It sounds like it takes an enormous amount of trust in everything to allow this process to happen.I responded:
It takes a little trust, and desire, and willingness, to take one step. It gets easier as you go. No one can take all of the steps at once.
How might a parent act on a really busy day?
If the mom learns and then demonstrates that giving can make a person feel happy, *then* she might have children who are also generous and kind. If the mom acts pouty and whiney and martyrly, she will have children who are confused and needy and resentful.
from a page on how much, if any, political angst/indignation a parent should collect and share—part of my response to a question, but there are others there:If the parent can't solve the problem, it doesn't seem productive to me for "the problem" to be brought into the unschooling nest, as it were. Because negative emotions (fear, guilt, sorrow, helplessness) can prevent or hamper learning. Unschooling works best in an atmosphere of contentment and hopefulness.
Think about what you think you "have to" do.
Choose to do something good, for sensible reasons.
It really is a life change, that keeps changing and evolving. Actually, I find, the less methodical I am, the more fluent the learning and living become.
Periodically we evaluate how things are going.
Nothing is written in stone.
For now, this works for us.
We’ll see how things go.—Laurie Wolfrum
Hold onto each day, know how quickly they pass. Kiss those tiny heads of toddlers and babies; smell their heads, as my friend Sandra says. Before you know it, they'll be playing a game together and you won't even need to explain the rules to them. In fact you'll have a hard time comprehending the game.
Principles produce all kinds of answers where rules fail.Alex Polikowsky:
Some people come to unschooling and in the beginning of their journey they ditch rules but try to replace them with unschooling "rules". Replace them with principles.Michele James-Parham:
When you do, most of your questions and doubts will no longer be there.
Another common "unschooling rule" or frame of mind due to misinterpretation: We're unschoolers and don't have rules, so we don't have to follow your rules (in-laws, restaurant, museum, etc.).
Just because you allow jumping on your couch at home, doesn't mean that Grandma has to allow jumping on her couch or that the museum has to allow jumping on its couch in the lobby.
If you're living in the future too much—
in the future that you're imagining,
in the future that you're predicting,
in the future that you would like to imagine you can control,
in the future that you'd like to imagine you can even imagine,
that's a problem.
So it's good to aim for living in the moment in a whole way—your whole self, not separated from your past or your future, but also not really over-focussed on it.
It's like "just say no."
Just say no to school years and school schedules and school expectations, school habits and fears and terminology. Just say no to separating the world into important and unimportant things, into separating knowledge into math, science, history and language arts, with music, art and "PE" set in their less important little places.
Most of unschooling has to happen inside the parents. They need to spend some time sorting out what is real from what is construct, and what occurs in nature from what only occurs in school (and then in the minds of those who were told school was real life, school was a kid's fulltime job, school was more important than anything, school would keep them from being ignorant, school would make them happy and rich and right).
It's what happens after all that school stuff is banished from your life.
Trust that learning is natural; trust that children are interested in lifeinstead of "Follow a schedule" :
Flow with the moment, with the inspirationinstead of "Memorize facts" :
Understand stories
To most children or people it is apparent and that is only one of MANY examples of simple things that he questions.A mom named Sandra:
If it wasn't apparent to him, so what? He asked you a question that had a simple answer. If you expect him to be other than who he is, or if you withhold simple answers, he'll learn to stop asking you. Not good.
Questions are gloriously good for unschooling. And it's possible that he understands some situations better than you do and his questions are deeper than you think they are. Try asking him a question in return. Give a simple answer and then ask a question to help him clarify what he really wants to know. It will help both of you learn to think analytically, and create a bond of inquiry and shared experience between you.
NOTE FROM SANDRA: I was speaking, not writing, so when you get past that stuttery beginning, it might flow.
Do you still look at standards for certain grade levels only so that the state leave you alone or do you just wait until they say something and show them what your kid can do?Sandra:
I used to look from time to time at APS (Albuquerque Public Schools) Expected Competencies, or the World Book list or something similar, but now I look maybe every two years.
In New Mexico they're not going to ask you to show what your child can do. And when you're with your child in busy learning-situations every day, you'll see the learning just take off!
