Joy and Ease

If the goal is to know everything, and if each person's internal "universe" is unique, then the order in which the information is acquired isn't as important as the ease and joy with which it is absorbed.

SandraDodd.com/checklists
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Hope and joy

There are no guarantees, but we can always do a little better.

Live in hope and joy, not in fear and avoidance.

SandraDodd.com/guarantees
photo by Elaine Santana

Joy and connection

I felt very limited when I needed me time. I was needy and restentful when I didn't get it. I'm glad I don't feel I need it nightly anymore. I'm glad I have been able to find the joy in being around Austin even after the sun goes down and find times for myself throughout the day if needed. I'm glad that I can find connection with my husband even when Austin is still awake. It feels so free! I wish I could help everyone feel this free!

—Heather Booth, 2011

SandraDodd.com/metime
photo by Gail Higgins
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Good things swirl

Debbie Regan wrote:

Children prosper when parents are able to provide enough sense of safety, calmness and support, that feelings of peace and joy are close at hand. From there the business of childhood—exploring and learning about the world can progress unimpeded by stress. Stress is a distraction from the natural flow of curiosity, focus, joy, excitement, engagement, creativity, emotional awareness, learning...

The more peace and mindfulness I bring in my home, the more all those good things swirl around.

—Debbie Regan

The quote was in a passing discussion, but you might like this: SandraDodd.com/peace/becoming
photo by Julie D
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Peace, joy and learning

It’s not so simple and straightforward as any one educational or parenting or political theory would like people to believe. But still, no matter what else the parents believe or deny, the tone and mood they set make a difference, for good or ill. . . . .
It will come back to peace, joy, learning, and parenting as directly and as sweetly as possible.

Natural patterns
The quotes are lifted out of context from SandraDodd.com/nature.
photo by Gail Higgins, in the southeastern U.S.
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Joy, gratitude, abundance and peace

I'm not interested in helping people battle or fight or struggle. I want to help them find joy, gratitude, abundance and peace.

Fighting a lack of peace isn't creating more peace.

SandraDodd.com/battle
photo by Chrissy Florence

Curiosity and Joy

Be the kind of person you want your child to be. Nurture your own curiosity and joy. Find gratitude and abundance. Explore. Make connections, on your own.

SandraDodd.com/video/doright (video and transcript)
or maybe They just like it.
photo by Kristy Hinds
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Let joy replace fear

There is a kind of magic thinking that says television can rob people of their imagination, but that if parents sacrifice televisions, children will be more intelligent.


. . . .[A]mong unschoolers there are many who once prohibited or measured out TV time, and who changed their stance. Learning became a higher priority than control, and joy replaced fear in their lives. I can't quote all the accounts I have collected, but I invite you to read them.
SandraDodd.com/tv

The quote is from page 136 of The Big Book of Unschooling
photo of Holly and Orion by Sandra Dodd
This is a re-run from 12/31/10, when Holly was a teenager and Orion was a little boy.

Finding joy

"Looking for joy doesn't mean living in la-la land. Quite the opposite. For me, it means being grounded in reality instead of fear, and connected rather than living parallel lives with my family members."

—Jen Keefe

SandraDodd.com/negativity
photo by Antje Bebbington
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Joy and service

When you do things, look for the joy and service in them, and your life will be softer and more meaningful.


SandraDodd.com/service

SandraDodd.com/chores/gift

photo by Sandra Dodd, of ice as a bathtub toy

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Joy and learning

If a family is looking for rules and passivity, they can create a lifetime of it. If a family wants joy and learning, the creation is a bit more difficult and unusual but doable!

SandraDodd.com/zombies
photo by Kristy Hinds
(at Bandelier National Monument)
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Accept contagion

Negativity is contagious. Joy can be contagious, unless one is wielding the sword of negativity, protected by the shield of cynicism.

Don't defend your negativity.

Allow yourself to be infected with other people's joy.

"Happiness Inside and Out"
photo by Sandra Dodd, of flowers growing on drainpipes and ledges
in Staines, in Surrey, in 2012
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Gifts

For many families, this can be a time of stress and love and joy and exhaustion and fear of failure, concerning procurement and presentation of food or presents.

Remember intangible gifts. Remember to be kind and quiet and sweet, around and through the sound and swirl. Be grateful and express your gratitude to others, for help, for health, for being, for smiles, and for love. Touch and speak gently.

I'm grateful that I can leave my sewing supplies out, because we have no babies or toddlers in our home these days who could be wounded by pins or scissors. That might seem too small a joy, but for many years I couldn't start sewing projects I couldn't finish before babies awoke.

But maybe you need "a real gift" and you're out of ideas. Here's something I wrote a dozen years ago, when my children were... a dozen years younger (12, 9 and 7):

"Some people are just not cut out to cruise the Barbie aisles. Luckily there are alternatives and you were probably going there anyway. There are fine educational toys to be found at the hardware store, sporting goods store, auto parts store, and even grocery stores, but people usually go there with a mission and forget to browse."

There is more at: SandraDodd.com/gifts
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Laughter and joy

Cass Kotrba wrote:

"It is your responsibility to keep your children safe but that doesn't mean you are a prison guard. Lighten up and try to be fun! Try to think of fun ways to break things up when or before tensions start to rise. Find things to laugh together about. Watch comedies. Find out what your kids think is funny and laugh with them. Let the sound of their laughter resonate deep down into your soul. Find the joy and fuel it."

—Cass Kotrba

SandraDodd.com/playing
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp
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Joy is better

Happiness helps learning. Biochemically, joy is better than dismay. Optimism is better than negativity.

SandraDodd.com/connections
photo by Chrissy Florence

Peace and joy and love

Children need peace and joy and love. If the parents are going to be their sole providers in this home environment of learning, they need all the peace and love they would need from their parents and they need all the peace and love they were going to get from their teachers.

When a family is very negative, with a very cynical parent, they’re sacrificing the chance that maybe the teacher would have been happier than they are. So they need to be twice as peace-and-love as they might have been if they weren’t unschooling.

Changes in Parents
photo by Pushpa Ramachandran
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Joy and optimism!

If joy and optimism seem stupid, don't even try to unschool until after you've gotten some therapy or made direct strides toward recovering from the sooty veil of negativity. Children won't benefit from a life guide who is sure he or she is smarter than all the rest of the world. Arrogant certitude prevents learning.

From the notes for a talk given in 2012 in Sacramento
SandraDodd.com/hsc/unschoolingwell
photo by Sandra Dodd
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the JOY of discovery

Some people have expressed surprise at their own newfound love of learning. At first they learn along with their children, and then they move on to discovering things they think their children will love, and then they come to a phase in which they're more excited about learning and might not even think to share it with the kids, because the kids are making their own discoveries. Sometimes an adult who had learned not to learn, or had grown up to be self-conscious about enthusiasm and curiosity, rediscovers the joy of discovery.

Mindful Parenting
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Memories and peace

Sometimes a peaceful time is still confusing and noisy. Experiences and perceptions differ, and your memory might not match your child's about one thing or another. Something one found stressful might be a memory of joy for another. Do your best to find the peace and joy.

Charlie eats an apple
A Loud Peaceful Home
photo by Sarah Dickinson

Joy and service

When you do things, look for the joy and service in them, and your life will be softer and more meaningful.

SandraDodd.com/service
SandraDodd.com/chores/gift
photo by Sandra Dodd, of ice as a bathtub toy