Ponymania

"My Little Pony" figures and stories have changed over the years, but their contributions to happiness and learning continue to grow.

SandraDodd.com/mlp
photo by Sandra Dodd

An outpouring of love

How can one get from resentment and rigidity to an outpouring of love? Too mushy? It happens.

Making the shift
photo by Sandra Dodd
I first credited Holly. She says she put the rose in the bottle,
but I'm the one who took the photo. It's been a while.

Pay close attention

"Pay close attention to your children. Really see what they are doing, what they are interested in, what they are enjoying, what frustrates them, what they like and what they don't like."

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/karenjames/deschooling
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp
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The important things

Children can only hear "no" so many times before they start to ignore it, so we helped them make good decisions when they were young, and saved "no" for really important things.



SandraDodd.com/teenager
photo by Janine
and it's a link

What matters

I am willing to watch it with her because I know she loves it. I affirm something about her by taking her interest, her pleasure seriously. I let her know she matters by making it clear that she matters to me. —Meredith Novak 10 Nov 2015

SandraDodd.com/respect
photo by Karen James

Easy flow

Jenny Cyphers, on overcoming fears:

If a parent has too many hangups, too many fears, too many issues, that they don't take out and examine, it will destroy what unschooling could be. People can get really wrapped up in fears and "what if's". Sometimes it consumes a person, a parent, a family. Happy, peaceful, unschooling can't flourish in those conditions. Fear creates blocks. Learning needs easy flow. Easy flow can happen naturally unless a person blocks it.

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/fears
photo by Chrissy Florence, the day they saw a mom and baby whale
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Happy and comfortable

"What makes your child happy and comfortable?"

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/phrases
photo by Janine Davies

The kids will follow

If you're just starting to homeschool I have a few words of advice: Breathe. Smile. Your kids will be sharing your stress and fear, so move quickly to get over them. Meet experienced homeschoolers and model your practice on families you like and respect. Deschool yourselves, and the kids will follow easily.

SandraDodd.com/pinkcrayons
photo by Sandra Dodd

Sweet surprises

Find a comfortable way to relax into the flow of life, as often as you can, appreciating the sweet surprises along the way.

Round, coming around
photo by Lydia Koltai

Joyfully harmonious

Meredith Novak wrote:

Expecting human relationships—of any kind—to be fair and equitable is a set-up for cynicism and disappointment in the human race. Human beings are marvelously varied in their needs and capabilities. It helps a whole lot to think in terms of needs and capabilities rather than rights or fairness or equality. What more can you do to support the people you love—including yourself? Kindness, grace, and generosity go a lot further toward creating warm relationships and a joyfully harmonious home than measuring out equality.

—Meredith

Being a Happy Mom
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp
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Joy is better

Happiness helps learning. Biochemically, joy is better than dismay. Optimism is better than negativity.

SandraDodd.com/connections
photo by Chrissy Florence

*Time out*

Yesterday's post had the wrong time, so it will be delivered today (for those who subscribe by e-mail—1533 people). Thank you for reading!

The Bayeux Tapestry post on November 2 had the wrong photo credit at first. It was Leon McNeill, not Helene McNeill. Holly caught it in the morning, but the e-mails were already out there.


This is post # 1772 or so. That's quite a few. I missed the fifth anniversary of this blog, in September. If you're reading by e-mail and you wish I had written something different, click the title and you'll be between a randomizer and a set of "You might also like:" photos and links. Even if you've read them all, your own knowledge has grown and your perspective has changed, and what you saw before will look different now.

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Reminder of another blog you might want to subscribe to:
Unschooling Site News, SandraDodd.com
blog-generated selfie by Sandra Dodd, while writing the notes above

Strewing

Strewing:

Literally, scattering something out, like rose petals or herbs or straw on a medieval floor.

Figuratively, leaving interesting things out where they will be discovered.
SandraDodd.com/terminology
photo by Sandra Dodd, of Australian things Schuyler saved to show me
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Ongoing and fluid

When life is whole, and not divided into school grades, then reflection, assimilation and connection are ongoing and fluid. In the absence of reporting periods, there's no need to evaluate periodically. Gain trust in learning, and then focus on providing a rich, peaceful environment. Become an unschooling parent.

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Sarah Dickinson

Special moments

Special moments can be planned or accidental, funny or profound. Sometimes there's a photo. Sometimes there will be just words, or a quiet memory. Plan a few, and be open to the unexpected.

Holly is ten years older now than she was on the day she saw the Bayeux Tapestry so closely, and her host-dad caught her profile. I'm glad to have this photo of Holly seeing something wonderful.

May you have many special moments, and many more of quiet, normal, peaceful nothing-so-special moments with those you love.

photo by Leon McNeill, of Holly Dodd, in 2005

Supplies

How much are supplies for unschooling? It ranges somewhere between nothing and everything—the whole budget. Once a family starts to consider everything educational, even groceries and cleaning supplies are educational. For beginners, though, part of the trick is working on the definition of "educational." . . . .Learning is everywhere. The five dollars that will buy nothing but plastic pennies or pencils at some stores will buy a sackful of treasures other places.

SandraDodd.com/supplies
That's old writing. I avoid the term "educational" now,
but start where you are and keep getting better!
photo by Colleen Prieto

No big deal

They love to go Trick or Treating but the candy is no big deal because they can have it whenever they want.

—Pam G

from Halloween Candy and Choices, or "Candy Gets Dusty"
photo and artistry by Hema Bharadwaj
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Making contact

When I say my kids make good eye contact, I mean GOOD eye contact, not constant or inappropriate eye contact. There's such a thing as too little, and such a thing as too much. Looking at the thing the other person is talking about, or holding her hand and looking at her hand, or brushing her hair and only glancing at her face once in a while could be way more helpful.

SandraDodd.com/eyecontact
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Natural human nature

Try not to go against nature, when you're aiming to "be natural."

SandraDodd.com/sugar
photo by Sandra Dodd
of artistry by Devyn (6)
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Clear and free

There is quiet beauty somewhere near you. If it's hard to find, close your eyes and imagine some. Look at art, listen to music. Breathe a little more deeply, a little more slowly, and you'll be better for yourself and for those around you.

SandraDodd.com/breathing
photo by Irene Adams
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Seeing many things

Seeing layers is good. Depth of field applies not just to visuals, but to awareness in other areas too. Consider as many factors as you can, whether in images, patterns, ideas or words.

SandraDodd.com/angles
photo by Colleen and Robbie Prieto
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Care more

I don't like divorce. I don't want any children who can avoid that disaster in their lives to live with it for the rest of their lives (and any parent who wants to think it doesn't affect the child forevermore is practicing self-comfort at their children's expense). I would much rather, when and if it's possible, help the parents both be the kind of people who care more about their children than they do about themselves.

SandraDodd.com/divorce
photo by Cathy Koetsier

Slowly but quickly

"While we have faced many attachment challenges as a result of my kids' foster care experiences and my own difficult childhood experiences, our home has experienced so much positive as a direct result of moving "slowly but quickly" into unschooling."

—Rebecca F.

SandraDodd.com/special/
photo by Chrissy Florence
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Everywhere, all the time

My response to this question, from 2009:

What resources do you use for your children’s “educations”? Feel free to comment on the word “education”.

We don’t “educate” our children. We help arrange so that they have so many learning opportunities they can’t possibly take advantage of them all. We have friends with interesting jobs and hobbies. We invite them over, and we visit them. We have a house full of books, music, games, toys, movies, art materials, plants, food and dress-up clothes. We don’t expect learning to happen in the house, nor in museums, but we know it happens everywhere. We don’t expect learning to happen during daylight hours or on weekdays. We know it happens all the time. So we don’t “use resources” except that we see every thing we discuss or see, smell, touch, hear or taste to be a resource. It’s not a word we use, because it’s all of life.

SandraDodd.com/education
photo by Cá Maciel
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Foundations and preventions

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

Asking how to prevent kids from lying is sort of like asking how to get a steeple bell 50 feet into the air. The answer begins with building a foundation on the ground which hardly sounds like a way to get something into the air.

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/issues/morality
photo by Sandra Dodd
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More learning

All other things being equal, for me I decided in favor of something new and different, over something same-old, when there was a draw about which thing to do or which way to go.

SandraDodd.com/depends
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp

Toys in every room

Colleen Prieto wrote this, at the end of a longer, spookier story:

My son has toys in every room of our house, and his dad and I provide lots of bins and shelves and baskets to make straightening up for visits from friends and grandparents easy for whoever wants to help with the pre-visit clean-up. Because to us, a neat and orderly house with lovely, Perfect rooms and a minimum of Stuff isn't worth trading a relationship with a Child Who Will Be An Adult Before You Know It. — No way.

—Colleen Prieto

SandraDodd.com/deprivation
photo by Sandra Dodd, at Collen Prieto's house
(There was a Lego Viking ship behind me, on a shelf.)
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Healthy gratitude

I'm writing this just after returning from a long afternoon at the urgent care center.

If you're reading it in health, at home or out doing something that takes strength and stamina, please breathe in a bit of appreciation of your abilities and breathe out enough gratitude to share.

SandraDodd.com/gratitude
photo by Holly Dodd

Relax into peace

"Power struggles can disappear when the person with the power stops struggling."

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/deblewis

SandraDodd.com/battle
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Succesful and happy

"In my mind, partnering with kids isn't about having them be In Charge—and it isn't about having parents be In Charge—it's working together, with the more experienced partner (the parent) taking the initiative to help days (and nights!) be successful and happy."

—Colleen Prieto

Child-led? Problem...

Who's in Charge?
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Stranger danger

In response to a question about "unschooling schools":

If a democratic school is chosen as the lesser of some array of school evils, that's fine.

If it's being chosen because the parent believes that professionals and strangers can "unschool" their child, then that's a problem with their perception of unschooling, and a potential loss of a wonderful home environment.
SandraDodd.com/school/alternative
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Accessible enlightenment

Janine wrote:

When my family started unschooling, my partner and I felt the spirituality of it immediately...
. . . .
It's grounded, realistic, accessible enlightenment.

—Janine

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Read the whole thing, halfway down this page:
SandraDodd.com/spirituality

photo by Sandra Dodd, of the calliope on an English carousel
that now lives in a mall in California
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Touching, playing, knowing

"How do you know they're learning?"

The people who ask that question are looking at the world through school-colored glasses. Those same parents knew when their children could use a spoon. They knew when the child could drink out of a cup. They knew when walking and talking and bike riding had been learned.

SandraDodd.com/playing
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Play, Wonder, Smile...

"Play. A lot. Wonder. A lot. Listen. Observe. Smile. A lot."

—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/karenjames/deschooling
photo by Leon McNeill
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Is this the way?

If you're going the wrong direction, don't keep going.

Check your direction
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Different realities

When our oldest was five and our third was still inside me, we stuck our toes in the homeschooling waters, and asked ourselves some serious questions. We bypassed the regular serious questions. We weren't worried about socialization. We weren't worried about times tables. What my husband and I asked when our should-we-do-this eyes met was "What about marching band?" . . . . A few years ago I reviewed my progress and realized that my three lovely children who are busy every single day and who can converse about any subject neither read books for fun much nor do they play any band instruments whatsoever.

More of that at "Books and Saxophones",
an article written in 2003 when my children were 16, 14 and 11.
They are, as this quote is posted, 29, 26 and 23.
The photo shows me, Marty and Kirby, before Holly was born.
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Teenagers

Of course I was nervous when they were out late sometimes, but I would think of the things I was doing at their ages, and remember that my kids had better resources, more practice making decisions, and had me and their dad ready to help them without penalty if they needed us.

SandraDodd.com/teenager
photo by Sandra Dodd, 2005
Photo note: They were home, dressed as movie characters,
for Kirby's 19th birthday party.

Keep your balance.

Things change. Even in the best of peaceful circumstances, things change. Keep your balance, find gratitude and abundance, and accept changes gracefully when you can.

Impermanence
photo by Lisa J Haugen
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A secure, lively life

"People of all ages don't like others to build walls around them that prevent them from exploring what intrigues them, from doing what they enjoy. Yes, people want to feel secure, but they want that security to allow them to live life, not preserve their life."

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/fears
photo by Sandra Dodd

Unmeasured and whole

If you are not required by law to test your child, don't choose it.

Because a test score is never ignored, tests affect the relationship between parent and child, and many unschoolers want to preserve their child’s journey to adulthood unmeasured, uncompared, and whole. It might seem crazy from the outside, but the disadvantage of testing is real.

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The second paragraph above is from SandraDodd.com/thoughts.
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Not blindly

I don't care if people disagree with me. I wouldn't want anyone to agree with me blindly, nor disagree blindly.

SandraDodd.com/detox
photo by Sandra Dodd

Right where you are

If every conscious decision is taken with the intention of getting closer to the way one wants to be, then in a "getting warm / getting cold" way, it's not nearly as distant as one might have thought. You never even have to leave your regular house, car, family. It's right where you are, only the thoughts are different.

SandraDodd.com/factors
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Patterns and plans

Colleen Prieto took this photo of her odomoter. I love the pattern, and the reflections. If it's too small to appreciate, click the image for an enlargement.



Seeing patterns and appreciating them will help with unschooling. It adds to wonder, and awareness. In Gardner's Intelligences, it's about spatial reasoning and nature intelligence—seeing what is like what, and seeing and predicting change and outcome.

Intelligences, or more images and some writing by Colleen Prieto
photo by Colleen Prieto

Conversational support

If a child says "I wish I could fly," he doesn't want to hear that he can't. And he probably doesn't want his mom being so "supportive" that she suggests that he can do anything he wants to do if he wants it badly enough.

He might just like to hear "Wouldn't that be cool?" or "You could see inside the neighbors' back yards," or something simple and conversational.

SandraDodd.com/exploration
photo by Sandra Dodd of an ostrich that lives
right next to "Los Pollos Hermanos"

Gently accepting

Being with our children in direct and mindful ways made us kinder, gentler and more accepting. We were more playful and full of wonder, as we saw the world through their eyes.

SandraDodd.com/acceptance
photo by Claire Horsley

Create and maintain

Unschooling is creating and maintaining an atmosphere in which natural learning can flourish.

SandraDodd.com/definitions
photo by Janine Davies

Sweet and grounding

"There's little so sweet and grounding to me as being loved for who I am and appreciated for all I choose to spend my time doing. If we want our children to really know what that feels like too, we should stop standing on the sidelines, and start joining in. It's a simple gift we can all give to our children that will have the potential to last a lifetime." —Karen James

A simple gift
photo by Karen James, too

Right now; respond to that

I tell them to look directly at their child without overlays or filters or labels—to see who he is, right now, and respond to that.

SandraDodd.com/interviews/momlogic2010
photo by Chrissy Florence
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Tricked by "knowledge"

Meredith Novak wrote:

A great deal of parenting "wisdom" is made up of things "everyone knows" because everyone repeats them back and forth, over and over. Like "you have to go to school to learn" and "children need rules". Some of the things "everyone knows" are completely wrong, but because "everyone knows" them, it's very, very difficult for people to change their attitudes even in the presence of evidence to the contrary.

It was really shocking for me to discover just how much of what I "knew" was a result of that repetition. I accounted myself an intelligent, thoughtful person, with strong "alternative" viewpoints, but most of what I thought I knew about parenting was based in a kind of cultural conditioning. The ideas in my head weren't my own. That's humbling.

—Meredith

SandraDodd.com/sugar
photo by Sandra Dodd

Seeking joy

In discussing the idea of coercion, Dawn Todd wrote:

"I can't really say from looking at my kids whether they feel coerced or not in a given moment. But I can tell joy when I see it. So seeking joy is way more helpful to me as an idea."

—Dawn Todd

Not exactly a match, but could be useful:
SandraDodd.com/bribery
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp
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