Mindful and thoughtful

Sylvia Woodman wrote:

I think people confuse "Say yes more" with "Never say no."

When you are moving toward unschooling it's important for parents to examine why they are saying "No" to their children. Is it for a good and real reason or is the parent saying no reflexively? I think it's an important mental exercise in creative thinking to examine "Why am I saying no?" There may actually be a good and real reason to say no. Maybe with a little creativity the answer can be yes. Maybe it can be "yes, but not now." Or "Yes, but not here."

To say "yes" reflexively is no more mindful than saying "no" thoughtlessly.

—Sylvia Woodman

SandraDodd.com/joyce/yes
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp
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Something sweet

"Seeing your own child's bright eyes when you do something sweet can heal the child inside you who would have loved to have had someone do that to, for, with her, years ago."

—Sandra Dodd

SandraDodd.com/awareness
photo by Sandra Dodd

Thanks to Sara Vaz for saving and quoting this in public.

Human beings

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

Most parenting approaches either treat kids like they're alien beings or like they're fellow adults.

Radical unschooling supports treating kids like human beings while taking into account their differences.

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/joyce
photo by Karen James

Contrast

Sometimes it's the contrast that shows us clearly where we are now.


Reflections, Projections and Shadows
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Unexpected juxtaposition

The connection between humor and learning is well known. Unexpected juxtaposition is the basis of a lot of humor, and even more learning. It can be physical, musical, verbal, mathematical, but basically what it means is that unexpected combinations or outcomes can be funny. There are funny chemistry experiments, plays on words, math tricks, embarrassingly amusing stories from history, and there are parodies of famous pieces or styles of art and music.


SandraDodd.com/playing
La connexion entre l’humour et l’apprentissage est bien connue. Des juxtapositions inattendues sont la base d’un certain humour, et encore plus, de l’apprentissage. Cela peut être physique, musical, verbal, mathématique, mais au fond, ce que cela signifie, c’est que les combinaisons ou les résultats inattendus peuvent être amusants. Il y a des expériences chimiques amusantes, des jeux de mots, des jeux de maths, des textes historiques amusants et embarrassants, et il y a des parodies de pièces célèbres ou de styles artistiques et de musique.
SandraDodd.com/french/playing
photo by Sandra Dodd, of artsiness at Alex Polikowsky's house
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Direct and profound

Unschoolers are not sitting in the back corner of the homeschooling world doing nothing. We're doing something direct and profound.


SandraDodd.com/musicroom
photo by Sandra Dodd

Look around

You might be able to see a lot without moving.

photo by Deb Lewis

Tiny monsters

Parents would like to protect their children from all tiny monsters, but it can't be done. One of the greatest gifts you might give your child, your family and yourself is to learn to set an example of how to deal with surprise wounds and doubts, and to coach your children through their encounters with fear and disappointment with calming touch, cleansing breath, and shared hope.

We can't have safety but we can have peace and joy despite the tiny monsters.

SandraDodd.com/TinyMonsters
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Let them show you!

Unless your children are given a real opportunity to show you how children learn, to show you that it works, you will not see it.

SandraDodd.com/seeingit
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp

Make the next moment better.

Moments, not days.

Don't think of "bad days." One terrible moment doesn't condemn the rest of the day. One bad moment? Recover. Apologize, smile, be sweet, and make the next moment better.

SandraDodd.com/betterpartner

SandraDodd.com/moment
photo by Karen James
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The little things

"Most of all listen and watch when they want to show you something. It might seem like a little thing to watch what your child wants to show you, but it’s important to them and it matters to them! The little things are the big things!"

—Laurie Wolfrum

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Sandra Dodd

Becoming lighter

"Once I turned my head around and realized the wonder in me and curiosity that I felt for learning with my children a huge weight lifted off of me."

—Phoebe Wyllyamz

SandraDodd.com/wonder
photo by Sandra Dodd

Different food, future food

"When I think about the food I make for my daughter (if it's different from what I've made for my husband and myself), I think ahead to when she might be making me food because I am unable to."

—Robin Bentley

SandraDodd.com/food
photo by Sandra Dodd

Good to have

WHAT UNSCHOOLING PARENTS NEED patience enthusiasm joy curiosity ability to follow disjoint ideas and conversations willingness to come back to a topic willingness to let a topic drop

SandraDodd.com/beginning
photo by Sandra Dodd

So butter the toast!

"If he wants someone to butter his toast for him, buttering the toast is probably the easiest possible thing to do in that instance."

—Sandra Dodd

Quote saved by Christine Macdonald; thanks!
photo by Sandra Dodd

A spiritual gift

"I choose to be positive and to take every opportunity as a gift. So serving others becomes a great spiritual endeavor."

—Manuela Jaramillo

Part of something longer at SandraDodd.com/service
photo (a link) by Sandra Dodd

Good and right

Deb Lewis wrote:

A principle internally motivates you to do the things that seem good and right. People develop principles by living with people with principles and seeing the real benefits of such a life.

A rule externally compels you, through force, threat or punishment, to do the things someone else has deemed good or right. People follow or break rules.

Which is the hope most parents have for their kids? Do they hope their kids will comply with and follow rules, or do they hope their kids will live their lives making choices that are good and right?

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/rules
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp
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Sort through as you go

Everyone can, should, sort through the bad examples and good examples around them and move choice by choice toward whatever their own images of "better" might be.

SandraDodd.com/choices
photo by Sandra Dodd

Close up

What's near seems Big! Stay close to your children so they will be big in your life.

SandraDodd.com/priorities
photo by Lisa Jonick
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Bright and confident

I couldn't have predicted how easy it would be for them to learn to read starting with huge vocabularies, and without pressure and tests and measures. When they could read, they knew it because they started reading.

The symbols turned to language. When I started reading my vocabulary was very small, and the books we were reading didn't help that. I couldn't read anything outside of that first grade "reader," but the teacher told me I was reading.

Most people have never known a later reader who was bright and confident. I hadn't before I met unschoolers. Three fifths of my family now consists of people whose late reading was not detrimental, and I have made the acquaintance of many others like them.

SandraDodd.com/persephonics
photo by Sandra Dodd

The path to unschooling

It's the path to unschooling—to go toward the better things and away from the worse things.

Deschooling... "Like what?!" (chat transcript)
photo by Sandra Dodd

Don't use up all your tickets!

Sometimes I've advised people to pretend they only have three hundred "no's"—they have a little ticket they have to spend every time they say no. And they better save some because some people use them up before the kid’s three. What if your child grows up and you still have 150 tickets left that you can chuck in the trash? That’s pretty cool.

Improving Unschooling (radio interview, recording and transcript)
photo by Sandra Dodd

It's all around us.

Once there was heavy fog at our house. Kirby was four or five. He had never seen it at all, and this was as thick as I have ever seen fog. He wanted to go and touch it. I yelled "Let's go!" and we ran up the road, and ran, and ran. About seven houses up we got tired, and I said "Look" and pointed back toward our house, which was gone in the fog.

I did not say "See? You can't touch it, really, it's touching us, it's all around us."
I didn't say "Let's don't bother, it's just the same wherever in there you are."

I let him experience the fog. He learned by running in fog and smelling it, and losing his house in it.



Learning to See Differently
photo by Sandra Dodd

BE better

In the same time and with the same energy one might think "I plan to do better," or "I intend to be better in the future," one could *be* better right then, right there.

No planning or intentions are necessary to be better, in this moment, than one might otherwise have been. Each decision to make a better choice in thought, word or deed is what "better" is made of.

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Sculpters of what's around them

"People who go to school are more able to take orders and be tougher. Homeschoolers are like masters, sculpters of what's around them."

—Kramer Wyllyamz (10)

SandraDodd.com/playing
photo by Phoebe Wyllyamz

Helping parents be awesome

photos are links

From a note that came in today from the mom of a toddler:

"Reading your book helped me make my relationship to my husband so much better. I only read the book a week ago and I already see a difference for the three of us. Our daughter is also so much happier because we are."

—Elaine Santana

and

"Sandra, I have been reading your Big Book of Unschooling and my 11 year old son started to read over my shoulder. He wanted to read more and took it away. When his 8 year old brother asked him what he was reading he replied 'It's this book that helps parents to be awesome.' That just about sums it up! Thank you xxx"

—Nicola Wright

Other feedback on the book is here: SandraDodd.com/bigbook
Cover art by Holly Dodd (black lines by Sandra)
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New cover, 10th anniversary edition:



2019; Forever Curious Press

Door stuff

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

A computer, a hand held game, an iPod are doors that lead to a vast world of experiences. Just as your front door leads to a vast world of many different things you can do. Would you refer to all the things your family does by going through your front door—walks, shopping, visiting friends. mowing the lawn, vacations—as "door stuff"?

Stop looking at the door. See the richness that exists beyond the door.

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/screentime.html
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Just life

When Kirby was 13 he was asked whether he liked homeschooling better than school. Most 13 year olds asked a question by an adult will look down and mumble "It's okay," or "I like it." Kirby made eye contact and said "I've never been to school. I have no basis for comparison."

So with no basis for comparison, my kids have just life.

(writing from 2004; can't find to link)

Fourth Birthday of Just Add Light and Stir

Thank you for looking, for reading, for thinking.

Thank you for being a conduit for peaceful ideas.


SandraDodd.com/peace
photo by Sandra Dodd

Shared lives

Parental encouragement, smiles, acceptance and support are what turn plain or unsettled life into magical and transformed shared lives.

How Unschooling Changes People
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Easy to miss

Something BIG happens when a person turns away from selfishness to service.

Something HUGE happens when a person can care about another person more than about himself.

SandraDodd.com/service
photo by Sandra Dodd

(Thanks to Marta Pires for saving that quote,
from a recent discussion.)
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Your child and the world

"Bring the world to your children and your children to the world."

—Pam Sorooshian

How to Be a Good Unschooler
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp
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Random thoughts

When one of your thoughts leads to another, it's okay if you don't know why, or where it's going to end up. Fearlessly slide from one idea to another.

Thinking Sticks: Playing with Ideas
photo by Sandra Dodd
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A wonderful collection

"The unschooling environment I create at home is just a wonderful collection of the best examples I have from the past and the present."

—Rippy Dusseldorp

Deschooling... "Like what?!"
photo by Sandra Dodd, at her own house
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Fully immeasurable

Our days are full and our learning is unmeasured and immeasurable.

SandraDodd.com/why
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Relationships and Wholeness

"Intellectually, I got unschooling all the way from the very beginning. The part that took more time was relationships and wholeness. When I got THAT, that is when things started happening in the direction that made unschooling work great!"

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/gettingit
photo by Jenny Cyphers (and it's a link)
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Lively abundance

Lisa J Haugen wrote:

There are very wealthy people who have no concept of abundance. There are very poor people who feel very rich indeed.
. . .Happiness, smiles, liveliness, peace—those are things an unschooling parent can go far on, even if their budget is tight.

—Lisa J Haugen

SandraDodd.com/abundance
photo by Karen James
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Flowing play

One of my guiding principles is that I want my children's worlds to be sparkly.

There goes the dull and the darkness. Easily not chosen, not an option.

SandraDodd.com/unschool/sparkly
photo by Julie D, in Leiden, at a playground
also seen here: Clearer and larger

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The path to peace

"One of the biggest shifts in my unschooling journey has been changing my focus—staying in the present, letting go of the need to have things match my expectations (or those of the school world around me), relaxing my grip on What The Future Is Going To Bring. Letting go of the need to control the results is the path to living peacefully, because it keeps me oriented to The Process, to living mindfully in the present."

—Leah Rose

SandraDodd.com/moment
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Polite and confident

"Lead by example. Be polite and confident, show trust and respect to those who deserve it and your kids will do the same."

—Lyle Perry

SandraDodd.com/lyle/list
photo by Sandra Dodd

Bigger, wiser, more whole

Giving children choices helps create a partnership, it helps them learn, it makes them bigger, wiser, more whole.

Pulling them out or pushing them into things keeps them smaller and more powerless.

SandraDodd.com/respect
photo by Sandra Dodd

Choices, for partners

When you choose to say something or to wait, think of which will be more patient, or less critical. If you decide to say something, think of two things and choose the one that is closer to the person you want to be. If you choose not to say anything, consider your posture and demeanor. Choose to be gentle, and not to express negative emotion.

Sometimes choose quiet space, but not hateful silence.

With practice, it gets easier.


SandraDodd.com/betterpartner
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Be inviting

In response to someone saying "I pulled her out of school…", I wrote:

Being pulled out of something sounds rough, and surprising, and a tad violent.

Being invited to come home is much sweeter, and gives the child an option and some power.

(That will work for any choice you can give a child to come home,
opt out, take a break from some activity.)

SandraDodd.com/peace
photo by Rippy Dusseldorp
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One peaceful choice

Lisa J Haugen wrote:

I make one peaceful choice, one bonding, relationship-building choice. Just one little choice.

Then it's easier to make the next one, and the next one, and sometimes there's wobble, but rebuilding peace and self esteem one choice, one moment at a time, is doable! When you do that you can get to really sweet, joyful, soul-warming places.

—Lisa J Haugen

SandraDodd.com/choices
photo by Sandra Dodd

Explore

Explore. Go with curiosity.

SandraDodd.com/curiosity
photo by Sandra Dodd

Approach perfection

Approach perfection, don't aim and fail. Be the best in the moment, but don't expect that to be "The BEST."


("Better" is a preferable goal. The quote above made sense in the chat, though.)

SandraDodd.com/better
photo by Sandra Dodd, of Holly, in Sausalito
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The big upside

"The big upside of unschooling, in my opinion, was that it also created an unexpected peacefulness, fulfillment, and happiness for all of us."

—Jenny Cyphers

SandraDodd.com/unexpected
photo by Karen James
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How different...

"It's funny how different the world can look, when you're not so restricted in your thoughts."

—Kristen

SandraDodd.com/alwayslearning (new, at the bottom)
photo by Sandra Dodd

Living and being

Live the way you want your children to be. Be curious. Be thoughtful. Be patient. Be generous.

(from something about virtues)