Slow growth

Myths and alarm clocks

A myth and boogie-man:

"If children are allowed sleep as late as they want, they'll never be able to get up and go to work."

I have three children (at this writing 16, 19 and 21), all of whom have had jobs, none of whom has failed to learn to use an alarm clock and good judgment, none of whom has ever been let go from a job, all of whom have been free to sleep or get up for 16 years or more (depending). If there were no other refutation of the myth above than this, it would be sufficient.

It's also worth noting that none of those jobs have been "regular hours." Shifts have started as early as 6:30 a.m. and ended as late as 3:00 a.m. Good thing they were well prepared by years of irregular sleep!

SandraDodd.com/myths
That was written ten years ago, so my "children" this month are are 26, 28 and 31.
They have had even MORE jobs with odd hours, and sometimes "normal" hours.
photo by Janine Davies

Turning down sweets

"I have many, many tales of my four unschooled kids turning down sweets or having a cookie in one hand and an apple in the other..." —Emily Strength

Read two of those stories here: SandraDodd.com/eating/sweets
and accounts by other parents, too.
photo by Margie Rapp

Screendoors?

Joyce Fetteroll wrote: A computer, a hand held game, an iPod are doors that lead to a vast world of experiences. Just as your front door leads to a vast world of many different things you can do. Would you refer to all the things your family does by going through your front door—walks, shopping, visiting friends. mowing the lawn, vacations—as "door stuff"? Stop looking at the door. See the richness that exists beyond the door. —Joyce Fetteroll

SandraDodd.com/screentime.html
photo by Sandra Dodd
"Screendoors" is a joke. Take it lightly.

What do you hope for?

Deb Lewis wrote:

A principle internally motivates you to do the things that seem good and right. People develop principles by living with people with principles and seeing the real benefits of such a life.

A rule externally compels you, through force, threat or punishment, to do the things someone else has deemed good or right.

People follow or break rules.

Which is the hope most parents have for their kids? Do they hope their kids will comply with and follow rules, or do they hope their kids will live their lives making choices that are good and right?

—Deb Lewis

SandraDodd.com/rules
photo by Janine Davies
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Really look

Colleen Prieto wrote:

Look at your kids. Really look at them and see who *they* are and not who you want them to be. Get to know them. Be nice to them. Nicer than nice. Be kind to them. Love them and kiss them and hug them and Be with them. Play with them. Listen to them. Talk with them, not to them. Be patient and calm.

Love your spouse or partner, if you have one. Be kind and nice and patient with your spouse or partner too. Love them and hug them and see who they really are without trying to make them who you want them to be.

—Colleen Prieto

Practice watching
photo by Chrissy Florence
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Tone matters

When you say something to your child, remember to feel it and believe it, or you'll be sending mixed messages, and the tone might be louder than the words. And with babies and toddlers, the tone might be the entirety of the communication.

The quote is from page 208 (or 241) of The Big Book of Unschooling,
which references this webpage:
Tone of Voice and Joy.
photo by Sandra Dodd, in Amsterdam
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A light on your path

"Notice what excites & inspires you, because your excitement is a light in the right direction on your path of life."

—Holly Dodd

Direction
photo by Sandra, of shields at Marty Dodd's house
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Incremental change

Change takes time. Don't send the bill. Don't "be nice" for two months and then say "I was nice and you weren't any nicer to me!" Be nice because being nice is better than not being nice. Do it for yourself and your children.

SandraDodd.com/betterpartner
photo by Ester Siroky
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Trust; it's true

Caren Knox wrote:

Trust is a vital foundation to building an unschooling home. If kids can't trust that what their parents are saying is true, their foundation is shaky, perilous. That affects their ability to learn, and harms the relationship they have with the world (and their parents).

Why bring a negative force into the home?

If you're used to sarcasm and other lying, it might take practice to learn to speak honestly. It can feel vulnerable and risky. It is worth it. You'll soon be able to feel if what you are about to say is true — really true — and you'll develop the ability to stop, breathe, and change what you're saying if needed.

—Caren Knox

Deposit the good stuff.
photo by Cathy Koetsier

A kinder person

Learning to live better with children makes one a better person. Being patient with a child creates more patience. Being kind to a child makes one a kinder person.

Simply put...
photo by Chrissy Florence
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Where the magic is

"It's easy to see problems. It's easy to get down and be cranky. Anyone can do that. But to find the laughter, the beauty, the pathway to connection and possibilities—that's where the magic is. It requires you to look at things from different angles."

—Cass Kotrba

SandraDodd.com/angles
photo by Sandra Dodd

Sufficient, efficient

See if you have a dial in your mind that says "everything" at one extreme and "nothing" at the other. It's impossible for anyone to do everything or nothing. Maybe label it "too much" and "not enough" instead, and try for the midpoint. Replace any on/off switches in your mind with slide bars or dimmers!


SandraDodd.com/balance
photo by Megan Valnes
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Icons and patterns

Design and symbolism will be a bigger deal than usual for a while, thanks to the Winter Olympics. There will be sportswear design, hairstyles, colors, flags, anthems, medals.

Look around at what is normal for you, and at what represents your own town, county, country, continent. See what is exotic, when you're away from home—things those distant locals don't notice, and don't know are not universal. To appreciate the beauty in your everyday world, it can help to see it through someone else's eyes.

SandraDodd.com/connections/design
photo by Holly Dodd, of the mountains, sunshine and flags
we see every day in Albuquerque

Moment

Don't miss too many moments of your life. They go by. A bad moment can be followed by a new, improved, better moment.

SandraDodd.com/badmoment
photo by Karen James

The value of optimism

"Choose to look at the beauty around you and to see life and people through loving eyes."

—Alex Polikowsky

SandraDodd.com/alex/optimism
photo by Chrissy Florence
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Free to play

Sylvia Woodman said: "I love the flexibility. The ability that we could travel whenever we want. Like we’re not tied to the school system. I love the fact that I can play. That I am free to play just as much as my kids are free to play. I like to do a lot of cooking. I like to experiment with a lot of recipes. We like to invite a lot of people over. We can have parties. We can play games. We don’t have to do what everybody else is doing. We’re free to not only do what’s right for us but what makes us happy. And I feel like by unschooling that provides a really nice framework for that to happen." —Sylvia Woodman

SandraDodd.com/sylviawoodman/interview,
Sylvia Woodman, interviewed by Pam Laricchia
photo by Megan Valnes, in Italy

Mysterious used-to-be

Not all history is in books or in words. You will see things in the world that don't come with explanations. There is beauty in the mysterious used-to-be.

Things and places
photo by Ester Siroky, in Portugal

Big moon

People read this at different times and places on five or six continents. We can all see the same moon, though!

Things are different in every family, but we can still move toward the same principles, and peace, and light.

Light on light
photo by Jo Isaac, Victoria, Austraila

Nature, and people, and cats

What is natural? It can be hard to know, but interesting to consider.

How would people live "in the wild"? They would form groups, find shelter and food, and create a hierarchy. Other details vary. They would become us. But what about learning, and living, in more natural ways? It's fun to think about.

What's natural for housecats? Many are native-born human companions. Others might look for people to take them in, and feed them and pet them and share their shelters, or at least their barns or porches.

What's natural?
photo by Gail Higgins

Sweet dreams

Sleep is crucial and peace is good. We don't know what experiences and ideas our children are processing, but the more often they go to sleep gently and wake up sweetly, the better their lives will be.

Dreams
photo by Lydia Koltai

Something old, something new...

Something old, something new; Something borrowed, something blue. That's traditional advice for a bride, to create good luck by what she wears to the wedding. For those in places where that little verse is foreign, then it's history, and cultural trivia. As an unschooling tool it could be a checklist of things to look for, when you go for a walk, or see a video, or a painting, or while folding the laundry.

Disposable Checklists for Unschoolers
photo by Sandra Dodd, in Corrales, New Mexico;
Sandia Mountains in the distance, with clouds

Surprise us!

Breathe and smile more than others expect you to.

SandraDodd.com/breathing
photo by Holly Dodd

More (or sometimes less)

Some days, do more. Some days, do less. Try not to worry. The worried days aren't the best days.

Making a family's life better
photo by Cátia Maciel=

The best thing

"The best thing that any parent can do is to make their life with and their relationship with their children as good and as happy and as stress-free as possible."

—Schuyler Waynforth

Quietly, sweetly, gently
photo by Ester Siroky, in Seville
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Improve, understand, learn

"I think it behooves us to be better people, to improve, breathe, understand, make the best choice, and keep learning."

—Jill Parmer

Jill wrote that in a chat in 2011, but it isn't available now to link.
Home might be a good match, or Alive and breathing
photo by Janine

Hopeful, happy thoughts

Consciously draw in more hopeful, happy thoughts. Without leaving your home, without leaving your chair, you can turn 90 degrees and get a different view.

SandraDodd.com/perspective
photo by Amber Ivey

Exploration

Wander. Explore. Investigate. Explore art, form, shadows. Explore stories, ideas, words.

Exploring (with Deb-Lewis words)
photo by Ester Siroky
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Pancakes

Meredith Novak wrote:

The first time I made pancakes with white flour he thought they were the best pancakes he'd ever eaten.

Here's an interesting tidbit, though: after a few weeks of being allowed to have all the cakes and cokes he could eat at our house he out-and-out said "You know what, now that I can have all the sugar I want, I don't want nearly as much of it."

—Meredith

SandraDodd.com/eating/healthfood
photo by Sandra Dodd, of pancakes designed by Devyn, 8
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"Sculpture" and other words

This photo is from a Chinese Lantern Festival event.


What is a Chinese lantern? What is "a lantern"? These have wire frames with cloth, and electric light inside. There are many other kinds of lanterns, both more traditional and modern.

In Albuquerque, balloonists sometimes get together to inflate their balloons at night. They stay on the ground, and the fire from the hot-air-creating burner will light the huge balloon up from the inside beautifully.

Back to the photo, though. It'a a monkey. It's a Chinese zodiac symbol. Geometry and technology were involved, with some traditional ideas about connecting pieces of cloth to create three-dimensional forms. It is a tool of cultural exchange, of good will, from a country at odds with our own. It is a propaganda monkey, and an art monkey. It was a happy light in darkness.

One thing is many things.

The flow of words
photo by Sandra Dodd, of other people's art
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New combinations

There are random factors in the world around us. This tree was never blown down before. That horse never lay down near a downed tree that way.

Things happen in new combinations, without warning, and we make choices about how to see and respond to those things. I'm glad Cathy took a beautiful photo. It's good that the tree didn't fall on the shed, nor on the horses. It didn't break a fence.

Next year, it will be firewood.

Life will bring more surprises.

Unexpected Juxtaposition
photo by Cathy Koetsier
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Resting

Rests can be short or long.

Resting isn't always sleeping.

Sleeping doesn't always last long.

SandraDodd.com/sleep/outside
SandraDodd.com/peace/
photo by Cátia Maciel
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Rows of colors

"It is what it is." Sometimes.

"It" depends what "it" is.

Usually, it is what one uses it for. Sometimes something is what one imagines it to be.

Pattern Appreciation
photo by Amber Ivey

Just look

Sometimes, just look.

You might look as an artist, or as a scientist. You could look in wonder. You could gaze lovingy, or observe suspiciously, but as you don't always know exactly what you're seeing, sometimes it's good to just look.

SandraDodd.com/quiet
photo by Gail Higgins

New tools

Kristin Burton wrote:

I have for sure felt like unschooling has been like recovery. It hasn't come easy to me. Recovery from using guilt as a tool, using control as a tool. Letting go of expectations of what it means to be a parent and how children should be.

It's ongoing for me, it take lots of thoughtful pauses to remain on the path of unschooling life. But it's seeped in everywhere now, how I treat my husband, how I even treat myself. How I see relationships, food, world issues.

Recovery is about emptying your toolbox of the broken, ineffective tools that have helped you scrape by in life. For me to feel joy in my own self and want joy for others I had to empty that tool box and find new tools. It's been scary and I ve had to take lots of leaps of faith.

The other day my daughter said she needed a hug, and in that embrace she said, "Mom you are like my compass."

That is what recovery feels like for me.

—Kristin Burton

SandraDodd.com/recovery
photo by Sandra Dodd (of someone else's painting)

Smile(s)

One smile is better than none. Don't cheap out on your child, though. You can afford three smiles, or five.

Small Gifts
photo by Eva Witsel

Looking back...

Older moms are irritating. They're always saying things like "appreciate them when they're little," and "you will miss this stage." "They grow so quickly," say those parents of bigger kids.

I've been the exhausted mom of babies. I became one of those older moms.



The child in this photo might not fit in that space anymore. I'm still working through photos people sent me two years ago.

Today is my son's birthday. He became a father two and a half weeks ago.

They grow so quickly.


Being where you are
photo by Erika Ellis (thank you again, Erika)
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Enjoyment

Enjoyment is about joy. Find enjoyment in the little things you do. Choose joy.

SandraDodd.com/battle
photo by Janine Davies

Souls and minds

I think if people divide their lives into academic and non-academic, they're not radical unschoolers. I think unschooling in the context of a traditional set of rules and parental requirements and expectations will work better than structured school-at-home, but I don't think it will work as well for the developing souls and minds of the children involved. And those who are not radical unschoolers would look at that and say "What do their souls have to do with unschooling?"

SandraDodd.com/unschool/radical
SandraDodd.com/spirituality
photo by Lydia Koltai
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Stop / Go

Stop doing the thing that stops you from doing what you need to do. —Holly Dodd

SandraDodd.com/doit
photo by Sandra Dodd

Step it up

Do It.

If you're going to unschool, do it now and do it well.

Part of doing it "well" is moving into it deliberately and with clarity, and going gradually, but by "gradually" I don't mean over five or ten years. Childhood lives in weeks, days and hours, not in months, years and decades.

SandraDodd.com/ifonly
but the quote is from page 20 of
The Big Book of Unschooling
photo by Megan Valnes

Trivial history

Knowing that we live in the flow of change is something anyone interested in learning or in history, or in learning history, might want to learn to appreciate rather than to resist.

SandraDodd.com/history/zebrite
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Highlight now

Our parents grew up in a different time, with different pressures and realities, and there's no profit in trying to persuade them they should've had the sensibilities you might have now (or that you're developing or would like to have). If you focus on what you want to do with and for your own children and why, the rest of the family can begin to fade in importance.



Customized, thoughtful choices
photo by Sandra Dodd

Peace and health

"Candy fed with love beats the heck out of broccoli eaten out of fear." —Schuyler Waynforth "Ramen in a happy environment is better than four dishes and a dessert in anger and sorrow." —Sandra Dodd

Turns out it had been said before. See other quotes about eating a dinner of herbs, or a dry crust, or Twinkies and a Red Bull, here:
SandraDodd.com/eating/peace
photo by Janet Rohde Buzit

Individual needs

In an attempt to "be fair," parents can be very UNfair. Children don't all need the same things for the same amount of time. Measuring with rulers and timers and charts is often shortchanging one child or another. What they could use more than that is the opportunity to decide when they're finished for their own reasons.


SandraDodd.com/sharing
photo by Cátia Maciel

Pattern appreciation

People like patterns.

Most folks find symmetry soothing. Coincidences are fun.

Arranging food, or clothes, or hair, putting socks in drawers, stacking fire wood... feel richer from patterns you find, or create.

Pattern blocks and deep thoughts
photo by Holly Blossom
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Thames and shadow

It was a sunny day, in England, to get a shadow like that.

Shadows prove sunshine.

SandraDodd.com/light
2011 photo by Sandra Dodd, from the Royal Windsor Wheel
which is hardly ever there

Which came first...

Which came first, curiosity or learning? Exploration or knowledge?

If you're lucky, and open to it, they will tumble and leapfrog over one another in all the best times of your life.

Exploring
photo by Gail Higgins
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Sun and water

Something we have in common with our most ancient ancestors, and our most distant cousins, is our need for water and sunlight.

For fun (and for learning, but don't think so much about that part), maybe let that be the theme of your thoughts and connections for an hour, or a day. Wheat and trees, birds and bugs, ice and steam, waterfalls and deserts, all can be considered and compared.

Some things must be wet, so it's a good thing there's water. Others need to stay dry, and the sun helps with that.

Make a happy game of exploring ideas.


SandraDodd.com/water
photo by Janine Davies
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Sweetness and goodness

Find the best in each moment, the best moments in each hour, and by focusing on what is sweet and good, you will help others see the sweetness and goodness, too.

Happy memories
photo by Karen James
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