Quietly, sweetly, gently

"I recommend getting up and doing something sweet for another person, wordlessly and gently. Never send the bill; make it a gift you forget all about. Do that again later in the day. Don't tell us, don't tell them, just do it."

—Sandra Dodd

That's a quote from group e-mail that I might never have thought of again, except Krisula Moya quoted it in public. Thanks!


photo by Sandra Dodd
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Mastering ideas about learning

As some of my articles are being translated (now into Japanese, French and Italian) I see how much of my writing and thinking is about language itself, and so some of these ideas won't translate. But sometimes, that fact is very good. Some of our confusion about teaching and students and study and learning, in English, has to do with the words we use, and if the problems don't exist in other languages, that's wonderful for them.

In Romance language (Italian, French, Spanish and so on) our "teacher" translates to something along the lines of "maestro," a word we have too in regards to music direction. And we have the English cognate "master" which is more currently left in "master of arts" and other college-degree titles. Once that meant a person was qualified to teach at the university level. That meaning is gone in the U.S., pretty much.

Considering the word family from which "maestro" comes (and not knowing all its connotations in other languages), the English verb "to master" means to learn. It means to become accomplished in the doing of something. Whether mastering horseback riding or blacksmithing or knowing and controlling one's own emotions, it's not something someone else does to you or for you.

So for any translators or bilinguals reading here, have sympathy for English speakers who can't get to natural learning without disentangling all the graspy words and ideas about teaching and education and their implications that learning is passive and teaching must be done to a person.

SandraDodd.com/wordswordsother
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Getting help organizing toys

When my kids were little I hired other kids (slightly older) to organize toys several times. It was like playing, for my kids, and they would help. The older kid would get $5 an hour for putting my kids' stuff away in a fun and organized fashion. It was kind of like playing for them too.

SandraDodd.com/chores/hiredhelp
photo of Holly by Sandra Dodd, but photoshop art by Holly herself

Book worship

There was a time when the only way for a kid to get information from outside his home and neighborhood was books. (Think Abraham Lincoln, log cabin in the woods far from centers of learning.) Now books tend to be outdated, and google.com is better for information. If Abraham Lincoln had had full-color DVDs of the sights of other countries, of people speaking in their native accents and languages, and of history, he would have shoved those books aside and watched those videos.

When someone thinks books are the one crucial step to any further learning, then books and school have crippled that person's ability to think expansively, and to see what's unfolding in front of them in the real world.

SandraDodd.com/bookworship
photo by Holly Dodd with her Barbies enacting a movie

Better

Don't anyone be mean to your kids today, please. There will be enough hurt without us adding to it.

SandraDodd.com/TinyMonsterscomment
photo by Sandra Dodd
of Holly, in England, June 2000

Being in the world

Sometimes people ask how homeschooled children will move out into the world. Our children were never anywhere but in the world. They were present with us as much as they wanted to be. We let them be other places, without us, when they wanted to be. The world was always all around them, and they were always in their place in the world.

SandraDodd.com/interviews/bloggingboutboys
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Sacrifices

I think forbidding toy guns is another instance of superstitious magic practiced unwittingly by parents.

The idea that one can make a sacrifice to assure future success is ancient among humans, isn't it?

Deprivation doesn't create appreciation. It creates some or all of desire, neediness, curiosity, fascination, resentment, obsession, anger...

Unfortunately the real sacrifice parents make too often is their child's happiness and their own hope of a full and healthy relationship with that child and future adult.

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The quote is from the page on Toy Guns.
The photo is of Marty and Holly, as zombie hunters, Halloween 2008.
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Strew their paths

Strew their paths with interesting things.

SandraDodd.com/strewing
photo by Sandra Dodd

What is radical unschooling?

Unschooling is learning from the world around. Radical unschooling has to do with seeing that learning is much more than academics, and that learning happens all hours of the day and night, not just "during school hours." It's not radical in a revolutionary way. It's radical in that it is based in the root of the idea of natural learning.


From the MomLogic interview
The photo, by Sandra Dodd, is one of the images on the
original cover of The Big Book of Unschooling

Quietly, lovingly, now

Every day he is older. Be with him, where he is, quietly, lovingly, now.

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Sandra Dodd

Big shadow

I took this photo out of the window of Garcia's restaurant, at Juan Tabo and Comanche, in Albuquerque. Keith and I had gone there for breakfast. I saw the shadow on the side of the truck before I saw what was making it.

It's not very important.

Sometimes, though, a small thing can cast a large shadow. A small act can make a big difference. A small person can have a large presence.

photo by Sandra Dodd

The First Step

Curious, happy kids will learn a lot from whatever they do. Frustrated, unhappy kids won't learn much no matter what they do. So the first step is to create a happy, rich environment.

photo by Holly Dodd

Learning to live

You don't know exactly what your children need. They won't know either, if they're never allowed to live in such a way that they will learn to pay more attention to their bodies than to a book or a menu, calendar or clock.


SandraDodd.com/eating/purpose
photo by Sandra Dodd

Being the same

Even when it's not as clear as you're used to, the sun is as bright as can be behind the clouds.

It's the same sun.

Even when it's not as clear as you're used to, love is as bright as can be behind fear and frustration.

It's the same love.

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Today, be present and patient.

SandraDodd.com/being
photo by Beth Fuller

Everything you've ever learned

Think about everything you’ve ever learned. Make a list if you want. Count changing the oil in your truck, or in your deep fryer. Count using a calculator or a sewing machine. Count bike riding and bird watching. Count belching at will and spinning with your eyes closed if you want to. Think about what was fun to learn and what you learned outside of school.

Okay, maybe not everything, but if you think of twenty or thirty things you learned joyfully, easily, and if you can think of who helped you learn them, and what they did, it will boost your confidence. While you're in those thoughts, if gratitude arises along with some of them, maybe do some follow-up. Are some of those who inspired or assisted you still available to thank? Is there someone who would benefit from hearing some of what you've remembered? I bet there will be something in your memories that's worth passing on within or outside your family.

The first part is from SandraDodd.com/deschooling
and the second part is new.

photo by Holly Dodd

Trade-offs

A butterfly in the yard is more wonderful than a dusty butterfly pinned in a box, but you can control the one in the box better, as long as you don't want it to fly. At least it will be there when you want to look at it. The one in the yard is on his own schedule.


Un papillon dans la cour est tellement plus merveilleux qu’une mouche poussiéreuse fixée dans une boîte mais vous ne pouvez pas contrôler le premier aussi longtemps qu’il veut voler. Au mieux il sera juste là l’instant d’un coup d’œil. Les battements d’ailes dans votre cour ont leur propre horaire !

from "Moving a Puddle",
traduit par Jeanine Barbé (poetically)

photo by Sandra Dodd, without a butterfly in it

Practicing on Small Things

Some people homeschool because they think schools teach too much and aren't controlling the kids well enough. Some people homeschool because they think schools teach too little and control too much. I don't mind my kids learning things schools fear to teach, or having choices in their lives. Practicing on small things gave them knowledge and experience when they were old enough to practice on larger things. Some families homeschool to limit their children's access and freedom. For us, it's the opposite.

from an April 2010 interview
photo by Sandra Dodd, of petroglyphs west of Albuquerque

"Try not to learn."

I was once asked:

Since unschooling is a lifestyle, how can a family wanting to embrace these ideals begin the process? What encouragement would you offer?

Part of my 1998 response:

Play. Joke. Sing. Instead of turning inward and looking for the answer within the family, within the self, turn it all inside out. Get out of the house. Go somewhere you've never been, even a city park you're unfamiliar with, or a construction site, or a different grocery store. Try just being calm and happy together. For some families, that's simple. For others it's a frightening thought.

Try not to learn. Don't try to learn. Those two aren't the same thing but they're close enough for beginners. If you see something *educational* don't say a word. Practice letting exciting opportunities go by, or at least letting the kids get the first word about something interesting you're all seeing.

The "Try not to learn" idea inspired Learn Nothing Day ten years later.
The quote is from An Interview with Sandra Dodd
photo by Sandra Dodd

Who you Are

How do you apportion your patience, attention, courtesy, time, money, material help, respect?

Those sorts of decisions make you who you are.

SandraDodd.com/eyecontact
photo by Sandra Dodd

How to Be a Better Parent

On patience:

Learning to think of two choices and make the better one is the best tool I've found and it works every time. If the two choices are "what was done to me" and "what I wish had been done to me instead," it's healing every time, too.


SandraDodd.com/decisions
photo by Sandra Dodd

An Atmosphere of Learning

I'm an unschooler. Lessons are never over. On the other hand, lessons never really begin. Children's questions are answered and an atmosphere of learning is created so that questions are constant and answers are never far away.

SandraDodd.com/unschool/allkinds
photo by Sandra Dodd
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The Real World for Babies

From a learning standpoint, when babies are carried they see more, they hear and smell more. If they are given things to touch and taste besides just a few baby toys left in the corner of a crib or playpen, they will learn by leaps and bounds. They will spend less time crying and more time being in the real world.

The parents will know the child better, and the child will know the parents better. They will be building a partnership based on trust.

The Big Book of Unschooling, "Babies"

SandraDodd.com/attachment
photo by Sandra Dodd, at a fabric store

Encapsulate it and forget it

Deschooling is needed much more by parents than by children. I still have subconscious school-stuff to slough off; it surfaces when I least expect it and I wrestle it, encapsulate it, and try to forget it.

SandraDodd.com/deschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Other sources of information

I'm happy to know I'm not the sole source of information for my kids.

Last night I came to use my computer and there was a dialog on the desktop, a leftover instant message between my thirteen-year-old son Marty and an older homeschooler. This was the entirety of that dialog:

Marty: You coming down?
Other kid: yeah.
Marty: Did you know Canada has Prime Ministers?
Other kid: yeah
Marty: dude

Now I will never have to explain to Marty that Canada has a prime minister. I don't know why he cared, on a Friday night in New Mexico, but it doesn't matter.

SandraDodd.com/words/words
For the record, "last night" was in late 2002, and the other kid was Brett Henry, also unschooled, who is now a firefighter in the Los Alamos Fire Department.

photo by Sandra Dodd
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Higher Ground

[About feeling stuck in negativity:]

You can climb incrementally up out of the hole where all looks dark and small, to the high ground where you can see in all directions.

It's not a direct quote, but this page can help with climbing up and out:
SandraDodd.com/gradualchange
photo by Holly Dodd

Consider your legacy

How one decides to act toward, be with, think about and respond to children happens inside a person with a history, a person who had a childhood. Will childhood hurt be passed on to new children? Sad childhood memories can be seen as the things not to do, and healing can flow, but that can't be forced by anyone else. If it's not part of the thoughts and decision making of each parent, it won't work as well as it could.

SandraDodd.com/issues

Quote is from Family harmony and unschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd

Regaining Playfulness

Maybe because I kept playing I had an advantage, but I don't think it is beyond more serious adults to regain their playfulness.

But (some might be thinking), if you just play all the time, how will you know the kids are learning? I knew my boys had learned all the swimming safety rules when they rhythmically took turns reciting them exactly wrong: Never swim with a buddy, always swim alone; Always swim in a storm; Always run by the pool…

The bit above will make more sense if you read here:
SandraDodd.com/playing.
photo by Holly Dodd

The Good Stuff

There are probably things in your house that would fascinate your children but you haven't thought to offer or they haven't found the good stuff yet. Consider interesting things you have that might be of interest for being old, foreign, specially made or obtained under special circumstances:

ornaments
dishes / pots /molds
silverware—even one old piece you know something about
egg beater
flour sifter
can openers (“church keys”)
old bottles or other containers
old clothes from the 60's or 70's
recordings—reel to reel, 45's, 78's, 8-tracks
manual typewriter
push mower
pre-transistor radio

More of that list, and the parent article are at SandraDodd.com/museum
photo by Holly Dodd
(one of the cover images on the first edition of The Big Book of Unschooling)
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Live large

Unschoolers don't "just live." They live large. They live expansively, and richly and joyfully. Those are the things that make it work.

Shadow photos
photo by Sandra Dodd, of Holly
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words, thoughts, and seeing

Speaking or writing without thinking is a little like driving a car with a blindfold. Others get hurt, we get hurt, the car gets wrecked.

Speaking or writing without thinking is like operating a relationship with a blindfold, with ear plugs, going "LA LA LA LA, I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO MYSELF!!" all the whole time.

How can one see her own child directly without hushing, pulling out the earplugs, and looking at him?

If I let him...
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Duck Hunt

Part of a story from when Marty Dodd was 14 years old:

The final day, graduation from the Junior Police Academy, they march in like soldiers, doing face drills and filing in and pledging allegiance (we briefed Marty on that this week; he said he knew it from a humorous version in the bathroom, just leave out the joke parts)...

Ceremonial this'n'that, certificates, pins, Marty was awarded a certificate as "Top Gun" (electronic target practice guns, F.A.T.S. and paintball guns) which also came with $15 gift certificate to a sporting goods store. Seven or eight other kids (of 32) got awards like most pushups, most improved, most physically fit male.

Of Marty, I thought "All that Nintendo Duck Hunt paid off."

"How Are They as Teens?
photo by Sandra Dodd

Can an idea be a tool?

When I was a kid, humans used tools and that made us human, but that's no longer "the truth." Chimpanzees can use a leaf as a sponge to gather water out of a hole. They will lick a stick and put it down a hole to collect insects (termites? ants? I don't know what). They will move things to climb up on to get something they can't reach.

Marty says he thinks maybe elephants will pick up a stick to knock something down that's higher than their trunks. If they haven't, they should.

So what, these days, are "tools"? My computer? Google? Wikipedia? Blogger.com? My new glasses? That electric teakettle I'm about to go and heat water with?

We talk about parenting tools, and people adding to their toolboxes, and those are all in the realm of thought (and action proceeding from thought, but without physical tools).

"Tools" (on the Thinking Sticks blog)
photo by Holly Dodd
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Surprising, trivial fun

Sometimes to understand a joke, people have to know three or four different things already. Sometimes a piece of humor ties together LOTS of trivia/learning in ways other things can't do. Sometimes the joke isn't uplifting, but it's still created of surprising and theretofore unrelated things. Some people won't get the joke (yet, or ever) and that only makes it more fun for those who DO get it.

SandraDodd.com/reallearning
photo by Holly Dodd (maybe)
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Peace is all about choices.

If you want to live peacefully, make the most peaceful choices.

Peace is all about choices.

Choose to breathe consciously.
Choose understanding over ignorance.
Choose to make choices.
Choose awareness over oblivion.
And make choices based on the principles you live by.

SandraDodd.com/peace
photo and art by Marcia Simonds

Waking up happy

If my children wake up in Albuquerque, happy to be who and where they are, I hope they can maintain that feeling every day until they wake up in the middle of the next century and look out—I don’t care what they’re looking at, whether it’s the Alps, the Rio Grande, the back of their own filling station or the White House Lawn—and they’re still happy to be who and where they are. Who could ask for more than happiness? Don’t wait. Get it today and give it away.

SandraDodd.com/president
The quote is from an article written in 1996. My kids won't make it to the middle of the 22nd century. The oldest was nine when I wrote that. He's been waking up in Austin for most of four years now, where he moved for a job he loves.

photo by Sandra Dodd, of a little bit of a sunrise in Albuquerque
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How important is your child?

If your child is more important than your vision of your child, life becomes easier.


SandraDodd.com/priorities
photo by Sandra Dodd of Marty (in front) and Kirby (in red)

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2019 Update:
A second edition of The Big Book of Unschooling is available.
A wedge of the photo above appeared on the cover of the first edition.

One deep breath leads to another one.

When I was younger I lived too much in my head and would look through the lens of what should be, or could be, or might be, instead of stopping for two seconds to consider what actually, at that moment, was. If I'm not careful I can be cranky before I know I'm tired, and head-achy before I know I'm hungry.

Now, while I'm taking stock of how and where I am, I take a deep breath while I'm considering it, and that one deep breath leads to another one, and no matter where I started, I'm better already.

SandraDodd.com/clarity
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a "dripping rainbow"

Two for One

Pattern tiles, magnets, puzzles, kits and other such fiddlin'-around stuff are good for children and adults both. They create opportunities for parents and children to interact in wordless or talkative ways, as suits the moment.


Wishlists for Unschoolers
Scanner art by Sandra Dodd