It gets easy (or it can...)

It sounds easy, and it gets easy, but it's not easy at first.

SandraDodd.com/hsc/radical
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Live, play, explore, enjoy

Colleen Prieto wrote:

I do my best to make sure my son is undamaged. I was told when I was a child “you haven’t earned happy yet – talk to me when you’re my age – when you’re my age we’ll talk.”

I don’t think kids should have to earn happy when there’s the opportunity to let them live every day, out in the world (not in a classroom), making their own choices without guilt and shame, enjoying today instead of spending every today preparing for tomorrow as if today’s not good enough and tomorrow’s the only thing that counts.

I wish more people could see that (to me anyway) that’s what unschooling does. It lets kids live. And play. And explore. And enjoy. It lets them live like they don’t need to earn happy.

—Colleen Prieto

SandraDodd.com/happy
photo by Cátia Maciel

Learning while laughing

People learn by playing, thinking and amazing themselves. They learn while they're laughing at something surprising, and they learn while they're wondering "What the heck is this!?"

Amusing confusion
photo by Cátia Maciel

Detours and side trips

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

Unschooling is sort of "messy" in that there isn't a "plan" and kids can often go in one direction for a while and then seem to come to a dead end and turn around and go off in another direction. It isn't like a kid who studies certain high school subjects—a couple of years of science, four years of English, a year of American History, and so on—and then goes on to sort of do that same thing in college—follow a predetermined path. Unschooled kids often "meander" in their lives. They proceed in fits and starts. They detour. But those side trips can turn into their main life's journey when you least expect it. 🙂 And they all add up to make the child into the person they are becoming.

—Pam Sorooshian

Games...Rich Life
photo by Sarah S.

Focus on the positive

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

People who look at what they have and how they can work with it find the ways quicker (and are happier) than those who look at what they don't have. That sounds harsh but it's true for everyone, regardless of how fortunate someone feels someone else must be. It's not easy! It's a *choice* to focus on the positive—a choice one often needs to remember to make repeatedly—because the alternative gets in the way of moving toward something better.

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Sandra Dodd

Find ideas you like

Find ideas you like, but remember that all parenting happens at your house, not online, not in groups, but within the parent. Your relationship with your child doesn't need to be approved by strangers. It needs to be the best you can do with your child, yourself, at your house. If you need ideas, the world is overflowing with good ones, and bad ones.

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Sandra Dodd

Getting it

When people say "I read [whichever] webpage last year, but..." and I say "Read it again," I think they might think I'm accusing them of not having read it, but it's that after using the ideas a while, the description makes lots more sense.


Whatever it is we're learning—crochet patterns, musical notation, using crutches, building a fire, making cookies—hearing instructions (or reading them) makes VERY little sense at first. Later it makes more sense. But after trying it and figuring out some things for ourselves, and then going back and looking at the directions, they come to life, in color, and they make 3-D sense.

SandraDodd.com/gettingit

Read a little, try a little; wait a while, watch
art and photo by Roya Dedeaux

Happy health

"Happiness is good for health! If something that makes a kid happy is deemed unhealthy by a parent, it will create stress and division. That kind of stress is NOT healthy. That kind of division works against the kind of relationship between parent and child that makes unschooling awesome!"

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/eating/peace
photo by Sarah S.

Really unschooling

Gradually, steadily, consider what might be better, how you would like to be, and what you have learned will help.

Be in the immediate presence of your own child, with the awareness and knowledge you can use to make that moment better.

The kinder thing, the better thing
photo by Nina Haley

Ease, joy, and sparkle

"Unschooling, for me, works better as a practice and less well as an identity. I can always get close, understand the problem better, and lean on unschooling principles to find more ease, joy, and sparkle."

—Tara Joe Farrell

SandraDodd.com/unschool/sparkly
photo by Cátia Maciel (her camera, anyway)

Everything counts

Where learning is concerned, it's never too late and everything counts.

Persephonics
photo by Dylan Lewis

Being very careful

Y'know when people say "Don't try this at home"?

Homeschoolers can do the same kind of damage school does, if they are not Very Careful not to.

Some Thoughts about Later Reading
photo by Sarah S.

Those cookies are not really sad or damaged, but I don't have many somber photos in the stash! They are ACTing.

Clearly and plainly honest

Deb Lewis wrote:

A child who can't trust his parents, not because of any malicious intent on the part of his parents, but because of repeated false information, is at risk of not seeking help from his parents when he really needs it. Who will he turn to? It might be someone who does not have his best interests at heart.

Truth is a sensitive thing and a parent's fear might prevent her from thinking and being clearly and plainly honest.

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/trust
photo by Kirby Dodd

Sorting, comparing, naming, learning

For the parents, deschooling is learning about learning.

For the parents AND the children,

Sorting through things is learning.

Sorting through ideas, and songs, and art, is learning

Comparing things is learning about them.

Contrasting things is learning about them.

Categorizing things is learning about them.

Naming things is learning about them.

Naming radical unschooling is learning about it.

SandraDodd.com/hsc/radical
photo by Sandra Dodd, in Holly's candid kitchen

Delight with them

Karen James wrote:

Pay close attention to your children. Really see what they are doing, what they are interested in, what they are enjoying, what frustrates them, what they like and what they don't like.

Notice how they think. Notice what kinds of things bring them delight. Delight in those things with them. Find ways to add to their experiences. Be open to the things you bring being passed over. Notice what kinds of things are embraced.

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/karenjames/deschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd

Then what?

With logic, or engineering, storytelling, sports or tricks, it's fun to wonder about the result one change or action will have.

Mindfulness is about remembering that what I'm doing right now is going to have an effect on what will happen next, not just in my own life, but in other people's lives.

SandraDodd.com/mindfulness
photo by Sandra Dodd

Comfortably oneself

Karen James wrote:

I've been reflecting on the idea of potential...

I think, six years ago, I was thinking of the potential to be anything. Now, six years later, as I watch my son navigate his teen years, and as I come to understand him and myself better, I think the potential to be comfortable enough in one's own skin, to be fully and unapologetically oneself, is what is so great.

—Karen James, 2018

Growth and Potential
photo by Sarah S.

Other ways to the same place

Sylvia Woodman, in an interview:

What they were able to read was not connected to what they were able to understand. They had very big vocabularies, they could understand very sophisticated content, but they weren’t necessarily going to go to a reference book to learn more. They had other resources available to them. They had podcasts, they had YouTube, they had voice-to-text if they wanted to communicate with people; they had lots of other ways of getting to the same place.

—Sylvia Woodman

SandraDodd.com/sylviawoodman/interview
photo by Sylvia Woodman

Books, directly deposited

Deb Lewis wrote:

Listening to audio books is a wonderful way for kids to experience great stories beyond what they'd be able to read on their own. (And beyond what their moms have voice for!)

SandraDodd.com/limits/listening
photo by Sandra Dodd

"What do you mean?"

Concerning the "socialization" question...

It might be useful to ask conversationally, "What do you mean?" It's very likely they don't know what they mean. It's a question asked out of very vague fear. If they have an answer, say "Can you give me an example?" It probably won't take much to lead them to see that they haven't really thought much about the topic.

Some home educating families feel that they're on trial, or at least being tested. If someone asks you something like "What about his social growth?" it's not an oral exam. You're not required to recite.

You could say "We're not worried about it" and smile, until you develop particular stories about your own child. It's easier as your children get older and you're sharing what you *know* rather than what you've read or heard.

SandraDodd.com/socialization
(listen there about socializing vs. socialization)
photo by Nina Haley

Calm and thoughtful

Don't rush into anything. Parents should learn to be calm and thoughtful instead of panicky and reactionary. It's better for health and decision-making, and it sets a good example for the children. Don't live in fear when you can live in joy.

Time, change, learning
photo by Holly Dodd

You can go on and on!

Linda Wyatt wrote:

Play with patterns. Play with sets. Go outside and throw rocks and pay attention to the paths they travel. Drop stones into a pond and watch the ripples. Figure out why buildings don't fall down- or why they do. Ponder why the wind off Lake Michigan travels through the city of Chicago the way it does. And Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping down the plains... what's different in very windy places? How do you need to change things to accommodate that? Or other weather? Why are most of the roofs in places that get a lot of snow not flat?

I could go on and on and on and on. You can, too.

Question everything. Figure some of it out.

—Linda Wyatt

SandraDodd.com/math
photo by Sandra Dodd
of wall art at Bhava Yoga Studio

Some things you can't see

"Looking back, we can often see the path pretty clearly. But we can't look ahead and know what the path is going to be."

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/flitting
photo by Nisa Deeves

With and for, not against

Parents who say anything is stupid (laws, art, music) are working against their child's peace and learning, not with and for it.

Living in the Real World
photo by Brie Jontry

Wonder and discovery

No matter how your children learn, take a few more opportunities to share wonder and discovery with them. It will enrich you all.

SandraDodd.com/unschool/allkinds
photo by Sylvia Woodman

The same old story

On a remote farm, there was a nephew, an uncle, a beautiful too-closely-related strongwoman, a wrinkly little one with a stick who was more powerful than appearances suggested...

Little did they know the fate that would take them to a distant place.

I didn't do the art, but I like it. The storytelling is mine.

The juxtaposition of Jed Clampett and the Jedi is a good example of "comparison and contrast." Without using that phrase you can look for, or induce (if you can do it casually and for fun) situations in which your children are comparing one thing to another, looking for similarities and differences.

Just because something is silly doesn't mean high-level cognition isn't happening. If humor helps, find it. Make it. Appreciate it in your children.

...Thinking and Learning and Bears
photo art... shared on facebook, and I can't credit it

Imagining

Take this lightly. Play around.

Play with words, with ideas, with thoughts.
Play with music.
Play in the rain.
Play in the dark.
Play with your food.

But play safely. Play is only play when no one involved is objecting. It's only playing if everyone is playing.

Pretending, with a barn swallow's nest
SandraDodd.com/playing
photo by Sandra Dodd

What do you want?

When you know what you want to find, it's easier to see it. If you know you want learning and peace and joy in your life, removing the smallest of obstacles or distractions will let those things shine forth.

Obstacles
photo by Sarah S.

(quote is from page 203-236 of The Big Book of Unschooling)

Smooth it off

If you want a peaceful life, smooth off the rough parts. Take away the dangerous and irritating things. Spend a moment appreciating peace when you see it or feel it. It's not something you can do once and for all. It's a way of living.

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Roya Dedeaux

(quote is from page 203-236 of The Big Book of Unschooling)

What's different?

Don't scoot through your day without using your senses. What is happening around you? What is new and different? How could you easily make others safer and more comfortable?

SandraDodd.com/wonder
photo by Gail Higgins

(quote is from page 203-236 of The Big Book of Unschooling)

Knowing where you are

Parents with a realistic and considered awareness of what their own freedoms are within the laws of the apartment building, housing development, city, county/parish/township, state/province or nation are free to share some of those with their children.

We let Holly choose carpet once, but we couldn't have legally required her to pay for it, as she was only eight or nine at the time.

We have surprised waiters in many restaurants by turning to our children questioningly when the waiter asks the adults "Would you like to see the dessert menu?" They're even more surprised when the kids say, "No thanks," or "I'm full," while making friendly eye contact with the waiter.

More, in context: SandraDodd.com/freedom/limits
photo by Cátia Maciel

Seasons, in and out

Seasons change, and yet it's the same old seasons, in the same old order.

People can change, but they're still people, who get excited about snow, and then frustrated with the same snow, and then tired of snow.

Snow is natural, and it's beautiful. It is natural for people to have short attention spans, to want to make things better, to see what could be, should be, might be, and to think about that instead of what *is*, in that moment. Accept that human nature, like snow, can be welcome, beautiful, irritating, and sometimes dangerous.

Be careful walking, and driving, and help others be safe.

SandraDodd.com/control
photo by Amy Milstein

Healing for parents

(When some unschooled kids found the terms "class clown" and "teacher's pet," they didn't understand the concepts.)

It can be healing for parents to think back to their own sorrows and then to their own children's freedom from those experiences. Look at what a change you have made in the world by not passing those things on! And how comforting for my own soul that my children could be helpful and funny without being pointed at and laughed at and becoming the butt of a joke.

Other unschooling parents commented, too:
SandraDodd.com/freedom/from
photo by Vlad Gurdiga

Make Choices

People have thoughts and reactions every half a second. Question them all. Witness and consider them all. Make choices. Make choices that move you toward being more at peace with your child.

SandraDodd.com/choice       SandraDodd.com/ifonly

SandraDodd.com/mindfulness       Quote's source, on Always Learning

photo by Cátia Maciel

Humor helps

Deb Lewis wrote:

Studies are now popping up suggesting laughter makes our brains work better, reduces stress and helps sick people get well...

I don't think humor will guarantee my kid will have a better life, but I know it won't hurt him. If all it does is leave him with happy memories of his childhood and parents, I'll count it among our most useful tools."

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/deblewis/humor
photo by Elise Lauterbach

Where do rainbows come from?

This cat seems to have rainbows coming from its nether parts. When I said so, Brie said it just needed a Pop Tart. I didn't get it, but Brie, and then Holly pointed me toward Nyan Cat, and I learned things. Useful things? Used to explore and to get more jokes! Usefully made me laugh.

Cartoon unicorns are out there producing rainbows, too.

Other Rainbow Connections? Noah, leprechauns, Dorothy Gail from Kansas, Kermit the Frog, The Rolling Stones, John Sebastian, and all the others you've already thought of or will remember or discover later.

photo by Brie Jontry

---

Nyan Cat was created by Chris Torres, in Texas, in 2011.

Colored lights

How do you get a rainbow into your house and onto your cat?

Most indoor rainbows are induced, created, spring from a prism set up on something in a windowsill, or a faceted crystal hanging in the window, or prismatic window coverings or stickers.

Light-separating gadgetry needs sunlight, though, and cats love to find a sunbeam.

Even without cats, you might be able to bring occasional rainbows into your home.

The rainbow tag on this blog will bring up some indoor rainbows, and many actual full-sky arcs. Enjoy
The last rainbow cat
and there will be another tomorrow
photo by Amber Ivey

Looking at whole lives

People live all over the world, and each life is different. Some people have horses, while others don't. Some can see the ocean every day; some never will. Some know all about snow, and others can't really imagine it.

We don't know in advance how lives will flow and grow, even while we're living in that flow.

Looking too closely for too long can bring frustration. "We had a meal today without vegetables, Oh NO!" or "This toddler didn't nap, and so Oh NO!" Look back at those in a week or a year, or in thirty years, and the diet will have averaged out, and the toddler will have slept.

Looking at details is good, but once in a while, take a long view of the lives of your grandparents, neighbors, friends, even maybe fictional characters. Sometimes the details dissolve into history, or are fleeting, or can be smiled away.

Find peace and hope in everyday ways.

Perspective
photo by Cathy Koetsier

Principles instead of rules

"The Principles apply universally. That's what makes them Principles instead of rules."

—Robyn Coburn

SandraDodd.com/principles
(but the original is here on Always Learning)
photo by Janine Davies