The turning point of deschooling

Recovering from school is only part of a parent's deschooling process. Trust is involved, but it's an evolving trust. First one might read about or even meet some older unschooled kids and see that they're doing well. But it seems they can distance their own families a bit by thinking "Well that's fine for her kids—but mine might not be as [insert one:
    special
      bright
         gifted
            open
               calm
                  creative
                     sociable] as hers are."

The turning point comes when one sees the natural learning start to shine from her own child. Then she goes beyond trusting other unschoolers, and starts trusting natural learning.

"Of your own certain knowledge…"
or
Seeing the light with your own eyes

photo by Erika Ellis

Being together

When a child lives with his parents, it's good if the parents appreciate and nurture what it is "to live," and if they can see the value of the "with."

Read about the New Wheelbarrow or perhaps more Togetherness
photo by Jo Isaac

Be a safe place

Here is how to make yourself a safer, more peaceful person, before you even finish reading this post:

Just let your breath out, and don't breath back in right away. Empty out.
You can't talk without any air in you.

That will seem like five seconds, if you're full of adrenaline. But it will be one second or less.

Then your body will naturally fill back up, whether you want it to or not.
And the breath you breathe in will be all new oxygen. Not that dirty used adrenaline cloud you had built up before that. It might not totally dissipate in one breath; it might take three.

Hold it in. Top it off. Hold it. Let it out slowly—all the way out. Huff out the rest. Hold it out. Breathe in slowly...

There are a lot of people in prison for life who might not be there if they had known they could let all their breath out, breath back in, hold it.

And there are parents who swat their kids, or yell at them, or say something mean the kid might remember for life, when they could have breathed out, huffed out the rest, breathed in a deep breath.

Deep breaths will probably help. You don't have to do it formally, and nobody even needs to know you're doing it.

SandraDodd.com/chats/breathing
photo by Rachel Singer

Life changes things

Noticing and appreciating change and variation is good artistically, emotionally and scientifically.

Life changes things. See that, accept it, and flow.

SandraDodd.com/flow
photo by Shannon Loucks

...like it's 1999

This is the 1999th post, and it reminded me of the Prince song. That song came out in 1982, before I had children. It was quite futuristic, right? For most of 18 years, he was singing of something distant.

All the children born before then are adult-aged now. Most of the children of readers of this blog were born in the 21st century, and might need some explanation to appreciate that song.

You're living in history! It's flowing around you and through you.

The very first post, and why
photo by Sandra Dodd, of Holly doing something
more like 1899, but in 2015.

Live, see, and think

Unschooling isn't another version of a curriculum, that will take four hours a day. Unschooling is a different way to live and to see and to think.

SandraDodd.com/seeingitcomments
photo by Julie T

Most things are many things

Few things have only one name, one use, or one aspect. People have different roles and relationships, skills and traits. The same tree will look different in different stages, seasons, and times of day.

See things.
Appreciate them.

SandraDodd.com/awareness
photo by Lydia Koltai

Slightly new is new

Change one thing: timing, route, store, choices, order, station, dishes... One change affects other perceptions and connections.

Normal or exotic?
photo by Sandra Dodd

Spinning

Movement can be joy for children. It doesn't need to be organized, formal, or measured. Spinning for fun, jumping, climbing, rolling down a hill—think back to your own childhood memories of moving in new ways.

SandraDodd.com/physicality
photo by Chrissy Florence

Just enough peace

Can there be too much peace? For learning, yes. Learning requires mental arousal. If an environment is so still and barren that one's curiosity isn't sparked, then people might be closer to a state of sleep than of excited curiosity. Life can be too dull and quiet for learning to spontaneously happen.

Can there be too little peace? Yes, and in many ways. There can be too much noise, stimulation and chaos. So finding the balance place and the comfort level is part of creating a peaceful home.

SandraDodd.com/peace/noisy
photo by Andrea Justice

Serious fun

"Fun is serious. Fun is important, especially for kids. Don't underrate fun. People who are not happy as children seldom find easy or lasting happiness as adults."

—Deb Lewis

The quote comes from something beautiful, and serious, about Scooby-Doo
at the second link here: SandraDodd.com/scoobydoo
photo by Janine Davies

Help on the journey

Shared from e-mail, with the author's permission:

"I just started to think and learn about unschooling late last year, and when I first signed up for Just Add Light and Stir I couldn't imagine how the kinds of things you post would help me understand unschooling. But as time goes by I feel like these posts are almost what has helped me more than anything! I find that I really look forward to reading them every day, and they accompany me on my journey into this new territory."

—Susan Walker

SandraDodd.com/beginning
photo by Elise Lauterbach

Happy heroes

Courage, real or imagined, can make a person bigger—larger of soul and of confidence. "Big hearted," it once meant.

When a parent has the heart, and soul, and confidence to stand heroically between a child and fear, that takes courage. Defending a child from criticism and negativity (even from our own) makes us bigger.


SandraDodd.com/deblewis/courage
(The words above are Sandra Dodd's, new today,
but the link is to "Becoming Courageous," by Deb Lewis.)
photo by Julie D

Special delivery

Shan Burton wrote:

Food you want, served to you by someone who loves you and brings it to you with a smile and a hug, has magical powers to heal and replenish the soul as well as the body.

—Shan Burton

SandraDodd.com/serviceResponse
photo by Robyn Coburn

Connect the dots

History is infinite, that's for sure. You've gotta start somewhere, and pretty much it doesn't matter where you start because it's all connected, like a universe-sized dot-to-dot you could never finish but you started when you were born.

SandraDodd.com/history
photo by Lisa Jonick

Look, learn, proceed

Karen James wrote:

"Unschooling is really about learning without school. Radical unschooling includes all learning, not just academic learning. What encourages and supports learning in your child(ren)? Look at that. Learn from that. Proceed from that."

—Karen James

from SandraDodd.com/otherideas
photo by Sandra Dodd

Time and support

Ronnie Maier wrote:

"Unschooling works because the unschooled individual has the time and support to follow the interesting byways that lead to real learning."


SandraDodd.com/socialization
photo by Talie Bartoe

Lucky baby

A rich world for a baby is similar to a rich world for anyone else. A baby is a person. A lucky baby has an adult partner who understands that.

SandraDodd.com/babies/infants
photo by Ve Lacerda

Sorting, sort of

Things will get better as you weed out negativity and focus on what’s good and positive.


The quote is from a private e-mail. This page is a match:
SandraDodd.com/deschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a card from the singing game "Encore"

Patterns built and found

People naturally look for similarities, differences, and patterns. We name and categorize. It's a natural part of learning, and it can be fun.

SandraDodd.com/skills
photo by Holly Dodd

Warm home

Small moments of peace and calm can add up to contentment. Gratitude and acceptance contribute to satisfaction. Having a warm home isn't an absolute, and it's not magic. It's the accumulation of positive choices that create a nest for humans (and their significant animal others).

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Janine

Quiet antiques

Look around you for simple bits of older art, technology and history. See and appreciate these quiet antiques.

SandraDodd.com/curiosity
photo by Holly Dodd

Calm acceptance

Sometimes the smallest thing can make a child extremely happy. Sometimes parents can find joy in relaxing around fears and pressures. Without dress codes and early-morning school bells, or other kids to ask "Why are you wearing that?!", there can be leisurely days of choices and creativity, while parents practice saying "yes" and children play without worries.

Jenny Cyphers once wrote:

"The big upside of unschooling, in my opinion, was that it also created an unexpected peacefulness, fulfillment, and happiness for all of us."

SandraDodd.com/unexpected
photo by Julie Markovitz

Brain food in abundance

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

Human brains are voracious and will feed on whatever is available. Unschoolers should be offering interesting experiences, ideas, stimulation, music, logic, conversation, images, movement, discovery, beauty, etc. Brain food in abundance. It requires effort. It requires attention to qualitative and quantitative aspects of learning. Depth and breadth—creating a lifestyle in which kids are offered the opportunity to learn a lot about some things and a little about a lot of things.

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/learning
Thanks to Marta Venturini Machado for finding and sharing that quote.
photo by Meghan Pawlowski

Food as love

Offering a child food instead of waiting for him to ask has been frowned upon by some people as being pressure. I think that's wrong. Asking for cold pantry-food, or needing to ask someone to cook something isn't nearly as good as smelling food cooking, or seeing nicely-arranged food that's immediately available if you want it.

SandraDodd.com/food
photo and homemade pita bread by Sandra Dodd

Point of view

"Being mindful won't prevent kids from getting frustrated but it will be a huge step in the right direction. Seeing the world from kids' point of view will help you understand why they are reacting to the world as they are."

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/mindfulparenting
photo by Nancy Machaj

In the space of a breath

Robyn Coburn wrote:

My attitude continues to make the greatest difference to my happiness. Most of my needs are met in joyfully giving and being with my family. Those that are not met that way, are more able to be met when my daughter and husband are already happy and feeling generous. And if I am feeling like I need a break, I can take one in the space of a breath, a memory, a moment, a hug.

SandraDodd.com/friend
photo by Jane Clossick

Quick access

When I was first unschooling, we waited two months for a new issues of Growing Without Schooling. There was no internet discussion at all. When that began, a few years later, it was user groups, not even e-mail or webpages yet. Today someone can get more information about unschooling in one day than existed in the whole world when my oldest was five. I'm glad to have been part of honing, polishing, clarifying and gathering those ideas, stories and examples, and keeping them where others have quick access to them.

Read a little, try a little, wait a while, watch.

SandraDodd.com/interviews/naturalparenting2010
photo by Ve Lacerda

Better moments, days, and weeks

"Each and every moment is new. You can just try to make the very best choice in the next moment with your child. As the moments get better, so do the days and weeks. So all you need to do is make this moment the very best it can be. That's all."

—Ren Allen

The quote was provided by Eva Witzel. It goes well with SandraDodd.com/change.html
photo by Charles Lagacé

When it's working...

Don't expect to be perfect, but expect yourself to be improving all the time.

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.come/betterchoice/
photo by Colleen Prieto

As long and as far

They will trust you as long and as far as you are trustworthy.

SandraDodd.com/trust
photo by Sam Baykus

Open portals

When books are an obsession, it's considered a virtue. When mathematics is an obsession it's considered genius. When history is an obsession, that's scholarly.

When rock and roll is an obsession or folk art, or dance… maybe not as easily impressive to the outside world. But as all things are connected, let your child see the world from the portals that open to him, and don't press him to get in line at an entryway that doesn't sparkle and beckon.


from page 189 (or 218) of The Big Book, which links to SandraDodd.com/obsessions/feedpassions
photo by Lynda Raina

Change one thing.

Change a moment. Change one touch, one word, one reaction. If you try to change your entire self so that next year will be better, you might become overwhelmed and discouraged and distraught.

Change one thing. Smile one sweet smile. Say one kind thing.

If that felt good, do it again. Rest. Watch. Listen. You're a parent because of your child. Your child. You should be his parent, or her parent. Not a generic parent, or a hypothetical parent. Be your child's parent in each moment that you interact with her.

SandraDodd.com/peace/becoming
photo by Jennie Gomes

Generous, thoughtful, considerate

Mary King Shawley wrote:

So I ask myself, what is my purpose? How do I want to be remembered? My purpose is to help my children grow and learn to be good humans and treat other people well.

—Mary King Shawley

Generous, thoughtful, considerate humans
photo by Janine Davies
(backup link to the article)

Where do you focus?

What you first see isn't all that's there. Different people notice different aspects. Don't be afraid of that. Explore it. Expect it! Enjoy it.

SandraDodd.com/theblindmenandtheelephant
photo by Rachel Singer

If you've wound them up...

With anything, if a family moves from rules (about food, freedoms, clocks, what to wear) to something new, there's going to be the backlash, and thinking of catapults (or trebuchets, more technically, or of a rubber band airplane, or other crank-it-up projectile vs ...) the more pressure that's built up, the further that kid is going to launch if you let it go all at once.

SandraDodd.com/gradualchange
photo by Ruqayya