Peace and Joy

Life isn't all peace and joy. Many people will say that, and it's true.

With hopeful, positive intentions and with ever more mindful choices, there can be more peace, and more joy.

Being a Happy Mom

photo by Lydia Koltai

Connect and assist

An expression of boredom is a request for connection, for input, for assistance with the world.

Bored No More
photo by Sandra Dodd, but Holly put the clock in the tree years ago

Someone did that

Sometimes I eat food my daughter grew herself. Sometimes I don't know who grew my food, but someone did.

Someone made my dishes, either by hand, or designed an original and others knew how to produce copies.

Someone chose and procured colanders, pots, pans, utensils. Some I found; some were gifts.

Someone (sometimes it's me) prepares food and sets it out.

Someone cleans up and puts those special things back where they go.

The more sweetness and gratitude involved in all of that, the better all the world is, but especially my own world is sweeter and better.

SandraDodd.com/gratitude
photo by Sarah S.

Favorite tools

People who use tools find some more useful and comfortable than others. Even three spatulas that might seem the same to strangers can have subtle differences in weight, flex, ease of washability, and heat transfer.

Cooks, artists, woodworkers, workers in tile, plaster, painting, brickwork or concrete—think of any field of work or art—know their tools, and maybe yearn for better. Gardeners and farmers know which shovel is best for their own height, strength and intentions.

Maybe ask for stories, from tool-using friends. Perhaps consider gifts of tools, but don't feel bad if the old one is still the favorite.

in another post, Karen Lundy's kitchen utensils, laid out nicely
photo by Karen James (and the container is her art and artistry)

Three

It can be fun to play with the idea of three. I had a literature professor say "Three trees make a row." He meant that finding three instances of something in a piece of writing is worth pursuing.

I thought of real trees, though, and more often three trees make a triangle.

That idea has amused me for a long time, of rows and triangles. Finding, seeing, hearing three things that are similar can make fun connections worth pursuing.

There are threes in literature, lyrics, art, games, rhythms, and on clocks. Whether you have young children to amuse with this or not, maybe look around for and play around with threes.

Patterns
photo by Cathy Koetsier

Secret worlds

Parents new to unschooling often fear the responsibility of needing to discover things to show their children.

More experienced unschoolers discover the sweet joy of children finding wonderful things to show the parents.

Behind that bark is a little hidden world.

SandraDodd.com/discovery
photo by Rosie Moon

Loving and patient

In families in which parents have considered themselves partners in their children's rich lives, teens don't have the desperate urge to leave. A natural desire to leave the nest does kick in, as it does for many mammals. It might have kicked in sooner if the culture didn't require parents to take care of their children and be responsible for them until they were 18 years old. I know dozens of teens up close, by name, who are loving and patient with their parents even though the parents are getting old and forgetful. Teens can be helpful and generous with parents and siblings when they themselves have been generously helped up to that point.

from "Saying Yes to Teens" in The Big Book of Unschooling (page 252 or 293)
which links to
SandraDodd.com/yes

photo by Belinda Dutch

Inside choices

Someone wrote, of a six-year-old, once:

She's currently refusing to go outside.

I responded:

She can't refuse if no one is pressuring or demanding.

SandraDodd.com/rebellion
photo by Deb Lewis

Other aspects

Usually I remind people to see things directly.

Today I'm inviting people to play with light and images though, and—just for fun—to look very indirectly. Trick your eyes; trick other people's eyes, but sweetly, like little magic tricks.

There can be learning there, too. As long as those involved are having fun, good memories and connections will be made. When someone's not having fun anymore, go back to being directly there.

Reflections on Mirrors
photo by Holly Dodd

What is unschooling?

Unschooling would be difficult to understand even if it were easy to define. From the point of view of the parent, it is creating and maintaining an environment in which natural learning flourishes.

SandraDodd.com/definitions
photo by Kinsey Norris

Nurturing

Whether from playing, helping, stories or examples, children begin to learn about nurturance very young.

With a generous heart, nurturing nurtures the nurturer.

Nurturing, in all directions
photo by Elise Lauterbach

Kindness, and rich lives

Meredith Novak wrote:

There's a common parenting myth that making our kids' lives easier, being sweet and kind and gentle with them, makes them greedy and unfit for adult life.

It is not true.

Kids learn from experience. When they experience a lot of kindness, they learn the value of kindness in very real, concrete ways. When we make their lives easier, we make it easier for them to learn more and more richly. And they're happier. And that makes parenting easier, because we're not dealing with kids who are stressed out and frustrated.

—Meredith Novak

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more about Abundance
photo of Brie and baby Noor, years ago
Noor is attending university now.

Babies, words, variations

English has MANY words for things. A sandwich can be a sandwich, a snack, dinner, a tuna sandwich or a grilled cheese. A dog can be a puppy or a guard dog or a pet or a beagle or a poodle. A flower might be a tulip or a gift. A gift might be a present, or a birthday present.

Not just English! The quote above is from a discussion years ago in which someone recommended using one single word for each thing, when talking to a young child, and not to use baby talk.

Experienced unschoolers merrily disassembled her theory and built something prettier.

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Talking to Babies
photo by Sarah Dickinson

Tricks of the eye

Artists know for sure, and other people sometimes notice, that nearer looks bigger, and far seems small.

What we see depends on where we are and what we know.

Relatively close,     or     Here and there
photo by Sandra Dodd

Autumn waterfall

Leaves changing, water flowing—visible signs of the natural passage of time.

I'm glad Gail and Broc hiked to this beautiful place and Gail captured an image.

The water's flowing even if nobody's watching.

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Waterfalls
photo by Gail Higgins

Lamplight and color

I like facebook because I can see photos of my grandkids, of more distant relatives, of friends who live near and far, some of whom I've met in person and others I've known for twenty years or more without being in the same physical place.

This week, Karen James (probably with the help of her family) painted a couple of these walls different colors. I know this because she shared it on facebook.

Before the new colors came, though, I had snagged an image of lamps, thinking of the interactions of those various lights on Karen's art projects, her snacks, views of her husband and son, and her cat. I thought of how each light had a purpose, and a history.

Now, to all of that, add the thought of new colors. What is commonplace this year—seeing others' homes at a distance in color, grandparents seeing grandchildren asleep in their own beds without leaving our own—is new, on Earth. Appreciation and wonder are appropriate reactions to these marvels. Try not to take wonders for granted.

SandraDodd.com/wonder
photos by Karen James

Your individual self

There is a hanging lamp at our house, in the entryway. It reminds me of restaurant furnishings of the southwestern U.S. in the late 1960s and '70s. It's iron, with sheets of colored glass, in blue and amber. It makes it easy for me to remember that the house was built in the early 1970s.

The associations I have with this lamp won't match those of my children, who have seen it most of their lives. Even my husband, also from New Mexico, probably has other thoughts and connections. Visitors, depending on their ages and experiences, will see it and images or words might come to them.

It's good to know that the pictures in your head are your own, and the connections that go with them. Your children's experiences and views of the world are their individual own selves'.

SandraDodd.com/connections
photo by Sandra Dodd

Subscriptions, and gratitude

Dear subscribers:

Thank you for your patience while Vlad is building a mailing program around us. The new format is beautiful and full of links to good things. I'm very grateful to Mr. Gurdiga for his clever and very generous help.

Some days, some of us got doubles, or posts repeated. I'm sorry for the confusion, but glad for the abundance!

I had wanted to quote part of something I wrote about abundance, but found that
1) the whole thing was required for it to make sense,
2) I had posted it before, in 2013, and
3) the original post had comments and links to two things new that day, about abundance and gratitude.

Please enjoy: Gratitude and Abundance

photo by Sandra Dodd

Lighting up the darkness

BE light, don't block light.

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SandraDodd.com/light
photo by Sarah Dickinson

Imagining strength

Kids are great at playing with the idea of being extra strong.
It doesn't hurt grown-ups to do the same.

SandraDodd.com/better
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp

Nearer, closer, bigger

What's near seems Big! Stay close to your children so they will be big in your life.

SandraDodd.com/priorities
photo by Kinsey Norris

Sensational days

Sensational / Sensation / Senses

Color, texture, scent. Sound. Taste.

Let your days be sensational.

Disposable Checklists for Unschoolers
photo by Janine Davies

What you can't see

Look at this reflection:

Your presence, your being, is reflected in things whether you can see it or not. When you cast a shadow, you might forget to notice.

The effect of your passing through, of waiting, walking or twirling, can affect others even without your conscious intent to "create an impression."

Light and Lightness
photo by Colleen Prieto

Honest and true

If you offer service with the hope of reward or praise or indebtedness, it will create resentment in you and in those who received the service. If you offer service without sending the bill, anything others say or do will be an honest expression of gratitude, not the last-minute submission of the bare minimum payment for services rendered.

A "thank you" that's scripted is just noise. A "thank you" you didn't expect is true communication.

Serving Others as a Gift
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp (or someone with her camera)

Everyday patterns

Meredith Novak wrote:

Kids learn because they are observant. I don't only mean modelling, I mean the human brain is designed to notice patterns and there are patterns everywhere - in speech, in social interactions, in shapes of things, in the relationships between physical characteristics. Some sets of related patterns we call "language" some we call "mathematics" some we call "music" etc. Kids can't help but notice those patterns and think about them because that's what our big convoluted brains do best.

More, by Meredith

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SandraDodd.com/patterns
photo by Hema Bharadwaj

Live as a learner

Set the example of living as a learner.

Parents Change
photo by Karen James, of her work in progress

Deschooling

Sylvia Woodman wrote:

In some ways parents need to be actively demonstrating how much BETTER staying home is to being in school. Make sure you are busy doing fun things. Give her experiences that she could never have if she was in school.

Sandra Dodd, backing her up:

Sylvia's right—DO things. Point out in the midst of a fun activity that it's cool that she doesn't need to... get up early the next day, or wear special clothes/uniform/dress code every day, or...

And you, the mom, see other things that are lucky and fortunate about it.

Questions about Deschooling (facebook)
photo by Cátia Maciel

Differences and similarities

People are always comparing and connecting things. Those are tools of learning. What is "just like" this, or similar? What is the opposite, or very different?

Those considerations work with visual arts, music, puzzles, sports, politics—just about anything involving thoughts and decision making.

Who am I similar to? Who am I glad to avoid? How does my child see me? How would I like to be seen and remembered?

Knowing Differences
photo by Holly Dodd

Living well without boredom

From Wikipedia, about boredom:

There are three types of boredom, all of which involve problems of engagement of attention. These include times when we are prevented from engaging in some wanted activity, when we are forced to engage in some unwanted activity, or when we are simply unable, for no apparent reason, to maintain engagement in any activity or spectacle.

If that list is to be accepted, then unschooling parents can avoid boredom by finding ways to help children engage in wanted activities, not pressing them to engage in unwanted activities, and provide options to any activity or spectacle. (I'm thinking having quiet toys, a book, a Gameboy, smart phone or iPad on hand.

Boredom and unschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd

Safety in communication

Avoid giving teenagers reason to lie about where they are. Give them leeway and backup and be ready to rescue a child or teen any time of the day or night from an uncomfortable situation. Lots of times kids are afraid to get in trouble for being where they are and when, and the people they're with know it, and that compounds danger.

The quote is from SandraDodd.com/metoo
but an illustrative story is at The night Holly was in trouble
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a younger-teen Holly
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Small choices

If you decide how you want your home to be, and then make choices that get you nearer to that, things will get gradually better.

If you don't decide, or if you don't think of it many times a day when you make small choices, and decide how to act and react, then things won't get better.

Not every step will be forward, but if most of them are, then you'll make progress.

SandraDodd.com/progress
photo by Janine Davies

Surprise!

Life is richer when you are open to appreciating surprises.


Surprises and discoveries
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Instinct

If food tastes like you should not eat it, don't eat it. If one bite makes you full, don't eat two. If one of your children balks at certain food, don't press him to eat it. Listen to your body's clear signals. If you get hungry, you'll FEEL hungry, and you might even know exactly what you would like to/should/can best eat, if you relax and pay attention.

SandraDodd.com/instinct
photo by Holly Dodd

Love; generosity; a haven

Wash dishes because you want to. What would make you want to? Love. Generosity. A desire to have an available kitchen, a clean slate, a fresh canvas. The wish to do something simple and kind for yourself and others. The wish to keep peace in your house. The preference of singing and feeling warm soapy water over accusations and threats and tears. The intention to build loving relationships rather than antagonism. The hope to make a haven of your home, rather than a dangerous trap everyone would love to escape.

from page 201 of The Big Book of Unschooling (page 177 of the older edition)
related ideas online: Serving Others as a Gift
photo by Colleen Paeff

Hope and joy

There are no guarantees, but we can always do a little better.

Live in hope and joy, not in fear and avoidance.

SandraDodd.com/guarantees
photo by Elaine Santana

Can laundry be fun?

Any tiny moment can be enjoyed: the feel of warm running water when you wash your hands...

...Can laundry be fun? If you have to do laundry and you choose NOT to enjoy it, an hour or more of your precious hours on earth have been wasted. Can looking at your child bring you joy even when he needs a bath and has lost a shoe and hasn't lived up to some expectation that only exists in your mind? If not, a paradigm shift could help you both.

"Laundry is Love" (a new page!)
The quote above is on the new page, though it is from
Rejecting a Pre-Packaged Life (SandraDodd.com/joy)

photo by Cathy Koetsier

Receiving Light by mail...

Some of you should be seeing an improved mailing. Our replacement for the longtime "feedburner" was not as clean or as pretty as Just Add Light and Stir needs. Having heard what I liked, wanted, and wished for, Vlad Gurdiga has created his own subscription system.

One hundred subscribers have been moved to the new program as a test. I missed this year's anniversary (September 2), but Just Add Light and Stir is over 11 years old now! Thank you for reading, and I hope that soon every subscriber will have a more beautiful e-mail to open each day.

Without Vlad's generous help, much of our long-collected unschooling information would be unavailable. I'm very grateful.

Gratitude
photo by Tara Joe Farrell

Today is now

Today can't be made better tomorrow.

Today you will make choices. Those choices will affect more lives than your own.

Be a good person to be a good parent
photo by Gail Higgins

Esoteric and foofy? Why?

Even in the long term, unschooling is not about the completion of a project at all. It’s about becoming the sort of people who see and appreciate and trust that learning can happen. And who can travel with children, not just drag them along or push them along, but who can travel with children along those interesting paths together not until you get there, but indefinitely.

And for beginning unschoolers that sounds also a little esoteric, a little foofy. And not solid. They want to know what do I do when the kids wake up in the morning? So, the beginning information is very often, “What do I do?” But the information that will get people from the beginning to the intermediate is why. "Why do we do this?"

Changes in Parents
photo by Ester Siroky

The quote is from a podcast episode of Pam Laricchia interviewing me.
I tweaked the quote just slightly, capitalizing "even"
and using "unschooling" rather than "it."

I've used this quote before, but used better titles:

2017: Travel interesting paths

2018: "Why do we do this?" (with the same photo, even)