Open, windows; open, doors

Be open to seeing what you see, out the window. Be open to finding what you find, out the door.

SandraDodd.com/learning
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Becoming more open

Marta wrote:

What I'm starting to realize (by what I've been reading and learning, and by my own observations of my experience), is that we can most certainly choose alternatives that can lead us to more openness (like choosing more positive words to describe how we feel about something, or genuinely trying to relax and see what our children and partners see in something they like, etc.). And that if we do it often, we can probably rewire our brains, creating new neurological paths and becoming indeed more open.

—Marta Venturini Machado

SandraDodd.com/open
photo by Elise Lauterbach
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Incredibly freeing

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

The main idea is about seeing everything we do as a choice.

What locks people in "have to" thinking is they close the doors of choices they will not for various reasons take. They often end up with only one door open and it feels like they have to take it. And they feel trapped.

. . . .
That mental shift can be incredibly freeing. A situation that looked like a box with no exits suddenly becomes a wide open field that someone is choosing to stay in.


"The main idea" referred to Thinking About "Have To"
For more context, and the part I left out: Answers and responses...
photo by Janine Davies
(sorry I didn't have "a wide open field")
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Positively open

Everyone has the freedom to be negative. Not everyone has thought of good reasons to be more positive.

SandraDodd.com/open
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Open up and out

Some kids are more monkey than their parents are. When that happens, it can be invigorating to find an adult who will converse and joke with a kid, even if it's not something the parents would have chosen.

Openness to experience is what it's called—interest and curiosity. Being willing to explore, to try new things, to open upwards and outwards.

SandraDodd.com/open
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Open and supportive

Three sentences pulled from longer writing by Joyce Fetteroll:

Mom can hold strong beliefs AND open the world to her kids so they feel free and supported in deciding what's right for them—even if it's counter to what mom believes.

*What* that belief is doesn't matter. The belief could be war is evil. The belief could be school is bad. Let's say you believe school is toxic. Many people here would agree with you....

Don't stack the deck so that your beliefs drown out anything else they might want to explore.

—Joyce Fetteroll

What's above is slightly misquoted, but the meaning is the same.
Go to SandraDodd.com/poison to see what I changed, and those words in context.
Similar title: Open and sensible
photo by Janine Davies
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All kinds of doors

Sometimes doors are open, and sometimes they're not. Sometimes it costs money to go through a door, or it's private, or it is so locked or sealed that it's just part of the wall.

Real doors open up to mysteries, beauty, food, something scary, or boring. All kinds of things have doors.

Metaphorical or figurative doors, ditto!

Sometimes the door is interesting even if it's not open to everyone.

Hidden secret rooms and magic doors
and
zombies
photo by Ester Siroky

Open gates to peaceful places

Once when a mom wished her child didn't love "Barney," I said I didn't love "Rugrats," but I went on to write:

Any program can be the springboard for sincere and helpful exchanges between parents and children **unless** the mom condemns and rejects a program in such harsh terms that the children aren't even able to discuss it with her for fear of criticism or rejection. Then the mom has cut off her kids. And "I hate X" is not an open gate.

"Hate" is a set of biochemicals that will not let love and open acceptance in until hate settles down, so moms hoping to build a peaceful learning nest for children should be using the best materials they have, physical or emotional or otherwise. Hate, jealousy, resentment and those sharp and separating emotions are not nesting materials.

---

I'll leave links to the original writing, to a newer page on positivity, and on "Building an Unschooling Nest."

"I hate to play!"

SandraDodd.com/positivity

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Sandra Dodd

Mysteries and clues

Mysteries and clues can be nice, on a day when it's okay to decide which way to go on a whim or a coin toss. Even when "random" isn't on the schedule, be open to unexpected new directions.

SandraDodd.com/open
photo by Cathy Koetsier

Open to the moment

Sometimes it's hard to know whether to look at the flower or at the leaves or at what might be in the darkness behind, or up at the sky, or to turn around and ignore the flower completely. There might be a bird in a nearby tree, or an interesting sound coming from a window.

Plans change. It can be good, upon occasion, to just listen and look and explore. Sometimes it's fine to just see a flower and not say a word about it.

We could call those moments restless confusion and indecision, or we could consider ourselves being open to the moment, in a state of wonder and curiosity.

Keep a positive light on what's outside you and within you, and your world will be a better place.

Being present in the moment
(Text is repeated from 11/19/10, but other details changed.)
Photo by Gail Higgins
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Open portals

When books are an obsession, it's considered a virtue. When mathematics is an obsession it's considered genius. When history is an obsession, that's scholarly.

When rock and roll is an obsession or folk art, or dance… maybe not as easily impressive to the outside world. But as all things are connected, let your child see the world from the portals that open to him, and don't press him to get in line at an entryway that doesn't sparkle and beckon.


from page 189 (or 218) of The Big Book, which links to SandraDodd.com/obsessions/feedpassions
photo by Lynda Raina
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Present and open

Listen, feel, look. Something will be beautiful, even just for a moment, if you are present and open.

How much beauty would make a beautiful moment?

What could be set aside so that beauty could fill its place?

Turn your face toward beauty.
Turn your heart toward beauty.

SandraDodd.com/angles
photo by Sandra Dodd

Curiosity, wonder, fascination, and enthusiasm

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

Take them to the grocery store.

...While you're there, look at the weirdest thing in the produce department. Bright orange cactus? BUY one. Go home and get online and try to figure out what to do with it. Or just slice it open to see what is inside.

Or buy a coconut—shake it to see if it has liquid inside. Let the kid pound on it with a hammer until it cracks open. While they're doing that, do a quick google on coconuts so you have some background knowledge. Don't "teach" them—but if something seems cool, just say it as an interesting, cool thing to know, "Wow, coconuts are SEEDS! And, oh my gosh, they sometimes float in the ocean for years before washing up on some island and sprouting into a coconut tree."

How about a pineapple—bought one fresh, lately? Talked about Hawaii? Just say, "Aloha," while handing the kids a slice. Or, maybe you'll get really into the whole idea of Hawaii and you'll see connections everywhere—Hawaiian shirts at the thrift store, flowers to me leis, someone playing a ukelele, a video of a volcano exploding (maybe that will inspire you to want to make your own volcano with baking soda and vinegar).

I'm not saying to prepare a lesson on cactus or coconuts or pineapples. I'm saying that if you're not already an interesting person with interesting information to share with your children, then you'll have to make an effort to be more interesting. The way to do that is to develop your own sense of curiosity, wonder, fascination, and enthusiasm.

—Pam Sorooshian

Building an Unschooling Nest
photo by Sandra Dodd

The open flow of real-world sharing

from 2004, Sandra Dodd:

The best thing unschoolers can do is to unschool well. The best thing those who are interested in helping others come along the same path can do is explain what helped it work well.

Reading other families' personal stories, hearing about paths that didn't work well and others that did is what helped me when I was new to this, and that's what I've been involved in helping happen ever since—real unschoolers sharing their real experiences.

Some people don't want to share in public and that's fine. Some people share things in public that turn out not to be true, and that's not cool. But over the years, many hundreds of unschoolers who first found one another through AOL's message boards, or at conferences, or through e-mail correspondence have met other unschoolers in person, and each person must ultimately gauge for herself who to emulate or trust or to go to for inspiration or whatever. There is no central board certifying unschoolers or conference organizers or listowners. It's the open flow of real-world sharing.

In 2024 I'm still offering a hand.
SandraDodd.com/help
photo by Linda Wyatt

Happy, good and open

"Many, many times in my daily life with my son, I am reminded that there is value in so very many things—be those things Scooby Doo or Pokemon or Star Wars or Harry Potter or 1,000 other "easy to criticize" forms of media or entertainment. Life is so much more fun when you look to the happy parts, look for the good, and keep an open mind."

—Colleen Prieto

SandraDodd.com/connections/scoobydoo
photo by Sandra Dodd
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A cool thing to know

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

While you're there, look at the weirdest thing in the produce department. Bright orange cactus? BUY one. Go home and get online and try to figure out what to do with it. Or just slice it open to see what is inside.

Or buy a coconut—shake it to see if it has liquid inside. Let the kid pound on it with a hammer until it cracks open. While they're doing that, do a quick google on coconuts so you have some background knowledge. Don't "teach" them—but if something seems cool, just say it as an interesting, cool thing to know, "Wow, coconuts are SEEDS! And, oh my gosh, they sometimes float in the ocean for years before washing up on some island and sprouting into a coconut tree."

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/nest or Coconut
photo by Sandra Dodd

Flowing and open

When parents and children can be partners rather than adversaries, communications will be flowing and open.


In families with punishments, criticism and shaming, children sometimes avoid the parents in social situations, and they will hesitate to share secrets or problems with their parents.

From a 2009 Interview called just "Unschooling"
photo by Sandra Dodd, of an irrigation ditch in Los Luceros, near Alcalde
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Interesting information

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

Take them to the grocery store.

...While you're there, look at the weirdest thing in the produce department. Bright orange cactus? BUY one. Go home and get online and try to figure out what to do with it. Or just slice it open to see what is inside.

Or buy a coconut—shake it to see if it has liquid inside. Let the kid pound on it with a hammer until it cracks open. While they're doing that, do a quick google on coconuts so you have some background knowledge. Don't "teach" them—but if something seems cool, just say it as an interesting, cool thing to know, "Wow, coconuts are SEEDS! And, oh my gosh, they sometimes float in the ocean for years before washing up on some island and sprouting into a coconut tree."

How about a pineapple—bought one fresh, lately? Talked about Hawaii? Just say, "Aloha," while handing the kids a slice. Or, maybe you'll get really into the whole idea of Hawaii and you'll see connections everywhere—Hawaiian shirts at the thrift store, flowers to me leis, someone playing a ukelele, a video of a volcano exploding (maybe that will inspire you to want to make your own volcano with baking soda and vinegar).

I'm not saying to prepare a lesson on cactus or coconuts or pineapples. I'm saying that if you're not already an interesting person with interesting information to share with your children, then you'll have to make an effort to be more interesting. The way to do that is to develop your own sense of curiosity, wonder, fascination, and enthusiasm.

—Pam Sorooshian

Building an Unschooling Nest
photo by Sandra Dodd

Open and willing

I don't worry anymore that my children won't learn everything they need to for this life. I also see that joyful learning can only happen if we are open and totally willing to see every moment, every interest, everything as opportunity. We never know what a tidbit of information, or an experience might lead to...and not knowing can bring a sense of mystery to this whole Unschooling life. If we keep that sense of mystery, that feeling that this COULD lead to big things, (but if it doesn't that's ok too) we will so much better be able to serve our children well when supporting and encouraging their unique interests and pursuits. That's what it's all about for me.

Being an avenue instead of a closed door.

—Ren Allen
April 2002

SandraDodd.com/ren/squirrel
photo by Sandra Dodd
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I did use this squirrel on another post. If you follow the link to the rest of what Ren wrote, you'll know why I brushed it off for this. I saw this squirrel in Lyon, France. It was carved in the 17th century (at least the carving above it says "Maison fondeé en 1684").

Unfurling

Look at that curled up leaf:


Something that will be big, and full, sometimes starts small, and in another form. If conditions remain good for that leaf, it will open up like the others. It won't happen sooner from wishing or pressure. The leaf won't be bigger from speeches or promises. It will open gently to be itself, if it is allowed to unfurl in its own way.

SandraDodd.com/unschool/definition.html
photo by Holly Dodd