Teenagers are...

"Teenagers are just your babies grown big." —Schuyler Waynforth March 29, 2014 Gold Coast symposium

SandraDodd.com/teens
photo by Sandra Dodd

Little things

"There will be conversations about the cats about the dog about the fish about whatever. There will be a chase around the house at some point in the day. There will be cuddles and play and connection. And tea." —Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/fabric
photo by Karen James
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Grabbing hold and changing

"When I stumbled across unschooling I grabbed hold. I read and I tried things and I moved further away from the childhood I had known to the parenthood I wanted to know." —Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/nest
photo by Sandra Dodd

Capable and loved

Schuyler wrote:

I am often struck by how much of an effective method unschooling is. Maybe effective isn't the right word, but it feels right, or apt. I don't know of any other approach to people that helps them to feel more themselves, more powerful, more generous, more capable, more loved. And what an outpouring you get in response. And I feel so much better as this parent than I did as the parent I used to be.

—Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/substance
photo by Sukayna

Be very engaged

"I made my marriage very important to me. I chose to be very engaged in my marriage as a part of raising children."

—Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/spouses
photo by Sandra Dodd

Sit still

On bonding with babies:

"Sit still with them. And when they are still, sit still with yourself. Don't use so many moments of the day to do anything."

—Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/bonding
photo of Sandra and Holly Dodd
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Not just luck

"[It helps to] recognize how lucky I am that I get to do this life. I know that it's not just luck, it's a lot of work and thought and reading and breathing and patience and curiosity and exploration."

—Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/gratitude
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Bounty

"The more you look for bounty the more you will find it."

—Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/schuylerwaynforth
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Turn toward joy.

Schuyler Waynforth wrote:

"Often if I'm stuck not being able to see the positive in something, I need to quit looking at it. I need to look at other things. I need to find something to move forward to instead of whirling and twirling around the angsty thing. Make the angry thing small and insignificant, turn away from it, look for bright and shiny things to distract you, look at tiny things that give you pleasure, look at large things that you didn't appreciate fully the first time around. Turning toward joy will definitely make it harder to feel stymied in the negative."

SandraDodd.com/negativity
photo by Sandra Dodd

In a moment

"It helps a lot to try for better moments not days. Don't judge a day by one upset, judge it as a bad moment and move forward. A little bit better each moment. A little bit more aware."

—Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/parentingpeacefully#moment
photo by Karen James
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Peace and health

"Candy fed with love beats the heck out of broccoli eaten out of fear." —Schuyler Waynforth "Ramen in a happy environment is better than four dishes and a dessert in anger and sorrow." —Sandra Dodd

Turns out it had been said before. See other quotes about eating a dinner of herbs, or a dry crust, or Twinkies and a Red Bull, here:
SandraDodd.com/eating/peace
photo by Janet Rohde Buzit

Step by step

Schuyler wrote:

I can almost pinpoint the minute when I turned from feeling a need to have my own needs met in a separate but equal kind of way to seeing how being with Simon and Linnaea was meeting my needs in the most involved and deep way....

For me, it was very clearly incremental, it was a step by step building from small changes to a point where I was in a position to find personal fulfilment in being with my children. It wasn't martyrdom, or it didn't feel as though I'd sacrificed myself for their joy. It did help to get the almost kinetic memory of being kind to them, of meeting them where they were instead of expecting them to meet me where I was.

—Schuyler Waynforth

Read more; it's good: SandraDodd.com/needs
photo by Sandra Dodd
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Waiting for proof?

Schuyler Waynforth wrote, some years ago:

If I'd decided to wait until a respected research body verified what people on lists like this are sharing from their own lives, Simon and Linnaea would be in school and our lives wouldn't be filled with the learning that happens just being us. And it will never be verified, because it is something that takes a single-mindedness of purpose that I would never have thought I was capable of. Which means that it isn't something that everyone can do. Not because they aren't necessarily capable of it, although that may be the case for some, but because they don't have as their goal "to help a child be who she is and blossom into who she will become."

—Schuyler

SandraDodd.com/proof
self-portrait of two Hollies by Holly Dodd
and it's a link
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Teamwork!

"It isn't self-sacrifice to work for your team. It's teamwork." —Schuyler Waynforth

Piece of Cake
photo by Marta Venturini
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Think well of them

"Think well of them, all the time. Be grateful." —Schuyler Waynforth about partners, but it works for kids

SandraDodd.com/goldcoast
photo by Cátia Maciel

Already full

"I don't need to stuff him full of who I need him to be, because he's already full of who he is." —Schuyler Waynforth March 29, 2014 Gold Coast symposium

SandraDodd.com/understanding
photo by Sandra Dodd of a wonga pigeon at Schuyler's
(The quote is about her son, not about a pigeon.)

The important things

Having a clean house isn't anywhere near as important as having a house that all of us enjoy living in. Having dishes done isn't more important than hanging out with Simon and Linnaea. Having a vacuumed floor isn't more important than letting Simon or Linnaea watch a television show uninterrupted. Having my to-do list cleared isn't more important than going to the game store because Simon wants to get Castlevania Dawn of Sorrow for the DS and we could fit in a 20 minute game of laser tag and check out Casltevania Portrait of Ruin from the library. Actually, I don't have a to-do list, but if I did...

— Schuyler Waynforth

If you don't make them work...
photo by Julie D

Good and happy

"The best thing that any parent can do is to make their life with and their relationship with their children as good and as happy and as stress-free as possible."

—Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/addiction
photo by Jo Isaac

Rebuilding yourself

"The other day Linnaea commented that she thought she and Simon would have struggled at school. I replied that I thought everyone struggled a bit with school, but they would have figured out their way in time. What I didn't say was how I don't know if I would have grown into the parent I am today, the generous and joyful parent that I am, if I hadn't chosen unschooling. I think it is possible to be a generous and joyful parent with schooled children, but it is harder to rebuild yourself in the ways that I feel I have done, slowly, incrementally, with unschooling."

—Schuyler Waynforth
in a passing discussion

SandraDodd.com/schuylerwaynforth
photo by Sandra Dodd
of old stairs in France,
on a day I was with Schuyler

A little bit

It helps a lot to try for better moments not days. Don't judge a day by one upset, judge it as a bad moment and move forward. A little bit better each moment. A little bit more aware. —Schuyler Waynforth

SandraDodd.com/parentingpeacefully
photo by Sandra Dodd, in Austin, 2011