Past voices

Let the past inform your decisions. Let the past be a little angel on your shoulder, but don't let the voices in your head tell you what to do. It might be time to tell the voices in your head "enough."


Voices in your head
photo by Karen James

Voices to save (or shush)

about the voices in your head:

It’s possible to (gradually) shush the old voices and find some new mental first-responders.

SandraDodd.com/voices
photo by Joshua Trujillo

Neither parrot nor reactionary be

When people come here and their messages are like parroted little recordings of things their teachers said, that their grandparents and in-laws say, that they read in an anti-TV book, it seems they need to peel off all the layers of recitation and people-pleasing and try to feel what they feel and decide what's freeing and joyful instead of what will shush their internal voices.

That's not easy.

Voices in your Head
SandraDodd.com/voices
photo by Sandra Dodd

See, touch, hear

Let [babies] hear you speak, and find opportunities for them to hear others speak. Although there are justifications and theories about what babies like and respond to (high voices and sing-songy voices seem to appeal to babies), don't revert to a whole babytalk language with them. Some is fine, but talk to them about real things, too. Tell them what you're doing with them, and what they're seeing, when they're out and about. Don't quiz them, just talk. It's fine if they can't understand you for months and months. They'll be learning your tone and your moods and the speech patterns of the language even before they have vocabulary. You will be building a relationship that is not based on the meaning of the words, but on the sharing of the time and attention. You're paying attention to what the baby sees and touches and hears. The baby is paying attention to you.

If you can keep that up for eighteen years, you've got unschooling!

SandraDodd.com/babies
photo by Sandra Dodd, up into a little tree I sat under, in a gully;
a banana blossom, in Maui!
(touch/click to enlarge)

Freeing and joyful

When people come here and their messages are like parroted little recordings of things their teachers said, that their grandparents and in-laws say, that they read in an anti-TV book, it seems they need to peel off all the layers of recitation and people-pleasing and try to feel what they feel and decide what's freeing and joyful instead of what will shush their internal voices.

That's not easy.

SandraDodd.com/voices
photo by Denaire Nixon

Intangible souvenirs

If you have any shaming or controlling voices in your head, think of how they got there, and how you might avoid becoming one in someone else's head.

Say things your child, partner, friend or neighbor will remember warmly.

Voices in your head
photo by Kelly Drewery

Our own real thoughts

We can't really think until we think in our own words without the prejudicial labels and without mistaking the voices in our heads for our own real thoughts.


SandraDodd.com/voices
photo by Alison Eiffe

Knowledge / Acknowledge

In your home are homey things, and some were gifts, or were found, or inherited. In your kitchen, something was made by hand, or found in an attic, maybe. There might be a favorite bowl, or a cup with a story. We have one special spoon. I like the hand towels. I got tea for my birthday.

Who showed you how to scramble eggs? When did you learn to bake? What do you think about how to arrange your refrigerator?

Is there flexibility in there? Are there more reasons to laugh than to fear?

Be open to happy memories and gratitude for your knowledge and equipment.

Gratitude for Common, Simple, Homey Things
SandraDodd.com/gratitude/chairs
photo by Holly Dodd (in the reflection) of Sandra (behind the spoon)

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P.S. If anything above brought up sad or stressful memories, consider rearranging the cabinet that contains the voices in your head. Here's help: SandraDodd.com/voices

Our own real thoughts

In your head, you have some repeating-loop messages. Some are telling you you're doing a good job, but I bet some of them are not. Some are telling you that you have no choice, but you do.

We can't really think until we think in our own words without the prejudicial labels and without mistaking the voices in our heads for our own real thoughts.

SandraDodd.com/voices

SandraDodd.com/witness
photo by Christine Milne

New Year's Abundance

Nicole wrote:

Thank you for the ways you have helped me embrace abundance and the positive impact this has on my family. I am entering this next season with serenity and enthusiasm. Many Blessings on your New Year!

And I mean abundance in so many ways. An abundance of ways I caught myself and made a more peaceful or joyful choice, an abundance of laughter. An abundance of forgiveness, for myself, my husband, my kids, the world. An abundance of times I stopped and was attentive to the subtle signs in my kids or myself and acted on them. An abundance of times I actually listened to my children's voices instead of mowing them over with my own way of seeing things without even noticing I was doing it. Like when my daughter quietly said, "I don't want a wooden guitar with strings, I want one of those pink ones with the flashing lights so I can rock out." And even though I could still hear the old voices and objections in my head, the superior ones, the critical ones, I recognized them and chose to support her instead (and she sure does rock out). In a thousand big and little shifts, the choice to open up, to believe I can receive goodness and share this with my children.

—Nicole
in comments on Doors
December 31, 2013

SandraDodd.com/abundance
photo by Cátia Maciel

Imaginary advisors

Sandra Dodd, on stored internal messages:

I think of whose voices I've let speak back to me when I'm wondering what to do, what cartoonish characters are in the peanut gallery of my conscience. I have Mr. Jamison who was the best voice coach I ever had. That's when I'm singing, or sometimes when I'm getting gushy about certain kinds of music and a voice (Sam Jamison's) says it's pap. I don't always agree with him, but I wrestle his opinion lots of times when I don't expect to need to.

I have lots of former best friends, neighbors, teachers, relatives. Some have to sit in the dark back rows, and I don't listen to them as much as I once did because I decided their advice was bad. Some are totally situational (music, or money, or cooking). Some are more about philosophy and ethics and compassion, so they sit up in front with the light on them more often.

I don't mind being one of the council of imaginary advisors anyone has. I just hope they'll listen to lots of voices and not follow any of them without really thinking about it or understanding why.

Use your words (with a great comment)
photo by Sandra Dodd

Hearing their voices, seeing their eyes

When deciding whether it's worth the money to go to an unschooling conference, factor in the money you saved by not buying a curriculum for each child. Count it as research for the parents, a learning experience for the children and a vacation for the family.. . . .
Meeting other unschoolers, hearing their voices and seeing their eyes will give you a connection that books and websites cannot provide.

SandraDodd.com/conferences
photo by Tim Mensch, December 2011

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I realize that not everyone can attend a conferences,
but for those who can, it can be a great advantage. —Sandra

Emulation

The people I respect most have become little voices in my head, and I "consult" them when I'm making decisions in their specialty areas. I have friends who are more patient than I am, more generous with time, and I think of them clearly and try to emulate them when I am making choices in those areas. Some cook better and are more organized, and I think back to things they have said, or to things I have seen them do, or I try to induce in myself the presence and mood they have when they're cooking or straightening. I don't want to be them, but I want to be more like them in the ways they have that earned my respect.

—Sandra Dodd
from longer writing here

Future Grandparents
and/or
SandraDodd.com/voices
photo by Cathy Koetsier

Learning about natural learning

Let [babies] hear you speak, and find opportunities for them to hear others speak. Although there are justifications and theories about what babies like and respond to (high voices and sing-songy voices seem to appeal to babies), don't revert to a whole babytalk language with them. Some is fine, but talk to them about real things, too. Tell them what you're doing with them, and what they're seeing, when they're out and about. Don't quiz them, just talk. It's fine if they can't understand you for months and months. They'll be learning your tone and your moods and the speech patterns of the language even before they have vocabulary. You will be building a relationship that is not based on the meaning of the words, but on the sharing of the time and attention. You're paying attention to what the baby sees and touches and hears. The baby is paying attention to you.

If you can keep that up for eighteen years, you've got unschooling!

SandraDodd.com/babies
photo by Sandra Dodd, up into a little tree I sat under, in a gully;
not in New Mexico
(touch/click to enlarge)

I love the internet

#1 reason to love the internet: You're reading this page!

#2 reason to love the internet: pictures, music, video, art, voices... (Oh wait; that's lots of reasons!)

I love the internet,
I love my website,
I love history, and
I love the future.

Robyn Coburn wrote something once about her dad, who was a professional juggler. I put it on a webpage, as a connection from another juggling page I had, and...

One thing led to another. She got to see video of her dad juggling. You can see it too, because the internet is wonderful.

SandraDodd.com/internet/love
photo by Sandra Dodd
Robyn, on her dad, and the video of him

Gifts, boxed

Within that little library box are books. Each book is like a box of stories and ideas. Each scene within could be a gift to one reader or another. Some books have pictures.

Video (on tapes, discs, YouTube, streaming services) is all made up of pictures, and probably voices, and maybe music. Those, too, are boxes of gifts of stories and ideas.

If you feel stuck, remember the gift of escape into stories of other times and places.

MOVIES AS A PLAYGROUND, as tools, as portals
... sharing movies with our kids
photo by Gail Higgins

Native thoughtfulness and competence

If we've been conditioned to believe that children are unworthy and inferior but we consciously step away from that place and see the wholeness in our children, then one of the easiest things to see is the lack of wholeness in ourselves. It can be frightening.

When we see the level of thoughtfulness and competence a small child can have when he hasn’t been belittled or discouraged or shushed, we can start to think that if we undo the discouraging, belittling and shushing voices inside of us, we might regenerate our own native thoughtfulness and competence.

Mindful Parenting / SandraDodd.com/rentalk
photo by Jo Isaac (a wedge-tailed eagle)

Joining in joy

#1 reason to love the internet: You're reading this page!

#2 reason to love the internet: pictures, music, video, art, voices... (Oh wait; that's lots of reasons!)

I love the internet,
I love my website,
I love history, and
I love the future.

Robyn Coburn wrote something once about her dad, who was a professional juggler. I put it on a webpage, as a connection from another juggling page I had, and...

One thing led to another. She got to see video of her dad juggling. You can see it too, because the internet is wonderful.

Reasons to love the internet
photo by Amanda Lyn Custer
Robyn, on her dad, and the video of him

Voices in your head

In your head, you have some repeating-loop messages. Some are telling you you're doing a good job, but I bet some of them are not. Some are telling you that you have no choice, but you do.

SandraDodd.com/phrases
Scanner image by Sandra Dodd (it's a link)

Memories

"I am seven years old. I am sitting comfortably with a convenient, safe place to rest my face. Safe. On my father's lap. I can feel the heat from a fire. I can hear voices—I can recognize many of them. I hear singing. I feel singing. The vibrations of my dad's baritone voice through his wool clothing…"

—Holly Dodd

Read the rest at SandraDodd.com/sleep/memories
photo by Sandra Dodd