Best and highest good

Everything is turned to its best use and highest good insofar as we’re able.

SandraDodd.com/why
photo by Sandra Dodd

Science experiment, festival, and a game

Once there was a little discussion on facebook where I said that Learn Nothing Day was like a game, and you join in by showing you know how it works. In response to a question, then, about whether it's a holiday or a game, I wrote:

Well... it's a holiday when people demonstrate what they've learned about learning by attempting not to learn, which is kind of a science experiment and kind of a festival and sort of a game.

More than one thing is happening.

Learn Nothing Day is July 24
photo by Sandra Dodd, on a carousel in Austin, Texas

Two-way change

Unschooling is more than just the absence of school. As we change, our perceptions change, and the perceptions of others toward us changes.

SandraDodd.com/change
photo by Brie Jontry

What is choice?

Someone was writing about what she "had to" do.

My response (saved by Schuyler Waynforth; thanks!):

You are inviting powerlessness into your life and keeping it there by using that phrase.

You wrote -=-how freeing it was to realize we didn't have to KEEP UP-=-

How much more freeing to think "we can choose not to keep up." It might seem to you the same thing, or the other side of the same coin. But coins' sides are NOT the same.

Choice is not the other side of a "have to" coin. It is the antidote to a have-to poison. Choice dissolves the roof and ceiling of a have-to cell.

SandraDodd.com/haveto
photo by Sandra Dodd

Happy choices

I did my time in and around school, and learned things painstakingly and grudgingly that my children later learned while laughing and playing and singing. I have guarded my children's freedom and given them happy choices that I didn't have.


SandraDodd.com/schoolinmyhead
photo by Sandra Dodd, of Marty in the 20th century

A time and a place

[Riding in a car] is a great time and place for humor, news, and deep conversation.

SandraDodd.com/truck
photo by Sandra Dodd

Roses and different directions

People need to start and go, but they don't have to race at breakneck speed or never look back. "Going" sometimes just means going one step and smelling the roses! Sometimes the most important steps are those where you're still standing in the very same place, but looking a different direction!

Sandra Dodd, July 2003 discussion
photo by Sandra Dodd

More and better

The question "What do I have to do?" is a world apart from "What can I do?" "What am I allowed to do?"
. . . .
My kids have been really good employees wherever they worked because they were not trained to just do what they had to do and to just do as little as they had to do.

---

Small bit transcribed from talk I gave in August, 2010
called Unschooling: How to Screw it Up
(you can listen to it at that link)

photo by Sandra Dodd, which is related only by theme

Embracing and supporting

Colleen Prieto wrote:

"For me I think the biggest applications of unschooling in terms of my marriage are the ideas of embracing and supporting other people's passions and interests—not just my child's, but my husband's too. And accepting people for who they are, not trying or wanting to change them or 'fix' them. Valuing everyone in our family for who they are and working together to meet everyone's needs. Unschooling is good for marriages."

—Colleen Prieto

SandraDodd.com/betterpartner
photo by Joyce Fetteroll, of Marta's family
__

Picture it clearly

One easy way to decide how to be is to picture clearly what would make things worse, and then not do that.

JoyfullyRejoycing.com/joyfulnutshells.html
photo by Sandra Dodd

❖

Patient, attentive, calm and accepting

"None of us are perfect; we'll all have some regrets. But with my kids 19, 16, and 13, I can now say that I will never say anything like, 'I wish I'd let them fight it out more,' or 'I wish I'd punished them more,' or 'I wish I'd yelled at them more.' I will only ever say that I wish I'd been more patient, more attentive, more calm and accepting of the normal stresses of having young children."

—Pam Sorooshian
whose children are now 29, 26 and 23,
and who became a grandmother day before yesterday

SandraDodd.com/peace/becoming
I'm guessing Roya or Cyrus might have taken that photo; I don't know.

Respect your kids

"Respect your kids. Too many adults DEMAND respect from kids without showing any respect in return. Doesn't work." —Lyle Perry

How to NOT Screw Up your Kids
photo by Karen James

Enough to share

Abundance in one person provides benefits for others. A child with all the trust he needs can trust others. A child with all the time he needs can share that time with others. One who has freedom won't begrudge freedom in others.



How to Raise a Respected Child
photo by Sandra Dodd

Choice makes a big difference

Plain milk tastes WAY better if it's your choice than it does when it's plain because someone else wouldn't let you put chocolate in it.

How to Raise a Respected Child
Como criar a un niño respetado
art by Laura Mascaró

A good mom

Nothing has ever made me feel better about me
than the feeling that I was being a good mom.



SandraDodd.com/peace/noisy.html
photo by Sandra Dodd
at Archeon Museum Park
Netherlands

Gradually cooler

My world's pretty cool. It has become gradually cooler since I had kids and have tried to figure out how to make THEIR worlds cooler. Mine got the side benefit of what I learned about how to help keep them happy.



I don't know where I wrote that, but someone saved it.
Have a randomizer: SandraDodd.com/random
photo by Sandra Dodd
__

It doesn't hurt to think about it.

In response to questions from critics…

Some things I've said:

"This is working for now. If it stops working, we'll do something else."

"Thanks. I'll think about that." (Or you could say "We thought about that," or "I think about that all the time.")

Mostly people want to know you heard what they said, and that you have thought about what they're suggesting. It doesn't hurt to say that you have, or that you will.

SandraDodd.com/school/say
photo by Julie D

Helping one another grow

Of her birth family, Rippy wrote:

My family used to regularly travel to India to a Sikh ashram where we were encouraged to examine our thoughts and words. The philosophy there was that helping one another grow into more loving, mindful people is one of the greatest acts of service one can do.

—Rippy Dusseldorp Saran

Kinder and More Compassionate

Don't bother

Pam Sorooshian's description of a talk she plans to give:

Unschoolers don't bother with lesson plans, curriculum, assignments, tests, grades, workbooks, homework, or other academic requirements because we have discovered that children who grow up in a stimulating and enriched environment, surrounded by family and friends who are generally interested and interesting, will learn all kinds of things and repeatedly surprise us with what they know. If children are supported in following their own inclinations, they will build strengths upon strengths and excel in their own ways whether those are academic, artistic, athletic, interpersonal, or whichever direction that particular child develops.

Pam Sorooshian, for the Free to Be unschooling conference
in Phoenix, September 2014.
photo by Sandra Dodd

Avoid struggles

"Struggling with a disorder" is not as good as living with choices and looking up instead of down.

Find ways to relax, rather than to struggle.

Peace for Unschoolers
photo by Sandra Dodd

Better at understanding

For all the "be gentle" that parents give their babies about how to touch cats and dogs, the parents themselves aren't always so gentle. Over the years of having children grow up around our dogs and cats I became more compassionate toward the pets. Having learned to communicate with and to understand non-verbal babies, I was better at understanding "non-human-speaking" animal companions.



SandraDodd.com/pets
photo by Sandra Dodd

Meditation?

Caren Knox, in response to a request about how to meditate:

When the boys were younger, I'd sit when I could, but I noticed that thoughts of "needing" to meditate were pulling me away from the moment *with them*. So I'd get centered in that moment, breathing (three deep breaths is magical), noticing sounds, smells, where my body was. Momentary, but being able to be in the moment changed and flavored the next moment, and shifted it toward peace."

—Caren Knox

SandraDodd.com/breathing
photo by Sandra Dodd

Changes happen.

Changes happen in us and around us.

Our children grow. We grow. Old things fall away. New things appear.

SandraDodd.com/change
photo by Sandra Dodd

Patterns and angles

What you see every day can be seen in a different way.



SandraDodd.com/checklists
photo by Sandra Dodd

Playing with dolls

Holly was here today. She's 22 years old now. In this photo, she was 14 or so.

Today she was trying out a new basket, for the possibility of being a babydoll bed. She has a babydoll collection. She was carrying one of her favorites around while we were talking, and asked me seriously why, when she has had it out in public, people have reacted so oddly. The only acceptable answer seemed to be that she was taking a class of some sort, and needed to carry a baby doll. Otherwise, they didn't know how to respond.

I gave her some possible responses to use ("I really like it" or "He feels almost like a real baby" or something conversational), but the real answer was that there is often pressure on kids to stop playing with certain things at certain ages. Baby dolls, maybe by the time girls are eight or so. Boys even sooner (if they were allowed to play with a doll at all).

Holly grew up without much pressure to conform to arbitary age rules. I'm glad.

SandraDodd.com/playing
photo by Sandra Dodd

Sort it out!

"A lot of learning about unschooling is unlearning what we're sure we know about learning."

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/joycefetteroll
photo by Sandra Dodd
outside a kitchen shop in Chichester
click to enlarge

Peaceful options

Our lives are peaceful, our pressures are self-inflicted and mostly optional, we’re free to visit historical sites when there are no crowds, to leave town during the week, to sleep late or have guests whenever it’s convenient for us, without regard to school’s schedule.SandraDodd.com/why
photo by Ashlee Junker

A busy, happy swirl

I didn’t expect them to learn so much without me.

Anyone who is involved in natural learning for any length of time can find it difficult to summarize what children have learned academically, because each child’s knowledge comes from such varied sources and is fit together uniquely.

At first, though, I thought I wouldn’t miss a single thing. Then I totally missed them learning Roman numerals, which they learned from the names of a series of MegaMan video games.


I was jealous of that “MegaMan” guy, at first. I felt cheated out of the fun of seeing their eyes light up. But in thinking about that feeling, I realized that if life is a busy, happy swirl, they will learn. Learning is guaranteed. The range and content will vary, but the learning will happen.

SandraDodd.com/unexpectedarticle

New and better

Lean, one choice at a time, one conscious thought at a time, until your choices and thoughts are solidly in the range where you want to be, and you no longer lean that other way so much.

Your new range of balance will involve better choices and options than your first attempts did.

Sandra, from a talk on being partners
photo by Sandra Dodd

Support

Supporting someone or something requires strength and confidence.

Support is holding something up.
Support is upholding something.

Support your child. Lift him up above you.

New words, relating to older ideas:
SandraDodd.com/partners/child
photo by Sandra Dodd

If you do this well...

"Expect imagination and interest and excitement and passion."

—Mary G.

SandraDodd.com/game/nintendogold
(Follow from Mary's "If you give a kid a Nintendo"
to Crystal's "If you give a cat a Nintendo.")

photo by Sandra Dodd, in Keith, South Australia

Learning through experience

"If you wait to do unschooling *after* you understand it, it's unlikely you'll ever understand it. Learning itself works through experience. Unschooling is the same way. It's largely grasped by experiencing it."

—Katherine Anderson

SandraDodd.com/readalittle
photo by Karen James

Seriously...

If learning for fun creates more connections than "serious learning" did, I can no longer look at "serious learning" seriously.

SandraDodd.com/schoolinmyhead
photo by Sandra Dodd

Already full

"I don't need to stuff him full of who I need him to be, because he's already full of who he is."

—Schuyler Waynforth
March 29, 2014
Gold Coast symposium

SandraDodd.com/understanding
photo by Sandra Dodd of a wonga pigeon at Schuyler's
(The quote is about her son, not about a pigeon.)