Choosing not to whine

Sometimes I want to whine. Sometimes I do. It never helps.

When making a conscious decision about how to respond or how to react, it will be rare that whining will be the best choice.

SandraDodd.com/betterchoice
photo by Elise Lauterbach

Learning from our kids

People assume they will teach their kids lots of things. Then they move on to knowing they don't need to teach, just help/assist/facilitate. But there's that other area where the kids know things we don't know (and maybe could use knowing). By the time you get to that stage, confidence is easy to have, I think.

From the transcript of a chat on Learning from our Kids
photo by Colleen Prieto

Happiness and lightness

"Something has clicked, or melted away, actually, in the past year and I just wanted to thank you. Thank you for saving my relationship with my children. I feel happiness and lightness where there was once dread."

(a mom, recently)

SandraDodd.com/feedback
photo by Rachel Singer

Quiet trust

"Learning flows when needs are met, connections are strong, and kids can absolutely trust their parents, and know their parents are there for them."

—Caren Knox

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Cátia Maciel

Small change, big deal

Every time "have to" comes up in writing, speech or thought, back up two words and see it as a choice, and not a have to.

You don't "have to" do that, but your ability to make choices and to live a life of abundant gratitude will be hampered if you don't.

SandraDodd.com/haveto
photo by Eva Witsel

Sunshine and water

SandraDodd.com/random
photo by Janine, of her boys—
and if it's been used before, it's worth seeing again.

Fun shelter

"Don't shelter them from the world. Don't let them loose in it. Walk with them, paying attention to what it looks like they need to know (not what you think they should know). Partner with them in this real world we live in, so that they can learn, with your guidance and support, how to make the most of their explorations and their ever-growing experience."

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/karenjames/deschooling
photo by Hinano

Service and nurturing

Service and nurturing can make parents better humans.

Not being served, or being nurtured, but being of service and being nurturing to others.

SandraDodd.com/service
photo by Chrissy Florence

Smiling and helpful

Children are born learning, and unless and until that joy is extinguished (by school or pressure or shaming or belittlement), it will thrive and grow. Learning is easy when the people around are smiling, encouraging and helpful.

SandraDodd.com/nest
The quote came from a comment I made on a YouTube video.
After I wrote it, I thought I should share it here.
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp

Adam learned from Pokémon...

"If you lose at first, try again — it doesn't mean you will never win. If you lose, shake the other person's hand. It isn't possible to be unbeatable." —Adam Daniel (when he was six)

and there's more of that list at SandraDodd.com/adamlearns
photo by Tim Mensch

Perpetual learning

Once school is behind and life is in front, learning becomes self-perpetuating.

SandraDodd.com/connections
photo by Elise Lauterbach

Everything in the Whole Wide World

There is a Sesame Street book called Grover and the Everything in the Whole Wide World Museum. There is a "things under the sea" room and "things in the sky" room, but still each room is just a room in a museum, no windows, everything out of context. Then he opens a big door marked "Everything Else" and...

The picture that follows is here, and more text, but what's outside the door of your own home is more important.

art by Joe Mathieu, early 1970's

Peace and convenience

Our lives are peaceful, our pressures are self-inflicted and mostly optional, we’re free to visit historical sites when there are no crowds, to leave town during the week, to sleep late or have guests whenever it’s convenient for us, without regard to school’s schedule.

SandraDodd.com/sustainable
photo by Karen James

What if?

What if.... you dig a hole in your back yard? What if you leave laundry in the washing machine? What if you think dangerous thoughts?

What if you keep your child home from school for one year?
What if you keep him home longer?

What if you create such a rich life that not only is your child learning, but so are the parents? So are visitors to your house?

What if you click the link below, and read more about all of that?

SandraDodd.com/whatif
photo by Karen James

Whole and functional

It has been a long time since I worried about whether they would grow up whole and functional. They were whole, functional, bright and conversant all along. —Sandra Dodd, in 2006, even less worried in 2016

SandraDodd.com/connections/cocktail
photo by Sandra Dodd

Rise up and see

"When you are in a defensive crouch you can't see the bigger picture."

—Sylvia Woodman

SandraDodd.com/calm
photo by Sandra Dodd

Night swims

A mom named Melissa shared a special evening, years ago:

It was so beautiful to see their happiness and contentment shining in the pool late at night. The soft glow through the water was enough to light their faces, and they were happy to be out and playing games with dad and mom. We floated in the noodle chairs and watched lightning bugs. We counted stars and adopted some as our own. We all gathered around Avari in her baby floatie and laughed as she splashed her way around to try and get the floating glow sticks. Rachel learned to dive under water so she could catch as many as Emily was getting.

I took the big plunge with unschooling, and I'm still finding little things I didn't realize I was ruining for everyone. We stayed up swimming until midnight. The little ones got out on their own and climbed into bed as they got tired.

—Melissa

SandraDodd.com/day/melissa
photo by Charles Lagace, of northern lights in Nunavut, not of glow sticks in a pool

A tool, a toy, a game

My kids think math is a tool and a toy and a game. Why would they want to be saved from it?

"We don't have to know that" isn't anything I have ever heard my children say. Because there is nothing they do "have to learn," there is nothing that is off their learning list either. In artistic terms, without the object there is no field. In math-lingo, they have the infinite universal set. In a philosophical light, they avoid the dualism of learning and not-learning.

SandraDodd.com/timestables
Photo by Sam Baykus

Distance and perspective

If people learn to use "learn" instead of "teach," it helps them move to another angle, to see things through a different lens.

Some people see experienced unschoolers ("experienced" meaning in this context people who have done it well and effortlessly for years, who aren't afraid anymore, who have seen inspiring results) mention classes, and they think "Ah, well if the experienced unschoolers' kids take classes, then classes are good/necessary/no problem."

But if beginners don't go through a phase in which they REALLY focus on seeing learning outside of academic formalities, they will not be able to see around academics. If you turn away from the academics and truly, really, calmly and fully believe that there is a world that doesn't revolve around or even require or even benefit from academic traditions, *then* after a while you can see academics (research into education, or classes, or college) from another perspective.

SandraDodd.com/peace/newview
photo by Heather Booth

Patience and understanding

I didn’t expect unschooling to make things so sweet between me and Keith.
Partly Keith's just a nice guy, but principles that applied to the kids applied to the adults, too, and we all experienced and shared more patience and understanding.

The more I got to know Marty, the more ways I saw him like Keith, and because I was sympathetic to those traits in Marty which had bothered me in Keith, I became more sympathetic to and understanding of Keith.

SandraDodd.com/spouses
photo at Marty's wedding, in 2014

So many paths

I love the potential in this photo. There is too much to explore, but the options are up, down, through, around. It reminds me that we live in the moment that connects the past and the future.

The world is too big for anyone to see everything. History will never all be discovered or known. The best we can do for ourselves and our children is to view their surroundings with wonder and curiosity. We can help them experience small things and large, old things and new.

SandraDodd.com/decisions
photo by Sukayna

Fairly easy

Deb Lewis wrote:

Figure out what would help you the most and make the changes to make it happen. Maybe that means putting a garbage can in every room, having baskets or bins to chuck stuff into, having a container of those premoistened cleaning wipes in every room. Get a Roomba and let it go. Cook enough for two meals one night so you don't have to cook the next night, etc. Joyce recommended a pizza night so you don't have to cook. You could have sandwich night and everyone can eat off paper towels.

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/chores/unfair
photo by Rachel Singer

Be aware

BE AWARE of who this child is and of your potential to help or to harm.

SandraDodd.com/peace/noisy
photo by Sarah Dickinson

Little moments

Life is made of little moments. A good life is made of moments seen and appreciated.

SandraDodd.com/moment
photo by Meghan Pawlowski

Fill your house with peace

"Fill your house with peace, toys, interesting things, good food, and love. Create abundance, not scarcity, even if you have very little in terms of monetary resources. Love and peace and happiness don’t cost a thing."

—Colleen Prieto

SandraDodd.com/colleenprieto
photo by Sandra Dodd

Adapt and change

Saying "positive things" when someone is having problems is most likely to keep them from making any changes that would improve the situation. Assuring an absolute stranger that she's a great mom is not only useless—it can be harmful.. . . .I'm willing to support people in their quest to understand natural learning and mindful parenting, but that support involves helping them understand the principles behind why it works, and finding ways to adapt their lives in ways that will help it flourish in their families.

SandraDodd.com/support.html
photo by Erika Ellis

Knowledge grows everywhere

My strongly held belief about most things is that no one knows for sure, knowledge grows and changes, but that stress and fear are always harmful.

SandraDodd.com/calm
photo by Ve Lacerda

Mindfully and deliberately

"By relinquishing the desire to control, you help your child onto the path of living mindfully themselves, making choices and decisions mindfully and deliberately, instead of reactively."

—Robyn Coburn

SandraDodd.com/option
photo by Celeste Burke

Thoughts

It's okay not to share everything you think.

Children's thoughts are their own, but if you're interesting and interested, they might share their thoughts with you.

SandraDodd.com/trust
photo by Jennie Gomes

The easy way

When someone wrote "I may be taking the easy way out by just waiting until my son is older...," I responded (in part):

TAKE THE EASY WAY!!!

Make people’s lives easy. Don’t think there’s virtue in allowing difficulties to continue.

Make his life easier, if you can do it in some simple way.

The world will provide obstacles and difficulties enough. Let it be your duty and joy to provide a haven.

SandraDodd.com/peace
photo by Abby Davis

Nice, and patient

Being nice to another person is what makes one nice.

Being patient with another person is what makes one patient.

If a parent says hatefully "BE GOOD," he's not being very good.

Instead of telling a young child "Be nice, and be patient," the parent should be nice, and patient. It's a generality, and a truism, but it's generally true.


SandraDodd.com/virtue
photo by Sandra Dodd