Set the stage

Radical unschooling works the same way for every child. Pay attention to what he's interested in. Don't force things. Provide interesting items and situations, be patient and loving, and learning will happen. The more it happens, the more it will continue to happen.

Kids want to learn
photo by Roya Dedeaux
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Odd traditions

People do things without thinking much about them, sometimes. We give people fire for their birthdays, but they can't keep it. "Here is your ceremonial fire," and people sing, and applaud, and it is time for that fire to be extinguished in exchange for a wish. A child helped me learn that. It's good to be willing to learn things that are true without worrying about the source.

SandraDodd.com/cake
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Facilitation

Unschooling works best when parents let go of ownership of what kids know.

What a child notices on her own, or discovers, or figures out, will connect to other things in her that the parent wouldn't have predicted, or known about. That's good!

Connections are personal, and each web of knowledge is of and within that person.

To make it easier for a child to learn—to facilitate her learning—the parent can provide opportunities, materials, tools, and time. Answer questions. Maybe make suggestions, or play with the child, but don't take over, if you can manage to hang back.

You can learn about learning by watching your child learn.

What unschooling is about
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Choosing to relax

I know the word "struggle" is as popular as "groovy" was in 1967, but it's not nearly as groovy.

If every time you start to write or say "struggle" you stop and rephrase, then you can move toward rephrasing every time you *think* "struggle." And your struggles will be over as soon as you stop struggling.

Struggling is not as good as living with choices and looking up instead of down.

Find ways to relax, rather than to struggle.

SandraDodd.com/struggle
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Getting it

When people say "I read [whichever] webpage last year, but..." and I say "Read it again," I think they might think I'm accusing them of not having read it, but it's that after using the ideas a while, the description makes lots more sense.


Whatever it is we're learning—crochet patterns, musical notation, using crutches, building a fire, making cookies—hearing instructions (or reading them) makes VERY little sense at first. Later it makes more sense. But after trying it and figuring out some things for ourselves, and then going back and looking at the directions, they come to life, in color, and they make 3-D sense.

SandraDodd.com/gettingit

Read a little, try a little; wait a while, watch
art and photo by Roya Dedeaux
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Who resists learning?

Pam Sorooshian, on her daughters' experiences in college:

>

Unschooling seemed to have given them HUGE advantages in college. They were, frankly, shocked at the poor preparation and attitudes of most other students. Other students seemed to them to be "going through the motions," but were not really interested in learning.

It is hard to explain, but all three of my kids and all of their unschooled friends who have gone to college have repeatedly tried to articulate that there seemed to be "something wrong" with so many of the other students and that they seemed actually resistant to learning. The unschooled kids were there because they wanted to be there, first of all. They knew they had a choice and that makes a big difference. A sense of coercion leads to either outright rebellion, passive resistance, or apathy and my kids saw all of those playing out among the majority of their fellow students.

That quote is the middle of something longer that's here: SandraDodd.com/college
The photo is of Roya Sorooshian, and I don't know who took it.

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Notes:
1) Pam Sorooshian has been a college economics professor longer than she has been a mother.
2) "College," in American terminology, is the early years of what is called elsewhere "university." Sorry for the difference in English-speaking-countries' disconnect on this. In the British system, "college" is what would be our last two years of high school, in a way, sort of; sorry.

Learning easily

Having the idea that "learning is difficult" in general could be a barrier to unschooling with joy.

—Robyn Coburn

Talking to Babies
photo by Roya Dedeaux
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No substitute

Pam Sorooshian wrote:

There is no substitute for being authentically "there" for them—for genuinely trying to help them resolve problems. For putting your relationship with them at the forefront of every interaction, whether it is playing together or working together.

None of us are perfect—we'll all have some regrets. But with my kids 19, 16, and 13, I can now say that I will never say anything like, "I wish I'd let them fight it out more," or "I wish I'd punished them more," or "I wish I'd yelled at them more." I will only ever say that I wish I'd been more patient, more attentive, more calm and accepting of the normal stresses of having young children.

One interaction at a time. Just make the next interaction a relationship-building one. Don't worry about the one AFTER that, until IT becomes "the next one."

—Pam Sorooshian

Becoming the Parent You Want to Be
photo by Roya Dedeaux
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Pam's offspring are all in their 30s now, and being kind to Pam's grandchildren.

A peaceful family

Leah Rose wrote:

Turns out that peace isn't actually the absence of discord. It's the presence of trust, and it arises when every member of the family is able to relax into the experience of feeling seen and valued, into the knowledge that his or her needs matter and will be met as often as possible—not *never* denied, but not denied on a whim or without a thoughtful reason. Turns out a peaceful family isn't one in which there are no conflicts. It's one in which there is a solid enough foundation of trust and connection to allow for conflicts to arise and be resolved without injuring the relationships. It took me a long time to see that.

—Leah Rose

about halfway down SandraDodd.com/rules,
what Leah wrote above has paragraphs before and after.
photo by Roya Dedeaux

See, hear, smell, touch and taste!

When babies are carried they see more, they hear and smell more. If they are given things to touch and taste besides just a few baby toys left in the corner of a crib or playpen, they will learn by leaps and bounds. They will spend less time crying and more time being in the real world.

The parents will know the child better, and the child will know the parents better. They will be building a partnership based on trust.

SandraDodd.com/infants
photo by Roya Dedeaux
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Visible joy

Make home a place the child is always safe, secure, loved, and respected. Model empathy, kindness, and take visible joy in good things. Bring more good things into the home for the family to take joy in.

—Jessica Hughes

Building an Unschooling Nest
photo by Roya Dedeaux
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Simple advice

"The advice that has helped the most has been the simplest. Be present. Be helpful. Be kind." —Virginia Warren

Chat on "getting it," August 2014
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Small changes

Each person knows when she's happier and when she wishes things were a little better. If small changes of attitude can make more happy moments than before, that benefits everyone involved.

SandraDodd.com/happy
photo by Roya Dedeaux

A good direction

Parents can't be perfect, but they can aim in that direction.

"The right way"
photo by Roya's sister, Rose

"I'm flying!"

Sometimes a child will tell you exactly what her thoughts are, and it can be a ton of fun. Other times, they might be thinking, wondering, dreaming, pretending, and it wouldn't be a good time to ask. Try to give them some privacy, in their imaginings, if they want it. If they want to share with you, then, consider it a special privilege.

on being more quiet...
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Monstrous fun

Dress-up and make-believe help children learn. Assisting children in their dress-up gives parents opportunities to be skillful and chillful.

Relax and play!

SandraDodd.com/playing
photo by Roya Dedeaux
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Giving

"Just as giving a gift can be as enjoyable as receiving one, giving unconditional love has been as beautiful as receiving it and it has alleviated many longstanding pains that I once thought would be permanent."

—Jessica Hughes

Healing
photo by Roya Dedeaux
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Clearer and easier

If a person wants to live in the light of his goals and intentions, then the "better choices" need to be made in that light. The clearer you are about where you intend to go, the easier your decisions are.

SandraDodd.com/clarity
photo by Roya Dedeaux

Adventure!

The smaller the child, the bigger the small adventures seem. When the world is new, adventure is all around.

SandraDodd.com/physicality/
photo by Roya Dedeaux
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Seeing the world anew

Below, above; inside, outside. Objects, people and places look different, and are different, when the viewpoint changes.

Adults can never again see the world as a child does, but some can quietly watch a child see things for the first time. With practice, and with wonder, even adults can see the world anew.

SandraDodd.com/angles.html
photo by Roya Dedeaux
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