Whole and healthy

We can see how controlling food is related to controlling education, sleep, playtime and other areas of our childrens' lives. We can mess them up early (which our culture applauds) or we can learn to let them grow whole and healthy and strong and free, not crippled in mind and spirit.

SandraDodd.com/eating/longterm
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Don't make a big deal

Something by Lyle Perry:

Plan on doing most of the cleaning for awhile. Better yet, plan on doing ALL of the cleaning for awhile, and whenever someone else pitches in, you may appreciate it more. Try not to look at it as "I have to do it all!", because you don't have to do it all. There's always a choice. If you don't feel like cleaning today, then don't. Will the house get messier? Yup. Is it a big deal? Shouldn't be. ...

Cleaning doesn't have to be a big deal. Don't make it a big deal and your kids may be more inclined to follow in your footsteps.

—Lyle Perry

SandraDodd.com/chores/intro
photo by Alex Polikowsky

Are you joking?

People with younger kids who "are not writing," think again. Are they joking with you and others? When they ask questions, do they think a bit so they can word the question clearly? Are they starting to choose one word over another, for some dramatic or emotional or humorous or feelings-sparing reason? Writers need to do those things.

When they answer questions about a movie they've seen, do they take their audience into consideration? Who wants the short version, and who wants the long one? Who would rather hear about the characters than the action sequence? Writers need to think of those things.

SandraDodd.com/writing/seeing
(with samples of unschoolers' writing)
photo by Christina Kaminer Yarchin

A little bit of magic

"Strewing for me, is a little bit of magic. It's like the potential energy of wonder that's all stored up in something unexpected, waiting to wow a person specially primed to be wowed by its offering. Each person brings their own experiences and interests to everything they meet. It's a mystery what might capture the imagination of a person and to what degree it will hold their attention. But that's the fun of strewing and finding, I think. For me it is!"

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/strew/strew
photo by Erika Ellis
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Loftier dreams

Question:
“How do you transition kids from rules and chore lists if the kids are older?”

Answer:
“Go gradually. Don’t enforce so much. If they say, ‘I’m tired,’ then say, ‘Go to bed.’ Don’t make a big announcement, ‘We’re now unschooling.’ Just start saying yes more. If kids can only drink one soda a day and have to go to bed at a specific time, they often grow up to have dreams of drinking lots of soda and staying up late — and don’t we want kids to have bigger, loftier dreams than that?”

SandraDodd.com/hsc/radical
photo by Chrissy Florence
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Learning

In my life I put learning first. I always ask myself, which thing will help them learn more?

Why Radical Unschooling?
photo by Lisa Jonick

Choosing not to "have to"

Please don't think that you "have to." Then it won't be a fun choice you've made.

There are a few phrases that can keep parents from really relaxing into unschooling. Letting go of "teaching" and "have to" will go a long way toward seeing learning and choices. And not just seeing them, but feeling them comfortably, living with them, and with them in you.

SandraDodd.com/haveto and SandraDodd.com/wordswords
photo by Eva Witsel
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Partnering and changing

"Partnering with my children and changing the paradigm in my family—that feels like the ultimate victory to me."

—Janine Davies

SandraDodd.com/partners/child
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Keep your strength up!

People used to say “you should be ashamed” lots, to and around me, when I was young. And I was, I just hadn’t found the reason for it yet. Shame is like an indwelling virus that surfaces when we’re weak, in those who caught it.


That's darker than some quotes, but read it in context:
SandraDodd.com/unexpected#shame
photo by Gail Higgins

Whole people, now

Your children are not works in progress. They are whole people, now and from the day they were born. If you can try to see that, rather than think people are not finished until they're finished, it might help you.

SandraDodd.com/respect
photo by Sandra Dodd, of Adam Daniel picking out a souvenir shirt
at the Rattlesnake Museum in Albuquerque
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Untangling ideas

Clarity of thought is helped by clarity of language. Even when others aren't around to point at problematical terms and phrases, individuals can become more conscious of their thoughts by looking at, hearing, the words they're using to express those thoughts.

Rephrasing is untangling. If one cannot rephrase something, it very likely means they aren't clear on what they're talking about. When something vague or spoken from rote is turned into normal words the speaker/thinker actually uses well and clearly, it's like turning the lights on in a jumbly dark room.

SandraDodd.com/workethic
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Hardly any words

Unschoolers have experiences other homeschoolers don’t have. Unschoolers know things that teachers can’t learn in or around school. Unschoolers who start early enough can have relationships with their children for which there are hardly any words.

SandraDodd.com/unexpected
photo by Janine

Teaching gets in the way

"Teaching" is a problem, in an unschooling light. Learning is the goal, and teaching gets in the way.

SandraDodd.com/teaching
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Thank you!

Yesterday there were two posts, by mistake. Today I will say thank you to readers, to those whose quotes I've used (usually from writings I've saved on my website), and to those who have taken beautiful and sweet photos and let me use them. This is post #2300 or so. A few dozen have been repeats. Sometimes a favorite quote has been re-run with a new photo and new title. Some are too short, some are too long. Several hundred have been just right.

Sometimes I'm too tired, and I'm getting old. I hope you won't mind when I miss one, and will consider it a win when my error nets you a bonus post.

Save a few of your favorites for a rainy day, and think lovely thoughts toward those folks who are quoted and credited when it's not my own words or photo (or yours), please. Thank you for reading.

Slowing down
photo by Lydia Koltai

Laughing and smiling

Most of the best things that have happened, I didn’t foresee. I just can’t bring myself to think that a day spent laughing and smiling and doing things that are enjoyable is bad.

SandraDodd.com/radio
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Curiosity and gusto

In the middle of something a little longer, about becoming an unschooling parent, Pam Sorooshian wrote:

Overly self-centered people can't do it because it requires a lot of empathy. People with too many personal problems that they haven't addressed in their own lives probably can't do it because they are too distracted by those. People who are too negative or cynical can't do it because they tend to crush interest and joy, not build it up. People who lack curiosity and a certain amount of gusto for life can't really do it.

On the other hand, we grow into it. Turns out that we parents learn, too.

So—when we are making moves, taking steps, in the direction of unschooling, turns out the trail starts to open up in front of us and we get more and more sure-footed as we travel the unschooling path.

Pam Sorooshian, on SandraDodd.com/lazy/parents
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Don't use up all your tickets!

Sometimes I've advised people to pretend they only have three hundred "no's"—they have a little ticket they have to spend every time they say no. And they better save some because some people use them up before the kid’s three.

What if your child grows up and you still have 150 tickets left that you can chuck in the trash? That’s pretty cool.

SandraDodd.com/radiotranscript
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Conscious and clear

Living mindfully and making conscious choices for clear reasons is what a solid, thoughtful life is all about.

SandraDodd.com/mindfulparenting
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp
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Contentment and happiness

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

While unschooling parents should keep the environment lively, bringing in new things to leave about—see Sandra's Strewing page—new or old favorites of yours TV shows and movies, taking them places—a new playground, a new grocery store, an historical re-enactment, a polo match—the indicator of how well you're doing should be your kids peace, contentment and happiness."

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/introvert
photo by Sandra Dodd, in Schuyler's back garden
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Designing a parent

Dark thoughts or light? Worms or sky?

If you're making a decision in some moment... will you take the low road and have a low-energy, Eeyore moment? How much energy would it take to have a Pooh moment instead, or even a Tigger moment?...

If you were designing a parent for your child, wouldn't "happy" be pretty high on your list?

SandraDodd.com/morning

[quote is from The Big Book of Unschooling, page 193 (223 in new edition)]
photo by Janine
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Supporting interests

My husband loves to support her (and my) interests. So he's made a point to find carousels for us to visit when we travel.
. . . . I know you will not be at all surprised how one simple choice to ride the carousel at the zoo has led to so many fun and interesting experiences, but it has been so wonderful for me to see it firsthand.

SandraDodd.com/connections/example
photo by Beth Lamb
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Kindness, grace and generosity

"Kindness, grace, and generosity go a lot further toward creating warm relationships and a joyfully harmonious home than measuring out equality."

—Meredith Novak

SandraDodd.com/peace/mama
photo by Chrissy Florence
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Problem solving together

"Three skyping with a friend in another town, all in the same server, problem solving and being together." —Holly Blossom


A month ago, I needed a photo to go with a Deb Lewis quote, so I asked in a facebook discussion "Does someone have quick access to a photo of a kid or kids or family watching TV, at your house?" I got dozens that day, and more later.

Since December 31, I have used one of those in every post. If you noticed, cool. If you didn't notice, that's even better. Many were not "TV," and that's fine. The categories are blurring together.

I will go back to more variety after today, and use some of the others from this collection here and there. There are photos that show interaction and peace, relaxation and excitement. Some showed lone thought (though the photographer was there) and some were group activities. You're looking into some backlit screen as you read this.

Rejoice and be grateful for our ability to share.

SandraDodd.com/screentime
photo by Holly Blossom

Slightly different

Stop thinking you know what they need and what you need. Try a new angle, a different trajectory.

. . . While you're playing, think about the huge difference made by a slightly different angle. Put your desire to control into that for a few days, therapeutically. While you're playing, think about what you can control, and why you would want to.

SandraDodd.com/change
photo by Eva Witsel
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Clearer and easier

If a person wants to live in the light of his goals and intentions, then the "better choices" need to be made in that light. The clearer you are about where you intend to go, the easier your decisions are.

SandraDodd.com/clarity
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Choosing choices

Go for ways to be kind, be a partner, say yes more than no, don't label children, HOPE that they will be better able to tolerate lots more things as they get older.

Choices are the way to go. Moms can practice them first, and help children have and make them as years go by.

SandraDodd.com/stress
photo by Andrea Justice
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Fairly seamless

"I just never separated what I knew and was doing from what my kids were doing, and that helped. So it was fairly seamless for me. My whole life had been about learning and about education. That's what I always wanted to do from the time I was six— to be a teacher. My other backup plans were to be a missionary or a journalist. Pretty much I cover those three every day."

—Sandra Dodd

SandraDodd.com/video/sandra1
photo by Sadie Bugni
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P.S. Usually if the words are mine I don't credit so overtly, but this is an odd statement and so I figured I'd better own up to it in a more personal way.

Creative solutions

Deb Lewis wrote:

It's my goal to help my son get what he wants. That's my focus and the foundation of our unschooling adventure together. I see myself as his facilitator, someone to make his progress easier. I could have told him there was nothing we could do about this particular problem, but I don't want him to simply accept what comes along. I want him to have examples of hope and attainment. It's an important skill to be able to find creative solutions to problems.

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/deblewis/confessions
photo by Holly Blossom

Trusting

Ren Allen wrote:

John Holt said: "To trust children, we must first trust ourselves...most of us were taught as children that we can not be trusted."

They go hand in hand for many of us. Taking that leap into trusting them was the act that lead to trusting myself.

—Ren Allen

SandraDodd.com/rentalk
photo by Jaimi Meyer
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Interactive

Julie, Adam's mom, wrote in 2009:

Adam and I went to a concert in London for children under five. It was very interactive with the presenter asking questions as they introduced the different instruments.

Adam was really engaged with it and was answering lots of the questions identifying the instruments. When he identified the piccolo the lady presenting it said how did he know what a piccolo was and he said “I watched the Tweenies. And they are very interested in music and they talked about the woodwind section in the orchestra. So I’ve seen a piccolo before."

It was really funny because a lot of the people who were there don’t let their kids watch TV and kind of look down on the Tweenies.

—Julie D

SandraDodd.com/t/learning
photo by Remy C BW
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Finding joy

"Looking for joy doesn't mean living in la-la land. Quite the opposite. For me, it means being grounded in reality instead of fear, and connected rather than living parallel lives with my family members."

—Jen Keefe

SandraDodd.com/negativity
photo by Antje Bebbington
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No time wasted

Visual dictionaries, books of birds, mammals, local flora, the dictionary, encyclopedia, atlas, almanac—these books can be used by the hour or by the half minute. There is no time wasted when children are thinking, asking questions, fitting new information with what they already have, and all the while smiling and laughing. Have fun!

---

The quote is mine (Sandra Dodd) from an article
written before Google searches, before YouTube.
I love the internet. Google Earth, bird sites,
visual searches, etymonline.com, music videos...

SandraDodd.com/triviality
photo by Jamie Griffin

More accepting

Being with our children in direct and mindful ways made us kinder, gentler and more accepting. We were more playful and full of wonder, as we saw the world through their eyes.

SandraDodd.com/betterpartner
photo by Allison Waters, who wrote
"My son and nephews, all unschoolers, watching
'Howl's Moving Castle' and waiting for tea!"

Kindness and creativity

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

"Homeschoolers think a lot about learning—but they often focus on learning to read, write, do math, or learning science or history, etc.

"Unschoolers tend to take that kind of learning for granted, it happens along the way. Instead, as we get more and more into unschooling, we tend to focus on things like kindness and creativity and honesty—all those character traits that will determine *how* their learning will be used in their lives."

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Jamie Lee

Good and happy

"The best thing that any parent can do is to make their life with and their relationship with their children as good and as happy and as stress-free as possible."

—Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/addiction
photo by Jo Isaac

Intelligence

When I was 19 and "studying learning," by taking psychology and education classes, one of my more interesting professors said that intelligence involved the ability to use tools in ways other than those for which they were intended. I liked that.

The image stayed in my mind for decades as I watched some people inflexibly say "don't do that" or "that's not what that's for" while others smiled, and laughed, and said "Oh, cool idea!" or "That will work!"

Whether it's about intelligence or it's creativity and joy, it's a good combination of thought, action and acceptance.

SandraDodd.com/intelligences
The tool-using theory isn't one of those listed.
It might be an engineering talent, so spatial and logical?
Or it might be art. Fun to think about.

photo by Roya Dedeaux
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Healthy behaviors

"It's not because unschooled children are superior that they won't exhibit the behaviors that parents fear. It's that their lives lack the factors that cause children to use TV in unhealthy ways."

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/tv
photo by Brandie Hadfield

Who they are

Jill Parmer wrote:

"A huge shift for my deschooling was that I wanted my kids to be like certain kids I was reading about on the message boards. And when I had that thought, it shocked me. I realized I was not seeing my kids as who they were, that I was still wanting them to be....something else. That shock was enough to make me banish that thought and look directly at my kids and play with them and have fun with them."

—Jill Parmer

Deschooling chat transcript
photo by Alicia Gonzalez-Lopez
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Involved and busy

About "academic things":

If the parents are really involved and busy, and inspiring and inspired, and interested and interesting, then I trust it will happen.

I know it will NOT happen if the parents are cynical, negative, critical, shaming.

Parents, if they're considering homeschooling, need to make it better than school or not do it.

The quote is from a section starting about 47:20
on the recorded interview you can hear here:
2009 interview by Sandi Schwartz
photo by Donna Anderson

Whole individual learning

Whole individual learning is the ONLY way anyone can learn.

Each child builds his own internal model of the universe. School tries to insert one but it can't. It just can't be done.

SandraDodd.com/research
photo by Marin Holmes
Your Own Model of the Universe

Full, real lives

I see my children living full, real lives today, right now. I don't see them as students in preparation for life, who after a number of years and lessons might be considered "completed" or "graduated." It was a long way to come, and I never even had to move. I just had to look at what I considered to be real.

SandraDodd.com/fullofyourself
photo by Melissa DeLong
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The farther it will flow

"If learning were a river, a question might be a tributary. Answering the question will add to the river. The more tributaries, the larger the river, and the farther it will flow. As long as the questions come, we answer them, and the learning continues to flow."

—Nina, of "Amor y Risa"

SandraDodd.com/connections/example
photo by Remy C BW

Open to wonder

Meredith wrote:

Unschooling doesn't start at the rules in your head, it starts with each individual child. If one of your kids is curious about something and you're tempted to shut it down—because it's scary to you, because it might be dangerous—that's a problem. It's a big obstacle in your relationship with your child, one that sets up your kid to have to choose between mom and wonder. Wonder, for many people, is worth some risk. It can be worth physical risk to physical people. It can be worth a relationship with a parent, or both parents, or a whole family.

—Meredith Novak

SandraDodd.com/open
photo by Amanda Lyn Custer

Joining in joy

#1 reason to love the internet: You're reading this page!

#2 reason to love the internet: pictures, music, video, art, voices... (Oh wait; that's lots of reasons!)

I love the internet,
I love my website,
I love history, and
I love the future.

Robyn Coburn wrote something once about her dad, who was a professional juggler. I put it on a webpage, as a connection from another juggling page I had, and...

One thing led to another. She got to see video of her dad juggling. You can see it too, because the internet is wonderful.

Reasons to love the internet
photo by Amanda Lyn Custer
Robyn, on her dad, and the video of him

While recovering

What advice do you have for families who are new to homeschooling?

Don't spend money at first. Read, meet other families, let your children have time to do what they're interested in, or what they weren't allowed to do before because of school.

If they want to read or play in the yard or ride bikes or watch movies or draw or paint or play games, make that possible for them.

While the children are recovering, the parents can learn about what they want to do and why, and how. There is more online about homeschooling than anyone could ever read. Find the writers and ideas that make sense to you, and pursue that. Don't rush into anything. Parents should learn to be calm and thoughtful instead of panicky and reactionary. It's better for health and decision-making, and it sets a good example for the children. Don't live in fear when you can live in joy.

SandraDodd.com/interviews/successful
photo by Hannah North
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Some of the best of everything

Whatever you do, make it fun, interesting, comforting, memorable, unusual, familiar, nourishing, productive, or restful. If it can be three or four of those things at the same time, good job!


Precisely How to Unschool
photo by Erika Andromeda
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Real true, big enjoyment

Colleen Prieto wrote:


I am quite pleased that everyone in our little family feels quite free to be enthusiastic, passionate, and extremely into whatever we're into at the moment. All things Star Trek, cemetery exploration, birding, keeping track of the Yankees, Minecraft, and photography are things that right now are taking up most of our time. I don't think we're obsessed and I don't think we need to be more well-rounded and find "moderation." I think we're happy and having fun and learning , and that to me is all good.

—Colleen Prieto

The title of this post is also a Colleen quote from this page:
SandraDodd.com/toomuch
photo by Sadie Bugni

Comforts

Being comfortable is part of being at peace. Perhaps they are the same thing.


Learning can't happen well without peace, so provide the elements of a peaceful life as often as you can, in all sorts of ways. Become comfortable with peace.

SandraDodd.com/peace
photo by Jessica Sexton
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Give

"When you give, give as happily as you honestly can, and give with the receiver in mind more than yourself. That spirit shows, and is meaningful."

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/generosity
photo by Hannah North
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Happy 2017

I'm home from a New Year's Eve party at Marty and Ashlee's (our middle "child," now 27, and his wife of two years). They live in the house Keith and I were in when we were younger than any of our kids are now, where we lived when our children were young, and where we lived until Marty was nearly 9. There were people there tonight I've known for years and some I just met. Nice people.

It's too late to get a good post together; sorry.

Best wishes for peace and happy surprises!