Struggling

When someone says "I struggle with..." the answer is "stop struggling." Not to give up on change, but instead of struggling with the old thing, turn all the way away from it, and do the new thing. BE the new thing.

SandraDodd.com/struggle
photo by Dylan Lewis

One step. Breathe. One step.

I think "struggle" comes with a dramatic martyrdom, wrapped in "You wouldn't understand." How many steps does it take to step out of that puddle of pity and onto solid clarity? I think one. Stop struggling. Breathe and try to think clearly.

If that doesn't come naturally, or seems mysterious, here are some ideas:

Breathing

Clarity

Peace

Positivity

Thoughts about doing better

SandraDodd.com/struggle
photo by Rosie Moon
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Relax into safety

The word "struggling" is used too much lately. Everyone says they're struggling about everything.

Please consider re-phrasing. If you think of the situation in your own words, you will think of it, and see it, and respond to it more clearly.

And anytime people describe things as a battle, a struggle, a fight, they're categorizing the thing as though it's fighting back, and they're in danger.

SandraDodd.com/struggle
photo by Sandra Dodd, of Holly posing her shadow

A little more interesting

Instead of feeling like you need to struggle, just stop and look at your son and think, "Right now what can I do to make his life a little more interesting?"

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/struggle
photo by Belinda Dutch
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One step away

Stop struggling.
SandraDodd.com/struggle

What's better?

Breathing.

Clarity.

Peace.

Positivity.

Thoughts about doing better.

Links to all those things are at SandraDodd.com/struggle

Gratitude and Abundance would help, too.

One way to look things up on my site is to append something you think is in there, to SandraDodd.com/

SandraDodd.com/food

SandraDodd.com/joy

SandraDodd.com/gratitude

SandraDodd.com/abundance

(like that)

If it doesn't take you directly to your chosen topic, you'll get to a search box.

(original, on facebook)

SandraDodd.com/positivity
photo by Cátia Maciel

Mindset and language

A reader named Eleanor wrote:

I was very grateful to discover your writings on ‘struggle’ and the compilation on your website relating to ‘struggle‘ a few years ago.

I still read it regularly and get so much more from it with each read. It sparked a change in mindset and language which improved our unschooling lives massively.

Lax and relax
photo by Sandra Dodd

Creating more peace

I'm not interested in helping people battle or fight or struggle. I want to help them find joy, gratitude, abundance and peace.

Fighting a lack of peace isn't creating more peace.

SandraDodd.com/battle
photo by Colleen Prieto
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Stop and look

Instead of feeling like you need to struggle, just stop and look at your son and think, "Right now what can I do to make his life a little more interesting?"

—Pam Sorooshian

Original, at Always Learning
photo by Sandra Dodd
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A Mindful Lifestyle

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

Although unschooling is often described as a homeschooling style, it is, in fact, much more than just another homeschool teaching method. Unschooling is both a philosophy of natural learning and the lifestyle that results from living according to the principles of that philosophy.

The most basic principle of unschooling is that children are born with an intrinsic urge to explore—for a moment or a lifetime—what intrigues them, as they seek to join the adult world in a personally satisfying way. Because of that urge, an unschooling child is free to choose the what, when, where and how of his/her own learning from mud puddles to video games and SpongeBob Squarepants to Shakespeare! And an unschooling parent sees his/her role, not as a teacher, but as a facilitator and companion in a child's exploration of the world.

Unschooling is a mindful lifestyle that encompasses, at its core, an atmosphere of trust, freedom, joy and deep respect for who the child is. This cannot be lived on a part-time basis. Unschooling sometimes seems so intuitive that people feel they've been doing it all along, not realizing it has a name. Unschooling sometimes seems so counterintuitive that people struggle to understand it, and it can take years to fully accept its worth.

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This was the description at an online discussion for many years—at the UnschoolingDiscussion list.

SandraDodd.com/lists/description
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Joy, gratitude, abundance and peace

I'm not interested in helping people battle or fight or struggle. I want to help them find joy, gratitude, abundance and peace.

Fighting a lack of peace isn't creating more peace.

SandraDodd.com/battle
photo by Chrissy Florence

Softer words

Some parents express their learning as "struggle" or "challenge," but those words are antagonistic. Try to relax, and try not to feel that you're wrestling (with your child's desires, or with your own thoughts).

If you can find softer words, you will experience softer emotions.


SandraDodd.com/battle
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a flowering plant
growing out of a rain spout
on a castle
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Stop struggling

When someone says "I struggle with..." the answer is "stop struggling." Not to give up on change, but instead of struggling with the old thing, turn all the way away from it, and do the new thing. BE the new thing.

SandraDodd.com/decisions
photo by Dylan Lewis
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Softer

Some parents express their learning as "struggle" or "challenge," but those words are antagonistic. Try to relax, and try not to feel that you're wrestling (with your child's desires, or with your own thoughts).

If you can find softer words, you will experience softer emotions.

SandraDodd.com/battle
photo by Vlad Gurdiga

The Solution

Joyce wrote:

If we're creating an atmosphere of power struggle, the kids will fight back to win. If we're creating an atmosphere of problem solving, the kids will feel part of the solution rather than part of the problem.

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/chores/shift
photo by Sandra Dodd
(but I don't know whose car it was)
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Part of the solution

Joyce wrote:

If we're creating an atmosphere of power struggle, the kids will fight back to win. If we're creating an atmosphere of problem solving, the kids will feel part of the solution rather than part of the problem.

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/rebellion
photo by Julie D

Avoid struggles

"Struggling with a disorder" is not as good as living with choices and looking up instead of down. Find ways to relax, rather than to struggle.

Peace for Unschoolers
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Love, overflowing

Karen James wrote:

Attachment parenting, then unschooling, showed me that I'm a better person than I ever believed. I'm capable of compassion I didn't know existed. I have a sense of humour that isn't belittling or unkind, but can bring relief to uncomfortable situations. I have so much love for Doug and Ethan, that it has begun to overflow and fill my own cup. My world is hopeful, even in difficult times. I still struggle a fair amount with inner critics, but I'm learning. And, I've learned, I love learning.

—Karen James

There is more at SandraDodd.com/change
photo by Karen James

Relax!

Relax! You can deal with problems better without struggling. You might find out that struggling WAS the problem.

SandraDodd.com/struggle
photo by Gail Higgins