Seeing and enjoying children

Katherine (Katherand2003) wrote:

To see children through school eyes is like continually longing for a fish to climb a tree. It's a view that insists on an improbable future or that looks mostly for a child's potential, perhaps never able to enjoy the present moment.

To see children as they are is to have the capability to enjoy them now. Without that view, I think unschooling is hard or impossible.

—Katherine

SandraDodd.com/normal
photo by Colleen Prieto

Normal reactions

It turns out that much of what is considered "normal teen behavior" is a normal reaction to many years of school, and to being controlled and treated as children and school kids and students rather than as full, thoughtful human beings.

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I wrote that, but the source is missing.
I also wrote what's below, and its parent page is linked.

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I didn’t know that our relationships could stay so good even when they were teenagers.

My original expectation was that when they were teens they would be frustrated and rebellious and wild, because I thought that was hormonally inevitable.

A side benefit of having been partners rather than adversaries was that the “normal teen behavior” turned out not to have been “natural,” and in contrast to what I was seeing in unschooled teens, it started to look like very sensible reactions to a barrage of arbitrary rules and limitations. The communications and trust continued to build within our family, rather than to erode over the years.

Unexpected Benefits of Unschooling
SandraDodd.com/unexpectedarticle
photo by Sandra Dodd
of Marty, Holly and Kirby
when they were still at home

Naturally sweet

Jo Isaac wrote:

[Benton] explores the evolutionary basis behind children's food choices—for example, babies and toddlers have an innate preference for sweet and salty flavours and avoid bitter and sour tastes. This is explained as reflecting an evolutionary background where sweetness predicts a source of energy, whereas bitterness predicts toxicity/poison.

He also discusses the evolutionary mechanisms that might explain why children avoid new foods (termed neophobia), particularly in toddlers. In our evolutionary past, avoiding new foods had survival value if it discouraged eating items that might have been poisonous, particularly at the stage when a child was beginning to walk. Benton stresses that "Parents need to understand that neophobia is normal."

—Jo Isaac
(PhD, Biology)

More here: SandraDodd.com/eating/research
photo by Cátia Maciel

Hale and whole

Looking at what a child (or oneself) CAN do well is better (in time, emotion, confidence, relationships) than finding why he's off, or faulty. Help your child feel hale and whole.

SandraDodd.com/normal
photo by... someone with Cátia Maciel's camera maybe
(photo sent by Cátia Maciel)

The way we live, the way we think

Lyle Perry wrote:

I know how scary it is to think about letting go of what's 'normal', and I know it seems impossible to think about your kids learning on their own, but it's all very possible. More than possible. It's waiting to happen. It's happened for us, and we were as 'normal' as anyone else.

Unschooling has had an incredibly positive impact on our lives, and not only in an educational aspect, but in everything we do. It's changed the way we live, the way we think, and the way we look at the world in general.

SandraDodd.com/lists/lyle
photo by Sandra Dodd, of artistry by Irene Adams

It seems miraculous.

Alysia Berman wrote:

I tell people that I'm amazed every day by what my kids know and learn. It seems miraculous. It's not, really. It's normal. I see it as miraculous because I was indoctrinated to believe that none of this could happen outside of school and without teachers.

—Alysia Berman

SandraDodd.com/gettingit
photo by Julie D

Measuring

"Sometimes the measure of unschooling's success isn't how much a kid meets normal expectations, but how much sweeter and easier life is."

—Meredith Novak
(original, on facebook)

SandraDodd.com/success
photo by Cátia Maciel

Simple magic

Remember these moments, when simple things make the normal world magical.

Provide for the possibility of these moments.

SandraDodd.com/water
photo by Janine Davies

Taste, touch, see, smell, hear

Kids will want to taste snow. Help them find some that's clean enough. Same with icicles. You might know what dirt is on the roof, but let that go; find a cleanish one.

Kids will want to touch snow, see it, smell it. Just the other day a kid in my yard was talking about how different it sounded, walking in it on the third day, than the first day. It was squeaky, when it compressed.


What seems old and normal to you will be new to each child who is born and sees things for the first time. Be patient and generous and maybe you can see it again, as though it were new to you, through their eyes.

SandraDodd.com/addlightandstir
photo by Ruqayya

Normal, functional art

I like museums, but if you can see the whole world as a museum, your life will light up!

If you can see art in normal, functional things, your life will lighten up!


SandraDodd.com/mystery
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a dam and some tumbleweeds

Recovering

There were days not long ago when we did things that now seem problematical. Running in a bubble another kid would run in next. Hugging and kissing people in public. Crowding, laughing, into shared vehicles or public transportation to go and ride and climb and slide and explore.

I've lived past and through things that seemed terrible, but I knew my parents and grandparents had seen worse. In each and every case, the world went back to normal, and sometimes better, in one way or another, or in many ways.
Things can seem grim and limiting, but somehow, it will rain and shine and plants and trees will grow, and children will run and play in more and different places.

I'm impressed with every family staying home with children, when it's hard to do. I salute you. I hope you can live it one more day, and then again, in sweet, creative ways.

Make happy memories, however you can.

SandraDodd.com/morning
photo by Amber Ivey

Minor and temporary problems

SandraDodd.com has been moved to a new server, and minor problems are being dealt with. Unrelated to that, the site where many of my older photos are stored is having problems, and that affects my website and hundreds of older posts in this blog. Things will be back to normal, but it's not happening today!

Please don't forget me if things are glitchy and incomplete for a litle while. I will share some happy wintery photos for a few days, and I hope those of you with holidays to celebrate this week have many smiles and joys.



photo by Sandra Dodd, of an "adobe" gingerbread house
created by a happy committee of kids, teens and parents
at Kim Archuleta's house in 2007.

Beyond normal

Being a good parent, not according to a list in a magazine, or vague memories of what grandparents might have thought or said, but being a good parent in the eyes of one's children, in one's examined soul, is a big thing most parents never even see a glimpse of.

We can go beyond normal.

SandraDodd.com/peace/becoming
photo by Janine Davies

More than possible

Lyle Perry wrote:

"I know how scary it is to think about letting go of what's 'normal', and I know it seems impossible to think about your kids learning on their own, but it's all very possible. More than possible. It's waiting to happen."

—Lyle Perry

SandraDodd.com/lists/lyle
photo by Gail Higgins

Myths and alarm clocks

A myth and boogie-man:

"If children are allowed sleep as late as they want, they'll never be able to get up and go to work."

I have three children (at this writing 16, 19 and 21), all of whom have had jobs, none of whom has failed to learn to use an alarm clock and good judgment, none of whom has ever been let go from a job, all of whom have been free to sleep or get up for 16 years or more (depending). If there were no other refutation of the myth above than this, it would be sufficient.

It's also worth noting that none of those jobs have been "regular hours." Shifts have started as early as 6:30 a.m. and ended as late as 3:00 a.m. Good thing they were well prepared by years of irregular sleep!

SandraDodd.com/myths
That was written ten years ago, so my "children" this month are are 26, 28 and 31.
They have had even MORE jobs with odd hours, and sometimes "normal" hours.
photo by Janine Davies

Icons and patterns

Design and symbolism will be a bigger deal than usual for a while, thanks to the Winter Olympics. There will be sportswear design, hairstyles, colors, flags, anthems, medals.

Look around at what is normal for you, and at what represents your own town, county, country, continent. See what is exotic, when you're away from home—things those distant locals don't notice, and don't know are not universal. To appreciate the beauty in your everyday world, it can help to see it through someone else's eyes.

SandraDodd.com/connections/design
photo by Holly Dodd, of the mountains, sunshine and flags
we see every day in Albuquerque

Things and places

I like museums, but if you can see the whole world as a museum, your life will light up!

If you can see art in normal, functional things, your life will lighten up!


SandraDodd.com/mystery
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a dam and some tumbleweeds

What really matters

Meredith wrote:

I always wonder what people expect when they ask unschoolers what materials they use, since it's a question that does come up now and then, generally by academic homeschoolers but sometimes in a daycare context.... The flattering reason, I guess, is that they think we're all geniuses at "making learning fun" but it's ultimately the wrong question. There aren't any special materials. Our homes are full of normal things, commercial toys, cartoon pajamas and pokemon sippy cups, tvs and video games, with piles of things that need to be sorted and put away slumped in corners, or cluttering up the couch and stairs. Many families unschool on slim material resources. The magic of unschooling is in the relationships.

—Meredith Novak

SandraDodd.com/partners
photo by Rachel Singer

"The magic of unschooling is in the relationships." —Meredith
(I repeated the last line because it's good.)

Untangling ideas

Clarity of thought is helped by clarity of language. Even when others aren't around to point at problematical terms and phrases, individuals can become more conscious of their thoughts by looking at, hearing, the words they're using to express those thoughts.

Rephrasing is untangling. If one cannot rephrase something, it very likely means they aren't clear on what they're talking about. When something vague or spoken from rote is turned into normal words the speaker/thinker actually uses well and clearly, it's like turning the lights on in a jumbly dark room.

SandraDodd.com/workethic
photo by Sandra Dodd

Familiar things

Favorite tools, stored in the same old way, make your home special, and will be part of a child's memories. Love your normal stuff.

SandraDodd.com/dishes
photo by Sandra Dodd of some familiar things at Polly's house