Waking up happy

If my children wake up in Albuquerque, happy to be who and where they are, I hope they can maintain that feeling every day until they wake up in the middle of the next century and look out—I don’t care what they’re looking at, whether it’s the Alps, the Rio Grande, the back of their own filling station or the White House Lawn—and they’re still happy to be who and where they are. Who could ask for more than happiness? Don’t wait. Get it today and give it away.

SandraDodd.com/president
The quote is from an article written in 1996. My kids won't make it to the middle of the 22nd century. The oldest was nine when I wrote that. He's been waking up in Austin for most of four years now, where he moved for a job he loves.

photo by Sandra Dodd, of a little bit of a sunrise in Albuquerque
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Waking up happy

If my children wake up in Albuquerque, happy to be who and where they are, I hope they can maintain that feeling every day until they wake up in the middle of the next century and look out—I don’t care what they’re looking at, whether it’s the Alps, the Rio Grande, the back of their own filling station or the White House Lawn—and they’re still happy to be who and where they are. Who could ask for more than happiness? Don’t wait. Get it today and give it away.

SandraDodd.com/president
The quote is from an article written in 1996. My kids won't make it to the middle of the 22nd century. The oldest was nine when I wrote that. He's been waking up in Austin for most of four years now, where he moved for a job he loves.

original 2011 post, with a couple of comments
photo by Sandra Dodd, of a little bit of a sunrise in Albuquerque
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Bright and happy eyes

[Of professionals who do research on children:] They're looking at problems, and looking *for* problems. If you turn and look the other way, you will see fewer problems, especially if you look at your own child's bright and happy eyes. And if your child has bright and happy eyes, do what you can to keep them that way.

SandraDodd.com/joy (the quote isn't there, but it's a good page)
photo by Sandra Dodd

Little things

Parents love big ideas, but one big idea is to go small. Sometimes go with one tiny change, in one small moment. Or pay attention to one small window of time. Once someone was asking how to peacefully move a child from one place to another, while being really present.

I wrote this:

Nobody's still and at kid-speed all the time. But if you can figure out how to do it sometimes, then you can choose to do it, or choose to go faster, but to bring him along in a happy way.

Instead of saying "Come on, let's go!" maybe you could have picked him up and twirled him around and said something sweet and by the time he knows it he's fifty yards from there, but happy to be with his happy mom.

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On the page linked below, Schuyler wrote about little things and little moments. Little moments make big differences.

SandraDodd.com/parentingpeacefully
photo by Holly Dodd

Momentum

Parenting can seem repetitive, but the parents can be getting better at it, stronger, more determined, as they get chances to do better than before.

Food, clothes, the car, beds, baths, hair, shoes, over and over and over?

Try to think of each time as just *this* time. Be kind, generous, and sweet, knowing that you are making up for some other moment when you were maybe cranky or distracted.

SandraDodd.com/happy
photo by Sandra Dodd, a carousel in Minnesota

Happiness

Unschooled kids should learn what they want to learn, and have fun doing it. If happiness isn’t even a goal, life is of little value.

SandraDodd.com/happy
auto-bot photo of the Dusseldorp family

Nice!

My son is finishing his last semester of an economics degree. I helped proofread a paper Monday night and one of his section headings was "Trade Goods and Bads."That was cute, and was a good header, as the text went.

The next morning, my friend called from Clearlake, in California. I was asking about the neighborhood, and she said that up and around the lake was a place called "Nice." Nice!

Nicer things can make you smile. Smiling is nice.


SandraDodd.com/happy
photo by Amy Childs

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This post used to end with "Smiling is better for peace and calm."
That's true, but I think the ending is better without it, rhythmically, poetically.
(Edited the evening of the day it went out by e-mail with the longer ending.)

Be, be, and you will be

Karen James (in part of something longer):

If parents wonder whether they should be more generous with their children, I would say yes. The more the better. Not in a give-them-everything-they-want kind of way. More in a give-them-as-much-of-yourself-as-you-can kind of way. Be open. Be generous. Be understanding. Be trusting and trustworthy. Be present. Be loving. Be compassionate. Be patient. Be helpful. Be kind. You will be amazed at what you see. —Karen James

SandraDodd.com/happy
photo by Sandra Dodd

See also Look
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Safe and happy—how?

Eva Witsel wrote:

I can spend my energy on limiting my child's world so that he will be safe and happy or I can spend my energy on helping my child learn the skills to navigate our world himself so that he will be safe and happy. I think the latter has a better chance of success in the long term.

—Eva Witsel

SandraDodd.com/energy
photo by Sandra Dodd
(color photo, in daytime,
though it's spookily dark)
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What we give

"What makes our happiness as a family is not what we get from each other, but what we generously give."

—Tori Cotta

SandraDodd.com/happy
photo by Rachel Singer
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Clearly living

"It's not about being great or reaching lofty goals. If that happens—awesome! To me though, a life well lived is one where our motivation for doing what we do is clear in our own minds and hearts." —Karen James

SandraDodd.com/happy
photo by Sandra Dodd

Happy choices

I did my time in and around school, and learned things painstakingly and grudgingly that my children later learned while laughing and playing and singing. I have guarded my children's freedom and given them happy choices that I didn't have.


SandraDodd.com/schoolinmyhead
photo by Sandra Dodd, of Marty in the 20th century
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Longterm safety and happiness

"I can spend my energy on limiting my child's world so that he will be safe and happy or I can spend my energy on helping my child learn the skills to navigate our world himself so that he will be safe and happy. I think the latter has a better chance of success in the long term."

—Eva Witsel

SandraDodd.com/energy
photo by Cátia Maciel

Happy, fun dishes

Finding ways not to be grumpy about dishes is a good model and practice field for other choices in life.

We get our dishes from thrift stores, mostly. If one of them bugs me, it can go back to the thrift store.

Sometimes when a mom is really frustrated with doing the dishes, it can help to get rid of dishes with bad memories and connections, or put them in storage for a while. Happy, fun dishes with pleasant associations are easier to wash.

SandraDodd.com/dishes
photo by Sandra Dodd

Adults, not children

Don't worry about them. Delete "socialization" from your vocabulary. Give your kids so much love and self-confidence that peer pressure will mean nothing to them. They will be pressure-proof.

You want to aim toward a happy, balanced, confident adult, not "a successful third grader." You're raising adults, not children. You're keeping them warm and alive and happy until they become adults, because they will, with or without you in the picture. We have the power to screw them up to the point of life-scarring, or to just give them some room and peace and security to grow well in. We can't very well make them be what they aren't.

SandraDodd.com/friend
photo by Sandra Dodd, of Kerrin Koetsier
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Rich, full lives

Meredith Novak, years ago, on communicating with relatives who ask about unschooling:

It's helpful to keep in mind that one of the big things grandparents want is a sense of connection with their grandchildren. When kids aren't in school, that can feel awkward - what the heck do you say to a child other than "what are you doing in school?" Especially if you only see him twice a year? It can leave extended family members stymied. So it helps a whoooole lot to feed them useful information and conversation starters in the form of something grandparents usually like anyway - pictures and stories of their grandkids. Keeping a blog or sending regular notes (via facebook or plain old snail mail) goes a long way in that regard. And! they get to see their beloved grandchildren happy and adventurous, which can help to reassure them on that score.

Unschooling can come across as some kind of weird cult if you try to explain it from a theoretical side first. Start with happy kids living rich, full lives and school starts to seem less of an issue.

—Meredith

SandraDodd.com/relatives/responding
photo by Cátia Maciel

Happy wherever

When you get better at being happy wherever you are, you can worry less about where you go.

SandraDodd.com/unexpected
photo by Janine Davies

Happy, calm and loving

"Don't bring all the scary, negative and dark stories from the internet into your home. It will make your home and your lives scary, negative and dark. The most important thing you can do for your children's health is to provide them with a happy, calm and loving home."

—Eva Witsel

SandraDodd.com/radiation
photo by Colleen Prieto
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A happy little life

"I concluded a year or so ago that, if there is such a thing as reincarnation, I'd like to come back as a little flame on a birthday candle sometime. It would be a very short cycle, but man, it would be a happy one." —Gina Trujillo

SandraDodd.com/cake
photo by SouleMama

Safe, busy and happy

Be with your kids and make sure their lives are safe and busy and happy.

SandraDodd.com/youngchildren
photo by Cátia Maciel