Raised up

With "make the better choice," the quality of the options gradually is raised far and away from the original starting-place options.

SandraDodd.com/levelup
photo by Jo Isaac, of a barking owl

What peace feels like

If we raise the level of peace our children expect, they will know what peace feels like.

Adults need to know what peace feels like too, though, and some feel it for the first time when they really start to understand unschooling.

SandraDodd.com/peace/noisy
photo by Colleen Prieto

Greater clarity

Karen James wrote:


If we don't move away from the extremes—those slightly blurry edges—we won't get to appreciate the crisp details of whatever it is we do hope to see and understand better.

That's true for most things, I believe.

Learn to recognize your own extreme thinking. See the nevers and the alwayses. 😊 Then, move around a bit, in search of greater clarity. That shift in thinking will help most relationships, I'm confident.

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/extremes
photo by Gail Higgins

Next week, next year, next century

People DO think of next week. They think of last week. But they're doing their thinking from inside their present selves.

Balance depends on the fulcrum. Be solid. Be grounded.
Be whole, and be here.

SandraDodd.com/peace/becoming
photo by Sandra Dodd

Environmental factors

In the quote below, "it" could be replaced with

• home
• life
• your nest
• your children's day
• yourself

Make it happy and funny and comfortable and exciting so that they want to be with you. Be sparkly.

SandraDodd.com/unschool/sparkly
photo by Sandra Dodd

Viewpoint

The camper from which this photo was taken has been moving around Europe extensively, so the view changes, but the doorway stays about the same. This day, they were in Turkey.

What we perceive is seen through our own eyes. Even looking at a photo, we see what WE see, of what the photographer saw. Our thoughts can't be theirs. What it smelled like can't be conveyed, or how it sounded.

Some scenes and places and stories, dishes, houses, I have shared with my husband and children, but still their perceptions and memories can only be their own. This is a good thing, and good to remember.

Center of the Universe
photo by Ester Siroky

Sometime maybe

Karen James wrote:

When people think "always" and "never", they get stuck in "always" and "never", and can't see the in-between where, most often, the details and valuable bits of wisdom are.

I've found that a lot of new unschoolers seem to get stuck in extreme thinking--the always and never lands. 😉 I probably did too. Maybe it's part of adjusting to a new paradigm of thinking.

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/balance
photo by Marta Venturini

Sunrise

Somewhere in the world it is morning every moment. Somewhere, light is dawning.
.... If you want to change the way you're being or thinking, just do it. Don't wait for another year, another month, another day. Good morning!

SandraDodd.com/morning

photo by Monica Molinar

The Museum of Everything

When you're talking to young children who are figuring out their new language and their new world, avoid saying "always" or "never." Instead of making rules for him or dire predictions, explain your concerns and thoughts.  Give him some "why" to go with his "what" and "where" and "when." Even give him some "why" to go with his "who." Don't forget that he won't know what "aunt" and "cousin" mean. He won't automatically figure out "neighbor" or "co-worker."

You're like a docent in The Museum of Everything.


The quote is from page 63 (or 68) of The Big Book of Unschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd

Learning as much or more

Unschooling doesn't mean not learning — it means learning without the trappings of school. It's not unlearning or uneducating. It's only unschooling — it points out a contrast in approaches to learning. My unschooled kids are learning as much or more than their schooled friends (and that includes home schooled or institution schooled).

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/unschool/moredefinitions
photo by Colleen Prieto

Open up and out

Some kids are more monkey than their parents are. When that happens, it can be invigorating to find an adult who will converse and joke with a kid, even if it's not something the parents would have chosen.

Openness to experience is what it's called—interest and curiosity. Being willing to explore, to try new things, to open upwards and outwards.

SandraDodd.com/open
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Overlapping goodness

Although the ideal is to focus on one things at a time, moms with kids (dads too, sometimes) can become expert at two things at once, and it can be fun. Think of times you've tasted two tastes together, or heard two things at once. Sometimes they blend; sometimes they are jarring.

It's easy to see two things at once, or to notice a combination or juxtaposition you would not have expected.

Thinking many thoughts, and deciding which to keep and which to set aside is the basis of choices, and of wise decision making!

Whirl and Twirl
photo by Mark Elrick

They are whole people

Your children are not works in progress. They are whole people, now and from the day they were born. If you can try to see that, rather than think people are not finished until they're finished, it might help you.

SandraDodd.com/appletree
photo by Cátia Maciel

more context, Always Learning, January 2012

Distant visions

I love being able to see, and to share, pictures of things I have seen, or have NOT seen, in this blog. Jen Keefe's family went to New York City, and the technology of the day allowed her to share some of the things she saw. Her generosity lets me pass it on.

When I was a kid, our teachers encouraged us to have pen pals in other places. The purpose was to broaden our knowledge of foreign states and countries, but there weren't photos involved, and certainly not videos with sound! Messages weren't quickly exchanged.

Being able to see and hear other people, places, accents, languages, birds, animals, trees, foods... appreciate this as the recent miracle it is! Our worlds have expanded, even from inside our houses.

Your Own Model of the Universe

photo by Jen Keefe

Important fun

The separation of learning and fun is the only thing that keeps learning from BEING fun.

SandraDodd.com/sustainable
photo by Sandra Dodd

Perspective

How you view a thing is affected by physical realities (height, vision, lighting), cognitive aspects (familiarity, spatial ability), emotional factors (attraction or revulsion), age, experience, biological states (hungry? sleepy? impatient?), etc. Anything adults and children see or do "together" is sure to be different for each.

See that as a good thing, as a feature of a rich life. They are not you. Shared experiences are still individually perceived.

SandraDodd.com/angles
(These words aren't there; others are.)
photo by Abby Davis

More peace

The more local and personal peace there is, the more peace there will be in the world.

SandraDodd.com/peace/noisy
photo by Denaire Nixon

Merriment and peace

Inventory your own tools. What do you already know that can make you a more peaceful parent? What tricks and skills can you bring into your relationships with members of your family?

SandraDodd.com/bignoisypeace
photo by Janine Davies

It seems miraculous.

Alysia Berman wrote:

I tell people that I'm amazed every day by what my kids know and learn. It seems miraculous. It's not, really. It's normal. I see it as miraculous because I was indoctrinated to believe that none of this could happen outside of school and without teachers.

—Alysia Berman

SandraDodd.com/gettingit
photo by Julie D

Gentle with a child

We make choices ALL the time. Learning to make better ones in small little ways, immediate ways, makes life bigger and better. Choosing to be gentle with a child, and patient with ourselves, and generous in ways we think might not even show makes our children more gentle, patient and generous.

SandraDodd.com/haveto
photo by Lydia Koltai

Hearts renewed

I wrote this verse for a Christmas card we made when my children were eight, five, and three years old.

Abundant joy,    a special toy,       warmth and firelight,          carols at twilight; Memories of old,    children to hold,       comforting food,          and hearts renewed.

More about that, written in 2014
art by Kirby Dodd, in 1994,
with printing and finish work by relatives and friends
Warm, glowing traditions

Abundance abounds!

I'm sharing this photo and note from Megan Valnes, with her permission:

Hello Sandra!

I thought of you today while observing my three youngest children having fun together and bonding while playing with the iPad. 🙂 Had I not opened our lives to the principles of Radical Unschooling, there is a high probability that this moment would never have happened. I remain grateful everyday for the wisdom I have acquired through you, your participants, and the daily practice of unschooling principles. Thank you. Abundance abounds!

—Megan Valnes
(e-mail, December 2023)

SandraDodd.com/abundance
photo by Megan Valnes

Positive, inspired, happy

Ripandeep Saran wrote:

When I was 14 years old, I asked the leader of the Sikh ashram I was visiting what to do when I am feeling blue and he told me the scriptures advise meditation, service and giving gratitude. He told me that it is also the same advice for when you are happy.

This all helps me keep my cup full. That is what works best for me - keeping my cup full of positive, inspired, happy energy as much as possible. Life has its ups and downs, but I like to focus more on the ups and put myself in the best possible position to help myself out when I am down. I am more sensitive than most people, and I feel very deeply. If I had not learned early in life how to deal with my lows, life might not have been as wonderful as it has been.

—Ripandeep Saran
(a.k.a. Rippy Dusseldorp)

The quote is from SandraDodd.com/mentalhealth2

but I also saved it at SandraDodd.com/cup
photo by Marta Venturini

When children have choices...

To set the scene, it was the week before Christmas, in Australia, years ago.

Jo Isaac wrote:

This morning Kai opened his advent calender, ate the chocolate, and then said 'Ugh. I'm so sick of eating all this chocolate! Please can I have a plate of cold food.' (It's *really* hot here today!) He's now saving his chocolates for when he wants them, and eating a plate of baby corn, cucumber and apple. 🙂

—Jo Isaac

True Tales of Kids Turning Down Sweets
photo by Susan May

Positively joyful

Deb Lewis wrote:

Someone once suggested that having a joyful life as one of my goals was potentially damaging to my son because he wouldn't have an "authentic" experience (or something like that). I said I was willing to risk those terrible dangers.

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/positivity
photo by Sarah S.

Choosing more peace

There will never be perfect peace. We can't even define "peace."
There can be a closer approximation to ideal peace. People can come nearer to the way they would like to be, but only incrementally, choice by choice.

If you want to live peacefully, make the more peaceful choice.

Peace is all about choices.

To have peace in your house, be more peaceful.


SandraDodd.com/peace/noisy
doodly art by a younger Holly Dodd

Defending ideas

Me/Sandra, in a discussion once:

Don't post what you're not able or willing to defend. That's not a rule for this group, it's just something that makes plain sense in the whole of life. Don't say in public something you don't really understand well, or that you don't think is worth defending.

Read a little.
Just some.
Don't keep writing.

Read a little. Try a little. Wait a while. Watch.

That's if you want to change.

---

The discussions CAN and have and will continue to help people.   SandraDodd.com/feedback

SandraDodd.com/readalittle
photo by Sarah S.

Plain, thoughtful underpinnings

Strength doesn't need to be high-tech or glitzy. Plain, thoughtful underpinnings and principles can be enough to quietly strengthen a family for many long years.

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Dylan Lewis

More peaceful, with practice

"With practice, the moments of panic and fear become fewer and farther between."

—Diana Jenner
2008

SandraDodd.com/change
photo by Jihong Tang

Every little good thing

De-sludging one's thoughts can be helped by noticing every little good thing one does, that others do, that happens by chance. Gathering little sticks might not be as good as chopping big firewood, but until the ability to do big projects returns, gather the little sticks of hope and remember to be grateful and to find abundance, even if it's abundant Ramen soup, or abundant paper and pencils for drawing or making lists or playing games

SandraDodd.com/mentalhealth2
photo by Sandra Dodd

History and tradition

Newness can dazzle us, and the future is confusing. But right around you are simple, plain, useful, interesting, solid bits of history and tradition—things that were there before you were born, things with their own stories, whose makers might be gone and forgotten, but the artifacts remain.

The photo today is a stile I saw in Texas in 2013. Stiles and fences have existed in various forms for a long time. There are quiet antiques all around us.

SandraDodd.com/curiosity
photo by Sandra Dodd
__

All-slightly-better Everything

Someone wrote that learning about unschooling felt like learning a new language.

I responded

It's like learning a new everything, but an all-slightly-better everything.

SandraDodd.com/beginning
photo by Renee Cabatic

Quietly, yourself

Unschooling takes a long time to learn. Rushing a child to understand something complicated while the parent isn’t even looking in the right direction to see unschooling is a problem that’s easily solved. Stop pressuring the child. Stop “communicating” the confusion. Quietly empty yourself of much of what you think you know.

SandraDodd.com/quiet
photo by Denaire Nixon

Help, often

Pay attention to your child and help him do/find/see/experience things that will interest him. Help him be his best self as often as you can.

SandraDodd.com/intelligences
photo by Kelly Drewery

Paths made of life

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

Looking back, we can often see the path pretty clearly. But we can't look ahead and know what the path is going to be.

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/flitting
photo by a realtor, on an unschooler's property

Shine a light

"Shine a light ahead for them, and lend them a hand, but don't drag or push them."

—Pam Sorooshian

How to Be a Good Unschooler, by Pam Sorooshian
photo by Sandra Dodd

Practical positivity

From a half-secret page on mental health (my writing, Marta's collection):

If a person with marked highs and lows gets too involved with depressing politics or scary or sad this'n'that, or doesn't gather a tool box of self-soothing thoughts and behaviors (breathing, walking, sending birthday cards and thank you cards to other people, singing, playing sports—different sets for different people, but some positive, uplifting habits), the low can turn to a depression that isn't easy to rise out of, and can be nearly impossible to function from.

SandraDodd.com/mentalhealth2
photo by Linda Wyatt

Interesting and good

From 2002:

One of my favorite things about my kids, and what makes unschooling easy with them, is that they're not cynical or critical about the interests of others in the family, or of the neighbors, or of their friends. They assume that everything has the potential to be interesting and good.

SandraDodd.com/halfempty
photo by Sandra Dodd

Kindness, generosity and joy

Meredith wrote:

Kindness and generosity and joy are important to me. So if I look at my daughter and she seems dissatisfied or bored, I want to do something to help—I want to spread some kindness and joy. So I'll look for ways to do that. Will it help to visit more friends? Go someplace with animals (my daughter loves animals)? Is she happy with her current animation program or is she ready for something more complex? Has she finished her latest graphic novel? Does she need new shoes? Do I need to spend more time hanging out with her? Play a game, maybe (video or board game)? Go on an adventure together? Write together? I suggest things based on what I know about her—what sorts of things make her smile, light her up with enthusiasm, or pique her curiosity.

When I focus on those sorts of goals, learning takes care of itself. That's something that can be hard to see right away, especially if you have some schoolish expectations as to how learning happens. Read more about natural learning so you can build up some confidence.

—Meredith Novak

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Julie D