Unique knowledge

Carefully considered thought is pretty rare, but unschooling parents who watch their children learning for years have a lot of time to see some particular things that no one else—not even the other unschoolers—can see. In each family where these principles take hold, children do and say wonderful things that help the parents *know* (not just kind of think) that learning can happen without teaching or showing. They see that connections are being made that school would not, could not, have set up, when the parents back away from directing and instead provide experiences, materials and input.

SandraDodd.com/knowledge
photo by Sandra Dodd

"Worthwhile" means...

Once someone wrote in an unschooling discussion:

"I just have one concern. I want my children to finish what they start."

I responded:

If you start a book and decide you don't like it, will you finish it?"

If you start eating a dozen donuts, and after you're not in the mood for donuts anymore, will you finish the dozen?

If you start an evening out with a guy and he irritates or frightens you, will you stay for five more hours to finish what you started?

If you put a DVD in and it turns out to be Kevin Costner and you don't like Kevin Costner, will you finish it anyway?

The only things that should be finished are those things that seem worthwhile to do.

Finish What you Start
photo by Chrissy Florence

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"Worth"—worthy
"while"—time
The American Heritage Dictionary says "worthwhile" is an adjective meaning "Sufficiently valuable or important to be worth one's time, effort, or interest."

Real peace

Most moms who come around to tell more experienced moms about how terrible "violence" is haven't even tried to define that term in their own minds. They will say a cartoon is "violent," or a TV show is "violent." Their children are probably sitting safely on a warm couch in a house with a locked door.

Think peaceful thoughts about imaginary violence.

SandraDodd.com/violence
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp

Find joy

If you practice noticing and experiencing joy, if you take a second out of each hour to find joy, your life improves with each remembrance of your new primary goal.

SandraDodd.com/joy
photo by Sandra Dodd

Water play

Remember these moments, when simple things make the normal world magical.

Provide for the possibility of these moments.

SandraDodd.com/water
photo by Janine Davies

Quick Install

Stop thinking schoolishly. Stop acting teacherishly. Stop talking about learning as though it’s separate from life.

SandraDodd.com/deschooling.html, which also has a guide to
Gradual Installation (necessary in most school-trained cases)
photo by Sandra Dodd

Connect, inspire, trust and help

"I learn every day how to have a better partnership with my children and spouse, how to connect, inspire, trust and help. And now that I have learned how to read without my emotions interpreting the emails for me, the message is consistently the same—be loving, gentle and sweet with your children, *be* with your children, live joyfully."

—Rippy Dusseldorp
referring to Always Learning

SandraDodd.com/feedback/rippy
photo by Sandra Dodd

Scary learning

Michelle Thedaker wrote:

I'm becoming more and more easily able to . . . ask myself, "What is my issue with this? How can I get past it?" and really open myself to a variety of answers. Scary? Yep. Worth it? Beyond yes!

—Michelle Thedaker

Read what I left out, and more: SandraDodd.com/scary
photo by Sandra Dodd

Better than what?

When I write and speak about people trying to be better, some balk or resist, or say "You want us to try to be better than others?"

It's personal, not competitive.

This is the better I'm talking about:

Be better than you would have been if you had not thought "I would like to be better."

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Sandra Dodd

What if, what if, what if

When you don't know what to do, try not to do anything.

Wait a bit.    Think.

Breathe.       Smile.

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SandraDodd.com/breathing
photo by Sandra Dodd

Be careful

Be careful. Be sweet.

That's from notes for a talk I gave once. If you want to hear me, go here:
SandraDodd.com/listen
photo by Sandra Dodd

No shoving, please

Set it out, don't try to shove it in.

That line is from small talk I gave once, to dads only. I was talking about logic—to draw it in, not to hit people with it. But "Set it out, don't try to shove it in" can apply to many things—food, interesting things, ideas, and to unschooling itself.

photo by Sandra Dodd

Remember "partnership"

Being patient and compassionate with a child who is sad or hungry or tired or maybe teething or frustrated with his friends is good. Feeling good makes you calmer and more confident. It will give you stores of calm and clarity so that you can remember that your spouse might be sad or hungry or tired, maybe aging, aching, or frustrated with his co-workers and friends.

If you have come to feel adversarial in any way toward your partner, remember "partnership." Help him or her follow interests or hobbies or to take care of collections, or to see a favorite TV show. Support his interests. Being nicer makes you a nicer person.
SandraDodd.com/betterpartner
photo by Joyce Fetteroll

Let your child be your cause

Putting your child first while you unschool is important. When your kids grow up, you could dedicate the rest of your life to only wearing used clothes and not using electricity or charge cards or an automobile, but putting token environmental gestures first in your life causes your child to become a token environmental gesture. The environment is changed imperceptibly. His life, hugely.

SandraDodd.com/perspective
photo by Sandra Dodd

Own your own

If parents retain ownership of their children's learning, the children cannot learn on their own.

SandraDodd.com/parentalauthority
photo by Sandra Dodd

"Electric in my memory"

Karen Angstadt wrote:

I saw SO MUCH MORE learning happen because I was watching so closely. It was like a big curtain was lifted that had been preventing me from seeing clearly. When I think back today about that moment, it feels like THAT was the real beginning of unschooling for me. It still feels electric in my memory—all the connections I made that day about learning and its value to the learner within the place and time it is learned. I am so grateful for Learn Nothing Day.

—Karen Angstadt

(Longer version here.)
photo by Sandra Dodd

Self-awareness

Parents get pretty good at noticing when a child is tired, hungry or frustrated. It's important to see those things in yourself. Keep your family safe from your more dangerous moods and states. If you're too hungry or too tired to be kind and safe, ask for help. Or admit you're feeling stressed, and be more careful. Don't use your mood as an excuse to be harsh or dangerous. Learn to do what you need to do to stay in a workable, safe zone.

SandraDodd.com/mentalhealth
photo by Sandra Dodd

Signs and other excitement

A mom once wrote:

We left the house and headed to the subway, (we live in Manhattan). On the way there, Logan spotted a number of street signs. He commented on their shapes and colors, he gets very excited by this. We got to the subway, and he said we were taking the "A" train, so we sang the song together. At 14th Street there is an elevator to get out of the subway, so he talked about going up and down. We were headed downtown to a really fun water playground. He had a blast playing in the water, filling up a cup and spilling it out. He also practiced his climbing to get to the big curly slide. Logan also got to socialize with lots of kids of many different ages. Sometimes that takes some negotiating...he's learning. After a few hours we headed back home.

When we got off of the train, Logan wanted to go to Central Park, which we call our back yard. There is a small lake near us, and he loves to look at the ducks. We watched the ducks; he counted sticks and threw them in the water, looked at trees, flowers and squirrels. Sometimes we see Raccoons too. As an added bonus, there was a troop of actors performing Shakespeare. There was sword fighting, so Logan wanted to watch the show. . . . .I never had this much fun, or got so much out of a day in school. —Meryl, Logan's mom

A Great Day
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a sign in Austin, not Manhattan
click for clarity

See them looking

If we wait to see where a child's gaze falls, and wait a while for a question or comment to form, our observation and readiness to assist if needed, or to converse casually will be better than any pre-scripted lesson could ever be.

It will be personal, and real, and at exactly the right moment.

SandraDodd.com/wonder
photo by Chrissy Florence

History

Museums and historical markers can be fun, but most of the history around us is unmarked and undocumented.

Every little bit of trivia gives you a hook to hang more history on.

SandraDodd.com/history
photo by Sandra Dodd

Looking at our real kids

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

For unschooling to flourish it means taking out our fears and examining them. It means looking at unschooled children to find out what really happens rather than what seems like would happen (from knowledge of schooled, controlled kids). It means shutting off the expert voices that tell parents what they should be seeing and looking at our real kids."

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/fears
photo by Sandra Dodd

Give it a rest.

Don't click anything. It's Learn Nothing Day.

SandraDodd.com/DoNotClick
Art by MD/Daniel and Alex Polikowsky in 2008

Why unschool?

Amy: Here is Sandra Dodd with a simple definition of unschooling.

Sandra Dodd: Creating an environment where natural learning can flourish.

Amy: What’s natural learning?

Sandra Dodd: Learning from experience, learning from asking questions, following interests, being.

SandraDodd.com/whyunschool
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp

Better? Better!

Ultimately, "better" and "good" will be seen in retrospect, or in realizations that things are WAY better than they used to be. That "better" is between children and parents, and happens when it happens, not because of anything anyone here says or thinks.

SandraDodd.com/goodorbad
photo by Sandra Dodd

Many, many ideas

Joyce wrote:

There is probably not an idea about how to be with kids that you have that we haven't seen and turned over. (Sounds a bit snooty!) What I mean is, that 1000's of people have wandered by us with the ideas they have. We've held them up for examination to see "Is this respectful? How does this help a child? How does this hurt a child? Is there a better way that will nurture him *and* help him?"

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/confidence
photo by Karen James

Go forth and soak it in

To understand what Unschooling is, it helps to understand what it is not. It can also help to see some of the best examples.
. . . .
Explore! Decide you want to learn, go forth and soak it in, sort it through, spread it around to dry.

—Sandra Dodd

SandraDodd.com/comparisons
photo by Cathy Koetsier, of a river rat
click to enlarge

A better emotional neighborhood

Good people make better parents. Better parents make better unschoolers. If some of your transitional energy is spent being a better person, your child's working model of the universe, which only he or she can build, will have a better foundation. It will be built in a better neighborhood, with cleaner air and purer water.

SandraDodd.com/issues
photo by Sandra Dodd

As good as a nap

An attitude of abundance and gratitude can be as good as a nap. Abundance Gratitude Change

photo by Sandra Dodd

One week of learning

One more week, and then stop. Learn Nothing Day is coming, July 24.

If you're new to unschooling, you might think this is easy. But if your life has progressed to the point that learning is woven into all your activities and you've learned to see it, this will take some planning and some effort.


School kids get half the year off, if you add up all the weekends and holidays. Before someone accuses unschoolers of not learning, they might want to know we have ONE day off, and here it comes. Good luck.

Learn Nothing Day, the blog
art by Holly Dodd and Sandra Dodd—it's a link

Pretty cool.

Kids really can (and do!!) learn *so* much in the absence of school and teachers. They learn so very well when they are allowed the time to explore and examine, question and Google, ponder and wonder—and they learn even better when they have the support of parents and other such people as they go after and capture the skills and knowledge that they desire. Pretty cool.

—Colleen Prieto

SandraDodd.com/knowledge
photo by Sandra Dodd