Kids first, positively

In a social group, if a mom gets comfortable, she can spend years just chatting with those other moms without paying much attention to her own children other than keeping them fed, clothed and safe. If they're in school, that's not so bad.

If they're unschooled, though, the bulk of her time and energy should be with, on, about THEM, and the family, and the relationships. Unschooling should be better than school; if it's not, the kids would be better off in school.

Any unschooler who wants to do just the bare minimum of what she "has to do" to be considered (by whom!?) an unschooler is NOT unschooling well or right. It needs energy, activity, interactivity, flow, sparkle, joy.

People who come [to a discussion group] with ANY amount of Eeyore attitude, and those who defend that, are dragging people under and I don't want to condone that or provide a forum for anyone to drag potentially joyful people into a hole, justifying complaints, collecting negativity.

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Please don't try to turn your unschooling into social groups. Don't look for "a tribe." Don't put your loyalty toward an unschooling group, or a conference. When that group becomes complacent, or negative, then you will, too.

Find a way to unschool confidently, even if all your other friends buy a curriculum or put their kids in school.

SandraDodd.com/positivity
photo by Annie Regan

(source, on facebook)

Demons (avoidance of)

If a family thinks that "having no junk food" in the house will ensure a child's health for eight or nine decades, they are incorrect in that belief. If the mother thinks that it will absolve her of any blame in future dietary choices, she is also incorrect.

Demonizing food creates a demon. Being calm creates more calm.

SandraDodd.com/control
photo by Sandra Dodd

Other things flow

Being a child's partner rather than his adversary makes the balance of knowledge unimportant. Nowadays my children drive me around, help me out, read small print and get things off high shelves. For many years, I did those things for them.

SandraDodd.com/partners

SandraDodd.com/balance

Learning first, and partnership and being present close after, and all the other things flow in around it.


Part of a longer response to an odd question: The other things flow in around it.

See also "Snapshot" on this blog
photo by Karen James

Bright and shiny things

Schuyler Waynforth wrote:

Often if I'm stuck not being able to see the positive in something, I need to quit looking at it. I need to look at other things. I need to find something to move forward to instead of whirling and twirling around the angsty thing. Make the angry thing small and insignificant, turn away from it, look for bright and shiny things to distract you, look at tiny things that give you pleasure, look at large things that you didn't appreciate fully the first time around. Turning toward joy will definitely make it harder to feel stymied in the negative.

—Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/distraction
photo by Vlad Gurdiga

Distraction can be a blessing

If someone is flipping out, distraction can be a blessing. If the problem is insurmountable, they will get right back to it. If the problem was that the problem itself was creating feedback and a small thing had turned into a roar, distraction can break the tension and let them breathe and relax, or even better—to laugh and to slump until some adrenaline can pass.

The reason I'm telling this sudden story is that in another topic Meredith wrote:

I've been listening to a podcast called The Hilarious World of Depression which is all interviews with comics who have various kinds of depression. In one episode (I don't recall which) they talk about distraction, and how it's actually a helpful strategy for a lot of people with anxiety, depression, and the like. That was nice to hear. There's a lot of pressure on people to journal and talk and ruminate and Not try to be distracted, but it turns out for some people distraction is a good thing.

SandraDodd.com/distraction
photo by Jo Isaac

Kindness, grace and generosity

Meredith wrote:

Expecting human relationships—of any kind—to be fair and equitable is a set-up for cynicism and disappointment in the human race. Human beings are marvelously varied in their needs and capabilities. It helps a whole lot to think in terms of needs and capabilities rather than rights or fairness or equality. What more can you do to support the people you love—including yourself? Kindness, grace, and generosity go a lot further toward creating warm relationships and a joyfully harmonious home than measuring out equality.

—Meredith Novak

SandraDodd.com/50/50
photo by Cátia Maciel

Finding depth and clarity

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

When we started unschooling, my mom kept saying that she was worried I would "lose myself" in it—that I wouldn't have time for myself. She was very very wrong. I found myself and very very deep meaning to life and a much more clear sense of what's important.

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/peace/mama
photo by Denaire Nixon