Purposes and choices in the moment

When someone questioned "purpose," I responded:

I didn't say "live your live with a purpose," though. Not a singular overriding goal that would cause any other outcome to be failure. That's what some people mean when they say "a purpose," but I didn't say "a purpose." It makes a world of difference.

I was talking about individual situations, projects, days, ways to decide. Not about a whole life.

People do that with decisions, too, sometimes. When we talk about making decisions within unschooling discussions, it's not something like "I made the decision to be an unschooler." It's small decisions in the moment, right before each action or response, about what to have for lunch, where and how and why.

SandraDodd.com/choices
photo by Janine Davies, of a stile in England

Teens can feel crowded

[Teens can feel crowded] by the new and real knowledge that the house is small and the world is huge.

Baby birds have no idea what's outside that nest.

Young children will occasionally find some corner of the house, some closet or a wall surface that was always covered by furniture before and they are not surprised that there are parts of that house they had never seen before. The house is everything.

Teenagers know they are meant to get up and go out. They're not happy about it, sometimes, especially when their house is a haven of love and sweetness and creativity, but their instincts kick in anyway and their perspective changes, very literally, and that nest seems like just a little wad of sticks on one little branch of one of ten thousand trees....

Crowded by their new awarenesses and raging hormones and their relative size (their rooms and beds are getting smaller by the day) and their collections of stuffed animals and action figures and Lego.

Sandra
(January 2000, with one teen and two pre-teens then)

SandraDodd.com/teen/crowded
photo of Holly Dodd on her way to a party

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This photo was in the Just Add Light folder for many, many years, waiting for a quote or topic it might slightly match.
Good enough.

Knowledge, real and useful

A mom posting as "Scooter," in 2001, wrote:

I personally believe that most knowledge, no matter how trivial or useless to anyone else, is just as important as what most people consider useful knowledge.

I responded:

This is dangerously radical thought and I agree with it wholeheartedly.

If one person builds muscle under the direction of a coach using gym equipment, and another builds muscle chopping wood and doing yardwork, which is better? Which muscles are more real? Which muscles are more useful? Which are more moral? What does the person need muscles for? Was the activity engaged in for the purpose of building visible, oilable muscles?

When schools teach to the test and drill kids on "useful" information, what happens inside and outside the school, the teacher, the student, the parent?

archived, about a dozen posts down there
(sorry I can't link more directly)
photos by Ester Siroky

Action, patience and observation

Read a little, try a little, wait a while, watch.

Reading does nothing without action. Action does nothing without patience and observation. When you know a little, more of the readings will make sense.

SandraDodd.com/readalittle
photo by Tessa Onderwater

Play is the work of childhood

PLAY is the work of childhood. Play IS the work of childhood. Play is THE work of childhood. Play is the WORK of childhood

original text (format and all)
by Cathy Koetsier
photo by Janine Davies

Fairness, in arguments

Sandra Dodd, from 2012 [so add some years to the number]:

Twenty-five years ago, my husband said it wasn't fair that we were culturally limited to words, and I could always win with words. If physical ability "counted" he would win, so he was set up to lose. After that I tried not to "beat him up" with words, because he was right—it wasn't fair. When friends of ours got married, and the husband was strong, fast AND very much more verbal, I told him that story, and he appreciated it. He reported back a couple of times early in their marriage that he was about to totally, easily win an argument, and remembered that it wasn't fair, and backed down.

AlwaysLearning; Alex P. quoted me, and commented
photo by Cally Brown

Stages and phases

Someone wrote:

As a new unschooler, I am working toward being less of a "helicopter parent" and more of a watch-from-a-distance parent...

Laurie Wolfrum responded:

While moving towards being calmer and more thoughtful is good, you don't have to think of yourself as any certain kind of parent to do so. It is good if something helps you think of how you can be a better parent. However, I would let go of trying to fit into any kind of label and *be* the responsible and thoughtful parent you wish to be for your child.

Children go through many stages and phases, some of which warrant our close presence and others which warrant our respectful distance. Don't let a label coax you into doing something you don't feel good about. Trust your gut and watch your kid for cues.

—Laurie Wolfrum

More of both those quotes:
SandraDodd.com/parents
photo by Holly Clark
Gold Coast Always Learning Live, 2014