Healing selves

It will help you heal from your childhood, to be a good mother. Seeing your own child's bright eyes when you do something sweet can heal the child inside you who would have loved to have had someone do that to, for, with her, years ago.

SandraDodd.com/healing
photo by Rodrigo Mattioli

Three little things

Today, three times, do something a little bit better.


Are you cutting an apple? Slow down and do something unexpected, something artsy. There might be an animal outside (or inside) you could offer the scraps to.

If you're asked to help someone, add a sweet gesture or a kinder word.

If you succeed and it helps, do it again tomorrow.

Uplift
photo by Amber Ivey

Stories, music, light and movement

a mom named Lisa wrote:

There is plenty of value in TV/movies. It's as much of a dream world for kids as books (if not more). I know it can be frustrating when it's all new to you... I can't tell you how many times I wondered if I wasn't doing something horrible by letting my children watch as much TV as they wanted. I was sure it would backfire and that it would make my kids passive.

They're still lovely and beautiful and full of life....driven from the inside instead of following my lead so much.

Relax and enjoy the wonder of your child. 🙂

—Lisa

That's the end of something sweet, and longer, at SandraDodd.com/t/whatif

photos by Rosie Moon (stained glass)
and Kelly Halldorson (wood stove)

I brought these pictures to a TV post for being older versions of moving-light images. They are associated with stories, and with music, too. Television and film are related, culturally and historically.

Quickly but gradually...

Instead of just going from lots of control to "do whatever you want," a really sweet way to do it is quickly but gradually. Quickly in your head, but not all of a sudden in theirs. Just allow yourself to say "okay" or "sure!" anytime it's not really going to be a problem.

If something isn't going to hurt anything (going barefoot, wearing the orange jacket with the pink dress, eating a donut, not coming to dinner because it's the good part of a game/show/movie, staying up later, dancing) you can just say "Okay."

And then later instead of "aren't you glad I let you do that? Don't expect it every time," you could say something reinforcing for both of you, like "That really looked like fun," or "It felt better for me to say yes than to say no. I should say 'yes' more," or something conversational but real.

The purpose of that is to help ease them from the controlling patterns to a more moment-based and support-based decision making mindset. If they want to do something and you say yes in an unusual way (unusual to them), communication will help. That way they'll know you really meant to say yes, that it wasn't a fluke, or you just being too distracted to notice what they were doing.

SandraDodd.com/eating/control.html
photo by Cátia Maciel

Angels and chickens

Knowing I wanted to use this photo of Lydia Koltai's daughter and a favorite chicken, I pulled up my site search and put in "angel" and "chicken," partly as a joke—thinking I might get a quote with one of them.

Up came the page on cakes. Well, then! I invite you to go there and read the brief story of how my young boys, during a viewing of Spartacus in 1994, helped me discover one of the coolest things of my whole life—that the candles on birthday cakes, and the cakes themselves, are sacrificial offerings. Also they're sweet, and fun. There's light. There are wishes. There is celebration.

Cherish those things.

SandraDodd.com/cake
photo by Lydia Koltai

Knowing needs

Anna Black (in Australia, so the cookies and biscuits were same and sweet):

Today we were driving home from the library discussing what we would eat. Usually we go to a cafe after the library, but we are saving money for an aquarium visit on Wednesday so I offered to make milkshakes and cinnamon butter cookies at home, which both kids love. My six year old was enthusiastic, but then said, "I think I'm too hungry for biscuits. I'd like something more filling and not sweet." She ended up having a bowl of tuna and mayonnaise, followed by a milkshake. I am so glad she can listen to what her body needs and choose accordingly.

Sandra, responding to that tuna story:

When kids don't get enough sweets, their bodies need sweets. When sweets are there, but their parents say "no," then their souls need sweets, and love, and attention, and positive regard. When sweets are treated sweetly, then children can choose tuna over sweets.

SandraDodd.com/eating/sweets
photo by Cátia Maciel

"It seems miraculous."

Sandra Dodd:

One of my favorite pages, on my site, is my collection of people saying they felt like they were unschooling and then something changed and they "got it." (sandradodd.com/gettingit)

People are saying things like "It seems miraculous" and "It is amazing how far reaching the effect was."

So this is part of why I'm uncompromising in my position about what does and what doesn't help.

When people want to dilute unschooling, I object.

Marta Pires:

I'm glad you're not willing to compromise.

Sandra Dodd:

When people want to devalue, granulate and scatter unschooling, they will keep people from reaching those miraculous-seeming and far-reaching results.

Alex Polikowsky:

And even more important is for those who think just doing nothing is the same as unschooling. I am talking disconnected, somewhat neglectful parents who may be sweet and all but still have not gotten it and that leaves kids without a real present partner they can rely on for support and guidance.

"Getting It" (chat transcript, 2014)
photo by Theresa Larson

Fifteenth Anniversary!

Images and parts of the text are links.

First post, with some nice comments, from 2010:

This would need more candles now, but...



May the richness and riches of this trove of words and photos seep into your soul and give you sweet dreams and good ideas.

---

With this, there are 5,343 posts. A few were deleted in the past for lacking longevity (announcements, temporary info). Some have been repeated for being especially good. They are labelled four ways, to keep it from being one big label/tag, so if you would like to see some "greatest hits," these are clickable, and are called

again (72 of those)

again! (147)

re-run (151)

repeat (136)

For today, then, if those are excluded, there are 4,837 non-repeated posts. Still around 5,000.

Most posts link to an unschooling page or two on my website. Most of those pages link back to this blog (from a little link in the upper right corner).

If you would like to help fund the maintenance of that site (from which most of the quotes come), there is a donation link at SandraDodd.com (which can also be accessed from this image on most of the unschooling pages:


The donation link is halfway down there. It's PayPal, debit or credit.

I can accept checks or Christmas cards to:

Sandra Dodd
8116 Princess Jeanne NE
Albuquerque NM 87110     USA

(If cool foreign money, save it there; consider photo request below!)

Also useful would be photos for the collection from which I try to pull a match for a text. Not all get used and some get used very late, but it's nice to have a variety. Send just a few you love, so I'm not overwhelmed, and tell me how to credit you (full name or truncated how). Those can go by messenger or by e-mail to Sandra@SandraDodd.com (and larger files are fine).

SandraDodd.com
tree art by Bo King
cake photo by Sandra Dodd
photos by many different people at the repeat/again links

P.S. I want the website to last a long time, so if I'm not able to collect funding assistance someday, maybe find Holly Dodd or Vlad Gurdiga and see if they need financial help keeping it going. It's a bit less than $20 a month these days; might go up as things might do. Thanks.

Stir up some peace

Sandra Dodd (in 2017—general discussion, not unschooling):

There is a natural need in people to know the "us" and the "them." Those who want an inclusive, multicultural, liberal, accepting life will still have a "them." It's easy to revile "the enemy." It might be impossible NOT to have the idea of "other." But creating a "culture" or nation that is created of a combination of others won't save any individual from their own instincts.

Deb Lewis wrote (in the midst of other things):

You can't clean up a pile of shit by shitting on it.

Sandra Dodd, to that:

The people who are cleaning up can feel hatred for those who keep shitting on it (whatever the "it" is they're cleaning up).. . . . Hating those other people makes you hateful.

There isn't a final solution, but there are things to make it (the big pile of shit) worse, and ways to make our own moment in time better. Enough good moments might make a good day. Don't collect shit unless you want a shitty day.

Back to nowadays...
I know it's not the most uplifting quote, but a reminder that negativity is negative might help parents of children who are still at home to be positively sweet and present. Stir up some peace.

SandraDodd.com/antagonism
photo by Holly Dodd

Connecting the drops

Pushpa wrote once, of her child's fascination with rain:

Smelling the earth, feeling the rain, tasting the first drops, watching the glistening dew that remains after the storm, learning that the ants and other creatures scurry for shelter when the heavens part while she runs to soak up the magical showers has taught her many a thing about her world. And taught me that when its raining—it's time to connect the dots—and the drops!

—Pushpa Ramachandran

The full piece is sweet:
SandraDodd.com/connections/drops
photo by Sandra Dodd (in India)

Sweet, special moments

Joanne Lopers wrote:

There is something oh so sweet about a child doing something without being asked.

Vega who is 8, cleaned out our fridge one day because he saw it needed it. Dutch 6, came over on his own to help bring in plates from outside. He hated helping out when I used to make a big deal out of it. These small instances happen more and more often and are very special moments for me.

—Joanne Lopers

Kids Helping Voluntarily
SandraDodd.com/chores/tales
photo by Roya Dedeaux

the Purpose of Cake

A mom once asked a long question, ending with:

The cleaning up of making a cake is just part of the whole process of cake making—isn't it? Am I making any sense?

Joyce Fetteroll responded:

Yes, your question makes perfect sense.

It might help you see it more clearly if you ask yourself what your goal is. Is the goal to have a clean kitchen or the experience of making a cake? If the goal is a clean kitchen, then it's better not to have children! 😉

There was more, and it's good. Sweet and messy.

SandraDodd.com/chores/cake
photo by Sandra Dodd, of little Devyn's cupcake art

Positive and sweet

Find beauty and hope wherever it can be found. Say and think sweet things about your children. If people can be positive and sweet, it doesn't matter so much where they do it. Being better is better.

Deposit the good stuff.
photo by Jesper Conrad

Yes, and more yes

Colleen Prieto wrote, in response to someone having written "We are adhering to a culture of self sufficiency":

All three of us (my husband, me, and my son) do things for each other throughout the day, asked and unasked, that we're all certainly capable of doing for ourselves. . . . .

Saying yes, and more yes, and more yes can indeed lead to wonderful things.

The part I left out is very sweet, and is here:
Serving Others as a Gift
photo by Shannon McClendon

Naturally sweet

Jo Isaac wrote:

[Benton] explores the evolutionary basis behind children's food choices—for example, babies and toddlers have an innate preference for sweet and salty flavours and avoid bitter and sour tastes. This is explained as reflecting an evolutionary background where sweetness predicts a source of energy, whereas bitterness predicts toxicity/poison.

He also discusses the evolutionary mechanisms that might explain why children avoid new foods (termed neophobia), particularly in toddlers. In our evolutionary past, avoiding new foods had survival value if it discouraged eating items that might have been poisonous, particularly at the stage when a child was beginning to walk. Benton stresses that "Parents need to understand that neophobia is normal."

—Jo Isaac
(PhD, Biology)

More here: SandraDodd.com/eating/research
photo by Cátia Maciel

Hobbit age of majority

Yesterday our youngest turned 33 years old. As I write this, her brothers are at her birthday party. Kirby is providing karaoke.

They are all in their thirties. Kirby will be in his 30s until late summer of 2026. He has been married for eight years, and Marty for nearly a decade.

In 2007, I wrote this:

Our family is experiencing a sort of magic window. As of November 2, our children (who are no longer children) have attained a set of momentous ages: 21, 18 and 16. This alignment ends on January 14, when Marty turns 19, but for a couple of months we have the only and last set of landmark years we'll ever have.

Our two boys are at the traditional ages of majority in different ways, in different places and times. Kirby is a man. Marty is a junior man. Our baby and only girl is "sweet sixteen."

The memories of them at all their ages are like sweet ghosts around me.

SandraDodd.com/magicwindow
photo by Sandra Dodd

Photos by, or art by, or mentions of Holly Dodd in other posts

Gentle and sweet

Be as gentle and sweet as you can be. Practice breathing and making the better choice, so you will be confident that you are being thoughtful.

Those small tools can build strong relationships.

SandraDodd.com/parentingpeacefully

Quote is from an interview in 2023
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Deeper layers of understanding

Lissa wrote, in response to Jenny C... (link below to more):

I know exactly what you mean. There's getting (intellectual understanding) and GETTING (putting ideas into practice). Sandra, your onion metaphor is apt. I am getting to deeper layers of understanding all the time. It's a very sweet and savory onion and it makes life taste delicious.

— Lissa in San Diego, mom of 5

SandraDodd.com/gettingit
photo by Sandra Dodd

Seeing it and being it

"Seeing wonderfulness in our kids is part of how we get wonderfulness in our kids."

—Betsy / ecsamhill
(fifth comment down)

"Give them power and respect, and they become respected and powerful."

—Sandra Dodd
(more of that)

"I've helped my kids by going toward what they wanted, and been generous, and they've been the same toward me. Sweet."

—Jill Parmer
Generosity begets generosity.

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Good and sweet

Look at what looks good and sweet, and seek out more of that.

—Jill Parmer

SandraDodd.com/positivity

Jill quote from the bottom of a chat on "Schooling"
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp