Portable, cheap, long-lasting

The really good thing about happiness is that it’s portable. It’s cheap. It doesn’t need a safety deposit box or an inheritance. You can give the same amount to all your kids, and they don’t have to wait until they’re 18 to claim and use it! Think about that. They can have it right now, and start using it, without taking yours away from you.

Do kids need to have their own room to store their happiness in? No. Do kids need to wait nine weeks to get a report card that says they’re doing well in happiness? No. Will working really hard now store up happiness they can use later? That’s the going theory, the one we were raised on, but I no longer believe it.

The quote is from SandraDodd.com/president

More on happiness: SandraDodd.com/happy

photo by Cátia Maciel

Glorious, serious fun

A skeptical mom asked:

Can you tell me how it can serve a child if they say spend hours a day watching Scooby-Doo ?

Deb Lewis responded:

I asked my son what he thought a person could get from watching cartoons. He said he's learned a lot from watching Loony Toons and especially Daffy Duck. "What?" I asked. "I learned that you really can solve all your problems with dynamite!" 🙂

Don't panic. He was being funny.

But really, maybe hours of Scooby Doo is glorious fun. Fun is serious. Fun is important, especially for kids. Don't underrate fun. People who are not happy as children seldom find easy or lasting happiness as adults.

—Deb Lewis

That and more, by Deb and by others:
SandraDodd.com/t/cartoons
photo by Sandra Dodd

More happiness

It's easy to say if there's not an objective measure of happiness that it's not worth talking about, but each person knows when she's happier and when she wishes things were a little better. If small changes of attitude can make more happy moments than before, that benefits everyone involved.

No one can have perfect happiness, but *more* happiness is easy to come by. It doesn't cost any more than less happiness, but it's much healthier and better for the whole family and the neighbors and relatives.

SandraDodd.com/happy
photo by Gail Higgins

Being merry and light

If a single, childless person wants to spend a LOT of energy being negative about school, cataloging school's ills, revealing and reviewing school damage, then that's a hobby.

If the parent of unschooled children wants to do that, I think the energy and emotion could be better and more positively spent being merry and light with children who are not in school.

No one can have everything. You can't store up and identify with cynicism, pessimism and self-righteous ire and still pour out joy and happiness to your family.


moving away from negativity about school
photo by Nicole Kenyon

Fun and happiness

"I want fun and happiness to be priorities in our home. If people are happy and having fun, they are learning."

—Sylvia Woodman

SandraDodd.com/virtue
photo by Sarah S.

Calm, happy, trusting

Someone commented that responses to her questions had hurt her feelings. I wrote:

When he is calm and happy and trusting, THEN you will feel better—not because of things we wrote, or didn't, but because you will BE better. You will see it in your son's eyes.

Don't make it about you. Make it about his range of exploration and his choices and his learning and his happiness. You can live on the interest, if you invest enough in him.

(at Radical Unschooling Info, on Facebook)
photo by Amy Milstein

Smile and wait

Reading is something that can take years of slow development. It requires some maturity of mind and body, neither of which can themselves read a calendar.

My recommendation to worried parents is to smile and wait and hold your child lovingly and to do no damage to his happiness while you're waiting for the day he can really read.

The Nature of "Real Reading"
SandraDodd.com/r/real
photo by Stacie Mahoe

Happy connectedness

Sue Sullivan wrote, of joy:

It is clear to me now that happiness—or the lack of it—is a deliberate practice—a cumulative impact from dozens of daily choices over days, weeks, months and years. I didn't mean to become unhappy, so disconnected from my deeper wants and needs. I just believed the many, many voices in my head about how I "should" behave until I couldn't hear my most authentic self anymore. . . . .
Seeking joy is my mantra now and joy for all human beings includes feeling deeply connected to other humans and feeling creative and self-actualized, so plenty of so-called work for others gets done, but in a spirit of happy connectedness, instead of burdensome obligation.

—Sue Sullivan

More, in greater context, halfway down
SandraDodd.com/joy2
photo by Julie D

There is safety in happiness

I think the most dangerous thing for a kid is unhappiness. When a child wants out and away from parents, then things outside the house can seem appealing—even questionable strangers in cars with tinted windows, who will say "meet me in the alley."

And that has been happening since before the internet.


from a chat on Internet Safety and related, suprising matters
photo by Julie D
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Snowbanks and socks

Colleen Prieto wrote:

I was thinking the other day about husbands and chores and how many people I've heard say that it shouldn't be their job to pick up after their husband. I never thought of picking up my husband's things as being my cleaning up after him - I've only thought of it as cleaning our house. Does it matter whose laundry or dishes they are? Does he shovel only his own side of the driveway and leave me to climb snowbanks to get to my side of the car? Dividing things yours-and-mine, even socks, in one's internal thoughts doesn't seem to add much happiness.

—Colleen Prieto

quote from Chores, Serving others as a gift, tales of kids helping out voluntarily
but another good link would be
Why 50/50 is a problem
photo by SandraDodd
of Ester Siroky's kitchen, one day

Joyfully detoxing

Paula L / "Paulapalooza" wrote:

Okay, not all days will leave us feeling as if we are Julie Andrews spinning around on that mountain top singing "The Sound of Music," but so many of my days leave me with just that feeling. . . . .

I WILL NOT GIVE UP THIS KIND OF LIFE. 😊

You know, I spent a good 30 of my 35 years in some type of structured setting, striving to please others and live up to their standards, which I convinced myself were my own. I feel that I will be detoxing from this for the rest of my life, and it's a joyful process. Living outside the box makes me a person at peace, a person people constantly observe as "always so happy." I used to be very good at "blooming where I was planted," which was of course not true happiness, and the strain inevitably showed. I am finally happy on my own terms, and the difference is obvious to me.

—Paula L

A happy free day!
photo by Vlad Gurdiga

Also by Paula L, beautiful, but I cannot match a photo to it:
A Day of Wonder
It's sweet and poetic; please read it.

Step up to happiness

No matter where a person is, a step up is a step up. Happier is happier.

Deposit the Good Stuff
photo by Denaire Nixon

Health and happiness

"Happiness is good for health! If something that makes a kid happy is deemed unhealthy by a parent, it will create stress and division. That kind of stress is NOT healthy. That kind of division works against the kind of relationship between parent and child that makes unschooling awesome!"

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/eating/peace
photo by Sylvia Woodman
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Elation is good.

Sandra Dodd:

If something causes biochemical euphoria or elation, and if the goal is learning, and peace, seek that out. Pay extra for that. Clear your calendar to help your child obtain that.

Virginia Warren:

To the extent that our brains are chemical computers, dopamine is the program that we experience as happiness. Seeing "getting a dopamine hit" in a negative light is literally disapproving of happiness.

SandraDodd.com/gettingwarm
photo by Karen James

Peace and happiness

The best unschooling parents aim to avoid punishments and shaming. They try to facilitate learning and joy, peace and happiness. They slowly and incrementally learn to make choices themselves and soon they can better assist their children in learning to make thoughtful choices. They try to nurture their children by creating a safe place, and time and space for them to play, to explore and to grow up whole and undamaged.

SandraDodd.com/betterpartner

photo by Karen James

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Amazed and joyful

"That kind of happiness, of being amazed and joyful about everyday little things occurring around us, has made me a much happier person in all aspects of my life."

—Katherine (Queen Jane 555)

SandraDodd.com/wonder
photo by Brie Jontry

Learning and joy

The best unschooling parents aim to avoid punishments and shaming. They try to facilitate learning and joy, peace and happiness. They slowly and incrementally learn to make choices themselves and soon they can better assist their children in learning to make thoughtful choices.

Becoming a Better Partner
photo by Nicole Kenyon

On-the-job learning

Life. People can live lives, even little kids live lives, without preparation, learning on the job, as they go. They can learn while doing real things with real happiness and real success.

SandraDodd.com/connections/cocktail
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Happy health

"Happiness is good for health! If something that makes a kid happy is deemed unhealthy by a parent, it will create stress and division. That kind of stress is NOT healthy. That kind of division works against the kind of relationship between parent and child that makes unschooling awesome!"

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/eating/peace
photo by Sarah S.

Staying home in modern times

Below is something I wrote in December 2020.
I'm sharing it because it has been two years since the covid shut-down changed my plans. I was to have stayed with a grandson while his younger sibling was born. That little girl has turned two years old now. Because I have an undiagnosed chronic cough, I fear to become sick, so I stay home, still, usually.

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I could be sad at home, or I can be happy. I have years of practice at conjuring and sharing happiness. Keith knows that sometimes I fail. I get scared, or have a bad dream, or feel sorry for myself, but I revive and recover and put out one more “Just Add Light and Stir,” where people can peek into moments in other families, viewpoints of other people, and sightings of birds or lizards on other continents, in other seasons. There are words and ideas people can take in for a moment, or an hour, or to keep. Then I feel better.

I hope next year is easier and sweeter for all of us. If it is, your memories of an expansive world should allow you to jump on and ride it.

SandraDodd.com/2020
photo by Sandra Dodd