Electronic strewing

Physical strewing is fun—shells, leaves, crystals, puzzles, widgets and tools... Younger children need to touch things, turn them over, feel their texture and weight. Older children have more experience, and deeper questions. They're involved with collections and connections. Recordings, video, photos and trivia can be easily collected and shared, without needing storage. At my house, we're saving bottle caps for a young friend who's collecting them. He knows how big a bottle cap is, and what it feels like. I saw these and collected an image, thanks to the wonder of digital cameras.

SandraDodd.com/strewing
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Who's in charge?

When someone reported having told her child that there was no boss in their house, I wrote:

Honestly, there should be a boss. A kind boss, but someone with the last word, in a situation. Being a child's partner is better than saying "we're all equal and nobody knows or says more than another." The land lord, the city, social services... none of them will want to hear that you felt your child was as much responsible for things as you were.

SandraDodd.com/child-led
photo by Karen James
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Exploring

"The idea of unguided discovery in a school setting isn't anything like the kind of discoveries unschooling kids make. There is a difference between a teacher handing a kid a pulley and telling him to discover what it does and write a paper about it and a kid finding an interesting object and messing with it because it sparked his curiosity. A lot of what my son has learned he's learned in a way that might be called unguided discovery, but it didn't look much like the model in the article, and it didn't happen in a vacuum."

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/deblewis/discovery
photo by Sandra Dodd

Surprises

This plant was found in the trash a couple of years go. Just on speculation, I kept it and watered it even when it wasn't looking good.

It has bloomed a couple of times, but this set looks to be a big one.

People can't always plan or predict or control what happens with flowers, or days, or children. Live in the moment as well as you can and be glad of happy surprises.

SandraDodd.com/unexpectedarticle
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Empower and enliven!

Anything you feel you "have to" do is entrapping and stiffling.

Something you *choose* to do can be empowering and enlivening.

SandraDodd.com/haveto
photo by Marty Dodd
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Peace rules

So what's the "rule" about peace?
There's not a rule about peace.

If you want to live peacefully, make the more peaceful choice.

SandraDodd.com/peace/noisy
photo by Marty Dodd, of found art—a peace symbol made of rocks on dry, cracked desert sand

Unschooling is...

Unschooling is creating and maintaining an atmosphere in which natural learning can flourish.

SandraDodd.com/definitions
photo by Sarah Dickinson
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Any and all

Unschooling allows free use of any and all bits of information, not just school's small set. A grid based first on cartoon characters or the history of ice skating can be expanded just as well as one built on a second-grade version of the discovery of North America and the made-up characters in some beginning-reader series. If the goal is to know everything, and if each person's internal "universe" is unique, then the order in which the information is acquired isn't as important as the ease and joy with which it is absorbed.

SandraDodd.com/checklists
photo by Robbie Prieto
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Reading and writing and monsters

Deb Lewis wrote:

He learned to read in part from watching Godzilla movies. Many of them were subtitled. I watched with him at first and read the subtitles to him but somewhere along the way he stopped needing me. . . . .

He was inspired to write partly because he wanted to rewrite bad screenplays. He rewrote the screenplays of several bad horror films when he was younger…

—Deb Lewis, at
Snobbishness vs. Godzilla

SandraDodd.com/t/godzilla
photo by Karen James
(I didn't have a photo of Godzilla,
but this is in Japan and looks spooky
Scooby-Doo style.)
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Looking forward to thinking back

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

There is no substitute for being authentically "there" for them—for genuinely trying to help them resolve problems. For putting your relationship with them at the forefront of every interaction, whether it is playing together or working together.

None of us are perfect—we'll all have some regrets. But with my kids 19, 16, and 13, I can now say that I will never say anything like, "I wish I'd let them fight it out more," or "I wish I'd punished them more," or "I wish I'd yelled at them more." I will only ever say that I wish I'd been more patient, more attentive, more calm and accepting of the normal stresses of having young children.

One interaction at a time. Just make the next interaction a relationship-building one. Don't worry about the one AFTER that, until IT becomes "the next one."

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/peace/becoming
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a 17th century dog

Your Own Certain Knowledge

Vague interest can turn to trust in others' accounts of learning and of parenting successes. Trust in those stories can give us courage to experiment, and from that we can discover our own proofs and truths to share with newer unschoolers, who might find courage from that to try these things themselves. Faith in others can only take us a little way, though, and then our own children's learning will carry us onward.


Some ideas become theories. A few theories might turn to convictions. Some early thoughts will be abandoned; others will gain substance. After much thought and use, what is left will be what you believe because you have lived it.

SandraDodd.com/knowledge
photo by Leon McNeill

Still candy left

Since my kids were little they could have all the Halloween candy they wanted, and since they were little that has been no problem at all, because by the time they gave away what they didn't like and traded for favorites, and saved it and shared it with kids who came over for the next few weeks, there was still candy left.
. . . .
We were confident that it was control, not access, that made kids eat, do and want "too much" before we ever considered unschooling. Others come to the idea the other way around—unschooling first and releasing other control-urges later.


SandraDodd.com/eating/halloween
photo by Pam Sorooshian
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Don't always finish what you start

The only things that should be finished are those things that seem worthwhile to do. . . . .
Wanting your children to learn to ignore their own judgment in favor of following a rule is not beneficial to them or to you. It will not help them learn.

Thoughts about finishing what you start
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Wonder

photo by Karen James, from a hotel room in Yokohama, Japan
I put no text with this, but here is a link to a page on wonder:
SandraDodd.com/wonder
and the photo is a link.

Be it

Be the kind of person you want your child to be.

Nurture your own curiosity and joy.

Find gratitude and abundance in your life.

SandraDodd.com/video/doright
photo by Sandra Dodd
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The scenic route

We seek out interesting “scenic routes” in real and figurative ways.

SandraDodd.com/sustainable
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Where?

Look for beauty everywhere.

SandraDodd.com/wonder
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Good person, good parent

Being a good unschooling parent involves being a good person, a good parent. Unschooling can't work unless the parent is there, whole and attentive and not screwing it up.

SandraDodd.com/issues
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Trustworthy and caring

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be your child's friend. Do what it takes to earn their friendship—be supportive and kind and honest and trustworthy and caring and generous and loyal and fun and interesting and interested in them and all the other things that good friends are to each other.

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/friend
photo by Karen James

"Collect the whole set!"

Some people collect things. Even those who don't gather and store physical objects might like hearing all of one artist's music, or seeing all the movies by a single director. I used to want to go into every public building or business in my home town. I never succeeded, but I saw each building as "yes, have been inside," or "not yet."

It might not make sense to a parent that a child wants to save feathers or rocks or movie ticket stubs. That's okay. What's important is that the unschooling parent accept that there is thought involved that might not need to make sense to anyone else. If possible, the child's whims and wishes about such things should be accepted and supported.


SandraDodd.com/focus
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Gradually, climb

Gradually, without fanfare, be more positive and more supportive.

SandraDodd.com/gradualchange has some bits about baby steps,
and about not leaping too far too fast.
photo by Sandra Dodd
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The right direction

The way to know the right direction is to identify the wrong direction.

SandraDodd.com/screwitup
photo by Bruno Machado
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Children need...

They need to be protected from physical and emotional harm. They need to have positive regard, food, shade and sun, things to see, hear, smell, taste and touch. They need someone to answer their questions and show them the world, which is as new to them as it was to us. Their growth can’t be rushed, but it can be enriched.

SandraDodd.com/thoughts
photo by Bruno Machado
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A bigger world

School kids don't know the world is a million times bigger than school's version of it.


A bigger big world
Photo by Sandra Dodd, of a first glimpse of Lisbon, but Portugal is at least a million times bigger than that. "A million times bigger" represents "unmeasurable breadth and depth," in the quote above.
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Sometimes, a little examination

This was about unschoolers helping other unschoolers, but some of it applies generally.

Helping people learn to find their own answers is vastly superior to distributing answers on demand. And those who volunteer their time and experience are not willing to hold other's hands for years or months. They want to empower others. Empowerment is a principle, not a rule. Learning to examine one's own life and needs and beliefs is necessary for unschooling to work.

SandraDodd.com/rulebound
photo by Leon McNeill, Omaha Beach, when Holly was there with them
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Here and now

People can't actually leave the planet and can't actually go back in time. The only place we can live is the here and now.

SandraDodd.com/reality
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Change a few little things

Stop thinking schoolishly. Stop acting teacherishly. Stop talking about learning as though it’s separate from life.

SandraDodd.com/deschooling
photo by Marty Dodd, of an beautifully cast and enamelled antique slot machine
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"It all made sense"

Rachel Marie wrote:

I started to get what people meant when they said kids learn from everything. Every car ride we took where my son asked questions like who is the oldest living person and we discussed that topic, which morphed into other topics like people's life spans through time, and yet other topics .... It all made sense that this was learning.

—Rachel Marie

SandraDodd.com/deschooling
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Helping create safety

Confident kids who communicate well with parents and wouldn't be tempted to sneak out or to lie wouldn't be in danger of meeting someone who says he'll marry her if she meets him at the train station. That doesn't happen randomly.

SandraDodd.com/quotes
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Bits & pieces

Caren Knox, on how they learn:

I don't even think about learning any more. It's not something I can quantify, or say how it's happening for anyone other than me - and quite frequently, I can't for me, either. It's organic. It's in bits & pieces so small we don't notice.

—Caren Knox

How do they learn?
SandraDodd.com/day/meme/caren
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Swans

Colleen Prieto wrote:

I took this photo the other day. The second Robbie saw it he said right away, "Whoa - that really says something about unschooling there."


I hadn't thought about it as being about unschooling, and so I asked "What's that?"

He answered "Cuz the kid is going ahead of the parent and the parent is coming along where the kid wants to go and, well, it's all metaphorical—you know?"

He sees parallels to his life, even in swans. It makes me happy.

This page has trails to follow: SandraDodd.com/learning
photo by Colleen Prieto

Looking closely

Karen James wrote:

Ethan and I are playing a game where one of us takes a close up picture of something in our yard, and the other one has to find it. Here's a sampling...



Sandra, I thought of this quote from Just Add Light and Stir as I was playing this game with Ethan today: "Some families travel. Some stay in one place, and come to know that place well."

It's interesting too, as I sit here and look at these photos again, that there's not anything particularly exotic about our back yard—it's kind of overgrown and weedy (as you might have guessed from a couple of the photos)—yet it looks so beautiful from this perspective. Especially that middle one. (Ethan was proud of that one.)

More exploring without leaving: SandraDodd.com/museum
The quote first said "...the quote from today's Just Add light..."

photos by Karen and Ethan James

Where and why, gradually gathered

Some families travel. Some stay in one place, and come to know that place well. Consider your resources, histories, friends, relatives and where they live, and why. All those stories, images and artifacts, gradually gathered, will expand your child's view of his own personal world.

Where are you?
photo by Bea Mantovani
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Like the air

Given a rich environment, learning becomes like the air—it's in and around us.



Photo by Sandra Dodd
The quote is the last line of this interview: SandraDodd.com/interview

Basketful of ideas

Used Easter baskets will be on sale everywhere in the Spring for nearly nothing. We have used ours for birdfeeders, storing doll clothes, storing kindling (eventually just burn the basket), rinsing toy dishes outside (water runs out), for hanging plants, or storing socks, caps or hair scrunchies on tops of dressers. While you have those baskets, see if you can look at where they're from, how they're made, and of what material. When weaving pictures or examples of basketry come by, point that out to your children (or just appreciate them yourself).

SandraDodd.com/supplies
Photo by Sandra Dodd (click to enlarge)
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Webs, nets, connections

The terms "web" and "net" have both been commandeered by the internet. The idea of a grid or web or matrix to represent the connections involved in learning and memory is a good one, though—of many "dots" connected in all directions.

The photo here is of the two-dimensional web—very flat—of a garden spider, outside my house this week. Black widow spiders make a web that's three-dimensional, but has no pattern. We have those in our yard, too.

The webs on which our own mental models of the universe are based are more complex—with past and future, emotion and theory, alternative stories and secondary theories. We have sounds and songs, scents and tastes to remember, and can sort things by temperature or texture, in our minds and imaginations.

Rejoice in the random!

SandraDodd.com/random
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Doing Nothing, and finding balance

Halfway between the past we can't change and the future we can only imagine, we find ourselves in the present. Not just the present year, but the present day; not just the present day, but the present moment.

From Balancing in the Middle Ground:

[Some families] had stopped doing school, and then stopped making their kids do anything, and now their kids were doing NOTHING.

Aside from the idea of the rich potential of their "nothing," the parents had gone from making their kids do everything, to "making them do nothing." And interestingly, it did make them "do nothing," at first. Or at least the parents couldn't see the new things they were doing.

Rather than moving from one edge of a dichotomy to the other, the goal is to move to a whole new previously unknown middle place.

Holly Dodd, and the false sea onion

The path behind

"Looking back, we can often see the path pretty clearly. But we can't look ahead and know what the path is going to be."

—Pam Sorooshian

SandraDodd.com/flitting
photo by Wolfgang Marquardt
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Seems like...

This photo was the background image on the first cellphone I ever had. Holly took the picture, when she was fifteen. I didn't recognize what it was when I first saw it, though it was taken in our back yard.

It looks like a dramatic view over the parapets of a castle. It was Holly's view of a sunset through the gap where one cinderblock was missing from the top row of our back wall. What could seem to be pennons and pikes in the background are power poles and streetlights and such across the vacant lot. The sky is a feature of New Mexico's high, dry climate.

If we look for beauty, everyday things might be seen as art.

SandraDodd.com/art
photo by Holly Dodd

Breathe in a happy memory

Breathe in a happy memory.

Breathe out gratitude.

Breathe in hope.

Breathe out love.

The words are new today, but this will match: SandraDodd.com/breathing
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Sharing time

When we "give someone our time," what is it we give? Sometimes attention, or service. Maybe assistance, or advice.

Instead of thinking that I "give" my child my time, it helps to think of us sharing a moment, together.
SandraDodd.com/being/with
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Doozy Dodd

This is what unschooling, though, has done for Holly. She is not a student. She is Holly. She is not a fourth grader. She is Holly Dodd. She has been since birth, and she will be until or unless she decides to go by another name, but that will be her decision. The world is hers in a way that the world has never been mine, not even now as an adult. Sometimes I see myself as a messy amalgamation of experiences, certificates, test scores and labels, just come lately into the real world.

I see my children living full, real lives today, right now. I don't see them as students in preparation for life, who after a number of years and lessons might be considered "completed" or "graduated." It was a long way to come, and I never even had to move. I just had to look at what I considered to be real.



That was written in early 2002,
when Holly was ten years old.
At twenty-one years old, she goes by Doozy.

SandraDodd.com/fullofyourself
photo ("Holly Dodge") by Sandra Dodd
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Maybe not too late

Pam Sorooshian wrote in 2007:

"I never 'got it' about chores until it was really almost too late....

"What I regret is that I didn't figure out ways to do stuff like this when the kids were younger. I wish I'd made housework entirely optional, but then made it enticing for them to do it with me or with each other, so that they'd have still helped out, but without the tone of it being demanded. These days, when one of my daughters and I wash dishes together, it is fun, because they really know that they have a choice, that I won't be annoyed if they turn me down, so no resentment on their part. Very very worth the extra work I had and often still have to do."

—Pam Sorooshian

Making the Shift!
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Let life change you, in a good way

Colleen Prieto wrote:

Both my husband and I have, through unschooling, gotten into the wonderful habit of immersing ourselves right alongside our son, in his interests, for as long as he's interested. And we've learned and grown and enjoyed ourselves quite thoroughly in the process.

It is definitely funny, in a good way, how life changes you if you let it.

—Colleen Prieto

SandraDodd.com/change.html
quote and photo both by Colleen Prieto
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Think in different ways

"Words can shape our thoughts. It's helpful to think in different ways to be different."

—Joyce Fetteroll

Self-regulation
photo by Sandra Dodd

The time will come...

The time will come in your unschooling when you will forget to use checklists, but it won't matter. The child's internal grid will already have given them the need to know what things feel, smell and taste, and what they used to be or will be, and whether it's different in other places. Connections will continue to be made throughout their lives. The universe inside will grow larger and the universe outside will become clearer with every new experience.

SandraDodd.com/checklists
photo by Colleen Prieto

Providing entertainment

In response to:

How did you get comfortable with not racing around and "providing" entertainment for your children?

I wrote, in 2002:

Gradually!

I still provide entertainment for my children (and they provide things for the rest of the family too, because (shhh...) they think that's just how people in families are! They don't associate it with unschooling directly.

SandraDodd.com/addlightandstir

photo by Marty Dodd, earlier this year when he was out entertaining his girlfriend on a road trip because she was unexpectedly unemployed and he had a broken arm
P.S. The quote up top is from 2002. I'm still entertaining my kids 11 years later. The other day I subscribed to the last season of Breaking Bad, on Amazon, for Holly, who is 21 and lives at home. New episodes appear after they're aired.

Yesterday, Marty (24, and living separately now) and I were talking about a set of humorous history books I recently bought for him and me (matching sets), and about when Hannibal's Carthaginian army attacked Rome from the mountainous northwest. It was all about entertainment. Marty's current enrollment in a world history class is a trivial sidenote.

How will you know?

How will you know if they're learning? Teachers need to measure and document because they need to show progress so they can get paid, and keep their jobs. They test and measure because they don't always know each child well. Parents know a child is learning because they're seeing and discussing and doing things together every day. Not five days a week, or most of the year, but all of the days of their whole lives.

The quote is from elsewhere, but SandraDodd.com/seeingit will work.
In Portuguese, the original quote appears here, #5: SandraDodd.com/portuguese/faq

photo by Susan Burke

Action and Creation

"Be who you believe it's best to be. Act according to your own values. Create an atmosphere where making a kind choice is easier than making a hurtful choice. Create an atmosphere where everyone feels safe." —Joyce Fetteroll

Joyce Fetteroll, at Always Learning in 2013
A good link to go with it might be Building an Unschooling Nest
photo by Sandra Dodd

Curiosity

Children are naturally curious. Sometimes an adult who had learned not to learn, or had grown up to be self-conscious about enthusiasm and curiosity, rediscovers the joy of discovery.

SandraDodd.com/curiosity
photo by Julie D, of Adam, Huxley and some marmosets
on the Isle of Wight