Things started happening...

"Intellectually, I got unschooling all the way from the very beginning. The part that took more time was relationships and wholeness. When I got THAT, that is when things started happening in the direction that made unschooling work great!"

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/gettingit
photo by Cally Brown

Kindness and lightness and joy

It's very easy to control food when you have a home of young children. Most young children aren't going to question the choices you make regarding food, they will eat what they like of what you've offered. The really big challenge is when kids start asking for other things and how you choose to respond to those things.

This is a biggie and it applies to EVERYthing, not just food. Are you going to be a mom that reacts big and opinionated to these questions and inquiries and curiosities? Or are you going to be a mom who helps her kids explore their questions and inquiries and curiosities? This is the very basis on which parents build the foundation of unschooling, if that is indeed the goal.

In each moment of questioning, or inquiry, or curiosity, you get to choose how you respond. You can respond in such a way that a child's question, their learning, is honored, with kindness and lightness and joy, or you can shut that down with your own opinions and ideas. The more a parent can honor a child's curiosity, the more that child will genuinely listen to their parent's ideas about the world. It's the only way that I've seen that kids really truly are influenced by their parents. All other attempts are seen and felt as control, manipulation, coercion, unless of course you have a child that is VERY easy going. But trust me, there will come a time when even that child will challenge you, and the more easy going you've been about their ideas from the beginning, the more influence you will have when that time comes. . . . . Emotional health and emotional well-being are as important, if not more so, as physical health (from food, etc.).

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/eating/control
photo by Sarah S.

Imagine supporting and accepting

Jenny Cyphers wrote:

I really can't imagine villifying anything in their lives that they might find very exciting. Well, I can imagine it, so I guess that's why I don't do it.

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/negativity
photo by Susanna Waters
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Focus on what you're doing

Jenny Cyphers wrote:

I compared homeschooling to school a lot for a long time. It seemed so big and relevant. Then, when Chamille was about 9 or 10, I stopped reading the local homeschool boards and focused more time on reading only about unschooling. That's when my focus changed greatly, from what we weren't doing, to what we were doing.

—Jenny Cyphers

moving to more positivity
photo by Sandra Dodd

Softer nests

Jenny Cyphers wrote:

If you have a child who doesn't like tags in clothing, you take out tags. Some kids find that the world is full of tags that need to be removed and that's what making a nest is about, removing the tags.

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp

Softer, sweeter moments

Jenny Cyphers wrote:

It's such a big part of our culture to get it done now, fix it all now, make it happen now, do, do, do, do. Sometimes what life really requires is calm and patience. A very valuable thing to learn in life is to how to take care of ourselves and others during times of stress and times that aren't ideal and wonderful.

I think that's part of "stopping and smelling the roses." If you don't take that time, you miss some pretty wonderful bits of life. When there is stress and other negative influences happening around us, it's even MORE important to take that time to seek out the beauty and the softness and the sweet and light and happy things.

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/moment
photo by Cátia Maciel

When rules don't work

Jenny Cyphers, on principles over rules:

One of the kids that live near us, said rather astonished, "you don't have any rules do you?" I looked at him and said, "yes we do, they are, play nicely and behave kindly." He didn't think those were rules, and they aren't really, but that's where it all seems to come down to. A rule of no hitting, could be summed up nicely with "be nice," because clearly hitting isn't nice. Being nice covers it all.

A kid could easily not break the rule of "no hitting" by pinching or kicking, and completely get away with it, and feel pretty darn good about getting away with being mean without getting in trouble. If the idea is to "be nice," pinching or kicking won't work.

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/principles/
photo by Cathy Koetsier

Comfortably and happily

Just like ALL learning, learning how to live comfortably and happily are really wonderful things. It takes a focus on turning away from what you know you don't like and turning towards something else—that something else that creates happy learning and living. Unschooling really is a shift in thinking and then acting on it.

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/unschool/definition
photo by Colleen Prieto
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Smile and create peace

I know that I can change the whole mood in my household simply by smiling and "be"ing happy. It creates a happy energy that infects others around me. I remember when both my girls were babies, I would cradle them in my arms and consciously smile and create peace in my heart while I was holding them. Sometimes, I was tired or anxious for them to fall asleep and it would make me feel less happy about that moment, so to shift it was a positive thing to do. I have happy memories of rocking my babies, while they seem to have a happy peace about them, and I think that is why my mood shifts will change theirs, even still now that one is 14 and one is 6.

—Jenny Cyphers
(whose girls are grown now)

original
photo by Cátia Maciel

Health and happiness

"Happiness is good for health! If something that makes a kid happy is deemed unhealthy by a parent, it will create stress and division. That kind of stress is NOT healthy. That kind of division works against the kind of relationship between parent and child that makes unschooling awesome!"

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/eating/peace
photo by Sylvia Woodman
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"A" is for Abundance

This photo is the background for the "A" on the current Learn Nothing Day logo.

Jenny Cyphers wrote:

In order for kids to feel and see abundance, they first must have parents who feel and see it too, even if there is no money. Go to parks, pick up sticks, ride bikes to new places, swing on the swing differently, make bubbles and blow them in front of a fan. Look at stars at night and try to find constellations, light things on fire with magnifying glass, roast hot dogs for dinner (it's cheap), the possibilities are limitless, but only if you choose to see them. THAT is what will help your kids learn how to be creative thinkers—seeing and doing creative things.

—Jenny Cyphers
at SandraDodd.com/abundance

The photo appeared here in First aid for scary, sad days of doubt
Thank you, Alex Polikowsky.

Be with your child

Jenny Cyphers wrote, of a parent getting up and going to do something with or for a child:

It feels infinitely better for my spirit when I do that too. It's easy to get caught up in one's own self thought. If I let a day go by, or hours, in that mode, at the end of the day, I find myself thinking that I should've, would've, could've, and once again, I'm in that mode. To just go and be with my kids as soon as I recognize that mindset, I avoid all the guilty afterthoughts of what I should have done better. So, I not only avoid the guilt complex, I get to relive all the fun and wonderful moments that I intentionally sought after.

It seems that unschooling, for me, is a compilation of all those moments of being with my kids instead of doing something else. It's fun to go out of your way to do cool things with your kids and seek out opportunities, but the real stuff seems to happen in those moments that could just go by within each and every day.

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Sandra Dodd, at Alex Polikowsky's farm

Happy health

"Happiness is good for health! If something that makes a kid happy is deemed unhealthy by a parent, it will create stress and division. That kind of stress is NOT healthy. That kind of division works against the kind of relationship between parent and child that makes unschooling awesome!"

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/eating/peace
photo by Sarah S.

Prevention and healing

Jenny Cyphers wrote:

"Every time I prevent something damaging happening to one of my children, it's like healing a little bit of me. Every time I help my children achieve something wonderful, it's a little bit like healing that little girl that would've like that to happen for me! I love gifting my kids with that! It helps make me a better person to give my kids something better!"

—Jenny Cyphers
(original)

Other posts about Healing
photo by Cathy Koetsier

Powerful help

Jenny Cyphers wrote:

I want my kids to feel empowered, so I empower them. I don't want their view of the world to be tainted by "can't", "shouldn't", "wouldn't", and the like. I want their world to be full of "yes I can," I shall find a way to do what I want to do with my parent's blessing and help.

—Jenny Cyphers

Saying "YES" to Children
photo by Nina Haley

One thing to feel blessed about

"When I'm feeling out of sorts and crushed by the world, all it takes is finding one thing to feel blessed about to start thinking in terms of abundance rather than lack, of being inspired instead of beaten down."

—Jenny Cyphers

Wonder and Awe
photo by Sandra Dodd

The benefit of providing choices

Jenny Cyphers wrote:

My kids grew up being able to do a lot more things than other kids they knew because their parents allowed for it to be so. We didn't have to, we chose to do that because we saw the benefit in doing that.

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/freedom
photo by Cathy Koetsier
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All those moments

Jenny Cyphers wrote:

It seems that unschooling, for me, is a compilation of all those moments of being with my kids instead of doing something else. It's fun to go out of your way to do cool things with your kids and seek out opportunities, but the real stuff seems to happen in those moments that could just go by within each and every day.

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/being/
photo by Elise Lauterbach

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A gift for the child and the parent

Jenny Cyphers wrote:

Every time I prevent something damaging happening to one of my children, it's like healing a little bit of me. Every time I help my children achieve something wonderful, it's a little bit like healing that little girl that would've like that to happen for me! I love gifting my kids with that! It helps make me a better person to give my kids something better!

—Jenny Cyphers

on Always Learning, in 2010
photo by Janine Davies
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Emotional well-being

Emotional health and emotional well-being are as important, if not more so, as physical health.

—Jenny Cyphers

Moving Toward Less Control, Concerning Food
photo by Janine Davies
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