Showing posts with label costume. Show all posts
Showing posts with label costume. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 10, 2021

Another benefit of generosity

I've seen a difference in motivation in teens who have been nurtured and whose parents were not adversarial with them.
They don't consider food a reward, and so they're less likely to spend all their money on food to self-soothe. They rarely need to "self-soothe" anyway. If they have a success in a project or at work they enjoy it for itself, for the feeling of accomplishment. And if their parents have managed not to use money in lieu of attention and expressions of affection, they're careful with money, too.

If money means love, a needy person will want more money. If money is a tool like a hammer, or a substance like bread or toilet paper—necessary for comfort, and it's good to have extra—then it would make no more sense for them to spend all their money than it would make to throw a hammer away because they had already put the nail in the wall, or to unroll all the toilet paper just because it was there.

If the parents have been generous, many other problems are averted.

Big Book of Unschooling, page 299 (258 in first edition)
photo of teenaged Marty as Dr. Strangelove at a costume party
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Wednesday, December 9, 2020

Arbitrary rules and limits

Arbitrary rules and limits have the characteristic that they entice kids to think about how they can get around them and can even entice kids to cheat and lie. I know a couple of really really great unschooled kids whose parents set limits on their computer use time. The kids used to get up in the middle of the night to use the computer while their parents were asleep. It is an unintended but very very predictable side effect of rules and limits that they always set parents and children up as adversaries (the parents are setting the rules and the children are being required to obey them &mash; these are adversarial positions) and can lead to kids feeling guilty and sneaky when they inevitably bend or even outright break the rules. Avoiding that kind of possibility is one really good reason for not having rules or limits at all.

Coercion creates resistance and reduces learning.

—Pam Sorooshian
(in an obscure discussion from 2004)

SandraDodd.com/control
photo by Chelsea Thurman Artisan
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Friday, August 21, 2020

Flex your make-believe

Let children play, and build, and imagine. Encourage disguises and humor and moments of sweet escape. Welcome them back from their adventurous "journies" and elsewheres.

Be with your children, but don't expect their thoughts and emotions to always be with you.

Flex your make-believe.

Imagination, by Deb Lewis
photo by Elise Lauterbach
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Friday, November 22, 2019

Supporting the soloist

What is your relationship with your child? The boss? The friend? VARIES depending on project—sometimes I'm the coach or the lead. Sometimes I'm not.


Sometimes I'm a stagehand. Sometimes I'm the soloist. Sometimes my child is the soloist.

What happens with partners is that when one is the soloist, the others still sing backup, or sit in the audience supportively, and meet them at the stage door, figuratively or literally.

Some thoughts about partnerships
photo by Roya Dedeaux
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Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Wholly cosmic

Polly Berrien Berends refers to infants as "seeing beings," and that changed
my life, when I read Whole Child/Whole Parent, when Kirby was a baby. To
realize so profoundly that his whole, real life was fully in progress changed MY
whole, real life. And that's the purpose of her book, and the meaning of the
title. When we help our child to be whole, or rather when we acknowledge
and honor his wholeness, seeing him as the seeing being he is, then we know that
we too are, and always were, "seeing beings." We are as much a part of that
child's world as he is of ours, and we are both part of the same wholeness.

Kinda cosmic. 🙂 WHOLLY cosmic.


Children are people
photo by/of Holly Dodd

Saturday, August 10, 2019

Becoming solid

When people first come to unschooling, when they want to be unschoolers, they're basing this on something they read that resonated, or someone they met that they'd like to be more like, which is the way I came to it, but I don't think it will really stick, and be solid in that family or in that person's way of being—in their behaviors and their thoughts—until they see that in their own children.

Until you're doing it not because you think it will work, or because you've heard it will work, or read it will work, but because you've seen it work.
. . . .
Until people get to that point in unschooling, they could relapse. They could easily forget that they wanted their kids to be more like someone else's kids.

But once they get to the point where their confidence in unschooling is not faith in other people, but certain knowledge, direct experience of their own children learning and being at peace, and of the parents learning to see the natural learning that happens when kids just draw for hours, or just play video games for hours, or ride their bike, or play with the dog—when they start seeing those things as equal in learning value, to things that look academic, then it's hard to relapse from certain knowledge.

20:45 in the sound recording of the interview at this link
photo by Emma Marie Forde
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P.S. By the time you get to that point, you probably won't want your kids to be different, but the comparisons are normal before deschooling, and can fade as unschooling ideas permeate and pervade.

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Dreamy

Dreamy.

"Dreamy" can be attractive, or otherworldly.

Dreams only take a moment, some say. "Dream big," others say.

Let ideas float and flit, dreamlike, through your waking and sleeping. You don't need to catch them all.
SandraDodd.com/learnnothingday/2009
photo by Lydia Koltai

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Go for healthy.


There is a difference between lack-of-mental-illness and mental health. What I mean is that one is not right on the edge of the other. There is a large land between being incapacitated and being really healthy and energetic and usful to other people. Don't settle for barely-back. Go for healthy.

SandraDodd.com/mentalhealth
photo by Lydia Koltai
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Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Learning and learning and...


I have always looked at learning. Learning was and is my goal—I keep learning, the kids are learning—and one of my principles, and one of my convictions. Children can learn from a rich, supportive environment.

SandraDodd.com/texuns
old photo from carol singing at a nursing home with baby Marty and sleepy Kirby

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Principles and change

"Focussing on being my child's partner is helping me to place my real life children front and centre of my attention and to think deeply and respond kindly and appropriately to their particular needs in this particular moment."
—Zoe Thompson-Moore

SandraDodd.com/gettingit
photo by Sarah Dickinson
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Sunday, March 5, 2017

Learning will happen

If life is a busy, happy swirl, they will learn. Learning is guaranteed. The range and content will vary, but the learning will happen.
SandraDodd.com/unexpectedarticle
photo by Chrissy Florence
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Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Thank you!


Yesterday there were two posts, by mistake. Today I will say thank you to readers, to those whose quotes I've used (usually from writings I've saved on my website), and to those who have taken beautiful and sweet photos and let me use them. This is post #2300 or so. A few dozen have been repeats. Sometimes a favorite quote has been re-run with a new photo and new title. Some are too short, some are too long. Several hundred have been just right.

Sometimes I'm too tired, and I'm getting old. I hope you won't mind when I miss one, and will consider it a win when my error nets you a bonus post.

Save a few of your favorites for a rainy day, and think lovely thoughts toward those folks who are quoted and credited when it's not my own words or photo (or yours), please. Thank you for reading.

Slowing down
photo by Lydia Koltai

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Cameras and light

Cameras weren't around, 200 years ago.

A hundred years ago, people needed to be very still, to have a photo taken, and they were in black and white.

Now, wonderful photos can exist without needing to be printed. That's good! But they are sometimes less permanent than the older, paper images people framed and handed down. Use your cameras, but let images come and go. Pixels, like light, can be beautiful and be gone again.
SandraDodd.com/photographs
photo by Holly Dodd, of herself

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Confidence deepens

Karen James wrote:

"Be present. Be engaged. Celebrate the joy of a child doing anything and everything they feel thrilled about. Notice what they're learning as they play and watch. It's all pretty amazing. Build on what you learn about your child. Confidence deepens when a child is supported in whatever they find captivating. Confidence grows for the parent when they're paying attention to what the child is learning from their chosen activities."
—Karen James

SandraDodd.com/karenjames
photo by Janine Davies
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Saturday, October 29, 2016

Light goofs

Find things to smile about in small casual moments.



Happy Halloween-costume days.
SandraDodd.com/wonder
candid tomato-slice photo by Sandra Dodd

Monday, August 22, 2016

Play as work

People like to say that play is the work of children

Why think of something as "work" when it's light and fun? When you see that learning can happen all the time, play can be play.
SandraDodd.com/playing
photo by Brigita Usman

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Amusement

Find or do things to make people smile.

Smile, when you can, at what people are doing.
Happiness stacking - eating candy floss while waiting for the parade wearing beautiful make up and a Belle dress
SandraDodd.com/hsc/happiness
photo by Eva Witsel

Monday, May 23, 2016

Water, light, noise and peace

No doubt stone-age children played with toy spears and bows and arrows and atlatls and slings. Surely bronze- and iron-age children played with toy swords. Part of learning about culture and tools and technology, for children, is playing.

Children play with toy guns. Sometimes those guns squirt water, or fire little Star Trek phaser disks, or they shoot light. Some of them make noise.

There is no young-child gun play so violent as a mother saying "NO. I said NO!" to a young child who has dared to pick up a friend's toy gun.


page 229 (or 268) of The Big Book of Unschooling,
which leads to SandraDodd.com/peace/guns
photo by Sandra Dodd, of little Marty, cowboy gun in sword belt
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Friday, March 11, 2016

Happy heroes

Adam in a Jedi robe with lightsabre
Courage, real or imagined, can make a person bigger—larger of soul and of confidence. "Big hearted," it once meant.

When a parent has the heart, and soul, and confidence to stand heroically between a child and fear, that takes courage. Defending a child from criticism and negativity (even from our own) makes us bigger.


SandraDodd.com/deblewis/courage
(The words above are Sandra Dodd's, new today,
but the link is to "Becoming Courageous," by Deb Lewis.)
photo by Julie D
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Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Calm acceptance

children in mismatched rainboots

Sometimes the smallest thing can make child extremely happy. Sometimes parents can find joy in relaxing around fears and pressures. Without dress codes and early-morning school bells, or other kids to ask "Why are you wearing that?!", there can be leisurely days of choices and creativity, while parents practice saying "yes" and children play without worries.

Jenny Cyphers once wrote:
"The big upside of unschooling, in my opinion, was that it also created an unexpected peacefulness, fulfillment, and happiness for all of us."

SandraDodd.com/unexpected
photo by Julie Markovitz
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