Even with grown kids who could absolutely take care of themselves if I died or if they moved away, I'm still doing laundry for them because I want to free their time up to do more interesting things. I started running out of ways to express my affection and to support their interests when they had jobs and cars, but this is a thing I can still do. If I decided it was hurting me, I could turn around and hurt them. Lots of parents do that.
If I decide it's a way to show affection, I turn around and show them affection.
photo by Holly Dodd
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Thanks for writing this Sandra. My mother kept an old magazine clipping in the corner of her dresser mirror that said "Love is Doing Something for Someone". It saddens me when I mention to someone what I did for my 18yo daughter or my husband and hear the comment "Well, it sounds like you're being the servant! I'm sure not doing that." And they go on to tell me about chores and discipline and, get this quote, "...feeling disrepected when I find that they haven't ,,,(blah, blah, blah)." (Lots of parents talk about demanding respect.) So then *I* mention that I am modelling the behaviour I want to see in a happy home, I enjoy being kind to them, they are probably busy with their mind on something else, and I bet they'll do something kind for ME when *I* need it. And if school comes up, yes, we are unschoolers.
ReplyDeleteMy son, one day, made me understand this. And it is so true ! Now, I'm doing what I want to do, for whom I want to do so, at the moment I want to do it. And that's all !
ReplyDeleteEdith - unschooling mom