Words

Please be careful with words, because they say what you're thinking. Be careful with thoughts because they affect the way you're responding to people.

SandraDodd.com/words
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Playful experimentation

Children learn from playing. They experiment with tools, materials, textures, movements, sounds. They imitate the older people around the. They imitate animals, and fictional characters. They try on voices, faces, postures and ideas. Parents should encourage and facilitate their playful experimentation.

Learning Styles and living big, on the Always Learning discussion
photo by Sarah Dickinson

Rain and sunny days

"If it's raining, focusing on what you can do instead of the walk you wanted doesn't make it a sunny day! But it does make a day of rain more pleasant."

—Joyce Fetteroll

photo by Polly Griffiths, of an accidental pattern

Unschooling should be...

Unschooling should be about peaceful, supportive relationships, about modelling consideration and thoughtful choicemaking, and about learning.


SandraDodd.com/problems/toofar
photo by Holly Dodd
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Give generously

If you want to measure, measure generously. If you want to give, give generously. If you want to unschool, or be a mindful parent, give, give, give. You'll find after a few years that you still have everything you thought you had given away, and more.

SandraDodd.com/howto/precisely
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Hold on to something

Instead of requiring that my kids had to hold my hand in a parking lot, I would park near a cart and put some kids in right away, or tell them to hold on to the cart (a.k.a. "help me push", so a kid can be between me and the cart). And they didn't have to hold a hand. There weren't enough hands. I'd say "Hold on to something," and it might be my jacket, or the strap of the sling, or the backpack, or something.

I've seen other people's children run away from them in parking lots, and the parents yell and threaten. At that moment, going back to the mom seems the most dangerous option.

Make yourself your child's safest place in the world, and many of your old concerns will just disappear.

The Big Book of Unschooling, page 67 (71 of newer edition)
photo by Sandra Dodd
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That's all. Just that.

If I saw [unschooling] simply as a means to get them to college, I might be nervous. I see it as a way to live. I don't see it as keeping the kids out of college or hampering their opportunities for formal learning if they go that route. I'm not holding college up to them or me as "the goal." The goal, for me, is that they will be thoughtful, compassionate, curious, kind and joyful. That's all. That's not asking much, is it? I think if those traits are intact in them, they will continue to learn their whole lives.

SandraDodd.com/interview
photo by Julie D
Words 1998; Image 2013.

Being a father

Frank Maier wrote:

Being a father means participating in, and belonging to, the world around me and not just sitting quietly, being an observer. I have learned from my family and blossomed within my own inner geography as much as the kids have blossomed and grown into the wide world around them. As with most kinds of growth, it's difficult to see the changes on a daily or short-term basis. It's when you look back over a longer period that you really see, and are amazed by, the amount of growth that has happened.

—Frank Maier

SandraDodd.com/dads
(I took an "also" out of the first phrase.)
photo by Colleen Prieto

A bigger payoff

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

Think about what is REALLY important and keep that always in the forefront of your interactions with your children. What values do you hope to pass on to them? You can't "pass on" something you don't exemplify yourself. Treat them the way you want them to treat others. Do you want respect? Be respectful. Do you want responsibility from them? Be responsible. Think of how you look to them, from their perspective. Do you order them around? Is that respectful? Do you say, "I'll be just a minute" and then take 20 more minutes talking to a friend while the children wait? Is that responsible?

Focus more on your own behavior than on theirs. It'll pay off bigger.

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/pam/howto
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Do more.

If you don't feel like you're doing enough, do more.

Karen James remembered me writing that, and a few years later she repeated it to another mom, with a nice addition:

"Do more. Have fun. In my experience, it's truly contagious!"

SandraDodd.com/howto/precisely
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Right and true

Live your life in such a way that other people will trust you. When you make decisions, make generous, selfless decisions so that others benefit. When you say something, do your best to say what is fair and right and true. When you write, write things you don't mind people taking out and sharing.

A person is only trustworthy if he has earned trust, if he is worthy of being trusted.

BENEFITS beyond just "be a better parent"
photo by Marty Dodd

Compass

"Compass rose" is a beautiful term for directions set in tile, or stone, or metal, or painted... It's a symbol for knowing what's what and where's where—where the viewer is, in relation to the rest of the world.

The word "encompass," meaning to surround and enclose, can be a soothing concept, for parents and families.

Within that compass, there are options. As children grow, the size of the encompassing circle expands.

SandraDodd.com/wordswords
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Fascinating

"One dark spooky night not so long ago, under a full moon and while the wind howled....my 5-year-old developed a fascination for monsters."

—Amy Kagey

Monster Mania
and one monster leads to another...
photo by Colleen Prieto

Good things

Do good things for good reasons.

photo by Sandra Dodd
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How does it balance out?

When children choose their foods, they will choose things you didn't expect!

SandraDodd.com/eating/balance
photo by Sandra Dodd

Learning in the wild

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

Unfortunately we learned in school that learning is locked up in books and reading is the only way to get to it. It's not. It's free. We're surrounded by it. We just need to relearn how to recognize it in its wild state."

—Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/joyce/steps
photo by Colleen Prieto
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Trust

Joanne Murphy wrote:

Just yesterday a friend and I were discussing what we thought of as a distilling 'factor' that must be present for unschooling/mindful parenting to be successful. The factor that came up was TRUST.

With trust, the world opens up, horizons expand and life can seem exciting and limitless. Without trust, the world shuts down, gets narrow and petty. Each moment matters in the wrong way. I want more expansiveness in my life, not less."

—Joanna Murphy

SandraDodd.com/trust
photo by Holly Dodd

Rediscover wonder

"Watch and listen to your kids. Let yourself get caught up in what they find wonderful and in the process rediscover wonder itself."

—Meredith Novak

SandraDodd.com/wonder
photo by Colleen Prieto

Some kind of learning

"Learning happens all the time. The brain never stops working and it is not possible to divide time up into 'learning periods' versus 'non-learning periods.' Everything that goes on around a person, everything they hear, see, touch, smell, and taste, results in learning of some kind."

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/pam/principles
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Look

Turn and softly look at your child to see what is fresh and new. Look at your child with awe. See your child with curiosity. Admire your child. You will be amazed.

Turn and softly look
photo by Joyce Fetteroll

The Sixth Learn Nothing Day

SandraDodd.com/learnnothingday
photo by Sarah Dickinson, 2011

Bright morning

"The morning of the world," someone might say, meaning just as the world was new and bright. From this we and our children can talk about and learn about poetry and figurative speech. "The morning of his life..." when likening a lifetime to a day, with its own first light, eventual afternoon, and twilight. These are common references. "In Queen Victoria's day..."

SandraDodd.com/morning
photo by Kathryn Dubay, at Killarney Beach, Victoria (Australia), early one morning
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Empowered

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

"Unschooling means parents who are connected, responsive, supportive, empowering, and environment-enriching. Unschooled kids don't feel responsible for their learning. They know they can learn whatever they want whenever they want. They're empowered rather than burdened."

—Joyce Fetteroll

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The quote was the brightest statement made in the course of a facebook discussion,
but more by Joyce is here:
SandraDodd.com/joycefetteroll
photo by Sandra Dodd

You don't need to know.

Response to a question about how a mother can discover her child's passion or strengths:

You don't need to know your child's strengths and passions. It doesn't matter. Sounds goofy, but it's true.

What you should look for is helping her right in the moment.

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Sandra Dodd, of an Easy-Bake Oven, in a thrift store
Thinking the new lightbulbs won't work, but most unschoolers have REAL ovens, unless they're in The Netherlands, perhaps, where (I've learned) ovens are rare.

Healing and learning

Deb Lewis wrote:

Studies are now popping up suggesting laughter makes our brains work better, reduces stress and helps sick people get well...

I don't think humor will guarantee my kid will have a better life, but I know it won't hurt him. If all it does is leave him with happy memories of his childhood and parents, I'll count it among our most useful tools."

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/deblewis/humor
photo by Sandra Dodd, of the only funny thing
in Chichester Cathedral

Choose the good things

No parent has to do anything. They choose to do things.
. . . .
Through all the innumerable factors, how DO people decide?

By deciding what principles they are following. Each principle one clings to eliminates about half the choices in the world easily, and in a good way. Each additional principle eliminates some more options, until the world becomes manageable.

One of my guiding principles is that I want my children's worlds to be sparkly.

There goes the dull and the darkness. Easily not chosen, not an option.

SandraDodd.com/unschool/sparkly, 2004
photo by Irene Adams
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Wheelbarrows

History, science, gardening, tradition, the physics of simple machines, color, art, children's games, materials, geography...

No matter what topic you choose, what collectable objects you favor or trivia that appeals to you, following that interest will lead you to many "facts" and "truths." Trivia perhaps, but enough trivia will create a detailed model of the universe.

Wheelbarrow things
photo by Sandra Dodd

Beyond the door

"Stop looking at the door. See the richness that exists beyond the door." —Joyce Fetteroll

(Insert mental image of your door here)

SandraDodd.com/screentime
photo by Sandra Dodd

Leaning toward balance

On finding balance:

Lean by thoughts and decisions.
Lean toward what you understand, and what makes sense.

Too far? Lean back.
Just right? Do more with your children, while you're in that state.

SandraDodd.com/balance
photo by Sandra Dodd; Castle of the Moors, in Portugal

"Do we have to learn this?"

My children have never asked, "Do we have to learn this?" They don't have to learn anything. So everything is equally fun for them. The joy of unexpected discovery is the substance of a typical unschooling day.

SandraDodd.com/presidents
photo by Marty Dodd
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Make room in your heart

Be your child's friend.

Make room in your heart and your life and your house for your child and his interests.

SandraDodd.com/focus
photo by Julie D

Changing gears

Deschooling is like changing gears. Go slowly. Go deliberately. SandraDodd.com/gradualchange Don't goof around. Don't stall. SandraDodd.com/doit How can both be true? The clutch and the gas.

photo by Sandra Dodd, recently
coloring by Holly Dodd, years ago
light switch plate by Sandra, years ago
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Secret recipe?

Kelly Lovejoy wrote once, in a lively discussion:

I think (almost) *everyone* would like kind, respectful, generous, polite children. I just think they haven't found the recipe yet.
We have!


I responded:

Yes!!
But when I try to tell them, their next thought is that Marty must be just an exceptional human to whom the regular "truths" don't apply.

So few people have seen a person who's not so scarred by social business-as-usual life that they can't imagine it. We've seen it but others don't believe us.

SandraDodd.com/money
photo by Liam, a houseguest
Footnote to what's above: There are other factors, and not all unschoolers get exceptionally generous children, but when the parents adopt those positive traits and live lovingly, they provide the possibility.

Nurturing our spirit

"[W]e are drawn to exploring ourselves, to finding that depth of engagement in life, with all its twists and turns and ups and downs. For maybe the first time we really see the value in nurturing our spirit. It stuns us. We marvel that the journey we started to fully and deeply support our children and their learning has turned so completely around and we are learning so much from them about being alive and fully engaged with life."

—Pam Laricchia at Unschooling Grows Far Beyond “Not School"

SandraDodd.com/spirituality
photo by Colleen Prieto

I cannot begin to express my joy

Schuyler Waynforth wrote:

We have chosen to listen to our children, to pay attention to their needs and their wants instead of telling them that they must conform to our needs and our wants.


It means that for me if Simon (my 8 year old son) asks me to help him play Tales of Symphonia on the gamecube and I happen to be doing the dishes I may ask that he wait the 10 minutes or more likely than not I may just let the dishes soak and come and play with him. The dishes will be easier to clean when I empty the sink and refill it with warm water and I will have gotten to spend an hour with my son talking and exploring and playing and continuing to forge a relationship that makes me so happy I cannot begin to express my joy.

SandraDodd.com/schuyler/rant
That was from an unusual (for Schuyler) rant in 2007.

Here are some newer words from this ever-thoughtful unschooling mom:
Schuyler Waynforth Interview

photo by Sandra Dodd, of Schuyler's cat in 2009
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My Little Pony

Someone had written that she had the urge to tell her daughters to do something more productive than playing My Little Ponies. Others reminded her of the importance of play, and of bonding.

I wrote:

"Production" is for factories. Your children are learning and growing. There is nothing they need to "produce."

I sent her the link on "Focus," but this one is better:
SandraDodd.com/mylittlepony
photo by Holly Dodd
(who also styled the pony's mane)
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England

I missed a day. Sunday was Joyce Fetteroll's birthday. She and Rippy Dusseldorp and I were in Delft to shop, and then went to Rotterdam to visit friends, and then back to Rippy's where I was very sleepy. Sitting in the Amsterdam airport following a flight cancellation, I realized I missed one, and won't be in a good place to look for quotes tonight, and so this will be my little offering to cover Monday and Tuesday, July 8-9, 2013.


I love England. Not sure why. Some people love some things without knowing why. This summer I will enter the UK three times (if we make it there okay tonight)—from the U.S., then from Portugal and now from The Netherlands. Into England five times, if I include crossing back in from Wales and from Scotland.

And so I am content. I have been to England enough.
I am grateful that my children are grown and there are people other than just their parents who love them and who are glad to see them and to know them.
Learn Nothing Day will arrive before long, and it will be a long day for me, 31 hours, because I'll be going home from England, on my birthday, to be met by my husband who loves me.

I like this blog and I'm sorry I missed a day.
I like my life, and I'm glad to have people to share various aspects of it with me.

SandraDodd.com/bio
photo by Sandra Dodd, of bunting—hand embroidered crowns, and appliqued Union Jacks, on triangular dags, put out for the Diamond Jubilee, but originally made for Queen Elizabeth's coronation

Incidental learning

"Learning is often incidental. This means that we learn while engaged in activities that we enjoy for their own sakes and the learning happens as a sort of 'side benefit'."

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/pam/principles
photo by Sandra Dodd, of medieval art on tile in a tube station in London
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What makes unschooling better?

"Unschooling has only changed with my growing ability to implement it."

—Schuyler Waynforth

from "Four Continents": Schuyler Waynforth, interviewed by Sandra Dodd
photo by Sandra Dodd
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A sweet gift

Decision time isn't about what you will do next year or for the rest of your child's life. Decision time is about what you will do in the next five seconds. I recommend getting up and doing something sweet for another person, wordlessly and gently. Never send the bill; make it a gift you forget all about. Do that again later in the day. Don't tell us, don't tell them, just do it.

SandraDodd.com/change
photo by Sarah Dickinson
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Twenty days of learning

Ghoj pagh jaj (Klingon, maybe, for "Learn Nothing Day") is in one score of days.

O le aso e leai se mea afia 第一国际无会日 O Dia de Nao Aprender Nada Leer Niets Dag El Dia de No Aprender Nada Oggi non si impara Erster Internationaler Welt-nichtslerntag La Journée Sans Rien Apprendre

Learn now, because it's going to end on July 24.

Score! and counting sheep in prehistoric languages
photos by Sandra Dodd, with thanks to Ester Siroky for taking me there
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Something new

Learning comes from connecting something new to what you've already thought or known.

SandraDodd.com/connections
photo by Marty Dodd, of a salt-encrusted coke bottle in Utah
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A different angle

Something near your house, or in your town, that you see every day, would be exotic and beautiful to someone from another part of the world. Two things near your house, combined by looking at one while you're seeing part of another, might be worth a photograph and some loving thoughts.

Find beauty where you are today, whether you're a tourist or in your own kitchen.

---

photo by Sandra Dodd, of a roofline near the road in Stroud, Gloucestershire,
in the Cotswolds. Click it to see the larger image.
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What unschooling is about

Rippy Dusseldorp wrote:

Unschooling is about children learning naturally and parents being partners in their children’s learning. Parents create and maintain a rich and interesting environment where children can follow their interests and passions. Children have lots of choices and options available to them. Parents facilitate, help, encourage, inspire, guide, support and love. Children learn, laugh, play, discover, explore, puzzle, build, invent, create, ponder, go on adventures and learn some more.

—Rippy Dusseldorp

SandraDodd.com/rippy
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Decisions

Think about what you think you "have to" do. Choose to do something good, for sensible reasons.

SandraDodd.com/decisions
photo by Sandra Dodd

Worthy communications

"Unschooling requires that we, as parents, lose the prejudices society lays upon our schooled minds, and learn to see all modes of communication as worthy. In order to truly honor our children, they must make their own choices..."

—Ren Allen

SandraDodd.com/bookworship
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Easier and less needy

Schuyler Waynforth wrote:

Being proactive will work better, more effectively and leave him less needy. . . . ."It takes time and a greater focus at the beginning. It takes letting go, a lot, of your needs for down time or personal time or time to sit and chat with other people. But the more you do work to partner with your son, to help him before he needs help, to be with him more, the easier it will get and the less needy the relationship will feel.

—Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/partners
photo by Dylan Lewis
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Like fluff, like play

Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

Compared to school, with unschooling what you see on the outside looks inconsequential to what they'll be doing as adults. It looks like fluff. It looks like play. But as long as they're in a rich environment with parents who are curious about and engaged with life themselves, when kids explore what interests them, they pull in what is important to their right-now selves and create the foundation for their future selves.

—Joyce Fetteroll

Joyce Fetteroll, interviewed by Sandra Dodd
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Pouring out peace

The more peace the mom pours out, the more peace there is to share.

SandraDodd.com/peace
(It could be the dad pouring out peace, of course
but in the course of that discussion, the word "mom" made sense.)
photo by Sarah Dickinson

Hearing yourself

Saying what one means rather than using phrases without thinking is very, very important.

Hearing what I say as a mom is crucial to mindfulness.

If I don't notice what I say, if I don't even hear myself, how can I expect my kids to hear me?

If I say things without having carefully chosen each word, am I really communicating?

Mindful of Words
photo by Marty Dodd
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